Arana's Tale - Chapter 11

By Kudara

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended.

Disclaimer: The Dungeons and Dragons Role-playing System is owned by Wizards of the Coast and no infringement of copyright/trademarks is intended. The only thing I would like to lay claim to is the original D&D character used in this story.

Rating: M (16+) memories of child sexual abuse (not in-depth).

Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.

Revision History: 05/09/05

Summary: Arana's nightmares continue; Seven helps her understand the reason she is having them.

I awoke -- not immediately as I usually did, but slowly, feeling warm, cared for and protected. More asleep than awake, I was dimly aware that I was holding Seven's metal banded hand against me, and that it had driven away the nightmares from my sleep. Feeling very affectionate and grateful, and not yet truly awake, I tugged her hand upward and rested my cheek against it. Her hand opened, and I sighed in contentment as I nestled my face against it.

I dozed for only a few seconds before I realized that I was not in fact dreaming and opened my eyes in sudden surprise. Seven was seated beside the bed regarding me intently as I cradled her hand against my face. She did not look angry or upset, if anything I though she looked… intrigued, perhaps, though in the dim light it was hard to tell.

"Milady," I hesitantly said, uncertain of exactly how to act. I knew I should be doing several things, like letting her hand go, sitting up and putting a more proper distance between us. But I did not want to.

"You called me Seven, earlier," she replied quietly, her gaze never leaving my face, or wavering in its intensity.

In the darkness, cradling her hand against my face it did not seem surprising that I had done so. "Seven," I repeated softly. "What?" I asked, confused.

Somehow she knew what I meant, "You were having a nightmare. When I came over to wake you, you held out your hand. When I took it, you pulled my hand against your chest. I decided to not wake you by attempting to withdraw and you have slept soundly since."

"Oh," my mouth formed the word though I did not say it and I felt my face heat in a flush of embarrassment.

"Arana," uncharacteristically Seven hesitated before she continued, looking troubled. "You said in your sleep, 'I don't want to take it'. May I ask what you were talking about?"

Shame and anger flooded through me and I could not meet her gaze, but dropped mine to the sheeting. "As we got older I fought against him more; he would give me a drug that made me weaker." I paused for a long moment then continued, "It also had the effect of making me more easily terrified, so that I would beg and plead with him."

The feel of Seven gently moving her fingers against my face in a brief caress brought my eyes back to her face. "That is why you do not want to take any sedatives."

It had not been a question. "I do not like them; I dislike being less than fully in control of myself."

"Is that what caused the dream?" Seven asked.

Her voice was tense. I thought I caught a flash of anger in her face and realized she was about to become irate with Lt. Paris, thinking he was the cause of my dreams.

"No," I replied tersely, not inclined to reveal the true cause of my turmoil.

Seven remained quiet watching me, concern and compassion almost radiating off her, eroding my resistance to tell her why all these old memories were surfacing. Conspiring against me were my own emotions, which wanted me to let her in, to lean on her strength for a little while. Against that was the fear that the beginning of any relationship between us would be based upon pity.

Remembering the ending of my relationship with Alessea I sat up, ignoring the bereft feeling that passed over me at leaving the comfort of Seven's touch. "I do not want you to pity me, Milady," I said somewhat harshly.

I sensed Seven's reactions to my words before she flinched; it was as if I had slapped her. Before she could retreat I slipped off the bed and fell to my knees before her where she was still sitting, "Forgive me, I did not mean to hurt you. I…" I felt her intent to pull away as I hesitated and forced the next words out, "I am afraid."

"Of what?" Seven asked. Her tone was not particularly encouraging, but she showed no further signs of standing.

I closed my eyes and mustered up my courage against the old hurt and self doubt, "Of repeating the mistakes of my relationship with Alessea with you."

"Explain," Seven said shortly.

I opened my eyes at her tone and glanced at her carefully controlled expression, feeling despair. I did not particularly want to admit that Alessea had only been with me because she wanted to 'repair' me. Yet, if I wanted to mend this, I knew that I needed to be honest.

