Arana's Tale - Chapter 9
By Kudara
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended.
Disclaimer: The Dungeons and Dragons Role-playing System is owned by Wizards of the Coast and no infringement of copyright/trademarks is intended. The only thing I would like to lay claim to is the original D&D character used in this story.
Rating: PG-13.
Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
Revision History:
Summary: Arana has trouble sleeping, and has a frank conversation with Seven.
It had been four days since the Doctor had discovered that my 'genes' did not have 'blueprints' to cause me to be empathic or to make the organelles that stored energy. I was not certain why, but it seemed to bother both him and the Captain greatly. I gathered they both would have preferred it were not the case.
"So, something caused these organs to be formed; they aren't natural," the Captain had said with a frown.
"No, they're not," the Doctor replied with a matching frown.
I had stared at the both of them wondering why this seemed to bother them so. "Ilmater caused them to be formed so that I might become his priestess, as I desired." I emphasized the 'I desired', feeling that I needed to remind them that Ilmater did nothing to me without my consent.
"I'm sorry, Arana," the Captain had apologized "I didn't mean to imply that he had."
I had accepted her apology. But I knew she had apologized because she realized she had offended me, not because she accepted that Ilmater would not use his power in such a manner. I gathered from her reactions, then and later, that she was troubled by how active the Gods and Goddesses of Faerun were in our lives.
When I learned about Starfleet's Prime Directive from Lt. Cmdr. Tuvok the next day, I began, I thought, to understand the source of her objections. She was forbidden to interfere with, or influence, the development of less advanced cultures. Given the dichotomy of power between mortals and immortals on my world, I had no doubt that in her mind they were breaking a rule that was as important and cherished to her as doing my duty was to me.
I also realized that she was concerned that she was breaking this rule by training me in their ways. Normally they would have kept me sedated and returned me to my world without my ever being aware that I had been aboard Voyager. Failing that, I would have been returned as soon as possible, having seen as little of their technology as could possibly be managed.
The unusual nature of my arrival, her need for information from me, and the lack of a method of getting me back to my own realm, had initially led her to decide that I would become part of her crew. Then my revelation that I was here, as a representative of Torm and Ilmater, to find out what Bane was doing changed all of that. Now there was the possibility that I would be returning to Faerun when my task was over.
This, of course, brought up the Prime Directive and the issue of how it applied to my situation. I gathered there had been several conversations between the Captain, Commander Chakotay and Lt. Cmdr. Tuvok on how much information I should be given access to. On the second day Captain Janeway let me know what had been decided: I was to be taught only the basic sciences for now, and certainly no specifics as to how their technology operated.
When she explained to me her fear that I might bring back information that would lead to technologies being developed that we were not yet ready to have, I acquiesced; however, I was not certain what technology could do on Faerun that magic did not already. What I did understand, and sympathize with, was that she was sincerely concerned that their technology could have a negative impact on my culture, and that she did not want to break the rules of the organization she belonged to and respected deeply.
As I felt the same way about being both a Priestess of Ilmater and a Champion of Torm, I was certainly not going to try and persuade her that she should do otherwise. She and I decided that I would continue my training for now with both Tuvok and Seven. Upon hearing my concern that my weapons skills would grow rusty, she assigned Lt. Paris and Ensign Kim to assist me with developing a suitable holo-program for my use.
That had been three days ago. By now the three of us -- or four as Seven frequently dropped in to see how the holo-program was progressing and offer suggestions-- were almost done. I did not even have to put on my armor or bring my weapons with me, as the holo-program provided both when it began. At my insistence both the holo-armor and holo-weapons weighed the same as the actual items. As I reminded my colleagues, it would do me no good if I grew unused to what it was like to actually wear armor.
We had designed a variety of terrains and, again at my insistence, weather such as rain and the accompanying mud, for me to fight in. They had used the game as a resource and programmed in several Faerun creatures such as orcs, bugbears, goblins, dire wolves and dire bears along with several others.
"You regularly run into these things when you travel?" Ensign Kim had asked as he stood underneath a frozen bugbear, the largest of the goblin races, with its axe upraised. It was larger and taller than he, and he had done well making it closely resemble an actual bugbear. It was brutish in appearance, with greenish-white small eyes, hairy tan skin over corded muscles, and protruding canines. "He's certainly cleaner than any bugbear I've met," I commented with a grin.
