Chapter Twenty-One: Journey To the Past
Dawn hurried downstairs and saw Giles preparing breakfast, "Where's Spike?" She asked anxiously.
"He's in the basement, passed out," Giles said impatiently. He'd had to practically drag Spike home from the bar and then down the stairs into the basement. Once they were in the basement Spike had promptly passed out.
"Is he okay?" Dawn asked.
"He's fine," Giles said, annoyed. "Probably has a hangover that you wouldn't believe but he'll survive."
Dawn nodded. She quickly heated up some blood and hurried downstairs to check on her friend. He was lying on the floor, passed out. Dawn knelt down next to him and gently shook him, "Spike, come on, wake up."
Spike moaned, opened his eyes and said, "Nibblet?"
"Here," Dawn said, helping him to sit up and handing him a mug of blood.
"Ugh," He said, taking a drink. "I feel like my bloody head's splitting open."
"Don't get drunk then," Dawn said, unsympathetically.
"Easier said than done," Spike said. "How's Buffy?"
"She's still sleeping," Dawn said. She looked at him concerned, "What happened yesterday? What did Halfrek say to you?"
"It's not important," Spike said.
"But you…"
"I said that it wasn't important," Spike snapped.
"She said something about your sister, didn't she?" Dawn asked. "I heard her talking about her. Look you can tell me about it."
"No," Spike said. "I can't."
"Why not?" Dawn asked.
"Because you don't really want to know," Spike said.
"Yes, I do," Dawn said.
Spike studied her for a moment and then said, "Fine, if you really want to know I'll tell you but it's not a pretty story."
"It can't be worse than anything you've told me before," Dawn said.
"It's worse," Spike said. "And you have to promise me that you're not going to go telling anyone about this."
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"You'll understand when I tell you."
"Okay," Dawn agreed, anxious to heard what Spike had to say.
"You know that my father died when I was young and his brother became our guardian, right?"
"Yeah," Dawn said. "You told me that."
"Well he didn't pay much attention to the twins at first. They were just babies. I was the one he was interested in, the bloody heir and all that. Wanted to control me, had my whole life planned out. I went along with it. I was ten. I had just lost my father, Mother was distraught and I needed someone to depend on."
"Like when my mom died," Dawn said.
"Yeah only your sister loved you. My uncle hated me. I didn't notice it too much. I was busy spending all my free time with Charles and Charlotte, playing in the nursery, the gardens."
"Sounds like fun."
"It was," Spike said. "But when I was 15 Charles died of scarlet fever. Mother was so distraught that she spent the rest of her life in some kind of denial, always insisting that Father and Charles were on a trip and would be back soon."
"But she still had you and your sister," Dawn pointed out.
"She wasn't strong enough," Spike admitted. "Father was her whole life and without him she didn't want to live so she didn't, especially after losing Charles. She just left Charlotte and me alone. My uncle didn't pay too much attention to us either so it was just the two of us."
"So what happened?" Dawn asked.
"By then Charlotte had grown up a little," Spike explained. "She was only five but she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." He pulled out the picture he'd been looking at last night and handed it to Dawn.
Dawn studied it for a minute and said, "She was beautiful."
"After Charles died," Spike continued. "My uncle practically moved in with us. I didn't mind as long as he left me alone. The problem was that every night I had to tell him what I'd learned during the day and if he didn't like what he heard…."
Dawn looked at the vampire in front of her, trying to picture Spike her age, being beaten by his uncle. "Did he hurt Charlotte too?"
Spike shut his eyes, "Yes, but not in the same way. He never beat her. I knew he was hurting her some way but I never guessed what he was really doing to her." Spike didn't have to explain, the horror on Dawn's face told him that she had figured it out. "She finally confided in me and I confronted him. He denied it and gave me the beating of my life, worse than anything Angulus ever did to me. Only Glory and your sis ever did worse. Then he locked me in my room and once I recovered he sent me away to boarding school."
"Wasn't that a good thing, though?" Dawn asked. "You were away from your uncle."
"But I was separated from Charlotte," Spike explained. "And I wasn't able to protect her. Plus my uncle spread the rumor that he had sent me away because he was concerned about how close Charlotte and I had gotten. Before long the London gossips had twisted it until I was some kind of…." He shook his head. "Eventually the gossip died down but every time I went home Charlotte would look at me, begging me to help her and I couldn't."
"What ever happened to Charlotte?" Dawn asked.
"She was sent away to finishing school, partly at my insistence, partly because my uncle wanted her to be a proper young lady. I found out later that he wanted her to be a fitting bride for his son. Once I knew that she was safe away from my uncle I settled into my life as William the Bloody."
