Disclaimer: People, this is the fourth chapter. I should hope you know I don't own LOTR by now. I don't own The Two Princesses of Bamarre, or any songs Liana might sing either. Okay, guys, I know I didn't tell you this in any of the chapters before this, but thou shalt not get an update unless thou revieweth. This authoress shalt get five reviews before she updateth.

We left the next day. A quiet little ceremony where Elrond told us to go well and have blessings and junk, and then we left. That pony was really looking inviting, but poor Bill was a pack animal, so I couldn't ride him. Feh. Evilness.

I started humming the Lord of the Rings theme (you know, the running-after-the orcs-trying-to-save-Merry-and-Pippin music? Yeah, that) very loudly.

"Dun DUNNNNNNNNN DUNNN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN DUN DUN-"

"Liana," began Legolas, "will you please be-"

"AS LOUD AS I POSSIBLE CAAAAAAAAAN? OKAY! IIIIIII'M A LUMBER JACK AND I'M OKAY! I SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND I WORK ALL DAY! I CHOP DOWN TREES AND WEAR HIGH HEELS-"

"Liana, shut up!" snapped Antony.

But I was in one of my more annoying moods.

"A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES! WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP! A DREAM YOU WILL LOSE YOUR HEARTACHE! WHATEVER YOU-"

"LIANA!"

So we finally (yeah, after about a friggin' WEEK) made it to the cool white boulder thingies, and a bunch of us were practicing swordsmanship. Actually, Rodney and Amelia were learning how to shoot bows, while Antony, Saria, Merry, Pippin and I learned how to stab stuff with swords. Stimpy and Molly were hanging around Sam, eager for sausages and Gimli was pestering Gandalf.

"Very good, Liana," said Aragorn. "Just remember to keep hold of yourself and don't panic and start jabbing at everything in sight. You'll be easily overtaken that way."

I grinned sweetly at Antony, who wasn't doing very well, and he flipped me off in response. Saria, on the other hand, was amazing at this. Boromir was astounded.

"Are you sure you've never fenced before, young Saria?"

"Yeah."

"Now, Pippin, you need to move your feet," said Aragorn. "Get away from the blade. I want you to react, not think."

"Shouldn't be that hard for you," quipped Merry, earning a clock on the head from our favorite Fool of a Took.

"Merry," continued Aragorn, "you're doing fine. Antony...maybe we'd better consider giving you something else to fight with."

"HAHA! ANTONY SUCKS!"

"Liana," said Saria, "he really has to get good before...Mop-o-rop-i-a." Which means Moria in op-talk.

"Yeah, you're right... but Mop-o-rop-i-a isn't until after Cop-a-rop-a-dop-hop-rop-a-sop." (Caradhras).

We continued training. I was sparring with Merry and Saria with Pippin, while Antony worked on stances with Boromir.

"HAHA!" I laughed as I parried a blow. "This is fun! Liana, the laughter!"

"What?" asked Merry, bewildered.

"It's from this book, called The Two Princesses of Bamarre... the poem went like this:

Drualt, the laughter,

Laughed at the sun

On his shield,

The moon in his silver sword,

The drum in his heart.

Laughed at his someday death

Glimpsed from afar.

Drualt, the laughter,

Laughed at laughing.

Basically," I said, "it means that the guy laughed a lot after he vanquished a foe. Heh, vanquish... funny word..."

Merry looked interested. He asked me a bunch of questions about the book, which is excellent.

"...and then it turns out the specter's prediction was true, but you have to read the book to find out," I finished. "I think I have it - I'll lend it to you for when we have a few minutes."

I twirled around and clocked him in the leg with the blunt side of Bloodsnow.

"Gotcha!"

He scowled and swung furiously at me.

"So, Brandybuck, how 'bout we make this a bit more interesting, hmm?"

"What did you have in mind, Liana?"

"Whoever 'kills' their opponent first gets to dare the loser to do something... and the loser HAS to do the dare."

"So be it!"

We shook on it and I grinned evilly, preparing to win.

I struck first, pointing the flat of Bloodsnow at his shoulder. He blocked me and soon we were going at it. I somehow managed to get Bloodsnow under his chin, and we stood there panting for a moment.

"Okay," said Merry. "You win."

I laughed rather insanely. "I dare you..." I whispered the dare in his ear. When I was done, he looked appalled.

"I can't do that!"

"Too bad, Mermaid, ya lost. Go do it."

Looking like he wanted to die, Merry walked over to where Molly and Stimpy were hanging around Sam, shamelessly begging for sausages. He picked Stimpy up, kissed him on the mouth and ran back to where I was bent over in laughter.

"I hate you," he muttered.

"Hey," I said, wiping a tear from my eye, "at least I didn't make you kiss Gandalf!"

His eyes bugged right out and I laughed harder.

So it turned out, somehow, that Antony was better with two knives than with one sword. He twirled them around his head and parried. I was about to call him a showoff, but then he tripped.

"HAHAHAHAH! NOT SO GREAT NOW, EH?" I started hysterically laughing. Suddenly, I saw the evil bird things... well, I couldn't see the individual birds, but I knew that that one cloud was them. And I also realized Legolas was teaching Rodney and Amelia how to shoot bows when he SHOULD be telling us about the birds. "LEEEEEGGY!" I screeched, running the entire three feet over to them. Rodney jumped about six feet off the ground (no seriously, since he was an ELF, ha) and accidentally shot an arrow about four inches above my head. "ACK! GOD DAMN IT, FISH, YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!"

