A/N – I just want to say thank you to all you beautiful reviewers out
there! *Yay, big smiles to all of you!* You are the people I write for and
you are the ones that make the rains seem non existent...well, I do live in
Britain.....So just for you, the next chap!
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Chapter Eighteen – Angels, caves and babies.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
James sat at his piano. It wasn't that he sat there to play, but just for sitting where there was no paper work or anything that distracted his attention and focus. A beautiful stained glass window stood near the baby grand piano and although James couldn't really see any view outside it, he still looked.
He rested his fingers over his temple and sighed lightly.
Smee mumbled in his throat and stood ringing the bottom of his jacket in his worn fingers, not directly looking at his captain.
"Stubborn, isn't she Cap'n?"
James didn't look at Smee but nodded to himself, lost in thought.
"Brandy Cap'n?"
James nodded again, this time his hand wandered to his chin and he stroked his goatee.
Smee brought over a crystal flagon and a rounded glass, warming it with his hands. He then poured the liquor into the glass and handed it to James.
James nodded in appreciation.
"Beggin' ya pardon Cap'n but, you're right, she's not. She's just trying to cause trouble. Ya know her history."
"I do Smee but how can we tell? It's bad enough, she's this far on."
"If ya start handing out, what are others gonna think, hmm? They'll be queuing up at ya boat waiting to see ya and then bleed ya dry for compensation."
"Well they'd get a very large shock." James muttered rising from his stool and pacing slowly around his room.
"What, what do you think?" Smee asked after a short while.
James turned to him and sighed again.
"It's nearly been three quarters of a year, how am I meant to know? I'd like to say no and that I wasn't the father, for Sarah's sake, but?"
"Matilda's known all around as a player, everyone knows that."
"Yes, but everyone know she was linked to me a while ago."
Possibly James was hoping Smee would argue or disagree with him but Smee didn't say anything.
"I knew it. I knew it. You thought it was me all a long didn't you?" James said dismayed.
"Well, no, but, well? I mean? You did see her for a while, ya know in the earlier days.Odd she finally come of out hidin'?"
"No, not really, not if she's after something." There was a pause and James voice was a little less angry. "So what do I do? This could ruin Sarah and I. I don't need another brat connected to me."
"All you have to do is do what ya been doin'. Ignore her!"
James looked at him then sipped the end of his brandy.
"Really Cap'n, I honestly don't know what's got into ya recently? All this caring and stuff, it's not like you."
"I've been thinking that myself." James replied as Smee topped up his glass.
"Why don't you finish this drink off and head back into Ravens town, hmm? See Sarah, get some sleep."
"I think I'm the last person she wants to see. I left the house without speaking to her. She got me in a bad mood."
"And now she reckons you've got a son."
"She knows I have a son, but at least he's a grown up."
"So why are you worrying? You have no part in his life so why should you have any part in Matilda's? She's just popped into your life now because she's run out of money, you said it yourself, it's all she's after."
"Sometimes, deep down inside, I feel guilty for leaving him." James said in his own world.
Smee sighed quietly and downhearted.
"You never left him Cap'n. He grew up with his mother and that was that. She died when he was twelve. Twelve is old for a child; in fact it means he could take care of himself. He's got your brains and he knew how to look after himself, I mean, it was lucky that family took him in and all..."
James nodded silently.
"He got married today, did you know that?" Smee spoke clearly but softly.
James looked up to Smee and frowned.
"To the girl in the family he's been with."
James didn't say anything. Instead he downed his brandy and stayed silent afterwards.
"You thinking?" Smee asked.
James nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed running his hand over his face.
"I'm a bad father..."
"No, no list'n cap'n, you can't be saying stuff like that to ya self."
"I wanted to be a father, once."
Smee looked uncertain at James, wondering if he should offer any more brandy. He knew James well and knew what he was going to say and so said it himself.
"When, you saw Wendy."
"She should have stayed, she was my red handed Jill. She would have made a good daughter..."
"But she had it in for Pan, she was always his."
"She was." James replied bitterly.
"But we don't need to think about her, do we. What about Sarah now hmm? What a lovely lass ya got now. She's different from the rest!" Smee smiled trying to lighten the captain's mood.
James smiled. "She is isn't she."
"Course she is, I mean, she's well, pretty and funny, she's got brains like you, she's..."
"I love her..."
"...You love her...." Smee repeated, talking to himself. "...You love her?" He said again but this time very differently, looking at James.
James nodded silently.
"Y-you wanna settle down?" Smee asked disbelieving
"I've been thinking, a lot recently. I'm getting old Smee. I don't want to regret things when I'm dead. I've made hundreds of mistakes in my years, some big, some small. I've lost so much to my own ignorance. What's the point of carrying on looking for treasure and slaughtering when I've already done that before? I've lost out on the son that should have been mine. It came at the wrong time for me but now life is or at least should feel right. I don't care about Pan anymore; I haven't really in a while. I've wasted too much time on him. My old house is back up and running, I have Sarah....I could try and make amends with Ruben...maybe..."
The purity in James' words was reflected in his eyes. No one else but Smee ever heard James speak like this. Where he'd almost pour his soul out to you. The service of Smee had been running for years and he'd been there when James had needed a friend to talk to.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sarah hadn't smiled a fun smile in a good few days, not that she was complaining of course, being with Curly and Jack was immense fun but her jaw was beginning to ache from all her smiling and laughing.
The trio had taken it upon themselves to find food and as Sarah insisted that they or at least Jack should not steal, they found themselves heading in the direction of the Neverland jungle.
"Bet you're sick of all that rich food, you just need some fruit, that's all!" Jack smiled, now wearing the cap Curly had worn previously, as he started to feel 'naked' without his wolf skin.
Sarah did hesitate and thought for a moment if this was a plan to lure her into the jungle, back to the camp, though it became apparent that it wasn't. A few days of sleeping restlessly in her new firm bed, truthfully had made her think about the camp and what was going on in the jungle. Thankfully, Curly and Jack had filled her in on what was going on so far before they all sat on a fallen tree trunk near the beach eating chunks of coconut as the tide went out.