"Alessea is a priestess of Sune, a bit unusual for a dragon but…" I shrugged looking up to meet Seven's gaze and was relieved to see she appeared to be listening at least, though her face showed an impassiveness that she usually reserved for those she did not entirely trust. I flinched at this sign of the damage I had done and my gaze fell again.

To my surprise she reached up and cupped my chin with her hand, lifting my gaze to hers and seeing something there that obviously caused her concern. Ever so gently she ran a thumb across my cheek, then lowered her hand to her lap "Continue.".

I fumbled with the next few words; it was not something I had spoken of to anyone before. "She saw in my eyes how I flinched inside when someone touched me with the least bit of desire in them, and that I felt ill if anyone even looked upon me with desire. I had gotten over most of my fears with the help of Father Tormlin, but had decided that I would never let anyone touch me like that again."

"To make a long story short, she decided that she would be the one to repair what was broken in me and set about…" I blushed slightly, "Well she set about seducing me and eventually succeeded."

I glanced at Seven nervously, only to see the raised brow and realized that she was surprised by my admission.

I tried a smile but felt that I failed miserably when the surprised look on Seven's face faded to be replaced with one of concern and puzzlement.

"She did teach me that such touches were not supposed to be about humiliation, pain and fear. And for that I am still grateful to her, that she taught me that such touches could also bring pleasure. But in the end when I realized that she had sought me out because she pitied me and felt a need to mend something that was broken…" I paused for a long moment, then with a sigh, "Pity is not a good basis for a relationship; it is perhaps fine for the one being kind, but for the other… one ends up feeling lessened."

"I left her when I realized why she had sought me out. I was humiliated and angry, and filled with new doubts that anyone could actually want someone with such a past as I. It was only several years later that we met again and I forgave her and we became friends." I looked up to meet Seven's eyes, and found her studying me intently.

Seven began speaking "I became curious about relationships and why various crewmembers formed them or expended a great deal of energy attempting to form them. During my studies I learned some of the reasons why this was. Physical pleasure was one reason but not the primary reason to form a permanent or semi-permanent relationship. Such a relationship forms when two people begin to support one another both in their mutual efforts and their individual efforts."

"I do not pity you, I do not consider you to be broken or defective in some manner that requires repair. As you indicated that you wished to form a permanent relationship with me, I have attempted to offer you support while you recover from the damage that the Lovitarians did to you. If you are unwilling to accept my support I am uncertain as to why you would state that such a relationship was your intention." Seven finished and waited apparent impassively, but I could feel her hurt.

I had never quite heard anyone describe a relationship in quite such unemotional terms but I had to admit that she was right, a substantial part of any relationship, whether intimate or platonic was in part an agreement of mutual support to one another. And I had just not only rebuffed her attempt to support me, but rebuffed with the clear implication that she had been wrong to even offer it.

Remorse filled me, "I am sorry, Lady Seven, I was wrong to say what I did, and heartily wish I could take back the words that hurt you. But that is not within my ability and I can only ask if you can find it within yourself to forgive me." I fought against the desire to cry as I detested women who used tears as an emotional ploy to obtain forgiveness.

A sudden clear feeling of worry from her broke through my misery as she focused upon my face. I wondered at it for a moment before her words distracted me, "You have been calling me Seven," she said gently and I knew that I was forgiven.

"Seven," I repeated obediently, "Thank you."

Once again she reached out to touch my face, this time I leaned into her touch trying to show her my acceptance of the emotional support she was offering. "You have only slept for three hours, you need more sleep. I will request the day off and allow Icheb to take over the days lessons for Metozi, Rebi and Azan."

I opened my mouth to say that it was not necessary for her to do this but noticed the slightly challenging look in her eye before being stupid enough to actually utter the words. Instead I merely said, "As you will."

Seven moved as if to withdraw but I reached up and grabbed her hand and held it to my face, "It is hard for me to be weak in front of you. I want to show you that I can protect you, care for you."

Seven gave me a familiar look, it was the same one she gave Metozi when the girl was bring difficult for no apparent reason and it left me in no doubt what her opinion was of my recent statement. In a dry tone Seven replied, "I have no doubt that if I was in danger or needed your care that you would be able to do what was needed to resolve the situation. Weak is not a term I would apply to you, Arana."

