Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR. Oh, and I wanted eight reviews... I got six. Double-you tee eff. And folks... this is the last chapter, but fear not! As I shall return with another fic!
Shout-Out for the chapter - ArwenEvanstar83 for being the 45th reviewer!
From Last Time
"Hey, where's Raina?" I asked, looking around. Raina, who was still smug about being over a foot taller than me, was not there.
"She said there was something she had to do, we'll tell her you said goodbye," said Jen. I got into the boat with Saria, Rodney, the cats, and Legolas. Amelia was with Frodo, Sam, and Aragorn, and Antony with Gimli, Boromir, Merry, and Pippin.
We waved as we left, and I was sad. I had just found my friends, and now I was leaving them. Well, that was what I thought before Raina jumped up from the floor of the boat, after we had left the sight of the elves who were seeing us off.
"HI!" she screeched, and I jumped a foot into the air and toppled off the boat.
Oh, JESUS! IT WAS WET!
Legolas and Saria leaned over the side of the boat and quickly pulled me in, Raina's hands over her mouth.
"OhmygodI'msosorryareyouokaydoyouwanttousemycloaktodryoffI'msorryIdidn'tmeanforyoutofallintothewater-"
I exhaled a fountain of water and looked at her. "For the love of all things fantasy, Raina!"
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed again.
"It's okay," I said, deciding that being wet had made me somewhat cleaner. Somewhat. I still smelled like some random elephant had come along and crapped on me...Well, okay, not that bad. But all of us, except Raina, Rodney, Amelia, and Legolas (because they were ELVES! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:rolls on the floor laughing: I still don't know why that's so funny...) reeked. "It's not like I have Ass-mar's huge ass, or I would've sunk and drowned."
Raina, Rodney and I started laughing. The three of us take French in school, and our teacher is Madame Asmar, better known to her students as Madame ASS-mar.
"Why are you here?" demanded Legolas, looking furious.
"You mean you don't love Raina?" I demanded, pretending to look crestfallen.
"Not at the moment. She stowed away in our boat-" me and Raina made our lips tremble "-after Aragorn specifically said they couldn't come-" we sniffled a little "-and left the hospitality of the Lady Galadriel-" we whimpered "-there is no time for this-"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" we pretended to sob, falling all over each other. Rodney was doing his best not to look amused (at which he was failing miserably), Saria was hystericaly laughing, both cats were pretending to be asleep so they could ignore us, and everyone from the other boats were looking at us.
"ALL RIGHT, SHE CAN STAY!" bellowed Legolas, and Raina, Saria and I jumped up, yammering excitedly.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"I'm going to regret this," muttered Legolas, massaging his temples.
We chatted happily on our way to that one resting spot, and then Saria randomly decided to yell "RODNEY HAS THREE LEGS!"
Rodney gave her a bewildered look. "What?"
Raina gave her an odd look, and I laughed.
When we stopped for the night, I drew Merry aside to talk to him. "Talk" meaning "give an idea that will ruin Legolas's life."
"You sure it'll make him embarrass himself?" asked Merry.
"Yep. Now go tell him to do it."
Merry scampered over to Legolas and talked to him for a minute, and then Legolas, looking doubtful, asked him something, to which Merry nodded. I then decided to bug Legolas, knowing the trap was in place.
"Hey, Prince I'm-So-Beautiful-And-My-Long-Golden-Locks-Flow-In-The-Wind, are we going to be there soon?"
"Well, Liana, 'beautiful' is a term used for women, not men. OHH! Can't touch this!"
Everyone within earshot who had not lived their whole lives in Middle Earth burst out laughing. Legolas looked quite hurt, and then angry as he spotted Merry laughing along with us.
"YOU WRETCHED LITTLE HOBBIT!"
"WOO! I GOT LEGOLAS TO SAY A...um...well, sort-of swear word."
"Good job, Liana."
"Thank you, Saria."
"We need to get him to say 'fuck,' Liana."
"Right you are, Saria." I started digging through my backpack, looking for... I dunno. Something. And I found Something. "OH MY GAAAAAAAAWD!" I screeched, holding Something up. "IT'S SOMETHING!"