"Did you see that woman in the port? The pregnant one? Nearly ploughed me over!" Jack announced aghast as if it had just happened. "Jesus Christ if looks could kill!"
Curly mumbled but Sarah looked at Jack.
"She gave me the same look." Sarah stated, settling the statement.
"One of Hook's bloody wh...." Jack started to say before wincing at his own words and looking at Sarah. "I'm sorry Sarah, I should have said that."
"It's okay." Sarah replied, seeing Jack make a mini sigh as he noticed she hadn't taken his words to heart. "You're not the only one who thought that."
"Do you know her?" Curly asked.
"Nope, just saw her tonight."
"What were you doing by the port? We thought you'd be on the ship?" Curly added.
"Err, no again. I guess I just wanted some fresh air." Sarah said, looking out to sea, not wanting to delve into all the events of the day, including meeting James' son and having an argument with James and him storming off.
Curly and Jack exchanged a look while she wasn't looking. Sarah noticed they didn't say anything and neither were they eating their food so she turned to them.
"So you both came looking for me."
"Err, yeah." Jack replied.
"And what exactly do you both get out of coming to find me?" Sarah asked.
Jack's face said 'well?' While Curly's remained straight.
"Would you look at that? More bloody seagulls!" Jack said loudly, stalking off in a completely different direction to any seagulls.
Sarah shook her head and smirked.
Curly and Sarah sat in silence.
"I think you know why we, well, I, came to find you." Curly muttered suddenly very interested in his coconut shell.
Sarah didn't want Curly to speak because it pained her to hear his beautiful words when she could not return them.
"Curly wait, please. I know why you came but, I'm not coming back, not while Peters around."
Curly didn't know whether she'd meant to say that or that he'd taken her words differently. Did that mean she was going to come back eventually if Peter was no more? His very thoughts made him want to murder Peter right away, to be rid of him so he could share a world with Sarah back in the jungle.
"You do miss the jungle? Don't you?" Curly said changing his thoughts from Pan, hoping she hadn't forgotten the ways of the old life.
"Yes, I do, bit and pieces of it anyway."
"What do you miss?"
"I guess my little hut and how all it had in was the mattress, it was the comfiest thing I've ever slept on!" Sarah smiled.
Curly smiled at her smile.
"What else?"
"I miss having friends, even though they were mainly boys, but Summer was nice. I couldn't care less for the other girls, except some of the young ones, the ones who weren't on the verge of becoming women."
"I think everyone feels like that about the girls, you should have heard Nibs when....." Curly stopped saying his words, partly because he didn't want to remember that Nibs was also fond of Sarah's affection and partly because he was still angry with him.
Sarah did look at Curly when he said this.
"You two fallen out?"
"Yep and guess why?"
Sarah could have blatantly said 'me?' but she dismissed it and frowned. "Why?"
"He said I was, you know, being stupid for coming to find you when we all knew you were with Hook. He said I'd get myself killed doing so."
"Oh." Sarah said softly. "So...where is he now?" Sarah asked casually.
"Went to find Peter." Curly said gently, but then became a little more aggressive. "Trying to be the silent, brave warrior who thinks he's gonna kill Peter and take all the glory or something I suppose..."
"Curly, if there's anyone who is probably going to be killed it'll be him!" Sarah said loudly with a hint of annoyance.
Curly was taken back by her voice.
"God, he is so stupid sometimes!" Sarah added standing up and folding her arms.
Curly thought it reminded him of how Wendy used to act motherly.
"So he's by himself and, and no one bothered to go with him!? Slightly, the twins?" Sarah paused and took a breath. "You? You're his best friend?" She added more tenderly.
"I- I, I just..." Curly replied as if he was defeated.
"I know people can argue that Nibs can take care of himself because he can, but? If Peter knows his tribe have officially deserted him and gone against him, can you imagine what he's going to be like? He'd kill anything that moves!"
Jack had come onto the scene and heard the last few sentences.
He felt a twinge of guilt pang through his mind but settled it as Nibs had decided that he gone on his own accorded.
Curly sat deflated wishing he's never mentioned Nibs' name but pleased Sarah hadn't turned around and said something like that she liked him.
"Nibs went on his on accord." Jack said aloud making Sarah turn to him. He looked taller than she'd remembered him as he came and stood closer to her.
"He's capable Sarah, we don't think he's not, we don't even think he's encountered Peter."
Sarah raised an eyebrow, hands on her hips.
"I mean, well, I heard that he was back in London but that was from over hearing a pirate."
Sarah still had her eyebrow raised. "And that's a good source?"
"Well?" Jack said sheepishly.
"The mermaids." Curly suddenly stated.
Both Sarah and Jack looked at him, slightly frowning.
"They know everything that goes on around here...wish we could talk to them or they'd talk to us." Curly added.
"Mmm, you're right; they have their preference of speaking to people, namely, pretty boy Pans."
"I think he'll be back." Curly stated. "He can't run away from this, he has to face it."
"And so do we." Jack added.
Sarah didn't know if the comment was meant to sound like Jack was sick and tired of being in Ravens town or just hope rasing.
"I guess." Curly replied awkwardly.
"Curly, please, I can't come with you. You know that. Please go and find the tribe and Nibs, please. I'd die if I knew something was wrong or someone was killed. If I could I come with you, but I can't, you know that."
Sarah had Curly's hands in her own and was practically pleading.
Curly looked to her and then back to Jack.
"Could you give me a second?" Curly asked to Jack.
Jack frowned but started to walk away.
"Sarah, I, you know how I feel."
Sarah opened her mouth to speak but didn't.
"I know, I know you don't feel the same way..."
Sarah looked down awkwardly.
"I do hope you're happy with him, I really do. Though, you're better than him you know, you're better than all of us."
"Curly please..." Sarah whispered uncomfortable.