I looked back at her somewhat warily and hazarded, "stubborn?"

"I believe that term might fit your nature more closely," Seven replied with a definite quirk of her lips.

I flushed caught between embarrassment and pleasure at her agreement and dropped my eyes from hers for a moment. Thus I was caught by surprise when she leaned in and brushed her lips across mine setting my entire body suddenly a tingle with a sudden intense awareness of her.

We stared at each other, I was surprised by her action and I was certain that she was surprised that she had done so as well. Without thinking I blurted, "That will not make me sleep easily," then blushed furiously.

Seven's lips curled into a smile as she watched me, then she rose without speaking and went to the console, presumably to put in her request and give her instructions to Icheb. I rose and returned as ordered to my bed and lay down. I couldn't help but bring a hand to my lips as I remembered the brush of Seven's lips against mine and I was rather foolishly pleased that she apparently liked my stubbornness.

The feeling drained away like water down a steep slope when I realized that I had not revealed to her why I though I was being plagued by dreams. Cowardice, one of the worst failings a knight could fall prey too. That I had almost let fear strip me of all that I held myself to be was not something I could forgive. How could I admit my weakness to her? I did not think I could bear her to turn away from me with disillusionment in her eyes.

I thought my self-doubt would keep me awake but even it was no match for my fatigue. As before, the sound of Seven working at the console lulled me to sleep.

It was the first day in Lord Durass's manor, the first taste of exactly how bad my life was about to be. I and the other two female slaves had been stripped of clothing in front of Lord Durass's hired employees. Then he told us that if we displeased him he would let them have us. To make it clear what he meant, he forced us to walk among his employees and let them touch us as they wanted.

We were lead up to his room and chained to the wall. At first this seemed slightly better as the servants filled up his bath and he bathed. When he was done he took one of the other girls down and wrapped a cloth around her neck and proceeded to rape her while half choking her. When he was done with her, he chained her to the wall and left her there completely terrified, and crying. A quarter candle mark later it was my turn.

Knowing what was about to happen I fought him, attempting to kick and bite while letting him know in no uncertain way that I thought he was nothing more than a coward and a bully. Lord Durass was not amused, and two blows across the face later I found myself struggling face down over the edge of the bed on the verge of blacking out from lack of air and the pain of what he was doing to me.

Falling onto a hard surface brought me partially out of the dream only to remind me of lying on Lord Durass's floor afterward holding my bruised throat and curling myself up into a ball against the pain he had inflicted. Breathing hoarsely on the floor I only became fully aware of when and where I was when Seven knelt beside me calling my name in clear tones of worry and asking if she should contact the Doctor.

"No, no, I'll be alright. Just…," I clenched my teeth together to stop them from chattering as I began shaking in reaction. It had felt so much like I had been there reliving that horrible day.

"Arana what is wrong?" asked Seven anxiously.

I felt her hand on my shoulder urging me onto my side and allowed her do to so, curling up and resting my head on the floor as I strove to bring myself under control and shake off the lingering effects of the dream.

Finally I managed to stop shaking and answered her, "A dream, just one of a very bad day, the first day in Lord Durass's household." I sat up as I said this and wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them against my chest, and rested my head on my knees as I still felt queasy.

The feel of Seven's hand stroking my hair caused me to lift my head and look at her. I do not know which of us moved first, Seven because of the obvious misery in my eyes, or me because of the desire to comfort me I felt clearly from her. But, somehow I ended up burying my face in Seven's shoulder and crying silently as she held me awkwardly.

"Arana, what was the dream about?" asked Seven after I seemed calmer.

"You do not want to know," I whispered into the fabric of her jumpsuit.

Seven was silent above me for almost a minute before she replied. "I researched dreaming after I completed my astrometrics analysis. My research indicates that disturbing dreams or nightmares are frequently the result of a difficulty that the person is trying to resolve, frequently of a highly emotional nature that the person experiencing the dreams may or may not be fully cognitively aware of."

Seven stopped a moment to shift position, bending her knees and allowing her thighs to support my back. I had been supporting most of my weight on one arm, but now I allowed her to gently urge me to let her take more of my weight. Finally, I let her fully support my upper body and wrapped my arms about her waist and shoulder and curled up around her.