Something is a paperweight. She is a frog paperweight that looks like an army camouflage machine exploded on her, with two big black eyes made of beads that stick out. And yes, her name is Something. She's adorable. Oh, and Stimpy likes to attack her a lot.
Speaking of which, Stimpy perked up, dashed over to me, plucked Something out of my hands with his teeth and ran.
"STOP! THEIF! HE'S GOT SOMETHING!" I hobbled over to Aragorn, shrieked wordlessly in his ear because I wanted to, and then tried to run after Stimpy, but it didn't really work. When he came back, I snatched Something and put her in my pocket smugly.
We were on our way again the next morning. I woke up with a sore back, sore neck, and sore ANKLE!
"Same riding arrangements?" I heard Rodney ask Aragorn. I was busy looking at Legolas, who paled visibly.
"Please, Aragorn, no," said the hottie hot blond elf. "Rodney, Saria and the cats can ride with me if they wish, but don't make me ride with those two again!"
Raina and I exchanged "hurt and heartbroken" glances. We made our lips tremble again. Legolas saw it coming.
"Oh, no, please don't-" we sniffled "-Raina, Liana, don't do this-" we whimpered "-don't wail-"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" we "sobbed" again, collapsing on top of each other.
"FOR THE LOVE OF ERU!" yelled Legolas. Saria was laughing again, and this time so were Amelia, Molly and Antony. Rodney had turned around so Legolas wouldn't see him (because Legolas twanged bows and such, Rodney cared about his opinion and wanted to be his friend and stuff), but I know him well enough to know that he was one step this side of hysterically laughing. This was fun.
"LEGOLAS DOESN'T LOOOOOOOOVE UUUUUUUUUUUS!"
"Really, can you blame him?"
"STIMPY, YOU'RE SOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!"
So we did get on our way. Luckily for me (NOT!) I was riding with Amelia, Aragorn, Sam and Frodo this time. And I was miserable, but it was made a little more enjoyable because I kept imitating Frodo when the spider sticks him with her big claw venom fang thingy. Of course, he had no idea, but watching me foam at the mouth is not pleasant for anyone, except Rodney, Saria, Raina, Molly, and Stimpy, who were rolling in laughter. Antony was kind of looking away, and Amelia was glaring.
"Funtime," I said, grinning. Then I lay down for a nap, pillowing my head on my messenger bag.
"Liana, wake up!" said someone about four minutes later. Well, it seemed like four minutes, but it was actually about four hours.
"Neh... uhh... wha?"
Amelia was shaking me awake, and Aragorn was already yammering. Somehow I was stretched out on a cloak instead of in the boat.
"We cross the lake at nightfall, hide the boats and continue on foot..we approach Mordor from the North."
Then Gimli started his little tirade about shit that scared poor Pippin, and I became bored.
"Leggy, we need a new nickname for you," I said, plopping down next to him.
"Must you?" he asked irritably, before walking over to Aragorn.
"Rude-ass," I muttered. "Where are Rod, Antony and Merry?"
"They went to get firewood," said Raina. She and Saria were drawing on rocks with a bunch of Sharpies they'd found in my messenger bag.
"Oh."
"...Something draws near... I can feel it," Legolas was saying. I walked over to Stimpy.
"Hey, Shtomp, what's up?" I asked, sitting next to him.
"Bad things," he replied. "Look..." His necklace was glowing. "Molly's also."
I winced. This meant very bad events.
Merry, Rodney, and Antony returned with firewood, and Merry delivered the line that was kind of like the calm before the storm: "Where's Frodo?"
Aragorn's head went right up and he looked at Boromir's shield... and bolted. Shit. Shit. And uh... shit.
"Come," said Legolas, looking around at all of us. "Molly, Stimpy, get into the trees - stay here."
The cats obeyed and the rest of us grabbed our weapons. We had very limited amounts of time to choose where we were going, but we all did choose. I knew Amelia would circle around and go back to the boats to wait for Frodo; she was going to Mordor with Frodo and Sam. Saria, Antony, Rodney, and Raina were smart and stayed with Legolas and Gimli, and I was stupid and limped after Merry and Pippin.