"If he ever lays a finger on you or anything, please, run, run to me, run to the tribe or at least the Indians, because you may not be able to find me." Curly added with a smirk.
Sarah smirked too and found her throat felt tight.
"Peter better not lay a finger on you..." Sarah said as she embraced Curly, her tears getting the better of her.
Curly closed his eyes at the sound of her sobs and the warmth of her body.
They parted a little way and Sarah very lightly and she quickly pecked his lips and smiled wiping a tear from her eye.
"I'll be here okay, tell the tribe that...I'm not that far away."
Curly smiled half heartedly. Sarah tilted his chin up.
"You'll find someone you know, someone who isn't tainted like me or stupid or..."
"No." Curly stated putting a finger to his lips and 'shhing' her. "They don't make angels so freely." He said before turning and heading in the direction that Jack left in.
Sarah noticed a distance away Jack was waiting for Curly and Curly caught up to him. Jack gave a wave and Curly didn't turn around but lead the journey.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was odd by the time Sarah got back to the house. She managed to get a lift via a carriage who was heading that way. Her ignorance jumped at the chance but if Betty had known, she would have had a third degree about jumping into carts with strangers and probably raped. Thankfully she was not.
The door was locked but a pleasant night breeze blew and Sarah didn't care if anyone answered the door, she'd happily sleep outside, Her jungle days flooding back t her from seeing Curly and Jack, a small smiled still on her lips from knowing she had friends.
The door opened and Betty, in her dressing gown, gave her 'a look' and let her in.
Betty opened her mouth but Sarah said started to speak.
"If you don't mind Betty, I'm really sleepy so I'm going to bed, goodnight." Sarah smiled at her boldness to the older woman who obviously was still annoyed with her.
Her room was cool and a window was open, no lights were on in the room and Sarah, plunged in the darkness started to undress, kicking off her shoes carelessly then making for her tie ups.
A hand wrapped around her waist and Sarah was caught off guard. The intruder kissed her neck quickly before Sarah thought she was going to scream. The smell was reassuring and recognisable and Sarah relaxed into the kiss as the hand was swapped so a hooked hand held her while the other one kneaded one of her breast through the dress.
Sarah moaned slightly as a smile played on her lips at the playful mood that James seemed to be in. The hand travelled down her body rubbing her stomach through the material before bending quickly down to lift the hem of the dress, his hand finding her thigh and stroking it idly before settling between her legs, rubbing through the other barrier she wore. Sarah moaned a little louder, a tingling sensation rising in her belly, her limbs feeling like they'd absorbed too much wine.
Sarah turned her face and kissed James. The kiss was rough but James seemed to be playing rougher.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fed, watered and warm, Nibs was reluctant to leave the confinement of the Indian camp. The only thing that did make him want to leave was the constant attention he was receiving from not only Takoda and the younger girls, but also the more mature ladies, whose hair was streaked with white. Ok, maybe it wasn't all a lie, but half an hour later, Nibs was beginning to grow agitated with the attention. Anyone would have loved the fuss, but Nibs' embarrassment sadly came out in a mild degree of anger or a sudden silence and tonight it was a degree of both. Peter would be the one soaking up the attention, telling the females he was handsome and bragging into the night.
Quickly after the meal, Nibs made a point to talk to Lady Quiller and found the information that was needed without too many question. Nibs couldn't help but notice the old lady give him a wink when he left the tepee.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A light rain sprinkled into the jungle and the cave that was the temporary shelter for the lost tribe, John and Lily, became darker than before.
Slightly and Jake had explained all their information they had; the only people having anything bad to say about everything were Autumn and Winter. Only once a combined effort of both John and Tiger Lily giving them a harsh chat about things made them shut up.
By the time most of the tribe where asleep, Lily, finding she had more younger ones opting to sleep nearer her than the older girls only fell asleep when everyone else had. Dying embers of the fire cast eerie shadows on the walls of the cave.
Jake was now on his watch as Slightly had had the first one.
Jake closed his mouth as he yawned a fourth time in the space of five minutes, the coldness of the cave becoming apparent as he had no person to cuddle up to.
He wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered as a light shiver past his skin. In his eyes this defiantly sucked, big time and in his eyes, if Nibs hadn't already given Peter a good kick in the balls, he decided he was going to or at least try. His thoughts spanned on what maybe had happened or what was to happen. He didn't really know where things were heading but he knew that if Nibs was out, things could be ending relatively soon. The set back that came to mind was that Nibs had never killed someone he knew well, the odd pirate in one of Pan's adventures here and there, but not someone he'd known and grown up with. Jake huffed thinking back to when Wendy was about. Peter would get agitated when she wouldn't go to bed when he said so. She'd always insist to Peter that she had to make sure everyone was ok or if they needed anything. Those were the days when Jake would have classed himself as a child, but those days were long gone. The substitute was Sarah and now she was gone, Lilly was here, but she'd be gone soon too. Was there some kind of curse on the position of 'mother' or only when Peter made you be mother? Jake's mind went back to thinking about the temperature, wishing Wendy could bring a blanket or Sarah make a silly joke to take his mind off the chill.
Getting annoyed and sitting down wasn't going to help get warm and so Jake reluctantly left the security of the group to wander to the entrance of cave.
Two minutes of looking out into semi pitch darkness adjusted his sight but the freshness of the air had worn off and Jake started to make his way back inside.
A snapped twig caught his attention and he whipped his head back round, his eyes darting around franticly. He couldn't see anything and thought about telling the other but his legs were stuck on the spot as foot steps approached out of the darkness.
An out line of a figure could be seen, rushing to the entrance and Jake, coming to his senses, dashed inside, his voice croaky.
"P-Pan, Pan, PAN, he's coming, everyone wake up, wake up!!!!"
Sleepy heads rose and tired eyes squinted trying to see who spoke. Then after two seconds people had recognised the voice and registered what Jake had just cried.