I knew that I should not be acting like a child in need of comfort, that I should get up and put a more proper distance between us. But Seven's emotions were surrounding me like a warm blanket, an almost palatable caress of concern for me that left me unwilling to do anything but trust in her strength and care.

Once I relaxed into her embrace she continued, "Frequently a reoccurring element in the dreams will indicate what the problem is. Without knowledge of your latest dream I cannot correlate your previous dream and this one to determine if there are any such elements.

I considered her words thoughtfully. I believed I knew the reason behind my dreams but I also knew I could be wrong. From our previous discussions I knew that Seven had seen her share of terrible things in her life as a Borg drone, but I also knew that she, like the rest of the Voyager crew, was relatively innocent when it came to evil acts like those done by Lord Durass. They were not used to an evil that thrived by causing as much pain to others as possible.

"It is bad enough that such things are in my memory, Seven, without me inflicting them upon you," I said with quiet intensity, looking up into her eyes.

Seven returned my gaze steadily and replied simply, "Let me assist you. Please."

I weighted the determination in her gaze with my desire to protect her from the grim realities of my childhood. In the end though what started me talking was the realization that I would be just as determined to help if our roles were reversed, and by my own beliefs I could not deny her the right to do so.

In a general manner as possible I told her what had taken place on the day my ownership had passed into Lord Durass's hands.

When I fell silent at the end I had difficulty discerning Seven's emotions over the turmoil of my own. Anger, sorrow, and protectiveness were some of the emotions I could sense and as a result it did not really surprise me when she tightened her arms around me and held me even closer to her for a few moments.

"I have told no other so much about that day." I admitted while burying my face into her shoulder feeling very exposed and vulnerable. I felt a ghosting of pressure over my head and was confused until by it until I realized she must have just brushed her lips over my hair.

"I believe the common element to these 'nightmares' you are experiencing is the being unable to protect yourself; in the first because you were drugged, in the second because Lord Durass physically overpowered you." Seven's voice came from above me where I rested against her chest after a long moment of silence between us.

"I thought it was because I was afraid," I blurted out, turning my head so I could glance up at her, and was caught by the gentle compassion in her blue eyes.

"Fear is a usual response to situations where one is threatened, I believe you have cause and effect reversed," Seven answered in a matter of fact tone.

I was surprised by the way she delivered her opinion but found myself turning it over in my mind and examining it closely, and then accepting it in short order. Usually I was reticent to accept another's opinions over my own without through consideration, but something about the way she had presented it made it easier for me to accept.

I wondered why this would be and came to the realization that she had managed to engage my brain and not my ego. Granted I did better than the average person in keeping my ego in check, being mindful of my obligation to be humble, but I was as prone to that vice as any other. At least, I thought to myself, I was not as bad as some of the other knights who seemed to think that being a Paladin meant that their opinions were always the correct ones.

As soon as I had finished the one thought, I realized with surprise that much of the anxiety I had been feeling was gone. Wondering why, I realized that Seven had responded very like Father Tormlin used to when we talked. Matter of fact, calm, accepting, very unlike what I had grown accustomed to from many of my fellow Paladins, who thought that any fear or doubt in the face of evil was a grievous failure in one's duty to Torm.

When had I forgotten Father Tormlin's teachings? When had I forgotten that he taught me that evil was very adept at evoking fear and terror. That courage was not fearing them, but opposing them even though one feared them. When had I started thinking that a true Paladin was somehow not only immune to fear caused by magical means, but also fear caused my mundane means?

Seven had been silent while I was thinking, now I looked up into her grey-blue eyes and took heart at the calm acceptance I saw there. I closed my eyes for a few moments absorbing the myriad sensations of her holding me. The feel of her strongly muscled thighs under my back, her arms around me holding me against her, the softness of her breasts as my head rested against her chest.

Other sensations such as the coldness of the hard metal floor underneath us intruded and I opened my eyes. Seven was looking at me curiously, the metal arch the implant above her eye raised slightly. Reluctantly I pulled away from her and sat up.

"This cannot be comfortable for you, let us move to the couch." I stood and held out my hand to assist her.