Dawn shook her head, "How could someone who was so concerned for his sister be known as William the Bloody?"
Spike studied her for a second, and then said, "If I tell you something will you swear never to tell anyone, not your sister, not anyone." Dawn nodded so Spike said. "I was called William the Bloody because I wrote such bloody awful…poetry." Dawn stared at Spike for a long time, stunned by what he had said and then she burst out laughing, "Can do without the laugh track, Lil Bit."
"I'm sorry," Dawn giggled. "But I can't picture you as a poet. Did you write love poems to beautiful women?"
"Yes," Spike said. "I did but she didn't want me and then I ran into Dru…."
"Wow," Dawn said. She thought for a second, "But where does Halfrek fit into all this?"
"Who do you think didn't want me?" Spike said.
Dawn nodded. It all made sense, Spike's hostility towards Hallie and his reaction to her taunts about his sister. "So what happened to Charlotte after you were turned?"
"Mother hung on long enough to make sure that Charlotte was safely married to my uncle's son. Then she died. I found this out about fifteen years after I was turned. I slipped away from my gang to see how she was doing. She had two sons, William and Charles."
"Gee, I wonder who she named them after," Dawn said.
"My cousin was just like his father," Spike explained. "I watched him one night as he beat my baby sister. Then I waited until she was asleep and managed to get inside. I drained Frederick dry and then stole some of Charlotte's jewelry to make it look like a robbery."
"So Charlotte was free then," Dawn said. "You were able to save her."
"I should have killed my uncle when I first found out what he was doing to her," Spike said. "I was fifteen but I should have done something." He shut his eyes, "She didn't deserve what she went through."
"No one does," Dawn said. "But she knew that you loved her and you saved her from a life with your cousin. What more could you have done?"
"Anything," Spike snapped.
"There was nothing you could have done," Dawn said. "You did what you could."
"It wasn't enough," Spike said. "Nothing is ever enough." He hadn't been able to save Charlotte. He hadn't been good enough for Cecily, not demon enough for Drusillia and beneath Buffy, only good for occasional shag. It had only been an accident that he'd managed to father a child with her. "Nothing is ever good enough," He repeated.
Dawn didn't know what to say. She just put her arm around him and just sat quietly next to him. Neither one of them noticed the figure standing at the top of the stairs, listening, one hand covering her mouth, the other resting on her stomach and tears rolling down her cheeks.
Dawn hurried downstairs and saw Giles preparing breakfast, "Where's Spike?" She asked anxiously.
"He's in the basement, passed out," Giles said impatiently. He'd had to practically drag Spike home from the bar and then down the stairs into the basement. Once they were in the basement Spike had promptly passed out.
"Is he okay?" Dawn asked.
"He's fine," Giles said, annoyed. "Probably has a hangover that you wouldn't believe but he'll survive."
Dawn nodded. She quickly heated up some blood and hurried downstairs to check on her friend. He was lying on the floor, passed out. Dawn knelt down next to him and gently shook him, "Spike, come on, wake up."
Spike moaned, opened his eyes and said, "Nibblet?"
"Here," Dawn said, helping him to sit up and handing him a mug of blood.
"Ugh," He said, taking a drink. "I feel like my bloody head's splitting open."
"Don't get drunk then," Dawn said, unsympathetically.
"Easier said than done," Spike said. "How's Buffy?"
"She's still sleeping," Dawn said. She looked at him concerned, "What happened yesterday? What did Halfrek say to you?"
"It's not important," Spike said.
"But you…"
"I said that it wasn't important," Spike snapped.
"She said something about your sister, didn't she?" Dawn asked. "I heard her talking about her. Look you can tell me about it."
"No," Spike said. "I can't."
"Why not?" Dawn asked.
"Because you don't really want to know," Spike said.
"Yes, I do," Dawn said.
Spike studied her for a moment and then said, "Fine, if you really want to know I'll tell you but it's not a pretty story."
"It can't be worse than anything you've told me before," Dawn said.
"It's worse," Spike said. "And you have to promise me that you're not going to go telling anyone about this."
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"You'll understand when I tell you."
"Okay," Dawn agreed, anxious to heard what Spike had to say.
"You know that my father died when I was young and his brother became our guardian, right?"
"Yeah," Dawn said. "You told me that."
"Well he didn't pay much attention to the twins at first. They were just babies. I was the one he was interested in, the bloody heir and all that. Wanted to control me, had my whole life planned out. I went along with it. I was ten. I had just lost my father, Mother was distraught and I needed someone to depend on."
"Like when my mom died," Dawn said.
"Yeah only your sister loved you. My uncle hated me. I didn't notice it too much. I was busy spending all my free time with Charles and Charlotte, playing in the nursery, the gardens."