John and Lily had bolted up along with Slightly and Summer. Younger ones all portrayed a mixture of panic and terror.
Slightly's eyes had widened, his heart beating faster as the seconds went on, his own brain trying to think of an efficient plan very quickly.
Summer gave a worried glance in his direction, holding his arm tightly.
Younger tribe member huddled together in a corner, the older boys acting as body guards to the younger ones but still finding it difficult to hide their looks of fear on the faces carefully.
John released himself from Lily's grip and headed cautiously to the entrance. He gave a glance at Slightly who nodded, who in turn gave a look to Jake who also nodded.
Slightly walked with John, their steps light and slow, their hands staring to clam up. They rounded a corner and the intruder's footsteps were clearer.
It happened like a flash and Slightly jumped onto the figure only to be arm twisted and pushed into the wall, John came a second after him but skidded to a halt and smirked at the situation.
"Awwh, let go of me Nibs!"
"Why did you jump on me?" Nibs asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
John gave a small laugh and nodded to Nibs who still hadn't released his hold on the smaller boy.
"Nibs." John nodded.
"John." Nibs replied happy to see the pair in turn.
"Now, Nibs, now." Slightly's voice was starting to get angry and by the look on his face, he wasn't happy being that his authority was being forgotten.
Nibs released Slightly who dusted himself and pulled his shirt straight. "Don't to that again." Slightly stated low before he paused a second and gave a light smile in his direction. "Nice moves."
"What can I say? Only for you my friend." Nibs smiled.
"Anyway." John muttered his gaze looking to where the tribe had sneaked nearer to the action, their heads poking from around a bend.
"You had an audience." John added.
Slightly gave them a harsh look as if they shouldn't have been there but really he'd hoped they hadn't seen Nibs get the upper hand on the un- prepared attack.
"Hey Nibs!" Jake put his hand up as a hello, his fear completely gone.
"He thought you were Pan." Slightly made a point of saying which wiped Jake's smugness of his face.
"Hey, it was dark you know and I was by myself. My mind was starting to get spooked." Jake retreated to Slightly.
"Anyway, shall we?" John stated, indicating with his hand back into the cave.
Everyone moved quickly and Slightly pouted to himself as the tribe instantly moved at John's command. Summer saw this and walked over to him shaking her head playfully.
"C'mon or we'll be sleeping into today's afternoon." She smiled leading him back into the cave.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A baby?" Sarah asked.
James nodded eagerly.
"But? Her baby?"
The morning conversation hadn't been the one Sarah was expecting. She thought James might have, if she was lucky, apologised for yesterday, but he didn't. Sarah would have rather slept in without James saying goodbye as he went on his usual routine of checking up on the Jolly Roger.
There had been the 'mornings' in sleepy mode where Sarah had cuddled into James, his smile of appreciation and good memories still on his face. Then he'd stayed silent. He would have usually got up but he stayed in the bed holding Sarah, idly stroking her body with his hand, placing a kiss on her head. It was different, it was nice.
Then he'd spoke softly and asked her.
"What if we had a baby?"
Sarah's cheeks flushed a little in shock but also for the fact she didn't know if she could get pregnant after all Peter had done to her.
"I don't think I can?" Sarah muttered. It was obvious James knew she was going to say that. His mind went back to the Brockhurst's garden when she explained about her possible inability to have children and sadly that was another reason that made him like her at the time.
James rubbed her arm and smiled at her reassuringly.
"You're not mad?"
"No. Why should I be?"
"Well, if I can't have children then?"
"Did I ever say to you I only liked you because I wanted a child with you?"
"No."
"There you go. I like you Sarah and only you because of the way you are, who you are."
"Then I don't understand? How can we have a baby?"
James let his guard slip and his smile twitched.
"Well, before I met you, I'd been in another relationship, actually I wouldn't have a called it a relationship but anyway..."
"I talked to your son." Sarah blurted out.
"Ah." James said politely. "And what did he say to you?"
"Stuff?"
"That we don't see each other?"
"That you don't like burdens on your back."
"I see."
There was a moment's pause.
"James, I don't understand? You want a child yet you have one, but you don't see him?""
"I'm talking about a baby Sarah, not a grown man. Ruben is grown up; he doesn't need a father any more. The circumstances were all wrong for me to be a father back then. If I was your father and you knew I was a pirate and could get myself killed and be away for months, how would you feel?"
"What happened to his mother?"
"She died."
"How?"
"A brawl in a pub, did Ruben tell you she was a gambler and a drinker? Wasted her life away she did. Bet things she couldn't obtain, made connections with certain types of people and in the end she couldn't pay the price so she paid it with her life."
"Not in the Rat?"
"No, a different pub."
"Oh." Sarah said quietly.
James had sat up and was looking at her.
"Sarah I love you, I know I do because I've never felt this before. I would like it very much if we shared a baby together."
"What about your career, the ship, your crew."
"I'm done with that. I've been doing it for years and I finally got what I want. I did it. It's time for me to step down. No more ship, no more piracy, no more Pan."
"What would you do?"
"Something, but for now, I have enough money for us to live comfortably for some time."
"This baby?" Sarah asked.
"It belongs to a woman called Matilda, she the one I was associated a while back."
Sarah's eyes widened as she thought to herself about the pregnant woman she'd encountered yesterday, that must have been her. Her eyes narrowed.
"How far is she?" She asked.
"Very."
"That's not enough time to think James." Sarah said sadly getting out of the bed and placing a silk robe around her body.
"I know it's odd and well, I'm sorry it's so rushed but. I've changed and if the child is mine, I want to be there for it this time round."
"What of the woman? Don't you think she'll be a little difficult with you wanting the child?"
"I was thinking the same thing and if she's anything like she was last night then she'd happily get rid of it but, well, she's the kind of person who would turn things around to suite herself."
"Does she even know you've had these ideas?"
"No, but I'm going to talk to her today, if I can find her."