Seven tilted her head and regarded me steadily for a few moments before taking my hand and allowing me to help her off the floor.

I knew she was wondering if I planned to continue the discussion or whether this marked the end of it. It did not; I just needed some emotional distance before continuing. I was afraid that if I tried to tell her what I now knew I needed to while being held by her that I would find it too difficult to maintain what was left of my emotional control.

Seven sat down on the couch and I followed sitting close to her. Extending my hand, I waited until she gripped it with hers before continuing.

"After they had taken my arms and armor away they described what they planned for me. I gather my history was known to them for each was especially explicit in describing how they planned to rape me. Then they urged me to flee and escape my fate and left me alone in the woods. They did not assure me that the children would not be harmed and I knew that they must be following them and would take them again if I did so, or that they would follow me and retake me after I had broken my vow." I paused lost in thought until an increase in pressure brought my attention back to where Seven's hand held mine.

Taking comfort in her support I continued. "They left me there for at least four hours as the shadows lengthened from early afternoon to almost evening." I stopped talking as I remembered the abject fear of those hours, how much I had wished for something, anything to intervene. "I almost ran…" I finally admitted my act of cowardice. "I almost forsook my vows as both a Priestess and Paladin to protect the innocent no matter what the cost, to save myself from what I knew would happen when they came back."

I could not raise my eyes to Seven's to see what her reaction was and my emotions were in such a turmoil that I could not tell what she was feeling.

"But you did not leave," Seven stated quietly.

"No, I could not, it was as if I was rooted to the spot no matter how much my fears made me want to flee. As much as I wished to escape my fate, I also knew that I could not live with myself if those children were harmed." I replied and slowly looked up to meet Seven's gaze. I had feared condemnation, there was none present there.

"In the end I stayed because the thought of what was to come distressed me less than the thought of betraying all that I thought I was, all that I had fought to become since Lord Durass. After I accepted that I was not going to flee I resolved to defy and anger them in the hope that they would become clumsy and kill me before they meant to." I paused and gave Seven what I suspected was a mirthless grin. "I though I had accomplished that right before you came, they had planned on keeping me alive for at least three more days, but I suspect I would have died later that day from my injuries had you not saved me."

Seven raised her eyebrow at my words and I thought she looked distressed. I forced the twisted smile from my face and hastened to reassure her "I am pleased that I did not succeed in that goal."

"As am I," Seven replied still looking at me uncertainly and then dropping her eyes to our joined hands which rested upon my knee.

Tilting my head to the side I considered her, I was calm enough now to distinguish her emotions from my own, and I was distinctly feeling the uncertainty her expression had betrayed.

"What is causing you distress?" I asked, concerned.

Seven looked from where she had been staring at our joined hands to my face at my words. Her eyes sought mine, and I though she seemed to be searching them for something, but I did not know what.

Finally she said, "I was not uncomfortable on the floor holding you. I believe you became uncomfortable and sought out a reason to move."

I opened my mouth to defend myself and then realized I could not in all good conscious do so, she was after all, correct.

Instead I closed my mouth, dropped my gaze to the floor, and thought for a few moments. When I had ordered my thoughts I began hesitantly, "I have survived everything by fighting, by never giving into any weakness, never allowing them to have anything of myself." I frowned distressed by a sudden realization, "I believe I may have done you a disservice Seven by asking to court you. I did not anticipate that it would be so difficult for me to let you into my life as I should."

I lifted my eyes back to hers, anguished, "I will understand if you no longer are interested in my attentions, as perhaps I am too… damaged by my past."

"You no longer wish to court me?" Seven asked quietly and I could feel her disappointment.

I violently shook my head denying her statement, "I still wish to Milady Seven. I… you deserve someone more whole than I."

Seven raised a brow and regarded me steadily, "Many would say that the fact I was Borg means that I am not able to form close emotional ties with anyone."

I felt a quick flush of irritation that anyone would say that about her then I realized what she was telling me. I flushed in embarrassment. "I am being foolish" I stated.

Seven's lips twitched in response.

"One too many blows to the head perhaps," I offered up for her amusement.

