Chapter 6

Yuki's POV

"You won't kill me, Yuki! I did this all by myself, that's none of your business anymore. I'll bring it to an end by myself!"

I hammered against the wood, but Shuichi did not intend to open the door.

What was he doing inside? I felt a knot in my stomach and bit my lip.

"Shuichi! Don't do something stupid, open the door!"

What had gotten into him?

First he had wanted to sleep with me, but the moment I started to touch him his eyes widened in fear and he tried to crawl away from me. I just wanted to turn him around; I asked him over and over again what was wrong with him.

Then suddenly he hit my face and pushed me off him.

He ran into the bathroom and locked the door, I could hear him puking and I became frightened of the thought he could maybe hurt himself.

"SHUICHI!"

He did not answer me and I tried desperately to open the door. I did not hear a sound from inside and I begged he was still okay.

Whatever okay meant to me in that moment.

I kicked the door a few times with all the power I had and suddenly the door cracked open and I got a view on Shuichi. He was lying on the floor, one arm placed on the porcelain of the toilet. I sighed in relief when I noticed he still breathed.

"Shuichi, what are you doing, you stupid brat…"

I shook my head and took the light figure onto my arms and brought him back to the bed. Carefully I placed his fragile body on the sheets and watched him for minutes.

I was not sure what to do now; it seemed to me he had a real bad breakdown. I made a quick move, I had to call a doctor or something, but suddenly my wrist was gripped. Very weak and loosen but I turned around.

"Don't leave me now Yuki, I need you."

Shuichi's voice shook and was thin, tears build up in his eyes and he shuddered.

"Shuichi…" I cupped his pale face into my hands and turned his head to me. He closed his eyes while the first teardrops ran down his cheeks.

"I won't leave you if you want me to stay" my voice was a whisper, too, but I had the feeling I should not talk to him other than that.

"Do you still want to kill me?" he asked and I looked down on him in shock.

"I never wanted to kill you. Who would I be without you?" I smiled but Shuichi could not see it as he still kept his eyes closed.

He cried silent, just a few sobs coming from him. I felt his body getting limp again and when I looked down his breath came back to normal and he had drifted into sleep. He slept, but I couldn't say he looked relaxed or comfortable.

It would have been a lie when I said I usually understood the behavior and feelings of the little brat. But the way he behaved in that time was completely strange to me. He was not Shuichi anymore, something dark and depressing floated his usual smiling and happy self.

I can not tell when exactly it began. I only know it had something to do with a fight Shuichi and I had once.

I knew Shuichi would go and see his best friend, Hiroshi, like he always did. And I was glad about the fact he was out. So I could think about the last chapters of the story. I really enjoyed the evening on my own, I typed down two chapters and the novel was reaching its end.

When I looked at the clock I noticed it was past midnight and I decided to have a short drink and went into the kitchen. Shuichi was not home so I thought he would stay at Hiros' over night.

Maybe it was better, although I really prefer to drift into sleep when I know the brat lies next to me.

Nevertheless I had a peaceful sleep and when I woke up Shuichi was still not next to me. I thought maybe he slept on the couch, but there was also no Shuichi.

I had a small breakfast and went over into my office again. I wanted to finish the novel quickly so my editor could not get on my nerves again.

That meant also having a little more time for the idiot and he could be happy about it. I don't like to see him cry, he was always so cheerful.

Two hours later I heard the door to our flat open and soon after this the voice of my so called lover.

"Yuki, tadaima!" He was cheerful like always. I don't know what we were fighting about and so I decided to greet him, too, although it was nothing I did often.

"Home again, baka?" I asked when I entered the living room, where the cutie was.

He looked at me, smiling, but I wanted him to believe I still did not give a damn about him and went inside the kitchen again.

"Where have you been, over Hiroshis'?"

I hoped I did not sound too worried about the fact he stayed away over night and turned around. He was still smiling.

"Yes…sort of…" he said and followed me into the kitchen.

What the hell did he mean with "sort of" – either he was at Hiros' or somewhere else.

"And that means?" I growled and tried not to show interest.

The little brat took a pepsi out of the refrigerator when I gripped him and pulled him near.