"Sorry," he said, but he was grinning evilly. Ugh. Evil Fish. (Fish is Rodney's nickname.)

"Anywhoosies... erm, LEGO! LOOK AT THE CLOUD! IT'S MOVING AGAINST THE WIND!" I pointed excitedly, like a little kid, at the birds.

"Oh, shit..." I heard someone mutter.

"CREBAIN FROM DUNLAND!"

"HIDE!" yelled Aragorn.

"Merry! Pippin! Liana! Take cover!"

The three of us grabbed our swords and dove under a bush. Amelia hid under this little alcove in a rock, Rodney, Legolas and Boromir managed to bury themselves amongst the rocks, and people found various other places to hide. The birds were about nine and a half times CREEPIER in person, so forgive me for being scared shitless as they flapped and squawked over us.

Once the creepy rabid birds had left, we all got up.

"Yeah, Pip, I didn't want the birds to hear me complaining, but the pommel of your sword was practically up my ass," I muttered. He grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"Spies of Saruman," said Gandalf worriedly. "The passage South is being watched."

"No friggin' shit," I heard someone mutter.

"We must take the pass of Caradhras!"

I groaned. I didn't like freezing cold weather in large amounts of time. Pippin looked at me questioningly and I pointed to one of the mountains. One of the very tall, snowy mountains. He looked back at me, wide-eyed, and I nodded.

"This is gonna suck."

Whoo, boy, how right I was. Even with my new leathery hobbit feets, walking barefoot in snow was NOT the most pleasant thing I'd ever experienced. I was up at the front of the group with Stimpy in my messenger bag, walking alongside Legolas and Amelia.

"Leggy?" I asked. No answer. "Lego? Legkins? Leggly-Lu? WAKE UP, LEGOLAS!"

He turned to me. "I refuse to answer to any of your silly nicknames."

"Meanie. Anyway, are we there yet?"

"Where?"

"Mordor."

"Liana. Mordor is a barren wasteland with foul air, the stench of volcanic rock and the stifling heat coming from Mount Doom with a great flaming eye at the top of a tall tower and orcs swarming everywhere. Does this look like Mordor to you?"

"Hmm... I dunno. It is brimstone or sulphur or-"

"Quiet!"

"Spoilsport."

"I am not a spoilsport, I am trying to hear..." He craned his neck over to the back of the group, where Boromir had the ring (I was assuming, as I couldn't see from up here). After a moment, he gave it back and scruffed up Frodo's hair. I looked forward and gulped. We were almost at the big mountain with blizzards and scary wizards trying to bring down ten billion tons of snow on us. Whoop-dee-friggin'-doo.

Eventually, we were on that ledge thingy. The snow was up to my neck when I tried to walk, okay? Amelia was carrying Stimpy in my messenger bag to keep him warm, and Saria had Molly wrapped in a cloak. Since I was a hobbit, and all the other people who were carrying hobbits were taken, Legolas was carrying me. Not that I was complaining... oh yeah, and Rodney was walking next to Legolas. The two were hitting it off well.

BUT IT WAS FRIGGIN' COLD!

"Leggy?" I asked. "Is it bad if my body temperature reaches forty degrees?"

"Probably," he said. Then he started talking to me in Elvish. Hhhheeeeehhhhh... (that was a sigh) but he was hot.

By the time we were at "movie point" as I called it, I couldn't feel my feet or hands. I wasn't even thinking about Legolas, just clinging to him because his neck was warm. He paused suddenly.

"There is a fell voice on the air!" he said urgently. And here came a bunch of snow...

"IT'S SARUMAN!" yelled Gandalf.

"Yeah, cause a friggin' AVALANCHE, why don't you?" snapped Antony.

"Shut up," said Amelia.

"HE'S TRYING TO BRING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!" yelled Aragorn. "GANDALF! WE MUST TURN BACK!"

"SECONDED!" yelled Saria.

"NO!" yelled Gandalf. A lotta yelling, iie? He started yelling in some foreign language. "Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i ruith!"

"Huh?" I asked through numb lips.

"He tells the mountain to sleep," said Legolas.

So then thunder crashed, lightning flashed, and a HUGE ASS pile of snow fell all over us. Legolas held me with one arm and pulled Gandalf to safety with his other. I was friggin' numb, so I had no way of knowing if he had lost his hold on me.

Legolas popped out first and dug me out, thankfully. I was shivering like hell. Everyone else came up in due time, except–

"WHERE'S MOLLY?" screamed Saria. She, Amelia, Antony and Rodney dug frantically through the snow until they found her. Saria grabbed her out of Rodney's arms and hugged her tightly.

"We must get off the mountain!" yelled Boromir. "Make for the gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!"

"We can't, Rohan takes us too close to Isenguard!" Aragorn yelled back.

"We cannot stay here!" Boromir insisted. "This will be the death of the hobbits!"

"We cannot pass over the mountain; let us go under it!" said Gimli. "Let us go to the mines of Moria!"

"Let the Ringbearer decide," said Gandalf after a moment. I looked over Legolas's shoulders at everyone. Merry and Pippin were shivering in Boromir's arms, and I noticed Frodo was looking at them too. "Frodo?"

"I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFF, HERE!" screamed Saria. "AND MOLLY'S PROBABLY GOT HYPOTHERMIA!"

Frodo looked at her helplessly, then met Gandalf's eyes. "We will go through the mines."

Gandalf nodded slowly. "So be it."