"Well, I leave you to it; I'll be down stairs getting breakfast." Sarah said walking out the door, shutting it lightly and taking a deep breath, trying to not frown as much, wanting to cry but couldn't.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter Eighteen – Angels, caves and babies.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
James sat at his piano. It wasn't that he sat there to play, but just for sitting where there was no paper work or anything that distracted his attention and focus. A beautiful stained glass window stood near the baby grand piano and although James couldn't really see any view outside it, he still looked.
He rested his fingers over his temple and sighed lightly.
Smee mumbled in his throat and stood ringing the bottom of his jacket in his worn fingers, not directly looking at his captain.
"Stubborn, isn't she Cap'n?"
James didn't look at Smee but nodded to himself, lost in thought.
"Brandy Cap'n?"
James nodded again, this time his hand wandered to his chin and he stroked his goatee.
Smee brought over a crystal flagon and a rounded glass, warming it with his hands. He then poured the liquor into the glass and handed it to James.
James nodded in appreciation.
"Beggin' ya pardon Cap'n but, you're right, she's not. She's just trying to cause trouble. Ya know her history."
"I do Smee but how can we tell? It's bad enough, she's this far on."
"If ya start handing out, what are others gonna think, hmm? They'll be queuing up at ya boat waiting to see ya and then bleed ya dry for compensation."
"Well they'd get a very large shock." James muttered rising from his stool and pacing slowly around his room.
"What, what do you think?" Smee asked after a short while.
James turned to him and sighed again.
"It's nearly been three quarters of a year, how am I meant to know? I'd like to say no and that I wasn't the father, for Sarah's sake, but?"
"Matilda's known all around as a player, everyone knows that."
"Yes, but everyone know she was linked to me a while ago."
Possibly James was hoping Smee would argue or disagree with him but Smee didn't say anything.
"I knew it. I knew it. You thought it was me all a long didn't you?" James said dismayed.
"Well, no, but, well? I mean? You did see her for a while, ya know in the earlier days.Odd she finally come of out hidin'?"
"No, not really, not if she's after something." There was a pause and James voice was a little less angry. "So what do I do? This could ruin Sarah and I. I don't need another brat connected to me."
"All you have to do is do what ya been doin'. Ignore her!"
James looked at him then sipped the end of his brandy.
"Really Cap'n, I honestly don't know what's got into ya recently? All this caring and stuff, it's not like you."
"I've been thinking that myself." James replied as Smee topped up his glass.
"Why don't you finish this drink off and head back into Ravens town, hmm? See Sarah, get some sleep."
"I think I'm the last person she wants to see. I left the house without speaking to her. She got me in a bad mood."
"And now she reckons you've got a son."
"She knows I have a son, but at least he's a grown up."
"So why are you worrying? You have no part in his life so why should you have any part in Matilda's? She's just popped into your life now because she's run out of money, you said it yourself, it's all she's after."
"Sometimes, deep down inside, I feel guilty for leaving him." James said in his own world.
Smee sighed quietly and downhearted.
"You never left him Cap'n. He grew up with his mother and that was that. She died when he was twelve. Twelve is old for a child; in fact it means he could take care of himself. He's got your brains and he knew how to look after himself, I mean, it was lucky that family took him in and all..."
James nodded silently.
"He got married today, did you know that?" Smee spoke clearly but softly.
James looked up to Smee and frowned.
"To the girl in the family he's been with."
James didn't say anything. Instead he downed his brandy and stayed silent afterwards.
"You thinking?" Smee asked.
James nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed running his hand over his face.
"I'm a bad father..."
"No, no list'n cap'n, you can't be saying stuff like that to ya self."
"I wanted to be a father, once."
Smee looked uncertain at James, wondering if he should offer any more brandy. He knew James well and knew what he was going to say and so said it himself.
"When, you saw Wendy."
"She should have stayed, she was my red handed Jill. She would have made a good daughter..."
"But she had it in for Pan, she was always his."
"She was." James replied bitterly.
"But we don't need to think about her, do we. What about Sarah now hmm? What a lovely lass ya got now. She's different from the rest!" Smee smiled trying to lighten the captain's mood.
James smiled. "She is isn't she."
"Course she is, I mean, she's well, pretty and funny, she's got brains like you, she's..."
"I love her..."
"...You love her...." Smee repeated, talking to himself. "...You love her?" He said again but this time very differently, looking at James.
James nodded silently.
"Y-you wanna settle down?" Smee asked disbelieving
"I've been thinking, a lot recently. I'm getting old Smee. I don't want to regret things when I'm dead. I've made hundreds of mistakes in my years, some big, some small. I've lost so much to my own ignorance. What's the point of carrying on looking for treasure and slaughtering when I've already done that before? I've lost out on the son that should have been mine. It came at the wrong time for me but now life is or at least should feel right. I don't care about Pan anymore; I haven't really in a while. I've wasted too much time on him. My old house is back up and running, I have Sarah....I could try and make amends with Ruben...maybe..."
The purity in James' words was reflected in his eyes. No one else but Smee ever heard James speak like this. Where he'd almost pour his soul out to you. The service of Smee had been running for years and he'd been there when James had needed a friend to talk to.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sarah hadn't smiled a fun smile in a good few days, not that she was complaining of course, being with Curly and Jack was immense fun but her jaw was beginning to ache from all her smiling and laughing.
The trio had taken it upon themselves to find food and as Sarah insisted that they or at least Jack should not steal, they found themselves heading in the direction of the Neverland jungle.
"Bet you're sick of all that rich food, you just need some fruit, that's all!" Jack smiled, now wearing the cap Curly had worn previously, as he started to feel 'naked' without his wolf skin.
Sarah did hesitate and thought for a moment if this was a plan to lure her into the jungle, back to the camp, though it became apparent that it wasn't. A few days of sleeping restlessly in her new firm bed, truthfully had made her think about the camp and what was going on in the jungle. Thankfully, Curly and Jack had filled her in on what was going on so far before they all sat on a fallen tree trunk near the beach eating chunks of coconut as the tide went out.