He had a strange smell on him and I looked up disgusted. Smoke, alcohol, disco, perfume – usually he didn't smell like this.

"Where have you been?" I asked "You smell like smoke, whiskey and some other things – I don't want to name them!"

I turned around "Go and change your clothes!"

I did not really like the thought of Shuichi dancing around in a club where dozens of idiots could see the body of the little brat moving.

I yawned. Maybe I had worked too much during the night, although I had the feeling I slept for hours.

Automatically my feet brought me into the bedroom, where Shuichi was standing in front of the wardrobe, looking into the mirror. When he sighed I decided to announce my presence.

"You're sighing and complaining too much, Shuichi!"

I smiled and stepped in front of him. His lips were red like cherries and inside of me the desire to kiss the pair of lips grew. I ran my thumb over his lips, brushed his soft cheek and finally reached his mouth.

He tasted so sweet and all I wanted to do was pinning his body on the mattress. My hands slid down his back and I gripped his buttocks when he moaned out in pleasure. I lifted him up and laid him down on the bed.

He looked so damn seductive…I can tell you, I was horny. And he was as well.

When I fucked him, wild and passionate, he knew this was my way to say sorry. I was better in physical showing than with words, and the little brat knew it.

After we were done I needed a smoke. It was always good after good sex, and this had been very good one.

I was glad Shuichi was silent, usually he wants to talk after making love, but this time he seemed to be in his own little world.

I became really tired, but my body told me over and over again I should clean myself and get back to work. So I went to have a shower. The hot water made my muscles relax. When I came back into the room Shuichi was sleeping.

And I thought he should take a rest by himself, I had to go back to work.

So everything was fine.

I did not know that this was the beginning of his strange behave.

A week later Shuichi started to act more childish and annoying than usual. He really got on my nerves, I still had a deadline and my writers' block was driving me crazy.

My editor told me I had to write down more ideas and so I sat day and night in my office to create new ideas.

And with an annoying brat inside of the flat it was not that easy. It was always hard for him to understand that I had to work, that I could not take too many breaks.

He was giggling and smiling all the time so I thought he had a really good time at work. I wondered about the fact he never told me anything about it, but I knew he would tell me sooner or later.

So I concentrated on work, my editor planned a meeting at the end of the week and I had to finish the novel quickly.

I felt exhausted and a few days later I did not even notice Shuichi was home. I was not sure what he was doing, but he stayed silent during doing his things, and that was enough for me.

I did not want him to feel alone, but he did not complain, so I thought it was okay. I really had no idea what was wrong with him. It really would have been better for Hiroshi to tell me about this god damn incident.

Besides, Shuichi was always asleep when I came into the bedroom to have a short sleep.

I was in a bad mood as everything seemed too much and I told Shuichi he should go off me when he wanted to have sex.

I always thought sex was something he really loved, but nothing he needed few times a day. Strange…sometimes he was so far away from me.

Oh, I really hate to remember this one day.

I had the meeting with my editor. She was talking all the time and I felt a headache coming up in my head. I preferred the brats' talking more than this, I used to look bored when he told me the things happened to him, but they were still amusing and sort of cute.

But she was talking nonsense about my novels. They were just about love, nothing special, just the things my fans wanted to read.

There was nothing true about love in my novels. Love was not always easy and fantastic.

I was glad when the meeting was over and I drove home. I hoped Shuichi was still awake, maybe it was time to show him I still cared for him – in my own strange way.

When I opened the door I felt something wasn't like it should be.

There was a pair of shoes I knew were my brothers' but Tatsuha was not seen anywhere. He and Shuichi usually sat in front of the TV to watch "Nittle Grapser" music videos, but none of them was found in the living room.

"Aaahhh…"

I turned around. The sounds came from my bedroom and I gritted my teeth. Was it possible that Tatsuha took one of his girlies into my apartment to fuck her in my bed? How dare him, how could he think I would tolerate something like this?

I rushed into the bedroom but froze when I heard the voice of Shuichi. My heart stopped to beat for a moment, but then my mind came back to reality.

I opened the door and there was Tatsuha, who pulled his dick out of my lovers' tight hole. Shuichi sighed and then stared into my eyes.