"Indeed? You should allow the Doctor to examine you perhaps something can be done about your condition." Seven stated evenly without any obvious expression.

I knew she was joking even without the confirmation of my empathy, "Indeed, he is highly skilled; perhaps he can do something about misguided hardheadedness," I said smiling at her.

"Perhaps," Seven smirked in reply. Then she grew serious, "Captain Janeway suggested I be patient when I first became part of this collective and was having difficulties. I believe that would apply to this situation as well."

"Your counsel then is that I be patient with myself?" I said somewhat bemusedly as I remembered it was usually I that counseled others to be patient with themselves when they were recovering from abuses such as I had suffered.

"Yes," Seven replied watching me intently.

"I beg your pardon, Seven. It is only that I myself have counseled others when they were freed from evil masters to be patient with themselves. Perhaps I should have listened to myself," I admitted. Then in a rush I added, "I am pleased that you still wish me to court you."

Seven smiled in her restrained way then looked serious, "I am still uncertain as to whether I can respond to you in the manner you desire." She stopped talking and looked thoughtful, "I do however, now know that I am comfortable with being physically close to you and with you touching me."

"Seven?" I asked confused, "Have I ever made you uncomfortable when I touched you? If so I do sincerely apologize."

Seven's eyes widened, and the emotions I could pick up from her indicated that she was surprised. "No I have never been uncomfortable when you touched me, not even the first day when you touched my optical implant," Seven said as she reached up and touched the arch of metal above her eye.

I relaxed, relieved, I had frequently reached out and touched Seven during the week I had been aboard Voyager and never saw any indication that she found this distressing in any way. So her words had come as a surprise to me, though granted her holding me as she had done tonight was an entirely different level of physical closeness than our previous interactions.

Suddenly I realized how exhausted I still felt, the memories and their attendant emotions had drained away much of the benefit I had gained from the night, and I realized that I was hungry as well.

I felt Seven releasing my hand and rising and opened my eyes in surprise only to see her walk over to the replicator and order two nutritional supplements.

"Consume this, then you need to sleep again, you have not yet slept your required eight hours." Seven ordered me when she returned with them, a no nonsense expression on her face.

"Yes, Seven," I acquiesced meekly, feeling more like one of the children suddenly than a fellow adult. Yet, I appreciated the fact that she was trying to take care of me, and that this was the only way she was familiar with expressing the maternal side of herself. Though I did wonder just how she had known that I needed to eat and sleep more. Considering the question, and what I knew of how Seven, I decided on the simplest possibility, she had simply noted it was past the time I usually at breakfast, therefore I needed to eat.

As I consumed the drink she had given me, finding that it was actually rather pleasant tasting, if perhaps a bit on the malty side. While I was consuming it, Seven worked at the console. From her actions it was clear that she was transferring some work to data pads and I wondered why.

I watched her curiously when she got up and then with wide eyed uncertainty when she sat down on the bed and arranged the pillow in her lap and laid the pads within easy reach. Earlier when I had been so distressed over the nightmares I had not thought about anything but how being close to her was comforting. Now, though, I was worried I might find resting my head upon her lap to be more than just comforting. I had opened my mouth to begin dissuading her from her obvious course of action when she spoke.

"The only time your sleep was undisturbed Arana was when you were holding my hand. You require several more hours of sleep in order to function properly. This is the easiest method of doing so while allowing me to continue working." Seven's presented her argument in a logical manner, yet I could sense a yearning underneath the words.

I snapped my mouth shut and silently berated myself for being ten times a fool; it wasn't as if we hadn't earlier discussed the fact that she needed me to allow her to help me. I would just have to deal with any feelings that might arise from being that close to her.

I nodded silently laid down as she directed, finding it odd that she indicated I should lie such that my back was toward her until she placed her exoskeleton covered hand against my chest and silently waited. A sweet sharp pain pierced my heart at her gesture, causing my eyes to prick with tears and conclusively swallowed as I held her hand in both of mine.

