The Return of the Dark Lord Sauron. A short bit of Insane Fluff

Disclaimer: Can't claim any of it.

The Dark Lord Sauron would have said, if anyone had asked, that he wasn't a prisoner, just between bodies at present. He'd not been able to take a fairer form, such as Annatar, for a long time and to be honest the metal suit had been a little too over the top. It hadn't proved to be as indestructible as he wished anyway, though he had gotten to roast Gil-Galad. Go Him. In truth, he was supposed to be reflecting on his past actions and misdeeds. Every so often Námo would check in and ask him if he was sorry yet. Not likely. He spent his time thinking about what went wrong and how his hard work had been undone by a race of hairy footed half wits smaller than dwarves. It was all just so unfair. His spirt hung there like a dark cloud, heavy and brooding.

Manwë wondered, as he made his way to where Sauron was being held, if Eru had gotten, well, a little dotty of late. Yes times had changed and to be honest, there were far more frightening things than Sauron in Arda these days. Everything had worked out rather well with Saruman, now calling himself Saundra and making a big splash as a female impersonator (no surprise there, Saruman always had been a drama queen). He'd not caused any trouble at all. Well, there had been that incident when he placed the doughnuts upon a certain part of his anatomy and then invited the off-duty cop to take a bite. Things were going smoothly as well with the returning First Born. Olórin had agreed to look after Sauron and apart from his pyrotechnic tendencies, he was a decent sort. Manwë approached the brooding dark spirit.

"Greetings Sauron."

"You aren't going to ask me if I am sorry yet, are you? Námo always does. It's very tiresome."

"No. Actually I have some good news. You are being released. And given a new body." Manwë smiled. "Isn't that wonderful?"

Sauron thought Manwë's smile had a certain strained quality to it. "What is the catch?"

Manwë's smile became even more strained. "Well, Eru decided that it would be best to start out with something small, see how it goes."

"Something small?"

"Yes. A cat, kitten actually."

"A werecat of some sort then."

"No. Garden variety cat. Yarn chaser, upholstery shredder, hairball hurker. Olórin will be looking after you."

If he'd had a body, Sauron would have been stomping his feet in anger and waving his arms about. As it was he had to settle for turning a few shades darker.

"I have a nice collar and bell already to go for you." Manwë jingled a small red bell on a black and white collar. "Quite fashionable, don't you think?"

Sauron wanted to tell Manwë exactly where he could put the bell, but alas, the transformation had taken place and all he could do was arch his back and hiss. Manwë attempted to put the collar and bell on him, suffering several nasty swipes before giving up. He'd leave it for Olórin. He shook a finger at the kitten.

"This is not a good start, Sauron. You want a different body, you will have to earn it."

The small black kitten with swirls of red in his coat and amber eyes regarded him with total and complete malice, then turned his back on him, sat down and began to lick himself, making his contempt of the Vala known. Manwë sat down to await the arrival of Olórin.

When Olórin arrived, Sauron was busy shredding the hem of Manwë's once elegant, now cat furred robes. He suppressed a smile. "I must say Sauron, you make a rather cute kitten."

Sauron turned his attention to Olórin. He crouched down, ears flat, pupils dilated, muscles tensed. He jumped, and Olórin caught him easily, having him by the scruff of the neck before he knew what hit him. Manwë took advantage of Sauron's momentary setback to place the collar and bell on him. Olórin held the kitten up so they could see eye to eye. To Sauron's utter shame, he blinked first. Olórin nodded in satisfaction.

"Well. I suppose we should be off. Need to get to the vet before he closes." Olórin nodded to Manwë, placed Sauron in a carrier and set out. "You need to be checked out, see if you neeed to be wormed, get the necessary shots, and I need to find out when I should take you in for neutering.."

Sauron began to meow pitifully.

Olórin - Gandalf