I thought everything was possible on earth – but never that Shuichi would sleep with another person! And he did it with whom? With Tatsuha, my brother, my younger brother!

The whore…How could they?

"Hey brother, wanna join us?" Tatsuha lifted himself off the bed and searched for his boxers. How dare him to be so cheerful and happy, although he knew I would kick his ass for this?

"That means no, I think" he chuckled and that was enough.

"Out!" I growled when my brother looked into my eyes. Did this idiot not notice what he had done? My hands clenched into fists.

"OUT!" I shouted at him. I became upset; I did not want to see his stupid face. He did not have the time to get dressed, I took him by his arm roughly and kicked him out.

"Eiri!" he cried "Let me in, it's cold outside when you're naked. Hey, bro, let me in!" He whimpered but that was not my fault. He had done this by himself.

"Never touch again what's mine!" I hissed certain that he still heard it.

When I headed back into the bedroom Shuichi got dressed into his boxers and a short shirt. He looked rather cute, but I could not have eyes for that.

His eyes were red and swollen, he still cried, silent, for himself, but still obvious to me. Did he regret it I came in too early; did he regret I caught them in their love making? Or did he regret the whole thing?

"So…" I said but did not move. He turned his head to face me.

"It's come to this. I walk out for a meeting with my editor and the little slut" I spit the word out "has nothing better to do than screwing around with my dear brother."

I chuckled, because I thought it could maybe turn the things into something better. But I was not amused, I was angry and hurt. Shuichi had done something I never expected him to do. Not him. Anyone else in this world, but not this stupid brat!

How often did he tell me he loved me? Lies? Always and forever lies?

I swore to myself I never wanted to have a special person in my live again, I did not want to be betrayed again. But now exactly this had happened!

"How dare you, brat, to do it with him in here!"

I shook my head, but was surprised when he answered.

"You ALWAYS cheat on me and now it's a big thing to deal with the fact Tatsuha fucked me?"

Shuichi, Shuichi…That was your fault. How could you say I cheated on you, you stupid little thing!

"I cheat on you? I CHEAT on you?" I screamed and pushed his lithe body back on the bed.

"It would have been better for me if I never let such a damn and stupid brat like you being a par of my life!" I tightened my grip around his wrists and made him whimper by that.

"It would have been better for me NOT to stop cheating on you! What was that for, tell me, you little whore!"

He tried to crawl away from me, he wanted to run away from this fight, he did not even want to face the truth that he was the one who cheated on his lover. He whimpered once again and then burst into tears. I hate it to see him crying and I hated it even in that moment, so I loosened my grip.

"I'm sorry Yuki" he sobbed "I thought he was you?"

Liar. Did he really think I'd believe this bullshit?

"Really!" he nodded and put his arms around himself. I could not say a thing. Did he really want to tell me he did not notice the difference between Tatsuha and me? Liar…

"Go" was the only thing I could say. He had to go.

"Go away. I don't want to see your face right now. Just leave me alone!"

With these words I left the room and sighed in relief when I heard the front door close. He was gone and it was the first time I thought it was right to show him the door.

Since Shuichi had left the building I drank a few cans of beer, smoke a pack of cigarettes and leaned back on my chair in my office.

I had the best chance to start the new novel; everything was quiet. But my mind circled around Shuichi and what he had done. The image of Tatsuha still buried inside of him burned into my memory.

Why did Shuichi sleep with my brother? Since when? Or had it been the first time?
Now I know Shuichi really believed it was me, because he was high. I still can't believe he did this once ago.

It became late and I hoped Shuichi had found a place to stay. I was certain he stayed with Hiro, like he always does. He's his best friend, so it's logical he cries at his shoulder when we had a fight.

When the clock on the wall got on my nerves and no ideas were created in my mind I decided to call Hiroshi to make sure that Shuichi really was with him.

The idiot was cold to me like usual. I don't know why we don't really like each other. Maybe it's the fact we're competing about Shuichi's love. Yes, I'm certain, that's it, we both don't like each other because we're both so close to Shuichi.

Although I think Hiroshi's the one who understands Shuichi the most.

