To Give Her Happiness
Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite.
Renji has always asked himself, what is the meaning of love? What does he want to achieve exactly? Pairings include IchiRuki, One-sided RenRu. Possible spoilers from 195 onwards
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Sudden pain seared his eyes as he saw her. With that expression on her face.
When she looked at him.
It had not been the first time, he mused. But every time he saw it, it hurt.
No doubt about the exquisite happiness that flashed swiftly across her face. Only a fleeting second, but he saw it, and he knew.
Even though her expression quickly altered to a dissatisfied scowl, he caught her first instinctive smile and he knew he was still…lost.
And he felt pain.
Deep down in his heart.
The show he put up…was only just his feeble efforts to hide his pain.
Rukia…loves…Ichigo.
Renji…is just a…good friend.
-
He had seen her smile like that, and at him…before. Perhaps when they were still children in Rukongai.
But it all changed.
After the day that she pushed past him.
He had been a coward to say something like that to her. He realized, only too late, that in doing so, he not only denied himself happiness, but also denied hers.
Because at that time, he was the world to her.
And he deeply regretted that.
-
-Flashback-
'Yumichika,' Renji asked tentatively. 'May I have a word with you?'
Yumichika, who had been scrutinizing his hair, looked up. Despite his unmanly ways, he had always been quite shrewd, and there had always been some truth in his words.
'What do you think…there it is to…love?'
Putting down the mirror, Yumichika looked at Renji with a knowing smile.
'Being lovesick again, aren't we?…It's that Rukia girl isn't it?'
Renji didn't reply.
'What's your opinion?' Yumichika suddenly demanded. 'You love her, that's what you mean? Then, what do you wish to achieve through this?'
Renji raised an eyebrow.
'Perhaps…hoping her to return the feelings? No, it's not that…Unless…wishing her…to be happy?'
'It appears that you know it yourself.' Yumichika closed his eyes. 'To love someone…means that the only thing you want…is for your beloved…to feel happy.'
That is all there it is to love.
-End of Flashback-
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Never again, had he seen her smile like that. Ever since Kaien's death.
It was painful to see the usually cheerful Rukia to look so melancholy. He understood that she felt it to be her fault that Kaien had died.
The man who had meant everything to her…Kaien…died.
And Rukia never smiled after that.
And then, Ichigo appeared.
Renji thought he caught the same soft glint in Rukia's eyes the night he and Byakuya came to capture her.
It struck him how similar Ichigo and Kaien looked.
It did not surprise him anyways, but it hurt him. Hurt him deeply.
He couldn't get her love even though he loved her that much. Ever since they were children.
But he knew he deserved it. He deserved to be punished…for denying her happiness.
The man who had made her happy…had been Shiba Kaien, the friendly vice-captain of the 13th Division.
Then it had been Kurosaki Ichigo, the hot-headed human who had put his life on the line just to save her.
But it could, never, ever again, be Abaraii Renji.
Who was stupid enough to refuse her hand himself.
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Renji turned his gaze on the now bickering Rukia and Ichigo and smiled a wry smile.
She didn't love him. It was OK.
He loved her. It was OK.
As long as she found happiness, he would feel happy…
Even though that happiness was given…
By another guy.
-End-
AN: I feel that I didn't do the ending bit justice but I was getting through it quite well when suddenly I messed up the whole clue…Oh right, I'm obsessed with unrequited love and triangles. Guess that next time I'd do a KiraXHinamoriXHitsugaya one-shot…
R & R, please!
-the butterfly from hell