He felt disoriented. He couldn't move and he couldn't scream, only exist, motionless, as if paralyzed, waiting for the pain to stop. His mind reached for the other presence he knew had to be within him. But all he encountered was emptiness. Frightening, all-encompassing emptiness.

Tsuzuki woke with a start, the headache waking with him. He moaned and screwed his eyes shut again, curling into a miserable ball of agony and abysmal nausea.
After several minutes, the pain in his head began to lessen somewhat, leaving him faintly light-headed but no longer in danger of throwing up. Tsuzuki chewed on his lower lip, the headache still ferocious enough to make him want to cry.

With gritted teeth he forced himself to get up. He needed to see Touda... get into GensouKai and find out what had happened.

It was a short trip since Tsuzuki became too light-headed to keep himself sitting upright. As the room began to spin, he leaned against the couch. He was beginning to feel nauseous again, and the dull ache in his head was rapidly developing into a violent pounding as the dizziness doubled.

"Tsuzuki!"

He barely heard the distant outcry through the haze clouding his hearing and vision.

"'soka?" he mumbled. "Head hurts..."

"Idiot! Getting up! You're in no condition!"

"Touda... Have to... get... GensouKai," he began to whimper softly, the pain growing worse with each passing second.

"No, you don't! You can't even walk straight!"

"But..." It was getting harder to think as darkness encroached from both sides.

"Idiot..."

It was the last he heard as he slid into unconsciousness. The dizziness and pain were too much to bear.

° ° °

Ryu had lost himself in his work, updating the books, logging the Candles, checking each and every single one of his 'charges', just to keep himself occupied. The moment spent with Tsuzuki when he had broken down had brought back too many of his softer feelings for the man, and it was dangerous around Hisoka. The empath was getting a lot better with his abilities and Ryu had let too many guards down. It would be foolish to let his worry show too much. Hisoka could take care of his partner just fine.

He wished Rikugo was here, but his lover was in GensouKai where he was truly needed, and Ryu knew there was hardly a chance to get a visit or visit him in return. His 'stand-in' was Tsuzuki and the shinigami was his protégé. He was here to protect him from Enma, though he couldn't keep all harm from him.

Sighing, he stretched his senses through the palace and found Tsuzuki still in the guest room with Hisoka. A small smile flickered over his features.

It was better this way.

° ° °

Hisoka ran his fingers through the dark, tousled strands, marveling at their silky feel against his skin. They weren't really black, like Touda's, or just dark brown. It was something between the two colors. Here or there it was a deeper patch, then, when the sun touched them, there were lighter patches. Lying on the pale skin of the forehead they were a total contrast, but still the silky look and feel remained.

He stroked over the head of the man sleeping next to him, exploring familiar facial features, skin, warmth, the pulse of life against his finger pads, and the unique scent that was Tsuzuki Asato. He marveled at the ease of Tsuzuki's sleep, at how he had fought the debilitating effects of Touda's outbreak and was now just resting, his mind healing.

Hisoka felt the shields, firm and strong but still just basic enough to keep out the worst and nevertheless let Touda touch his master's mind. That mind-contact had hurt the empath in the beginning. Touda's presence had been overpowering, something sharp and black and dangerous, but now... now it was so much part of Tsuzuki that he couldn't recall his lover without that addition.

There was a soft mumbled and the warm body moved a little. Hisoka wrapped his arms more firmly around the nude man, feeling him stir as he woke. Tsuzuki was far more slender than he appeared when dressed, but he wasn't underweighted. It was just all lean sinewy grace with the right amount of muscle. He had admired that lithe form so often before, wondering what he would have looked like if he had been allowed to reach adulthood. As it was, he was a twenty-five year old mind in a sixteen year old body.

"'soka?" came a sleepy mumble.

"Yes?"

"'S nice."

He found himself smiling at the muffled words, as he felt Tsuzuki sigh against his skin.

How he had fought human contact in the beginning. How he had pushed this man away, had tried to deal with it all on his own. But Hisoka hadn't counted on Tsuzuki's persistence. He was like a terrier of sorts. He attached himself to you and he wouldn't let go or take 'no' for an answer. For all his happy-go-lucky manners, for his wide-eyed charm and innocent nature, Tsuzuki had a sharp mind, even sharper eyes, and he was an empath in his own rights. Carrying so much pain himself he still wanted to make others happy.

You made me happy, Hisoka thought fondly.

And he had opened Hisoka's withered and frozen up emotions. He had thawed the young man, had shown him that it was okay to feel, to be alive, even though they were technically dead.