"He's with you, isn't he?"

My voice was cold as his when I asked him.

"Who?" he tried to sound innocent!

"Don't play dumb, you know who I mean. Shuichi's with you, isn't he?"

There was silence for a short moment, then he answered my question.

"No, he is not. What have you done to him again?"

I snorted.

"That's none of your business" I murmured and was about to put down the receiver.

"I think it is! Shuichi's my best friend, d'you remember?"

I moaned in frustration.

"You ARE. But it's still none of your business. Shuichi was a bad boy, but tell me when he shows up at your door. Thanks!"

Hiro did not get the chance to explain further things, the call was over and my mind was thinking of where else the brat could have gone over night.

It was early in the morning when he returned home although I told him not to come back again. But on the other side I was glad nothing happened to him.

He blinked a few times and then opened his eyes, he looked at me in confusion and said nothing.

"Where have you been? You did not stay at Hiros', did you?"

"Oh…well…How did you know that?"

He looked tired and smelled like alcohol and disco again. What an idiot, he knew he was not good with alcohol and gets drunken immediately. Sometimes he was so innocent, although I knew he was not that innocent anymore.

Sometimes I thought, it would have been better for him if he and I never met.

"I called your stupid friend, but he told me you were not there. So call him and tell him you are fine, he was worried about you."

I had been worried, too, but I did not want to show him that.

And I did not want to talk about the incident with Tatsuha. Talking about it meant that I was hurt, and that was the last thing Shuichi had to think about me. He knew that there were a few tragic things that had happened in my past, but he always thought I was strong. And I wanted him to still believe in it.

So I was strong, although it was something I wished it had never happened. I left him on the couch and headed into my office.

Shuichi was going to sleep on the couch from now on again…

And after that night Shuichi started acting very strange.

One day he told me he had written fantastic lyrics, but I was too tired to read it and he was pissed off. But I could not show much interest in it as my own work was waiting for me.

I tortured the keyboard of my laptop and soon there were two chapters, but I was not sure if I had to change some things about it. My gaze wandered through the room and I caught the clock. I was sure the brat would show up very soon. But I still had a few hours…It was not easy to repulse Shuichi when he wanted to sleep with me, but I was too tired and overworked.

I sighed and stepped inside the living room, which was empty. I preferred to have the little idiot inside…

Then I heard somebody at the door and decided to greet Shuichi with a growl. If it was him, what did he do at home so early? I pulled the door open and saw the brat standing in front of me, confused.

"What the hell are you doing here so damn early?" I tried to sound very annoyed, but I think it failed because Shuichi did not start to complain. Instead he pressed his little body against mine, trying to turn me on.

"Oh, not now, you moron. Deadline is at the end of the week and I have to think about three new chapters!"

The brat shook his head and pulled him nearer, breathed against my lips while his arms rested around my neck.

"No more words now, Yuki. I need you. I want you to fuck me, I'm horny and I won't let you go till you gave it to me." Shuichi smiled and started to work with his tongue on my earlobe. The idiot…he knew this is my weak spot. I did not want to moan, but suddenly a low moan escaped my lips.

Sometimes it would be better for me if Shuichi doesn't know all the spots that turn me on, because he's really good at it to use them. I tried to push him away first, but he pushed himself closer to me than before.

"No, Yuki. Please make me yours again. I need you and I can't bear it anymore to be rejected by you!" he whispered and finally I opened my mouth to him, so our tongues battled for dominance.

He tasted sweet, like he always does, and when we broke the kiss I could not resist anymore and started to touch his body. I smiled when he threw his head back and moaned out loud. He wanted to do it in the bedroom and I did not complain.

Wonderful feelings were rushing through my body, his touches exciting and my desire built up with each touch he did to my body. His hands were soft and I caressed his inner thighs to open his legs for me.

Yes, I wanted to make him mine again. I wanted to mark my territory again and wash away all the marks Tatsuha had left on him. Those were, of course, marks my mind created and only obvious to me.

Shuichi was mine. His body and soul was mine and I would never let him go away from me.

The act of sex was wild, passionate and Shuichi was the one who set the pace. He climbed on top of me and rode me until I reached my orgasm. It was the first time I can remember I came before him.

