Chapter Twenty Three: Lovers Divided Get Coincided
"What are you talking about?" Spike asked.
"I heard you talking to Dawn. I know the whole story about your uncle and what he did to you and your sister. I also know why you hate Halfrek. I even know about your little hobby of writing poetry. What I don't know is who you really are."
"Do you care?" snapped Spike. He still had a hangover, combined with resurgence of difficult memories. He had come up to check on Buffy and now she was making him face things he didn't want to face.
"Of course I care," Buffy said.
"Why?" Spike asked. "You never have before. In the entire time we've known each other I've never seen you care about what I think or feel. Oh wait, according to you I don't bloody feel at all."
He was angry. Buffy could see that, "Spike…"
"Look, the subject is closed. You know what happened with Charlotte and Cecily.."
"Who?" Buffy asked.
"Halfrek or whatever name she's going by these days. You know what happened with them but it doesn't matter anymore. It's over."
"Then why are you still carrying around Charlotte's picture?" Buffy asked.
"Momentos," Spike said. "I have pictures of Dru too, along with some other things of Charlotte's and my mother's."
"Spike," Buffy said. "I'm just trying to understand. I heard you telling Dawn about who you used to be and I know your reputation afterwards. Neither one seems to match. Who's the real Spike?"
Spike studied her and then said, "You know who I am, all that you want to know." He sat down on the bed next to her and touched her cheek. "You know how I make you feel, that no matter what you do to me I'll come back for more." He moved his hand lower until it touched her stomach, "You know the despite the impossibility you're carrying our child and that I will be a good father to him or her. I may not have had good examples of what makes a good parent but I know what does."
"Your uncle?" Buffy asked. "But what about your father?"
Spike shook his head, "He spent most of his time running the estate and the little free time he had he spent with Mother. I think he planned to show me more attention as I grew older but he died before he could and you know about my mother." He sighed, "Then I traded one abusive guardian for another when I was turned."
"Drusilla?" Buffy asked.
Spike laughed, "No, I'm talking about your precious Angel. You heard what I was like when I was human. Who do you think turned me from William the bloody poet to Spike? It sure wasn't Dru. Everything I know about torture and killing Angel taught me and most of the time it was from example with me as the target."
"Spike," Buffy said. She tried to picture him as a beaten child and then his transformation from William to Spike.
Spike saw the pity on her face and pulled away from her, "Don't pity me. It was a long time ago. Besides I think I've gotten my revenge on Angel."
"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked.
"Well look around," Spike said. "I have everything Angel wanted. I get to live in your house. I get to touch you without having to worry about losing my soul and," He gestured to her stomach. "You're carrying my child. I'd say everything turned out alright for me."
Buffy stared at him in horror. Then she sat up and punched Spike as hard as she could, "Is that all we are to you? Revenge against Angel? Is that why you started stalking me and managed to get me into your bed? Just revenge against Angel for taking Drusilla away from you? Is that all me and my baby are worth to you?"
"Oh trust me," Spike said, coldly. "If I wanted to revenge against Angel then I'd be down in L.A. playing patty cake with little Connor, not up here getting kicked around by you and your mates." He turned to leave, "Believe what you want, just get something to eat. I know how much you've been eating lately and it's not enough to keep a kitten alive, much less a you and a baby. So eat something or I'll force feed you." Then he stormed out and down the stairs.
He hated what he had just said to her but he couldn't stand what he had seen in her eyes. It had been pity and that was one thing he couldn't tolerate. He knew that she didn't love him. He didn't even know if she liked him but he wasn't going to have her pity him.
As soon as he left Buffy rolled on her side. She couldn't believe what Spike had just said to her and why hadn't she seen it before. Spike hated Angel more than anyone on this earth. Of course he would use any opportunity to get back at him and she was a perfect target, "I am such an idiot," Buffy said out loud.
