Raindrops and Teardrops

By Blueclarity88

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Gravitation or any of its characters; they are all property of Maki Murakami

A/N: This is only my second fanfiction, so any reviews or constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Special thanks goes to my beta Lady Dragonphire (the title is also credited to her).

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There was a loud bang and another flash that lit up the night sky, along with the interior of the apartment. Shuichi's heart pounded as he weakly veiled his body with the flimsy sheets and blankets he had been provided with. It was a small comfort, and not nearly enough to give the boy the serenity he craved. Beneath the blankets he trembled slightly, pulling his tightly clenched fists against his chest. Stormy nights such as this always brought a sense of loneliness to Shuichi, in addition to memories he preferred forgotten. They also held the ability to shatter the inner strength he carried inside. It was now that he realized sleep was, much to his consternation, simply out of the question. Rolling over on his side (taking his few precious covers with him) he faced the wall, leaving his back exposed to the humid air. Closing his weary, violet eyes, he tried with great effort to calm his entire body. His breathing began to grow rhythmic once more and a slight peace came over him until another bright, electric crack was sent descending from the sky. This time it was more than his heart that jumped as he let out an impulsive yelp. He covered his mouth with his sweat-drenched hand, realizing the significance of what he'd just done. Yuki, his lover, was sleeping in the next room, already anxious about the deadline for his novel that he was expected to meet in mere weeks. "Shit," Shuichi muttered aloud into the darkness. He was exceptionally aware of his surroundings now. Moments passed, and only when he heard utter silence was he able to breathe once more. He exhaled with great relief. Still, this would not solve his own dilemma. When another lightning bolt struck, his muscles tensed and he gritted his teeth. This was nothing short of torture for him. He scanned his mind for something, anything, to help him relax and let go. He tried his hardest to fill his mind with happy memories. The first picture to flash before him was at the young age of seven. It had been a day not too much unlike this one, with a dark sky and melancholy air. He remembered crawling into his parents' bed, given that they were his only source of reassurance at the time. As the thunder had roared violently and the rain had pummeled the roof he was beneath, it seemed to be of no threat at all. He remembered the feeling of being safely and securely held by his mother while she cooed meaningless words of comfort and eventually sang to him. That, in Shuichi's mind, was truly a blissful memory. Tears collected in the corners of his forlorn eyes. Back then he had been such an innocent and naïve boy. Back then, he carried no thoughts or proof of what a cruel place the world was. The happy memories in his head were quickly dimming as he thought of the pain in his life. Rain bolted against the outer surface of the window, but Shuichi was oblivious to it now. He recalled, from things he could not have power over, the one memory that shattered him above the others. The tears were beginning to pour over now. His pain, although carried with him for quite some time now, was still raw and fresh in many ways. He desired more than anything to forget the way it felt when someone found a way of reaching deep inside and violating every part of him.

"Damn it, Shuichi." Shuichi was jerked rather suddenly out of his distant state of reminiscence. Lifting his head from his hands he saw against a dark wall the silhouette of his Yuki. He sat up, his tears stopped momentarily only by his astonishment. The older man sighed, rubbing his aggravated temples with his thumb and pointer finger. "Your incessant crying woke me up," he whined.

Shuichi shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Yuki…I really tried to be quiet, because I know you have a deadline and you're under a ton of stress and you need your sleep but I'm sorry and I…"

Yuki approached Shuichi's trembling figure and lightly stroked his cheek. He settled himself down upon the spot on the sofa at the side of Shuichi, who was looking rather cautious. He was unaware of Yuki's motives. Placing a cigarette between his lips, Yuki managed to speak in muttered, but audible words. "So…you wanna enlighten me as to why you're up crying at an ungodly hour like this?" He fumbled frustratingly with his lighter before taking a deep lungful of smoke in. Turning to Shuichi with an empty and unemotional expression, he waited patiently.

"It really isn't anything Yuki. I'm just a little down, that's it…" It was an unconvincing lie, and they both knew it.

Yuki was growing more frustrated. He sighed just after removing his cigarette from his lips to rest between his two fingers. "That's bullshit, and we both know it. Come on, you're the last person I'd expect to be like this. You're always so open for the majority of the time. Now tell me, why are you crying?" Yuki inquired.

Shuichi choked subconsciously and could not suppress another small tear that traveled to his chin. Yuki was not used to dealing with this type of emotion in other people, particularly Shuichi. So, with great gentleness, he cupped Shuichi's head in his hand and kissed him. Despite its softness, it lasted for quite some time and there was a distance between their bodies that made it rather uncomfortable. Shuichi shifted rather abruptly, closing the gap between them just before Yuki moved away. "You know, I really need my sleep, so I'd ever so much appreciate it if you would tell me what's wrong already," he said rather agitatedly.

Shuichi, still sobbing slightly, put his arms around Yuki's neck. "Yuki…can you do me one small favor?" Yuki sighed exasperatedly and waited for his pink-haired lover to continue. "Can you hold me?" His voice was weak and his flushed face showed his embarrassment. Sighing once more, Yuki instinctively placed his arms around the smaller boy and drew him against his bare chest.

"You know this would be a lot easier if we were lying down," Yuki said. Shuichi nuzzled his wet face into the gorgeous blonde man's chest and nodded in accord. Suddenly, and much to Shuichi's shock, Yuki released him before gathering him up into his arms.

"Yuki…" Shuichi whispered aloud the name of the man carrying him. "You know you're not usually like this," he said as a grin began to form on his face.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't get too used to it," said Yuki, who was now smiling too, although without realizing it. He walked effortlessly into the bedroom, where he positioned Shuichi onto his bed. Shuichi's back was adjusted flat against the headboard of the bed until he heard another crack from outside of the apartment. He quickly curled his legs against his chest and buried his head into them, not failing to let out a cry all the while. "Oh for God's sake, is that what this is all about?" Yuki asked. "You woke me up because you were afraid of the storm?" The rise in his voice frightened Shuichi, causing him to curl up even tighter. Yuki sighed, upset with both his lover and his lack of sleep. He sat down on the bed with his back to Shuichi. It was moments later until he spoke.

"Yuki…I'm sorry…it isn't just the storm, I promise." Shuichi paused, trying his best to diligently choose his words for once. "Yuki…do you ever remember things that you don't want to? And you can't stop?" His eyes were locked at his feet and half-closed from a combination of fatigue and sorrow. Minutes passed while he was in that exact state, with Yuki still sitting facing the wall. He jumped slightly when he felt Yuki reach for his hand and interlink Shuichi's fingers with his own.

"I do know, Shuichi." His voice was faraway and lonely. "I guarantee you, I know." He exhaled loudly. Shuichi moved over next to him, still holding onto his hand, and kissed his face. Yuki wrapped an arm around him to pull him close before resting his head atop of Shuichi's. When another bang exuded from outside, both of them were entirely unaware. "Come on, let's try to get some sleep." He laid Shuichi down and covered his body prior to crawling into his bed next to him.

Shuichi, inch by inch, began to slide close to his weary lover. Yuki smiled and pulled him against him. "If you wanted to be next to me, why didn't you just come out and say it?" Shuichi giggled softly.

"Sorry," he said in a rather singsong manner. Yuki simply smiled and let his lips brush against the top of Shuichi's pink, matted hair.

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