But I had the feeling Shuichi was not the same. He liked to do it like this, but he had never been this possessive and dominant during sex before. His eyes were wide and lust filled, but I knew there was something else inside I could not name, something I never saw in his eyes before.

He collapsed on top of me and whispered into my ear that he loved me. I smiled, but did not answer him. I thought he knew I felt the same way, so instead of telling him something I took him into my arms and placed my chin on the top of his head.

"What happened to you to be that furious?" I had to catch me breath and so was he. He did not answer me, although I had the feeling he was thinking about an answer.

I sighed. I knew the time of sleeping alone in the bed was finally over. That meant the bed would never be cold and empty when I climbed into it.

The next day I had a headache again and was upset, because I had lost a whole day which meant I had to work harder on my novel again. Damn!

I did not understand what Shuichi was waiting for when he looked at me with his big cute eyes. I thought there was nothing to talk about, even not the thing with Tatsuha. All I wanted was to forget the whole thing and I did not want to blame Shuichi for it anymore. It has happened and could not be changed.

I did not even noticed when Shuichi left our shared home, but suddenly he was gone. I noticed the piece of paper on the kitchen table which said he had been gone over to Hiros'.

About four hours I received a phone call, but I did not answer it. The answering machine told the person who called me I was not at home and after the beep I could only make out music and somebody's breath. Then suddenly Hiroshi's voice was heard.

"Yuki? P-please call me back! Or answer my call, damn you!" he yawned "If you want Shuichi back today you'd better come here and pick him up. I'm tired and he"

"Where are you and what's wrong with him?"

I took the opportunity to talk to Hiro and he seemed to be a bit confused when I suddenly answered his call.

"Oh…nothing is really wrong with him. But he does not stop dancing and jumping around. I'm tired, but he does not want to go. Maybe it's better if you pick him up?"

That had not been a question; he really wanted me to pick Shuichi up. I moaned.

"So where are you?"

I murmured to myself when I was driving to the club Hiro had told me they were. Shuichi was always cheerful and powerful, but it was the first time his friend called me to pick him up because he did not want to leave a party.

When I arrived in front of the club I could make out two figures standing in front of it. There were Shuichi and Hiro.

Shuichi was talking all the time and I could see that his friend was tired and did not really listen to what Shuichi was talking. All he wanted to do was to drive home quickly.

"Shuichi" I growled "Stop your stupid talking!"

He turned around and looked surprised, confused or whatever. He did not expect me to be there.

"Come home now, you see Nakano's tired, don't you?"

Hiro yawned and nodded, making my statement obvious to Shuichi. Sometimes he was really slow in his head…

"I am. So take him home now, Yuki-san. It was not that easy to get him out of this club!" He pointed to the entrance and looked bored.

I thought it was because of me. He had called me but that did not mean he really wanted me around. He just wanted to get rid of Shuichi, the asshole.

I took Shuichi by his arm and murmured something that sounded like "thank you" and "bye" over at Hiro and pulled Shuichi to the car.

"You are always so mean to Hiro!" Shuichi cried when I turned the motor on. Fantastic, the last thing I wanted to hear now was that I was not friendly to this idiot of friend.

"Am I?"
I was not really interested in this conversation.

"Yes, you are" he cried. "And I don't like how you look at him. You know Hiro's my best friend, why do you always treat him like that. He did not do anything wrong to you, so what's the reason you don't like him? I cannot understand both of you. You both like me, so what? Why can't you just be kind to another?"

I rolled my eyes. He could really get on my nerves and that was what he was doing in that moment. I did not feel like I should be good friend with Hiro just because he was his best friend!

"I never said I liked you."

He became quiet and I sighed in relief. Why should I tell Shuichi I liked him? When it was not enough to express what I felt? He knew it, so what? Why should I tell him everyday? It was hard for me to accept somebody special in my life.

It became silent in the car and I thought Shuichi would start crying again, but he didn't. I had the bad feeling something inside him had broken.

"How can you say that to the person who loves you most…"

"Shuichi" I shook my head "Don't take everything that serious…"

But I thought he did not listen to me.