"Did you see that woman in the port? The pregnant one? Nearly ploughed me over!" Jack announced aghast as if it had just happened. "Jesus Christ if looks could kill!"
Curly mumbled but Sarah looked at Jack.
"She gave me the same look." Sarah stated, settling the statement.
"One of Hook's bloody wh...." Jack started to say before wincing at his own words and looking at Sarah. "I'm sorry Sarah, I should have said that."
"It's okay." Sarah replied, seeing Jack make a mini sigh as he noticed she hadn't taken his words to heart. "You're not the only one who thought that."
"Do you know her?" Curly asked.
"Nope, just saw her tonight."
"What were you doing by the port? We thought you'd be on the ship?" Curly added.
"Err, no again. I guess I just wanted some fresh air." Sarah said, looking out to sea, not wanting to delve into all the events of the day, including meeting James' son and having an argument with James and him storming off.
Curly and Jack exchanged a look while she wasn't looking. Sarah noticed they didn't say anything and neither were they eating their food so she turned to them.
"So you both came looking for me."
"Err, yeah." Jack replied.
"And what exactly do you both get out of coming to find me?" Sarah asked.
Jack's face said 'well?' While Curly's remained straight.
"Would you look at that? More bloody seagulls!" Jack said loudly, stalking off in a completely different direction to any seagulls.
Sarah shook her head and smirked.
Curly and Sarah sat in silence.
"I think you know why we, well, I, came to find you." Curly muttered suddenly very interested in his coconut shell.
Sarah didn't want Curly to speak because it pained her to hear his beautiful words when she could not return them.
"Curly wait, please. I know why you came but, I'm not coming back, not while Peters around."
Curly didn't know whether she'd meant to say that or that he'd taken her words differently. Did that mean she was going to come back eventually if Peter was no more? His very thoughts made him want to murder Peter right away, to be rid of him so he could share a world with Sarah back in the jungle.
"You do miss the jungle? Don't you?" Curly said changing his thoughts from Pan, hoping she hadn't forgotten the ways of the old life.
"Yes, I do, bit and pieces of it anyway."
"What do you miss?"
"I guess my little hut and how all it had in was the mattress, it was the comfiest thing I've ever slept on!" Sarah smiled.
Curly smiled at her smile.
"What else?"
"I miss having friends, even though they were mainly boys, but Summer was nice. I couldn't care less for the other girls, except some of the young ones, the ones who weren't on the verge of becoming women."
"I think everyone feels like that about the girls, you should have heard Nibs when....." Curly stopped saying his words, partly because he didn't want to remember that Nibs was also fond of Sarah's affection and partly because he was still angry with him.
Sarah did look at Curly when he said this.
"You two fallen out?"
"Yep and guess why?"
Sarah could have blatantly said 'me?' but she dismissed it and frowned. "Why?"
"He said I was, you know, being stupid for coming to find you when we all knew you were with Hook. He said I'd get myself killed doing so."
"Oh." Sarah said softly. "So...where is he now?" Sarah asked casually.
"Went to find Peter." Curly said gently, but then became a little more aggressive. "Trying to be the silent, brave warrior who thinks he's gonna kill Peter and take all the glory or something I suppose..."
"Curly, if there's anyone who is probably going to be killed it'll be him!" Sarah said loudly with a hint of annoyance.
Curly was taken back by her voice.
"God, he is so stupid sometimes!" Sarah added standing up and folding her arms.
Curly thought it reminded him of how Wendy used to act motherly.
"So he's by himself and, and no one bothered to go with him!? Slightly, the twins?" Sarah paused and took a breath. "You? You're his best friend?" She added more tenderly.
"I- I, I just..." Curly replied as if he was defeated.
"I know people can argue that Nibs can take care of himself because he can, but? If Peter knows his tribe have officially deserted him and gone against him, can you imagine what he's going to be like? He'd kill anything that moves!"
Jack had come onto the scene and heard the last few sentences.
He felt a twinge of guilt pang through his mind but settled it as Nibs had decided that he gone on his own accorded.
Curly sat deflated wishing he's never mentioned Nibs' name but pleased Sarah hadn't turned around and said something like that she liked him.
"Nibs went on his on accord." Jack said aloud making Sarah turn to him. He looked taller than she'd remembered him as he came and stood closer to her.
"He's capable Sarah, we don't think he's not, we don't even think he's encountered Peter."
Sarah raised an eyebrow, hands on her hips.
"I mean, well, I heard that he was back in London but that was from over hearing a pirate."
Sarah still had her eyebrow raised. "And that's a good source?"
"Well?" Jack said sheepishly.
"The mermaids." Curly suddenly stated.
Both Sarah and Jack looked at him, slightly frowning.
"They know everything that goes on around here...wish we could talk to them or they'd talk to us." Curly added.
"Mmm, you're right; they have their preference of speaking to people, namely, pretty boy Pans."
"I think he'll be back." Curly stated. "He can't run away from this, he has to face it."
"And so do we." Jack added.
Sarah didn't know if the comment was meant to sound like Jack was sick and tired of being in Ravens town or just hope rasing.
"I guess." Curly replied awkwardly.
"Curly, please, I can't come with you. You know that. Please go and find the tribe and Nibs, please. I'd die if I knew something was wrong or someone was killed. If I could I come with you, but I can't, you know that."
Sarah had Curly's hands in her own and was practically pleading.
Curly looked to her and then back to Jack.
"Could you give me a second?" Curly asked to Jack.
Jack frowned but started to walk away.
"Sarah, I, you know how I feel."
Sarah opened her mouth to speak but didn't.
"I know, I know you don't feel the same way..."
Sarah looked down awkwardly.
"I do hope you're happy with him, I really do. Though, you're better than him you know, you're better than all of us."
"Curly please..." Sarah whispered uncomfortable.
"If he ever lays a finger on you or anything, please, run, run to me, run to the tribe or at least the Indians, because you may not be able to find me." Curly added with a smirk.