"Eh?" said Ensign Kim absently as he continued working.
"You forgot the grime, and fleas," I commented.
He looked up at me at this and back at the bugbear, "Fleas?"
"Usually infested with them, to the point that after you kill one most people will not approach the corpse to see if it had anything of value or not," I replied. "Not that they usually do, unless they just took it from something else."
I looked over the bugbear and realized what was missing, "You forgot trophies."
"Trophies?" asked Lt. Paris.
"Severed hands, heads-- usually nailed on the shield in the case of hands, or carried by the hair on their belt in the case of heads," I indicated the proper positioning.
"I thought was just the artist!" said Ensign Kim.
"The picture had those?" I asked curiously.
"Yes," he replied, his revulsion obvious.
"Whoever drew it then knew about bugbears. I believe they use them for status among their own and to intimidate those they are trying to kill," I told him.
"Charming," commented Lt. Paris dryly.
I merely grinned at the both of them in reply.
I ate my meals with Seven, Icheb and the children. For the rest, my daily routine consisted of: several hours study; exercise in the 'gym' in the afternoons; and work on the holo-program in the evenings. At night, I tried to sleep.
By the time I had been on Voyager for six days, I had had five nights of broken sleep. It was starting to show. I was sitting in the research lab trying not to nod off over the computer terminal where I was studying--and failing. Seven had taken the children to the holo-deck to run a program she called 'Di Vinci's studio' where they would work with clay and paint. I guess I must have nodded off, for the next thing I knew I heard Seven say my name and tried to stand to greet her properly. I overbalanced and started to fall backwards; thankfully, Seven caught me about the shoulders and steadied me.
"Arana, are you ill?" Seven asked.
"Sorry, Milady, I am clumsy today. No not ill, just overtired," I replied, allowing my shoulders to slump in her grip as we were alone.
I felt a gentle pressure on my shoulders and then she pushed me back down into the chair and came around to look into my face. I could clearly see her concern as she examined me, undoubtedly noting the dark circles under my eyes and the fact I was paler than I should be.
"Why are you not sleeping?" she asked.
I hesitated for a moment, then, as the children were not around, "My experience with the Lovitarian priests was the first time I have been touched against my will since I was a child. It has brought up memories and feelings I had thought I was past," I admitted.
Seven stared at me and I could feel her uncertainty. "Perhaps the Doctor can help you," she said.
"A sleeping draught, yes, it may come to that. However, I would prefer to deal with the feelings that have been brought up rather than numb them with drugs."
I rubbed my face tiredly and thought I felt the light touch of a hand on my back, but it was gone when I looked up. Seven stepped away from me slightly and I was sure then it had been her; but she had obviously made herself uncomfortable with her action so I did not mention it though it warmed me.
"If you continue to have difficulty sleeping you will seek the Doctor's help?" she asked.
"I will, Milady," I answered.
She looked at me a moment longer then offered, "We could postpone your lesson if you are too fatigued."
I smiled, "You are kind, Milady, but I fear I would get no peaceful sleep even if I tried. I would prefer to continue studying. I hope that after a good 'workout' this evening I might be tired enough to sleep no matter what my mind may want to think about."
She nodded and left me, presumably to go to Astrometrics until we met for dinner. I had grown used to her manner and knew she meant no rudeness by it; she just did not see any use in conversation solely for the point of politeness. It was one of the reasons the other crewmembers saw her as cold and haughty. They were, however, misinterpreting her behavior, expecting her to act and react as they would.
Seven, of course, did not particularly mean anything by it except that she had no relevant information to share so she remained silent. It was a by product of her past, the Borg seeing no use for 'social banter' as I had heard the Doctor term it. Thus, she had never learned how. I believed that she regarded it as just one more adaptation she would have to make to humanity --- one that I had noticed made her particularly uncomfortable and anxious whenever either the Doctor or Captain Janeway insisted that she practice it.
My empathy, now that I was aware of it, seemed to be increasing in sensitivity almost daily. I seemed to be particularly attuned to Seven's emotions, and also, though to a lesser extent, to Captain Janeway's. I always knew when Seven was near just by her distinctive feel: ordered, usually calm and with an innate gentleness that was at odds with the image she projected to others.