I tried to breath through the sensation, let it flow and then ebb away. But snippets of memories kept arising, of Alessea admitting that she had sought me out because it was her duty to Sune to heal beautiful things that were damaged, of Seven calmly telling me that she did not see me as something that needed repairing. The pity or disgust that I was used to receiving when people found out I had been a body slave, the anger and protectiveness with which Seven had responded upon learning about it. The compassion with which she reacted to my admittance of fear while waiting for the Lovitarian priests to return to begin my tortures instead of the condemnation I had feared.

These images chased after one another in my mind building upon instead of reducing the strangely blended emotions of pain, love, hope and anguish I was feeling.

"Arana?" the worried questioning tone of Seven's voice brought me back to the world from where I had gone to realize that tears were streaming down my face.

"Seven," I replied hoarsely over the lump in my throat. Turning to my back I looked up into her concerned blue eyes. Finally I gave into my need, "Hold me, please."

Seven nodded wordlessly and I felt her thighs flex under my back and her arms enfold me as she lifted me up and repositioned my body so that she could hold me. Turning into the comfort she offered and hiding my face from those too probing eyes I buried my face into her chest and wrapped my arms around her tightly.

Pride, which I had been holding onto as armor to shield the wounds my soul had suffered crumbled and I was left feeling exposed. All the feelings of doubt about my worth as a person that I hid behind the self assured persona of Champion Arana surfaced as pride gave way before Seven's acceptance and compassion.

I shut out the sounds of my own pain as I cried and focused only on letting it go, and the solid warmth of the woman who held me. Finally I stopped crying after what seemed like a long time but pragmatism informed me was probably only ten minutes or so. Loosening my tight hold of Seven, I shifted away from her so I no longer had my face hidden against her, thought my eyes were still closed.

Seven shifted slightly then there was a gentle touch against my face and I realized she was wiping the remaining tears away. Impulsively I turned my head and kissed the metal webbing on its palm.

"Why did you cry?" Seven asked and I could hear the bewilderment in her tone.

"Because you care about me, not Arana the Champion of Torm, or Arana the Priestess of Illmater, and you don't care that I was once Arana a body slave to Lord Durass." I answered somewhat flatly with emotional exhaustion.

"And this caused you to cry?" Seven sounded troubled.

"I do not believe that anyone since Father Tormlin has cared for me in that way, it… disarmed me." I fell silent for a few moments trying to figure out how to explain what had caused my tears. "Sometimes I hide behind the Champion, sometimes I hide so well I forget how much people's reactions to my past hurts me."

I opened my eyes and stared into the blue ones above me. Raising my hand I stroked the side of her face, "With you I don't feel the need to pretend that I am always strong, always above being hurt. I guess it threw into sharp relief how much my life has lacked someone who felt that way about me. All the walls I had built to deny those pains came down and it overwhelmed me. I am sorry I distressed you."

"No," Seven answered with fierce intensity upon hearing my explanation. "Do not be sorry, I am..." Seven stopped and a puzzled frustrated look passed over her face. After a few moments of what appeared to be struggle, she continued, "I am not familiar with all the emotions I am experiencing now, but I do not want you to be sorry that you cried because I care about you."

Seven's emotions were a jumble and I couldn't make sense of them either, or perhaps it was because my sense of her emotions was blending in with my own, I couldn't tell which. "I'll try not to," I reassured her. Then as I could not breathe through my nose, "I need to get up and use the bathing facilities."

When I returned once again able to breathe normally, Seven was seated as she first had been upon the bed. I smiled at her gratefully and lay down, resting my head in her lap and waited for her to offer her hand. When she rested it upon my shoulder instead I was confused until I thought that perhaps she thought it would upset me again.

"Please," I asked, holding open my hand over my heart.

It was a moment before she grasped my hand and I could rest hers against my chest, cuddling it against me with both of mine.

"Most people do not want me to touch them with that hand, yet you are not bothered by my touching you with it. Why?" Seven asked.

I glanced down at the metal webbed hand I held against my chest, "When I was hanging from the posts, I saw you use this hand to free me before I passed out. When I got up from the biobed you used this hand to keep the blanket from sliding off me and exposing me." I pulled her hand upward and kissed it several times before resting it against my chest again. "This hand ended my torture and protected what was left of my dignity."

Seven said nothing else though I could sense her thinking about my words. Finally exhaustion claimed me and I slept.