Sarah smirked too and found her throat felt tight.
"Peter better not lay a finger on you..." Sarah said as she embraced Curly, her tears getting the better of her.
Curly closed his eyes at the sound of her sobs and the warmth of her body.
They parted a little way and Sarah very lightly and she quickly pecked his lips and smiled wiping a tear from her eye.
"I'll be here okay, tell the tribe that...I'm not that far away."
Curly smiled half heartedly. Sarah tilted his chin up.
"You'll find someone you know, someone who isn't tainted like me or stupid or..."
"No." Curly stated putting a finger to his lips and 'shhing' her. "They don't make angels so freely." He said before turning and heading in the direction that Jack left in.
Sarah noticed a distance away Jack was waiting for Curly and Curly caught up to him. Jack gave a wave and Curly didn't turn around but lead the journey.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was odd by the time Sarah got back to the house. She managed to get a lift via a carriage who was heading that way. Her ignorance jumped at the chance but if Betty had known, she would have had a third degree about jumping into carts with strangers and probably raped. Thankfully she was not.
The door was locked but a pleasant night breeze blew and Sarah didn't care if anyone answered the door, she'd happily sleep outside, Her jungle days flooding back t her from seeing Curly and Jack, a small smiled still on her lips from knowing she had friends.
The door opened and Betty, in her dressing gown, gave her 'a look' and let her in.
Betty opened her mouth but Sarah said started to speak.
"If you don't mind Betty, I'm really sleepy so I'm going to bed, goodnight." Sarah smiled at her boldness to the older woman who obviously was still annoyed with her.
Her room was cool and a window was open, no lights were on in the room and Sarah, plunged in the darkness started to undress, kicking off her shoes carelessly then making for her tie ups.
A hand wrapped around her waist and Sarah was caught off guard. The intruder kissed her neck quickly before Sarah thought she was going to scream. The smell was reassuring and recognisable and Sarah relaxed into the kiss as the hand was swapped so a hooked hand held her while the other one kneaded one of her breast through the dress.
Sarah moaned slightly as a smile played on her lips at the playful mood that James seemed to be in. The hand travelled down her body rubbing her stomach through the material before bending quickly down to lift the hem of the dress, his hand finding her thigh and stroking it idly before settling between her legs, rubbing through the other barrier she wore. Sarah moaned a little louder, a tingling sensation rising in her belly, her limbs feeling like they'd absorbed too much wine.
Sarah turned her face and kissed James. The kiss was rough but James seemed to be playing rougher.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fed, watered and warm, Nibs was reluctant to leave the confinement of the Indian camp. The only thing that did make him want to leave was the constant attention he was receiving from not only Takoda and the younger girls, but also the more mature ladies, whose hair was streaked with white. Ok, maybe it wasn't all a lie, but half an hour later, Nibs was beginning to grow agitated with the attention. Anyone would have loved the fuss, but Nibs' embarrassment sadly came out in a mild degree of anger or a sudden silence and tonight it was a degree of both. Peter would be the one soaking up the attention, telling the females he was handsome and bragging into the night.
Quickly after the meal, Nibs made a point to talk to Lady Quiller and found the information that was needed without too many question. Nibs couldn't help but notice the old lady give him a wink when he left the tepee.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A light rain sprinkled into the jungle and the cave that was the temporary shelter for the lost tribe, John and Lily, became darker than before.
Slightly and Jake had explained all their information they had; the only people having anything bad to say about everything were Autumn and Winter. Only once a combined effort of both John and Tiger Lily giving them a harsh chat about things made them shut up.
By the time most of the tribe where asleep, Lily, finding she had more younger ones opting to sleep nearer her than the older girls only fell asleep when everyone else had. Dying embers of the fire cast eerie shadows on the walls of the cave.
Jake was now on his watch as Slightly had had the first one.
Jake closed his mouth as he yawned a fourth time in the space of five minutes, the coldness of the cave becoming apparent as he had no person to cuddle up to.
He wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered as a light shiver past his skin. In his eyes this defiantly sucked, big time and in his eyes, if Nibs hadn't already given Peter a good kick in the balls, he decided he was going to or at least try. His thoughts spanned on what maybe had happened or what was to happen. He didn't really know where things were heading but he knew that if Nibs was out, things could be ending relatively soon. The set back that came to mind was that Nibs had never killed someone he knew well, the odd pirate in one of Pan's adventures here and there, but not someone he'd known and grown up with. Jake huffed thinking back to when Wendy was about. Peter would get agitated when she wouldn't go to bed when he said so. She'd always insist to Peter that she had to make sure everyone was ok or if they needed anything. Those were the days when Jake would have classed himself as a child, but those days were long gone. The substitute was Sarah and now she was gone, Lilly was here, but she'd be gone soon too. Was there some kind of curse on the position of 'mother' or only when Peter made you be mother? Jake's mind went back to thinking about the temperature, wishing Wendy could bring a blanket or Sarah make a silly joke to take his mind off the chill.
Getting annoyed and sitting down wasn't going to help get warm and so Jake reluctantly left the security of the group to wander to the entrance of cave.
Two minutes of looking out into semi pitch darkness adjusted his sight but the freshness of the air had worn off and Jake started to make his way back inside.
A snapped twig caught his attention and he whipped his head back round, his eyes darting around franticly. He couldn't see anything and thought about telling the other but his legs were stuck on the spot as foot steps approached out of the darkness.
An out line of a figure could be seen, rushing to the entrance and Jake, coming to his senses, dashed inside, his voice croaky.
"P-Pan, Pan, PAN, he's coming, everyone wake up, wake up!!!!"
Sleepy heads rose and tired eyes squinted trying to see who spoke. Then after two seconds people had recognised the voice and registered what Jake had just cried.
John and Lily had bolted up along with Slightly and Summer. Younger ones all portrayed a mixture of panic and terror.