This only made the times when she was anxious about something more obvious to me. And usually it was when she had to interact with the crew; then there was an underlying tension and unease in her. It was this uneasiness which caused her to act with the slight stiffness most of the crew associated with her. With me, when we were alone or with the Icheb and the children it was noticeably absent, and I held it as an honor that she felt comfortable enough around me to be at ease.
"Nay, I can always tell when you are near now, Milady," I answered Seven's question as I walked into my room from the bathing area, having washed and dressed after my exercise. Icheb would meet us in the mess hall, and the other children were already there having spent the afternoon along with Naomi there with Mr. Neelix watching over them.
"I was not aware your empathic ability was that advanced," Seven said with interest.
"I am more sensitive to certain people than others," I admitted somewhat shyly. "You and Captain Janeway I can always tell from others; usually I can tell Icheb and the children as well from those around them."
"Familiarity, perhaps," she offered. "You have been in contact with me and those you mentioned more frequently than with the remainder of the crew."
I nodded, "I suspect you are correct, Milady."
Seven shifted uneasily and I wondered what was bothering her, then she asked, "What do you sense?"
I smiled gently, "From you?" At her nod I closed my eyes and concentrated, "Right now curiosity and some unease. Usually you feel ordered, calm, and usually intent on what you are doing at the time. With the children you also feel protective." I opened my eyes and looked at her.
Seven nodded then admitted, "I am used to people assuming I have little or no emotions."
"I am sorry it disturbs you, Milady. I would never speak of them to anyone, except perhaps Captain Janeway, and then only with good cause," I tried to reassure her.
She nodded and relaxed somewhat, "We should proceed to the mess hall."
I nodded inwardly amused; obviously my reassurance had worked and the matter was now finished, thus we were on to the next matter at hand which apparently was not being late.
I had almost finished my meal and was listening to Icheb and Mezoti arguing about some point of spatial physics when Lt. Paris came over to the table. The conversation between the two was so far above my level of knowledge that I had no idea what they were arguing about, and was finding it somewhat embarrassing to know that the two of them knew so much more than I.
"Arana," Lt. Paris said attracting my attention and that of everyone else at the table.
I rose politely and returned the greeting, "Lt. Paris, I trust the evening finds you well and in good spirits?"
"Ah... yes, thanks. I was wondering if you would be interested in joining us in Holodeck 1, the Fair Haven program, for a few rounds of drinks. Play a few games… relax…" he said indicating the table he had come from where Lt. Torres and Ensign Kim were sitting and looking our direction.
I had been aware that the trio at the table was curious about me and wanted me to partake in activities with them. I gathered that they found it curious that I spent so much time in the company of Seven, Icheb and the children.
I was not unwilling to spend time with the three of them. But I found it very rude that they were so discourteous as to not invite Seven, especially as she was sitting at the table with me. Given her proximity, I was very aware of the fact she was now feeling distressed, which I assumed was due to the fact she obviously was not invited to come along as well.
I frowned at Lt. Paris in disapproval and received a blank look of surprise in return. I sighed under my breath before saying, "I have heard of this Fair Haven, it is I understand a public program?"
"Umm… yes," he replied still confused over my reaction.
I gave him another disapproving look and turned to Seven, "Milady, this Fair Haven sounds like an interesting distraction." I knew she would understand the reference and was not surprised when her look sharpened and then softened and she nodded to me.
"I found it interesting but have not visited it since it was repaired. Perhaps you should accept Lt. Paris's invitation," she said to me and obviously not looking at Lt. Paris.
"Ah, you're invited too of course, Seven… I mean if you're interested that is…it's just that you usually aren't," he trailed off, confusion evident on his face as he realized what had displeased me.
Seven finally glanced at him, "You are correct, and I should work on the Astrometrics data this evening." She directed the last at me.
I nodded and with my regret obvious in my tone said, "Your presence would greatly increase my enjoyment of the evening, Milady. But I understand if duty forbids your attendance." I tilted my head to the side and gave her my best wistful look. In this I was being quite sincere as I knew I would feel much more at ease if she were present. I was aware as I did so of Icheb and the children watching the scene intently, and I had no doubt they were analyzing everything that was occurring.
