Chapter Two: Caught
"No," Xander said. "Absolutely not."
"Why not?" Anya asked. "It makes perfect sense."
"No," Xander snapped. "It makes no sense."
"Look, we need an extra usher since your cousin can't make it and all our male friends and family are already in the wedding, so he's our most logical choice," Anya said.
"No, he's not," Xander said. He looked at the list in front of him. "Okay, so we don't have a lot of choices but anything's got to be better than Spike. I mean….it's Spike."
"Yeah but he knows us better than most of your family does."
"Right and I don't like any of them but I'd rather have them in the wedding than Spike. It's bad enough he's coming."
"Well it would have been rude not to invite him," Anya pointed out.
"And Spike's so polite," Xander said sarcastically. He pointed to a name on the list. "How about him?"
"No," Anya told him. "I am not having a chaos demon in my wedding."
"Why not?" Xander asked. He wasn't thrilled about having a demon in the wedding either but anyone was better than Spike.
"Have you ever seen a chaos demon?" Anya asked. She pulled out a book and showed him a picture, "See, they're all slime and antlers. I am not getting slime all over my dress. So go and ask Spike if he'll be an usher." Xander hesitated so Anya pulled her trump card, "Ask him or no sex until the wedding."
"You wouldn't," Xander said.
"Try me," Anya said. "I want this wedding to be perfect and it's not going to be perfect if we don't have an even number of bridesmaids and ushers. Now we can pair him with Dawn…."
Xander sighed. He wasn't going to win this and he might as well ask Spike. Anya was right. There really wasn't anyone else.
Xander walked towards Spike's crypt wondering how he was going to ask him to be in the wedding, 'Spike, you know how I've always hated you? Well I was wondering if you wanted to be an usher at my wedding?' Nah, that wasn't right. How about, 'Spike, want to be in my wedding? I'll pay you.' No, while it might work it sounded really pathetic. 'Spike, since I'm going to have to be miserable in a monkey suit there's no one I'd rather have just as miserable than you, want to be an usher?'
Xander opened the door to Spike crypt and made his way inside. The TV was on but Spike wasn't anywhere in sight. Xander looked around and saw that the door to the lower levels of Spike's crypt was open. 'Spike must be down there,' Xander thought. He just hoped that he wasn't going to get a repeat of what he'd seen last time he'd been in Spike's crypt. The sight of a naked Spike doing 'pushups' in bed had been enough to freak him out for weeks.
He cautiously looked down below, not wanting to interrupt Spike if he was busy 'exercising'. He saw Spike and then he noticed who was next to him.
"Hey," Spike said, unaware of Xander presence. He just noticed Buffy opening her eyes. "How're you feeling?"
"Better," Buffy said, sleepily. "I think that nap helped."
"I guess I wore you out last night," Spike said, smirking.
"Don't flatter yourself," Buffy said. "I think it's just a 24-hour virus. Hey, what are you doing?" She asked as Spike leaned over and kissed her neck.
"If you haven't figured it out by now then I've been doing something wrong," He said, moving up towards her ear.
"Spike, no," Buffy said, pushing him away. "I think I have the flu."
"Well that's the good part," Spike said, leaning down again. "You can't make me sick so you have nothing to worry about. Besides this might help you feel better."
"How?"
"Distraction," Spike said, and before Buffy could protest he leaned over and kissed her. Xander watched in horror as she kissed him back. He quickly stood up and hurried out of the crypt, gasping as he tried to figure out what he had just seen. Buffy was in bed and kissing Spike. What was going on? There had to be a logical explanation. Wait a minute! There was no logical explanation! Buffy was kissing Spike.
Xander ran as fast as he could to Buffy's house. Maybe Dawn or Willow would have some kind of explanation. Then he remembered Willow's 'my will be done' spell that had made Buffy and Spike think that they were getting married. Maybe Willow had had a slip and cast another spell.
He burst through the door. Dawn and Willow looked up, startled. Anya and Tara were there too.
"Oh good," Anya said. "You're back. How did it go? Did Spike agree to be in the wedding?"
"Huh?" Xander stammered. "Wedding? What?"
"Hello? You did ask Spike if he'd been an usher, right?"
"I uh uh," Xander said, trying to get the words out.
"What's with him?" Buffy asked, coming into the house behind Xander.
"Buffy! You're…you're….Buffy!" Xander said, shocked at the sight of her standing right there when a few minutes ago he'd seen her in Spike's bed.
"That's right," Buffy said, confused. "I'm Buffy and you're Xander."
"No, I mean um…"
"No," Anya said standing up. "No, you are not going to ruin my wedding by losing your mind. So don't think going insane is going to stop our getting married."
"I'm not the one who's crazy," Xander said. "She is," Xander pointed to Willow. "Or she is," He pointed to Buffy.
"Hey," Buffy protested. This was not what she had expected to find when she got home. She had wanted to get home and spend some time with Dawn so she'd promised Spike that she'd come back later that night if she felt up to it.
"Xander, what's going on?" Willow asked.
Xander lowered his voice and tried to speak calmly, "Willow, we know you've been going through a rough time right now and we understand it's hard to give up an addiction. So no one's blaming you."
"What are you talking about?" Willow asked, hurt. "I haven't had a slip."
"You haven't?" Xander asked. "Then how….why…"
"Xander, finish a sentence and tell us what's going on?" Buffy asked.
Xander looked at Buffy, carefully. She didn't look like anyone who had just spent the day in bed with a vampire. Then another thought occurred to him. "If Willow didn't slip and I know you haven't lost your mind then…."
"What?" Buffy said, starting to lose her patience. She should have stayed with Spike. She may loathe herself for sleeping with him but when she was in his arms, things were certainly less complicated.
"I think Spike either repaired the bot or had another one built," Xander said.