"Not that I'm arguing with you," Dawn said, standing in the doorway. "But what did you do this time? I just saw Spike coming down the stairs and he looked furious. What did you do to him?"
"What makes you think I did something to him?" Buffy snapped.
"Because you always do," Dawn told her. "Spike cares too much about you and your baby to do anything that would hurt you."
Buffy shook her head, "He doesn't care about me or this baby. All we are to him are a way to get back at Angel. I was so stupid not to see it before."
"Where did you get that idea?" Dawn asked.
"He said as much," Buffy said. "And I don't believe that it I never thought of it."
"It's not true," Dawn said. "Spike loves you. It isn't about Angel. If it were he would have left a long time ago. Do you really think he'd have done all that he's done for you if this was just about revenge? And remember this is Spike. Look at his pattern. Remember when he came back for revenge on you and Angel when Drusilla left him? He didn't have a plan. He just came in, did the damage and ran and from what he's told me when he was first turned he just ran out and did so much damage he barely got out of London alive. Thinking out an elaborate revenge scenario and then seeing it through isn't Spike's style and you know it."
"Not usually but if he wanted to…" Buffy stopped and thought about Spike's pattern. He was impulsive. Everything she knew about him fit that. He hadn't thought about the consequences when he'd chained her up in his crypt or when they'd crashed through the floor of that abandoned building. He had just been reacting on emotion and that was one of the things she liked about him. He acted with his heart or what passed for his heart.
"And besides," Dawn said. "Spike wouldn't use his own child to get revenge on Angel or anyone else. He wouldn't use your or your baby for anything. He loves you and if you haven't realized that he really does by now then you're right. You are an idiot."
"Whose side are you on anyway?" Buffy complained.
"My niece or nephew's," Dawn said. "I want and I know you want him or her to have as normal life as possible and that won't happen if you can't be civil to Spike."
"I'm not the only one, who's being difficult around here," Buffy pointed out.
"I'm not saying you are but Spike's trying," Dawn said. "Can you try too? It will make things a lot easier around here. And then if you and Spike are getting along you can relax and enjoy being pregnant."
"Yeah," Buffy said sarcastically. "Enjoy being so tired I can hardly get up in the morning and being so sick that I can't keep anything down and what I can keep down I usually bring back up at some point during the day."
"It'll get better," Dawn said.
"I hope so," Buffy said. "Sarah says that she could probably do a spell that will help but Spike won't let her. He's a little cautious when it comes to magic and I agree with him on this."
"Good," Dawn said. "Now go downstairs and make up with Spike. It'll make things a lot easier on everyone here, especially you and the baby, if you two aren't fighting."
"Fine," Buffy said. In the interests of peace she'd go and talk to Spike. She sat up and paused. Something didn't feel right.
"Buffy?" Dawn asked, noticing her sister's face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Buffy said. She stood up. Everything felt fine now. It had probably just been morning sickness again.
Buffy and Dawn walked downstairs. Spike was sitting on the couch, watching TV and Giles was reading.
"How are you feeling?" Giles asked, looking up from his book.
"Okay," Buffy said. She walked over to the couch. She started to sit but then suddenly she felt a cramping pain rip through her abdomen. She let out a cry and sank down onto the couch, clutching her stomach.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Spike asked, alarmed.
"I don't know," Buffy gasped, grabbing onto Spike's arm.
"Is it the baby?" Giles asked.
Buffy shook her head. She didn't know. She'd never felt anything like this before. It just hurt. She vaguely felt Spike pick her up and carry her out to the car. It was cloudy out so he was safe from the sun but that didn't bother her. All she could focus on was the pain and fear that something was happening to her baby and she was powerless to stop it.
"What are you talking about?" Spike asked.
"I heard you talking to Dawn. I know the whole story about your uncle and what he did to you and your sister. I also know why you hate Halfrek. I even know about your little hobby of writing poetry. What I don't know is who you really are."