Slightly's eyes had widened, his heart beating faster as the seconds went on, his own brain trying to think of an efficient plan very quickly.
Summer gave a worried glance in his direction, holding his arm tightly.
Younger tribe member huddled together in a corner, the older boys acting as body guards to the younger ones but still finding it difficult to hide their looks of fear on the faces carefully.
John released himself from Lily's grip and headed cautiously to the entrance. He gave a glance at Slightly who nodded, who in turn gave a look to Jake who also nodded.
Slightly walked with John, their steps light and slow, their hands staring to clam up. They rounded a corner and the intruder's footsteps were clearer.
It happened like a flash and Slightly jumped onto the figure only to be arm twisted and pushed into the wall, John came a second after him but skidded to a halt and smirked at the situation.
"Awwh, let go of me Nibs!"
"Why did you jump on me?" Nibs asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
John gave a small laugh and nodded to Nibs who still hadn't released his hold on the smaller boy.
"Nibs." John nodded.
"John." Nibs replied happy to see the pair in turn.
"Now, Nibs, now." Slightly's voice was starting to get angry and by the look on his face, he wasn't happy being that his authority was being forgotten.
Nibs released Slightly who dusted himself and pulled his shirt straight. "Don't to that again." Slightly stated low before he paused a second and gave a light smile in his direction. "Nice moves."
"What can I say? Only for you my friend." Nibs smiled.
"Anyway." John muttered his gaze looking to where the tribe had sneaked nearer to the action, their heads poking from around a bend.
"You had an audience." John added.
Slightly gave them a harsh look as if they shouldn't have been there but really he'd hoped they hadn't seen Nibs get the upper hand on the un- prepared attack.
"Hey Nibs!" Jake put his hand up as a hello, his fear completely gone.
"He thought you were Pan." Slightly made a point of saying which wiped Jake's smugness of his face.
"Hey, it was dark you know and I was by myself. My mind was starting to get spooked." Jake retreated to Slightly.
"Anyway, shall we?" John stated, indicating with his hand back into the cave.
Everyone moved quickly and Slightly pouted to himself as the tribe instantly moved at John's command. Summer saw this and walked over to him shaking her head playfully.
"C'mon or we'll be sleeping into today's afternoon." She smiled leading him back into the cave.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A baby?" Sarah asked.
James nodded eagerly.
"But? Her baby?"
The morning conversation hadn't been the one Sarah was expecting. She thought James might have, if she was lucky, apologised for yesterday, but he didn't. Sarah would have rather slept in without James saying goodbye as he went on his usual routine of checking up on the Jolly Roger.
There had been the 'mornings' in sleepy mode where Sarah had cuddled into James, his smile of appreciation and good memories still on his face. Then he'd stayed silent. He would have usually got up but he stayed in the bed holding Sarah, idly stroking her body with his hand, placing a kiss on her head. It was different, it was nice.
Then he'd spoke softly and asked her.
"What if we had a baby?"
Sarah's cheeks flushed a little in shock but also for the fact she didn't know if she could get pregnant after all Peter had done to her.
"I don't think I can?" Sarah muttered. It was obvious James knew she was going to say that. His mind went back to the Brockhurst's garden when she explained about her possible inability to have children and sadly that was another reason that made him like her at the time.
James rubbed her arm and smiled at her reassuringly.
"You're not mad?"
"No. Why should I be?"
"Well, if I can't have children then?"
"Did I ever say to you I only liked you because I wanted a child with you?"
"No."
"There you go. I like you Sarah and only you because of the way you are, who you are."
"Then I don't understand? How can we have a baby?"
James let his guard slip and his smile twitched.
"Well, before I met you, I'd been in another relationship, actually I wouldn't have a called it a relationship but anyway..."
"I talked to your son." Sarah blurted out.
"Ah." James said politely. "And what did he say to you?"
"Stuff?"
"That we don't see each other?"
"That you don't like burdens on your back."
"I see."
There was a moment's pause.
"James, I don't understand? You want a child yet you have one, but you don't see him?""
"I'm talking about a baby Sarah, not a grown man. Ruben is grown up; he doesn't need a father any more. The circumstances were all wrong for me to be a father back then. If I was your father and you knew I was a pirate and could get myself killed and be away for months, how would you feel?"
"What happened to his mother?"
"She died."
"How?"
"A brawl in a pub, did Ruben tell you she was a gambler and a drinker? Wasted her life away she did. Bet things she couldn't obtain, made connections with certain types of people and in the end she couldn't pay the price so she paid it with her life."
"Not in the Rat?"
"No, a different pub."
"Oh." Sarah said quietly.
James had sat up and was looking at her.
"Sarah I love you, I know I do because I've never felt this before. I would like it very much if we shared a baby together."
"What about your career, the ship, your crew."
"I'm done with that. I've been doing it for years and I finally got what I want. I did it. It's time for me to step down. No more ship, no more piracy, no more Pan."
"What would you do?"
"Something, but for now, I have enough money for us to live comfortably for some time."
"This baby?" Sarah asked.
"It belongs to a woman called Matilda, she the one I was associated a while back."
Sarah's eyes widened as she thought to herself about the pregnant woman she'd encountered yesterday, that must have been her. Her eyes narrowed.
"How far is she?" She asked.
"Very."
"That's not enough time to think James." Sarah said sadly getting out of the bed and placing a silk robe around her body.
"I know it's odd and well, I'm sorry it's so rushed but. I've changed and if the child is mine, I want to be there for it this time round."
"What of the woman? Don't you think she'll be a little difficult with you wanting the child?"
"I was thinking the same thing and if she's anything like she was last night then she'd happily get rid of it but, well, she's the kind of person who would turn things around to suite herself."
"Does she even know you've had these ideas?"
"No, but I'm going to talk to her today, if I can find her."
"Well, I leave you to it; I'll be down stairs getting breakfast." Sarah said walking out the door, shutting it lightly and taking a deep breath, trying to not frown as much, wanting to cry but couldn't.