"WHERE ARE LIANA AND AMELIA?" yelled Saria as they came upon the seat of seeing or whatever it was called. Aragorn was already kicking ass.
"I DON'T KNOW, THEY WENT IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS!" replied Rainia.
They dashed up to the orcs to fight - but most of them knew what was going to happen. But what they didn't know was what would become of their two friends.
"FIND THE HALFLINGS!" I heard that one dude, Lurtz, yell. "FIND THE HALFLINGS!"
"GUYS!" I screeched. "Wait up!"
"Liana?"
"What are you doing?"
"Your ankle is sprained!"
"You should have stayed with Legolas!"
"Stop yelling at me, we have to get to a hiding spot!" Merry and Pippin both nodded and Pippin, who was nearer my height than Merry, helped me hobble over to the hollow where they had hidden in the movie. We crouched down inside it to wait for something to happen. I knew we were waiting for Frodo to run by, but the poor guys looked like they were waiting for their death.
After awhile, a bunch of orcs ran by, and even though I knew they wouldn't see us, I was scared shitless. Once they were gone, we stood up.
"Frodo!"
"Hide here, quick!"
Being the pain in the ass he is in the movie (I don't know about you guys, but I liked him a lot better in the books), Frodo shook his head a couple of times. Pippin looked at Merry and I.
"What's he doing?"
"He's leaving," said Merry softly. Pippin stared in disbelief, then started to get out of the hollow.
"No!"
"Pippin!" Merry and I both whispered urgently. We both stood up to grab his arm, but I knew what was about to happen. You are so stupid, Liana! said Stimpy's voice in my head. You should've stayed down!
Merry looked at the Wimp Queen. "Run, Frodo. Go." He gulped, then raised his voice and flailed his arms. "Hey! Hey, you!"
"Hey!" yelled Pippin and I, Pippin catching on and me pretending to catch on.
"Over here! Over here!"
Orcs. Lots of orcs. And now it was time to run.
"OW, FUCK, MY ANKLE!" I screeched, but seriously, I've never run so hard in my life. It was killing my ankle, but adrenaline and common sense were fighting a battle, and adrenaline was winning, big-time.
"It's working!"
"I know it's working! Run!"
We ran. My ankle fucking hurt. But I ran anyway. And it was then that I figured out how I was going to die. I was going to jump off the waterfall to put myself out of my misery because of my god damn sprained ankle.
We made it to the Clearing of Death, as I called it, and were cornered. But then came the Bigmouth of Gondor to save the day. Then, amazingly, I felt bad that I had been mean and called him names and crap, even though I knew how everything ended. Merry, Pippin and I ran to the side to throw rocks, and it didn't even occur to me to use Lady Galadriel's dagger.
Boromir, just like in the movie, was putting up an amazing fight. When he got into a tight spot, a couple of rocks were thrown and a couple of orcs fell, not dead but unconscious. And then a little streak of black whistled through the air - and embedded itself in Boromir. He fell to the ground, but kept on fighting. Even though I knew it was useless, I found myself silently urging him, Get up! Fight! Kill Lurtz! Dodge the next two arrows!
Another one streaked through the air and he yelled in pain. I could feel tears running down my face as he fell to his knees, and looked at us. We were in shock, even me. This had been sad in the movie, but in real life, I was beside myself. Especially as he attempted to keep on fighting, just to be struck down by the third and final arrow.
Merry grabbed his dagger and let out a ragged cry, racing into the swarm of orcs, and Pippin followed. I wasn't even thinking straight, I just drew Bloodsnow and ran. The next thing I knew, the ground was a lot further away. For a second, some detached part of my mind thought I was un-becoming a hobbit, but then I realized I had been grabbed by an orc. A million thoughts crashed through my mind in about a second.
I hope Amelia's with Frodo and Sam, I hope the others aren't dead, I hope I haven't screwed everything up, I hope Molly and Stimpy are still in the trees, I hope I don't die!
Kicking, screaming and sobbing, Merry, Pippin and I were carried out of the Clearing of Death...
...and into Lord of the Minks: The Two Towels.
The story continues when the author gets off her lazy rump and writes TheTwo Towels