I could feel her reluctance as she glanced at Lt. Paris and the others; then she looked at me once again and I could sense her softening. I mouthed silently 'Please'.
Seven sighed inaudibly, "I will start the calculations and join you there." I smiled happily at her, feeling my tiredness lifting as I became far more interested in seeing this holo-program.
Out of the corner of my eye I noted Mezoti giving me a particularly intent look, and inwardly winced as I wondered what entirely too intelligent and pointed questions I would be on the receiving end of tomorrow. Icheb was certainly as intelligent and sensitive to situations, especially when they involved Seven, but was considerate enough of others not to ask. Rebi and Azan were more self-absorbed; and even if they noticed, their natural reticence usually meant they would not ask. Mezoti, however, let no such concerns stand between her and information gathering. I knew I should be thankful that she was choosing not to ask them now.
I turned and almost chuckled aloud at Lt. Paris's surprised expression, before he recovered himself and said to Seven, "We'll save you a chair at the table" He spoke with admirable sincerity, even though I sensed that he wasn't entirely comfortable about something. I suspected it had something to do with the occasional antagonistic interactions between Seven and Lt. Torres with whom he apparently shared an intimate relationship.
None the less, I was not about to socialize with anyone who was not accepting of Seven's presence as well. If they made her feel unwelcome, I would make my excuses and we would leave.
"When is my presence required for this excursion, Lt. Paris," I inquired politely.
"We were going to head there now, actually," he replied.
"Ah, I will have to join you in a while; Mezoti and I have a wager that must be decided," I said grinning at the young girl.
"You shall loose," Mezoti declared confidently.
"Mezoti," said Seven in a sharply rebuking tone.
"Nay, it is alright, Milady. Pride goes before a downfall," I said sagely.
Seven raised her brow at me and I could tell I was in trouble for encouraging the girl. But I could tell she was also curious.
"Rebi and Azan are you ready," I asked with uttermost seriousness. The two of them stood up eagerly and nodded, looking rather bright eyed.
I could see Lt. Paris looking puzzled but amused, "Well I wouldn't want to interrupt your wager, I'm sure we can wait for you." He said the last looking toward the other two who had disposed their food trays and now approached.
"What's up?" asked Lt. Torres looking on curiously.
"Champion Arana has wagered that she can carry Rebi and Azan from here to Cargo Bay 2," announced Mezoti. An analytical look passed over her face, "Given her size, muscular density, and the combined weight of Rebi and Azan, I believe she will have insufficient strength to do so."
Lt. Torres looked amused as she asked me, "How did this come about?"
"I made the mistake of offering to carry one on my shoulders and disappointed the other. So I said I would carry them both," I replied simply.
Kneeling low I extended my arms, bending them I instructed, "One on either side, hold onto my hands for balance. I don't want to risk dropping either of you."
As the two boys eagerly followed my instructions I could sense Seven's concern and looked her way. "I shall not drop them, Milady."
Seven frowned at me. "I do not want you to hurt yourself, or them," she said pointedly.
I grinned at her and restrained a groan as the two boys hopped up on my outstretched arms, "I will not."
Making a show of it I commented, "You two are heavier than I thought; perhaps I should have done this before you had eaten."
The two of them giggled and wiggled causing me to sway. Seven if possible looked even more anxious and I was certain she was about to call and end to the whole thing before I had a chance to do what I was planning. To forestall her, I looked at Mezoti who was looking a bit wide-eyed at the scene. "You are ready to accept the terms of the agreement?"
Mezoti nodded impatiently, "If you win I will listen to a Faerun saying and consider it."
"Then I will go ahead and give it to you and declare the wager over, for I am bound to carry out my word to Rebi and Azan regardless." Mezoti had an outraged look on her face at my declaring the wager over prematurely, but I continued not wanting to embarrass her. "Be wary of overconfidence: it leads one to overlooking an opponent's strengths and one's own weaknesses."
She frowned at me uncertainly as I looked back at her quite seriously. I concentrated inwardly for a moment then spoke, "Tulca," invoking the spell commonly called 'Bulls Strength'. I felt the spell's strength work its way through me, and suddenly the two boys were no burden at all.