"No," Xander said. "Absolutely not."
"Why not?" Anya asked. "It makes perfect sense."
"No," Xander snapped. "It makes no sense."
"Look, we need an extra usher since your cousin can't make it and all our male friends and family are already in the wedding, so he's our most logical choice," Anya said.
"No, he's not," Xander said. He looked at the list in front of him. "Okay, so we don't have a lot of choices but anything's got to be better than Spike. I mean….it's Spike."
"Yeah but he knows us better than most of your family does."
"Right and I don't like any of them but I'd rather have them in the wedding than Spike. It's bad enough he's coming."
"Well it would have been rude not to invite him," Anya pointed out.
"And Spike's so polite," Xander said sarcastically. He pointed to a name on the list. "How about him?"
"No," Anya told him. "I am not having a chaos demon in my wedding."
"Why not?" Xander asked. He wasn't thrilled about having a demon in the wedding either but anyone was better than Spike.
"Have you ever seen a chaos demon?" Anya asked. She pulled out a book and showed him a picture, "See, they're all slime and antlers. I am not getting slime all over my dress. So go and ask Spike if he'll be an usher." Xander hesitated so Anya pulled her trump card, "Ask him or no sex until the wedding."
"You wouldn't," Xander said.
"Try me," Anya said. "I want this wedding to be perfect and it's not going to be perfect if we don't have an even number of bridesmaids and ushers. Now we can pair him with Dawn…."
Xander sighed. He wasn't going to win this and he might as well ask Spike. Anya was right. There really wasn't anyone else.
Xander walked towards Spike's crypt wondering how he was going to ask him to be in the wedding, 'Spike, you know how I've always hated you? Well I was wondering if you wanted to be an usher at my wedding?' Nah, that wasn't right. How about, 'Spike, want to be in my wedding? I'll pay you.' No, while it might work it sounded really pathetic. 'Spike, since I'm going to have to be miserable in a monkey suit there's no one I'd rather have just as miserable than you, want to be an usher?'
Xander opened the door to Spike crypt and made his way inside. The TV was on but Spike wasn't anywhere in sight. Xander looked around and saw that the door to the lower levels of Spike's crypt was open. 'Spike must be down there,' Xander thought. He just hoped that he wasn't going to get a repeat of what he'd seen last time he'd been in Spike's crypt. The sight of a naked Spike doing 'pushups' in bed had been enough to freak him out for weeks.
He cautiously looked down below, not wanting to interrupt Spike if he was busy 'exercising'. He saw Spike and then he noticed who was next to him.
"Hey," Spike said, unaware of Xander presence. He just noticed Buffy opening her eyes. "How're you feeling?"
"Better," Buffy said, sleepily. "I think that nap helped."
"I guess I wore you out last night," Spike said, smirking.
"Don't flatter yourself," Buffy said. "I think it's just a 24-hour virus. Hey, what are you doing?" She asked as Spike leaned over and kissed her neck.
"If you haven't figured it out by now then I've been doing something wrong," He said, moving up towards her ear.
"Spike, no," Buffy said, pushing him away. "I think I have the flu."
"Well that's the good part," Spike said, leaning down again. "You can't make me sick so you have nothing to worry about. Besides this might help you feel better."
"How?"
"Distraction," Spike said, and before Buffy could protest he leaned over and kissed her. Xander watched in horror as she kissed him back. He quickly stood up and hurried out of the crypt, gasping as he tried to figure out what he had just seen. Buffy was in bed and kissing Spike. What was going on? There had to be a logical explanation. Wait a minute! There was no logical explanation! Buffy was kissing Spike.
Xander ran as fast as he could to Buffy's house. Maybe Dawn or Willow would have some kind of explanation. Then he remembered Willow's 'my will be done' spell that had made Buffy and Spike think that they were getting married. Maybe Willow had had a slip and cast another spell.
He burst through the door. Dawn and Willow looked up, startled. Anya and Tara were there too.
"Oh good," Anya said. "You're back. How did it go? Did Spike agree to be in the wedding?"
"Huh?" Xander stammered. "Wedding? What?"
"Hello? You did ask Spike if he'd been an usher, right?"
"I uh uh," Xander said, trying to get the words out.
"What's with him?" Buffy asked, coming into the house behind Xander.
"Buffy! You're…you're….Buffy!" Xander said, shocked at the sight of her standing right there when a few minutes ago he'd seen her in Spike's bed.
"That's right," Buffy said, confused. "I'm Buffy and you're Xander."
"No, I mean um…"
"No," Anya said standing up. "No, you are not going to ruin my wedding by losing your mind. So don't think going insane is going to stop our getting married."
"I'm not the one who's crazy," Xander said. "She is," Xander pointed to Willow. "Or she is," He pointed to Buffy.
"Hey," Buffy protested. This was not what she had expected to find when she got home. She had wanted to get home and spend some time with Dawn so she'd promised Spike that she'd come back later that night if she felt up to it.
"Xander, what's going on?" Willow asked.
Xander lowered his voice and tried to speak calmly, "Willow, we know you've been going through a rough time right now and we understand it's hard to give up an addiction. So no one's blaming you."
"What are you talking about?" Willow asked, hurt. "I haven't had a slip."
"You haven't?" Xander asked. "Then how….why…"
"Xander, finish a sentence and tell us what's going on?" Buffy asked.
Xander looked at Buffy, carefully. She didn't look like anyone who had just spent the day in bed with a vampire. Then another thought occurred to him. "If Willow didn't slip and I know you haven't lost your mind then…."
"What?" Buffy said, starting to lose her patience. She should have stayed with Spike. She may loathe herself for sleeping with him but when she was in his arms, things were certainly less complicated.
"I think Spike either repaired the bot or had another one built," Xander said.