Rising from sleep, the violet eyes were warm and deep and mellow, and Hisoka found himself smiling more. He leaned down and kissed the more than warm lips, so pliant under his touch, tasting the heat and something that was purely Tsuzuki. His lover responded lazily, running caressing strokes over the small body now leaning over his.

"How do you feel?" Tsuzuki whispered when they separated.

"You were the one who got flooded."

"Like you."

Hisoka scowled but the smile on Tsuzuki's lips was disarming. Open and inviting and so... so... so indescribable. It was what had attracted him to this man right from the start, against his better judgment, against his will, and against all odds.

Tender fingers carded through his hair and Hisoka leaned into the touch.

"I'm okay," Hisoka finally murmured.

"Good."

They still lay in each other's embrace and Hisoka felt the warmth deepen, become more, felt the bodily reaction of himself, of Tsuzuki, to the proximity and the empathic waves rebounding between them.

"Hisoka?" the older shinigami murmured.

So much was asked through his name alone.

He gave the answer with a kiss that was more than a greeting, more than a simple contact. Tsuzuki's touch was so gentle, so full of love and need and promise, so infuriatingly complete... completing and complimenting Hisoka's needs and desires... like the whole man was so infuriatingly complex and enigmatic and... and... just Tsuzuki.

"I love you," Hisoka murmured. "Idiot."

Amethyst eyes, demonic eyes, inhuman eyes, that were more alive than any human's he had ever seen, were a mirror into Tsuzuki's powerful soul. And Hisoka saw something in them that made him want to weep with happiness.

He opened up to his lover, surrendered to the strength and care, let his tactile senses take over, let something he had hated fiercely govern his thinking: touch. Emotions and touches and physical contact of the most intimate kind. No thoughts of Muraki and the night Hisoka had been raped by the murderous doctor entered this moment, hadn't been with him in years.

"Asato..." he gasped, moaning with desire and need.

He loved this man. This powerful creature he had never understood. He had looked behind the façade one step at a time, had seen everything, and he just loved him more.

"Asato."

Completion. It was them. Just the two of them, together.

° ° °

"Forgive me."

Two words.

So little. So ill-fitting for the agony he had once again caused his master. So laughable in the face of what Tsuzuki had suffered.

Touda bowed his head as he stood before the man he served with all his power, his heart, who he loved so deeply as a friend and master, and only his will-power kept him from kneeling, from submitting himself to the one person he could never hurt voluntarily.

Arms came around him, holding him, and a face was buried against his chest. He felt the warmth of an aura he craved so much, the hum of energy that wasn't darkness. It was pure Tsuzuki.

He had explained himself, had told Tsuzuki what had happened, never looking into those expressive, violet eyes that held so much more than anyone could ever fathom.

"I'm glad you're okay."

It was like an absolution and as ill-fitting concerning his actions as his own apology was. How could Tsuzuki forgive him? Again and again? He caused so much pain through the bond, unable to control himself or throwing himself into the fray of a battle, getting hurt. He should be better with his shields, with his control of them, because Touda was a trained warrior and control was like a second nature.

But he wasn't.

He didn't want to keep barriers between them, at least more than the necessary basics. He wanted to feel the warm, loving presence he was bound to.

I love you but I hurt you. And you never punish me. I deserve punishment.

"No," the warm voice breathed, shocked, and Touda felt the same shock course through him.

Tsuzuki had received those thoughts, the emotions.

"Ts..." he started.

:Don't: came the gentle command. :Nothing you do can ever make me punish you. I could never hurt any of you. I love you. You are my pride.:

:But I hurt you. I always do:

:No: was the soothing reply. :You don't. It's part of our partnership. The bond reflects on both of us. I hurt you just as much:

:Tsuzuki...:

Violet eyes silenced him, so dark and deep with emotions that Touda felt caught in them.

"You are my pride," he repeated softly. "You are my shield, Touda. You are my protector. You kept me from insanity, from giving in, from so much... and I hurt you, lashed out and cut into your mind. Several times. Whenever you tame the darkness, you hurt."

"It doesn't justify my loss of control."

"You are only human. You feel and you love and you hate and you cry. You love Byakko very much and I'm so happy for you. What you felt was normal. Don't shut me out, Touda. I want you here." He touched his right temple with one hand. "I need you there."

He was humbled. He was small and insignificant. He was speechless and so very, very happy in one. Leaning forward, he kissed his master's forehead.
"It's my honor to be yours, to serve you, Tsuzuki Asato," he whispered.

The bond resonated between them, thrumming with unique power. Tsuzuki smiled, eyes alight, face so very innocent. He caressed that face, smiling back.

Yes, it was his honor. And he would always protect Tsuzuki, be his.

tbc...