"Sounds like fun."
"It was," Spike said. "But when I was 15 Charles died of scarlet fever. Mother was so distraught that she spent the rest of her life in some kind of denial, always insisting that Father and Charles were on a trip and would be back soon."
"But she still had you and your sister," Dawn pointed out.
"She wasn't strong enough," Spike admitted. "Father was her whole life and without him she didn't want to live so she didn't, especially after losing Charles. She just left Charlotte and me alone. My uncle didn't pay too much attention to us either so it was just the two of us."
"So what happened?" Dawn asked.
"By then Charlotte had grown up a little," Spike explained. "She was only five but she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." He pulled out the picture he'd been looking at last night and handed it to Dawn.
Dawn studied it for a minute and said, "She was beautiful."
"After Charles died," Spike continued. "My uncle practically moved in with us. I didn't mind as long as he left me alone. The problem was that every night I had to tell him what I'd learned during the day and if he didn't like what he heard…."
Dawn looked at the vampire in front of her, trying to picture Spike her age, being beaten by his uncle. "Did he hurt Charlotte too?"
Spike shut his eyes, "Yes, but not in the same way. He never beat her. I knew he was hurting her some way but I never guessed what he was really doing to her." Spike didn't have to explain, the horror on Dawn's face told him that she had figured it out. "She finally confided in me and I confronted him. He denied it and gave me the beating of my life, worse than anything Angulus ever did to me. Only Glory and your sis ever did worse. Then he locked me in my room and once I recovered he sent me away to boarding school."
"Wasn't that a good thing, though?" Dawn asked. "You were away from your uncle."
"But I was separated from Charlotte," Spike explained. "And I wasn't able to protect her. Plus my uncle spread the rumor that he had sent me away because he was concerned about how close Charlotte and I had gotten. Before long the London gossips had twisted it until I was some kind of…." He shook his head. "Eventually the gossip died down but every time I went home Charlotte would look at me, begging me to help her and I couldn't."
"What ever happened to Charlotte?" Dawn asked.
"She was sent away to finishing school, partly at my insistence, partly because my uncle wanted her to be a proper young lady. I found out later that he wanted her to be a fitting bride for his son. Once I knew that she was safe away from my uncle I settled into my life as William the Bloody."
Dawn shook her head, "How could someone who was so concerned for his sister be known as William the Bloody?"
Spike studied her for a second, and then said, "If I tell you something will you swear never to tell anyone, not your sister, not anyone." Dawn nodded so Spike said. "I was called William the Bloody because I wrote such bloody awful…poetry." Dawn stared at Spike for a long time, stunned by what he had said and then she burst out laughing, "Can do without the laugh track, Lil Bit."
"I'm sorry," Dawn giggled. "But I can't picture you as a poet. Did you write love poems to beautiful women?"
"Yes," Spike said. "I did but she didn't want me and then I ran into Dru…."
"Wow," Dawn said. She thought for a second, "But where does Halfrek fit into all this?"
"Who do you think didn't want me?" Spike said.
Dawn nodded. It all made sense, Spike's hostility towards Hallie and his reaction to her taunts about his sister. "So what happened to Charlotte after you were turned?"
"Mother hung on long enough to make sure that Charlotte was safely married to my uncle's son. Then she died. I found this out about fifteen years after I was turned. I slipped away from my gang to see how she was doing. She had two sons, William and Charles."
"Gee, I wonder who she named them after," Dawn said.
"My cousin was just like his father," Spike explained. "I watched him one night as he beat my baby sister. Then I waited until she was asleep and managed to get inside. I drained Frederick dry and then stole some of Charlotte's jewelry to make it look like a robbery."
"So Charlotte was free then," Dawn said. "You were able to save her."
"I should have killed my uncle when I first found out what he was doing to her," Spike said. "I was fifteen but I should have done something." He shut his eyes, "She didn't deserve what she went through."
"No one does," Dawn said. "But she knew that you loved her and you saved her from a life with your cousin. What more could you have done?"
"Anything," Spike snapped.
"There was nothing you could have done," Dawn said. "You did what you could."
"It wasn't enough," Spike said. "Nothing is ever enough." He hadn't been able to save Charlotte. He hadn't been good enough for Cecily, not demon enough for Drusillia and beneath Buffy, only good for occasional shag. It had only been an accident that he'd managed to father a child with her. "Nothing is ever good enough," He repeated.
Dawn didn't know what to say. She just put her arm around him and just sat quietly next to him. Neither one of them noticed the figure standing at the top of the stairs, listening, one hand covering her mouth, the other resting on her stomach and tears rolling down her cheeks.