Chapter 2

I stared at Yuki who was staring back at Tatsuha and me. It was too late to deny the fact I have slept with his brother.
Yuki said nothing, he even didn't move. And I knew that was the sign Yuki was angry like hell! I was afraid of moving. Tatsuha was just laughing.
"Hey brother, wanna join us?" Tatsuha lifted himself off the bed and searched for his boxers.
Silence.
"That means no, I think!" he babbled and chuckled one more time.
"Out!" was all I could hear Yuki say. Tatsuha looked up and did not understand what his brother wanted him to do.
"Wha…?"
"OUT!" Yuki shouted and I could see his eyes wild. He was very upset. I never expected him to be that angry just because he found me in bed with someone else.
Tatsuha even did not get the time to get dressed; Yuki threw him and his clothes out of our home and shut the door loudly. His brother was whining, but Yuki showed no interest in that.
While Tatsuha was kicked out I slipped into my boxers and a shirt. I shuddered, afraid of what was about to come. Yuki would shout at me, he certainly would hit me this time!
"So…" he said and avoided to sit next to me on the bed. I stiffened and slowly turned my head to the side to face Yuki.
"It's come to this. I walk out for a meeting with my editor and the little slut has nothing better to do than screwing around with my dear brother." He chuckled and met my eyes.
"How dare you, brat, to do it with him in here" he hissed and I closed my eyes.
I swallowed hard. That was not fair!
"You always cheat on me and now it's a big thing to deal with the fact Tatsuha fucked me?"
I knew it was a fault to say that. I whined when he gripped my wrists, making me look into his eyes. He was so angry and – hurt?
"I cheat on you? I CHEAT on you?" he screamed and pushed me on the bed.
"It would have been better for me if I never let such a damn and stupid brat like you being a part of my life!" He shouted and tightened his grip.
"It would have been better for me NOT to stop cheating on you! What was that for, tell me, you little whore!"
I tried to crawl away from him, but he was too strong. My fear grew and I started to cry again. Yuki calmed down when he saw me crying.
"I'm…I'm sorry, Yuki!" I sobbed. "I thought he was you!"
I felt his grip loosen and used the chance to crawl away from him.
"Really!" I said and hugged myself.
He stayed silent and the only thing I could hear were my cries and sobs.
"Go" he suddenly broke the silence. "Go away; I don't want to see your face right now. Just leave me alone!"
He left the bedroom without looking back at me.
I sighed and got dressed. He wanted me to leave again, so I had to go.
I hoped he could forgive me.

I didn't want to tell Hiro I was kicked out again. I didn't even want to tell him the reason why. For the first time I thought Yuki was right to be mad with me.
And Tatsuha had not been very gently, so I felt sore back there.
So I could not go to Hiro, where else could I go? I felt terrible, sad and depressed. I needed something to cheer me up.
Suddenly I stopped. When I looked up I saw where my feet had brought me to.
It was the club Hiro and I had been in a week ago.
I hesitated, but than decided to go in. Really, I had no idea what I wanted to do there, but soon as I had entered the club I saw Masami. He smiled and gave me a sign to join him and his friends.
It was an odd feeling to be there alone, without Hiro, and I knew it would get worse when I stayed there.
But I didn't leave the club. Instead I smiled back at Masami and made up my way to him and his friends.

"Hey you, did you enjoy yourself the last time?"
I nodded and looked into his eyes. He was taller than me, which was, in fact, nothing new to me. I am small and tiny. Maybe that's why I often look so innocent and cute. But I hated it.
Well, I hoped Masami could help me feel better, although I had no idea how he could manage that.
When he handed me a joint, I shook my head, making him confused with that.
"No" I said "Can't you give me something better than this? It doesn't help me feel good anymore!"
I swallowed because I felt the tears coming up in my eyes again. But I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be the weak little Shuichi. Not in front of him.
A smirk appeared on his lips and he nodded.
"Of course I have. The thing is: Can you handle it?"
What did he think of me? Did the think I was a stupid little child?
It must have been written all over my face and maybe he tried not to upset me. He took my hand and I followed him into the crowd of dancing people.
He took me to the men's closet and my heart started to beat faster. What did he plan to do? He made sure there was nobody else inside, than reached into the pocket of his trousers and gave me a little package with white powder in it.
"What is it?" I asked and noticed that I was indeed innocent to all those stupid things that had to do with drugs.
He smiled and took a step forward.
"This is white gold, the best friend for anybody who wants to be successful. And you are successful, aren't you?"
He turned around and went over to the mirror to look inside and he started to wash his hands.
So he knew me. He knew me as Shindou Shuichi, vocalist of Bad Luck.
"So you want to feel better, then take this. It will help you feel much better!" He chuckled and turned around to face me.
"But if you want to take it, let's think about the price?"

I bit my lip as I was not sure if I wanted this whole thing to continue. What if he just wanted to blackmail me? I could see it clearly in my mind, the newspapers and magazines would be grateful to get a story like that!
My thoughts were interrupted, when Misami stumbled and started to laugh.
"Take it as a gift!"
He started to laugh hysterically and stroked back his hair. Even then I noticed the strange look in his eyes. He was absolutely high. And I was sure he would not remember our conversation the next day.
So I took the little package and left the closet, but I swear I could still hear Misami laughing when I walked right into the crowd of dancing people again.