I stood slowly and easily under their weight and looked down at Mezoti who had her mouth pursed together and her arms crossed as she frowned at me. I met her gaze for a long moment with kindness in my own. In a few seconds she unbent and admitted sheepishly, "I did not know you could use the stored energy in your body to make you stronger."
I nodded understandingly to her and smiled gently. Turning slowly, I met Seven's eyes as she watched us anxiously. "I am having no difficulty carrying them, Milady." I reassured her.
"We are," Rebi began, "fine," finished Azan.
Seven met what I knew were their pleading eyes and sighed, "We will go slowly," she ordered me.
"As you wish, Milady" I assured her.
Lt. Paris, who had been watching the events with a bemused smile said, "We will wait for you outside the Holodeck doors."
"I will meet you there shortly then," I answered and began to follow Seven from the mess hall.
"Why does she still call Seven 'Milady'?" I heard Lt. Torres say in a low disapproving voice to someone. I suspected she did not think I would overhear her so I continued on as if I had not.
As we approached the doors opened, and the Captain and Commander Chakotay entered and stopped short, looking up at the two boys, then at me.
"What's going on here?" asked Captain Janeway with a confused smile.
"Champion Arana," said Rebi and stopped as his brother Azan finished the sentence, "is carrying us to Cargo Bay 2."
"I see," said the Captain, though it was obvious that she did not. "And why is she carrying you there?"
"She promised," they both answered seriously and in unison.
"Well," she paused and with an amused look finished, "We can't have our paladin not carrying out her promises," and stepped further into the mess hall clearing the doorway. Commander Chakotay stepped back into the hallway, a broad grin on his face that crinkled the tattoo on his face and I carefully ducked down so the boys would clear the doorway and proceeded down the hall.
I could tell by the amused grins on the faces of those we met that Rebi and Azan were likely beaming broadly at their method of conveyance and I was pleased that they were having fun. They were certainly more considerately still than I would have been at that age, a fact I was thankful for as it made carrying them safely much easier.
"Thank you," Rebi started, "Champion Arana," finished Azan, both looking very bright eyed when they had gotten down after we arrived. Given their level of excitement, I wondered if Seven realized how lucky she was that they regenerated instead of her having to wait for them to unwind before going to bed. I watched as each of them stepped into their alcove and shut their eyes in their regenerative sleep. I always had the impulse to stay and watch over them as they looked so vulnerable, but reminded myself they were perfectly safe here; there was no one on this ship that would harm them.
"I will begin my computations in Astrometrics and join you on the Holodeck shortly," Seven informed me after the last of the children began their regeneration.
I bowed to her, a habit I had fallen back into when we were alone. "I will abide patiently until you arrive, Milady."
Seven shifted from one foot to the other, "You may use my designation if you would prefer."
I realized she had overheard the comment made by Lt. Torres in the mess hall. I smiled, "Are you uncomfortable with me calling you 'Milady' instead of Seven?" I inquired.
"No," she answered succinctly.
"Then I would prefer call you 'Milady', Milady," I replied quietly.
It was not as if I could detect Seven's every mood, I could only tell when her mood changed by a certain amount or if she was feeling something to a particular degree. I did know though that she liked me calling her Milady. When she was feeling unhappy, her mood lightened when I addressed her so, and I would frequently see her eyes brighten with pleasure.
It had caused me to wonder if she knew that I liked calling her 'Milady' because I held hope that someday she might be my lady. I had been attracted to her from that first day, and as time went on I only found her more attractive as I came to know her better. I still did not know if she could ever be interested in me in the same way, but she had never indicated to me that she was not interested; and indeed several of her actions could be interpreted that she did return my interest.
I had been staring at her musingly this entire time and Seven finally questioned, "Arana?"
I felt the blush in my cheeks and noted her gaze growing more questioning at my reaction. "I was just pondering something, Milady," I admitted.
She gazed at me inquiringly.
I decided to meet my fate head on and steeled myself for disappointment. Seven's querying look turned concerned as she noted my changed demeanor. "Milady," I began on a breath and wrestled with my sudden sharp fear of what her answer might be.