I stood there in the crowd, unsure what to do next. One of Masami's friends picked me up and guided me to another corner of the club. We sat down and the guy smiled like an idiot.
"D'you wanna join us, little girl?"
Girl? Did he say girl? I just wanted to shout at him, damn, I was a guy! Wasn't it obvious?
But on second thought it would not have been that bad to make this idiot think I was a girl. So I said nothing, instead I nodded.
He put out a package which looked similar to the one Masami gave me. I stiffened and followed every move of the guy. He took out something that looked like a razor and a small plate. He opened the little package and put some of the powder onto the plate. I had to pay attention to the steps.
He took the razor and cut the powder into lines. When he lifted his head he smiled at me and the other guy next to him.
The last thing he took out from his pocket was a short straw; he lowered his head again and sniffed. The first line disappeared and wandered into his nose, and the smile on his lips made me shudder.
I watched the other guy doing the same thing and after a few seconds both of them relaxed and looked satisfied.
"It's your turn now, little lady!" He grinned and gave me the straw.
I took a disgusted look onto the straw and shook my head.
"Just put the straw into your nose, girl. It's not an art and you don't have to push the straw inside completely!"
The other guy started to laugh and I felt very uncomfortable with the situation.
"Come on, just do it. You will feel much better afterwards." He lowered his voice. "I promise!"

I closed my eyes and slowly took the straw into my hand. I decided to revolve the straw, so I was able to avoid the contact with the touched end of it.
I lowered my head and carefully sniffed through the straw till the snow flew into my nose. It was a strange feeling and I did not really like it.
But suddenly the snow entered my body, was mixed with my blood and made me see stars. I threw my head back and groaned which was the reason the guys started to laugh again.

I felt strong, I felt gorgeous. The beats exclaiming from the music were crawling into my body. My heart began to beat faster and I just wanted to dance. Colours became brighter and I wanted to touch the stars I could see. It was fascinating!
Instead I touched the other guy's face and he gently kissed the back of my hand. I giggled and lifted myself up from the seat.
My eyes became wide and I had a smile on my face.
I turned around and pulled the other guy to me.
"Let's dance!" I shouted and pulled him on the dance floor with me. My feet moved automatically, my entire body shook in excitement and I hugged the other guy.
He just laughed and pulled me near; my hips were stroking his, so he had to figure out that I was a guy. But he didn't care. I don't believe he really noticed it.
The music was loud, I felt dazzled from the disco lights but that all didn't really matter. All that mattered was the fact I felt good. I just wanted to hug the whole world – instead I hugged the guy again.
My body was pressed against the other and our breaths became flatter and quicker.
My eyes widened in shock when suddenly the guy started to kiss me. I didn't want that to happen. But I felt so loved, I felt so adored and I could not allow my hand to push him away.
It was hot and when both of us lacked for air, I sighed in frustration.
"Let's get away from here!" he proposed. "I know a better place to stay. If you know what I mean…"
He smirked while his hands were straddling my arms. And now it was me who started to laugh. I took a few steps away from him. What would he say when he found out he was going to fuck a man?
I turned around and left him on the dance floor.
I decided to enjoy myself now. Alone. Without a companion.
I noticed the others looking at me, but it just encouraged me more. I was dancing the whole night.
And I felt gorgeous!

I left the club about 5 in the morning and all I wanted to do was sleeping. I was not sure if Yuki would let me in, but suddenly I recognized that I stood in front of his door. I moaned and searched for the keys in my jacket pocket.
Tired like I was, I fell into the room and broke down on the couch. I fell asleep immediately.

"I told you not to come here again, brat." I could hear his voice through my slumber and moved a bit. I could hardly open my eyes, so I blinked a few times to notice I was watched by the eyes of my lover.
I thought it was better to stay in silence.
"Where have you been? You did not stay at Hiros', did you?"
"Oh…well…How did you know that?" My voice was huskily and when I moved my entire body ached. I hissed and bit my lip, Yuki looked worried.
"What did you do last night, brat?" Yuki shook his head and placed a cup of tea on the table in front of me. I was too lazy to move.
"I called your stupid friend, but he told me you were not there. So call him and tell him you are fine, he was worried about you."
With these words Yuki left me alone on the couch. He did not say anything about the incident with Tatsuha.
I tried to relax, but I couldn't. I felt guilty. And I was guilty, indeed. My own stupidity had brought me into the situation. My gaze trailed over to the clock and I moaned. I had only slept for three hours. My legs and feet were aching like hell. And I had a debt feeling.
Yuki had started to work and I decided not to get on his nerves. I was certain he was still upset because of Tatsuha although he wanted to avoid a discussion about it.

Now Yuki knew I was not that innocent and he believed I did it with Tatsuha in full knowledge that it was not him I was sleeping with. But he also believed Tatsuha had enticed the stupid little brat I was. Later he decided it had been a weak moment of mine.
When Yuki offered me something to eat I told him I was not hungry.
And then he did not waste his breath to talk much to me. I fell asleep on the couch again while he was watching TV and when I woke up, Yuki was gone and I was still on the sofa. I thought I had to deal with the fact he did not want to have me in his bed.

The following week Hiro really got on my nerves with his questions. K was the silly manager he used to be and Suguru was pissed off like always.
Sometimes I asked myself why he still wanted to be a part of Bad Luck.
We had to produce a new single which meant I had to think about a new song. And that meant I had to think about lyrics.
Ah, I know, it's nothing I'm really good at, but somebody has to write the songs. And this somebody was me.
Yuki still did not intend to talk much to me and I had to stay on the sofa at night, but I though I could handle the situation.
The things could not get worse.

But finally I remembered the beautiful snow inside my pocket. I had taken good care of it so Yuki did not find it. I smiled when I took the package out of its hiding place. There it was. The key to my new success. I remembered the good feeling, the wonderful power that had run through my veins.
I wanted to become stronger, I wanted to be successful again. I wanted Yuki stop being mad with me, I wanted Hiro to stop his questions.
I was tired of the person I was. I could not longer stand the person who was staring back at me when I watched into the mirror.
I wanted to be happy again.
Really.