I self-depreciatingly noted that in many ways I would rather have a dozen bandits after my blood than pose this question. "You indicated to me that my interest in you was not taboo in your culture. But you have not informed me whether you find my interest acceptable or no. Are my attentions to you unwelcome? I do not want you to feel ill at ease around me, your friendship means too much to me."
Sevens eyes widened and she looked surprised and I though I detected a flash of distress, "I have never felt uncomfortable around you, Arana."
I noted with unhappiness that she had still not answered my question, and with concern I wondered if she thought that I would no longer be friends with her if she were to tell me she was not interested in me in that manner. "Milady, I will be your friend whether or not you ever return my interest in kind. You do not need to fear that I would withdraw from our friendship if it is an impossible attraction."
"I am not making myself clear," stated Seven after a moments pause. "I have only begun to think about possible relationships with others recently. My attempts at 'dating' did not end well." She said this shortly and I wondered what had happened during those dates for her to refer to them that way.
"I determined that there was not a suitable mate for me aboard Voyager, and suspended my efforts to explore that side of my humanity." Seven hesitated, looking at me with an unreadable expression.
"And then you rescued me," I said.
"Yes," she continued. "The Doctor assumed that I would only be interested in the male members of the crew. I was aware that it was possible that I might be attracted to a female as well, but as I had not found any of the female crewmembers attractive up to that time, I did not contradict his assumptions."
Seven stopped but this time I stayed silent waiting for her to continue and listening intently to what she was telling me. I was also chastising myself thoroughly for not realizing before that Seven might have absolutely no experience in this matter. Not that I had much more, as my relationship with Alessa was my first and only one.
"I do not find your attraction to me unacceptable, and the thought of copulating with you is not distasteful. I do not know, however, if I can return your feelings in the manner I believe you desire," she said the last in a voice that had softened from the matter of fact tone with which she had started.
I felt the smile growing slowly on my face until it was quite broad, and my mood lightened considerably as the concern that she might tell me my interest was unwelcome to her lifted. "Acceptable," I borrowed one of her favorite phrases.
Seven's lips twitched at this and the serious mood that had grown between us lifted. In its place, however, was a certain tentativeness and I had no doubt she was wondering, as was I, where we went from here.
"May I pay court to you, Milady?" I asked hesitantly. I hadn't been certain enough of my feelings until now but something inside me had firmed over the course of our conversation and I realized with surprise how strongly I cared for her, even when she was acting stiff and unemotional.
Seven looked confused, "I am not familiar with that terminology. Is it the same as dating?"
I was familiar with the term from my studies of Federation Standard and considered her question. "People, at least the well born, do not date on Faerun. The man will ask the woman's parents or whoever is acting as her guardian for permission to court her, then if they both agree they will marry. As I am a woman interested in women, I have never followed that custom as such relationships are not… openly acknowledged there."
"Should I ask Captain Janeway's permission to court you?" I asked confused. I knew that such relationships were not only permissible here but legally acknowledged as well. Suddenly I was not certain how I should honorably proceed.
"Starfleet personnel are required to get clearance from their Commanding Officer and Medical Officer before initiating an intimate relationship with an alien species. However, as you are part human I do not believe the protocol would apply to you. And Captain Janeway while being my mentor is not my guardian," Seven replied dryly.
"I believe I should inform her of my intentions," I gained confidence as I worked through the intricacies of the customs of this realm and my own. I sensed Seven's mood change to match the frown on her face, and realized belatedly that Seven did not seem particularly happy with my proposed course of action. "Milady? You are not pleased with this?"
"I would prefer if you waited until I knew whether or not I could return your interest," Seven replied without visible emotion.
I flushed hotly, highly embarrassed at my inconsideration for her feelings. "Of course, Milady. My apologies, I am presuming too much."
"Apology accepted," Seven said looking at me more gently.
We stared at one another for a few moments and I realized that I had erred greatly in delving too deeply into the matter at this time. Tentatively I offered, "Perhaps we should simply carry on as before Milady. Except now I know that my attentions are not unwelcome to you."
Seven considered my words and I could tell they reassured her for she looked more relaxed, "Acceptable."
I offered a smile and was pleased to see she returned it. "I should go to meet Lt. Paris."
Seven nodded, "I shall start my calculations in Astrometrics."
"I look forward to you joining us Milady when you are done." I bowed to her and turned and exited the room with a light step.