"Do you care?" snapped Spike. He still had a hangover, combined with resurgence of difficult memories. He had come up to check on Buffy and now she was making him face things he didn't want to face.
"Of course I care," Buffy said.
"Why?" Spike asked. "You never have before. In the entire time we've known each other I've never seen you care about what I think or feel. Oh wait, according to you I don't bloody feel at all."
He was angry. Buffy could see that, "Spike…"
"Look, the subject is closed. You know what happened with Charlotte and Cecily.."
"Who?" Buffy asked.
"Halfrek or whatever name she's going by these days. You know what happened with them but it doesn't matter anymore. It's over."
"Then why are you still carrying around Charlotte's picture?" Buffy asked.
"Momentos," Spike said. "I have pictures of Dru too, along with some other things of Charlotte's and my mother's."
"Spike," Buffy said. "I'm just trying to understand. I heard you telling Dawn about who you used to be and I know your reputation afterwards. Neither one seems to match. Who's the real Spike?"
Spike studied her and then said, "You know who I am, all that you want to know." He sat down on the bed next to her and touched her cheek. "You know how I make you feel, that no matter what you do to me I'll come back for more." He moved his hand lower until it touched her stomach, "You know the despite the impossibility you're carrying our child and that I will be a good father to him or her. I may not have had good examples of what makes a good parent but I know what does."
"Your uncle?" Buffy asked. "But what about your father?"
Spike shook his head, "He spent most of his time running the estate and the little free time he had he spent with Mother. I think he planned to show me more attention as I grew older but he died before he could and you know about my mother." He sighed, "Then I traded one abusive guardian for another when I was turned."
"Drusilla?" Buffy asked.
Spike laughed, "No, I'm talking about your precious Angel. You heard what I was like when I was human. Who do you think turned me from William the bloody poet to Spike? It sure wasn't Dru. Everything I know about torture and killing Angel taught me and most of the time it was from example with me as the target."
"Spike," Buffy said. She tried to picture him as a beaten child and then his transformation from William to Spike.
Spike saw the pity on her face and pulled away from her, "Don't pity me. It was a long time ago. Besides I think I've gotten my revenge on Angel."
"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked.
"Well look around," Spike said. "I have everything Angel wanted. I get to live in your house. I get to touch you without having to worry about losing my soul and," He gestured to her stomach. "You're carrying my child. I'd say everything turned out alright for me."
Buffy stared at him in horror. Then she sat up and punched Spike as hard as she could, "Is that all we are to you? Revenge against Angel? Is that why you started stalking me and managed to get me into your bed? Just revenge against Angel for taking Drusilla away from you? Is that all me and my baby are worth to you?"
"Oh trust me," Spike said, coldly. "If I wanted to revenge against Angel then I'd be down in L.A. playing patty cake with little Connor, not up here getting kicked around by you and your mates." He turned to leave, "Believe what you want, just get something to eat. I know how much you've been eating lately and it's not enough to keep a kitten alive, much less a you and a baby. So eat something or I'll force feed you." Then he stormed out and down the stairs.
He hated what he had just said to her but he couldn't stand what he had seen in her eyes. It had been pity and that was one thing he couldn't tolerate. He knew that she didn't love him. He didn't even know if she liked him but he wasn't going to have her pity him.
As soon as he left Buffy rolled on her side. She couldn't believe what Spike had just said to her and why hadn't she seen it before. Spike hated Angel more than anyone on this earth. Of course he would use any opportunity to get back at him and she was a perfect target, "I am such an idiot," Buffy said out loud.
"Not that I'm arguing with you," Dawn said, standing in the doorway. "But what did you do this time? I just saw Spike coming down the stairs and he looked furious. What did you do to him?"
"What makes you think I did something to him?" Buffy snapped.
"Because you always do," Dawn told her. "Spike cares too much about you and your baby to do anything that would hurt you."
Buffy shook her head, "He doesn't care about me or this baby. All we are to him are a way to get back at Angel. I was so stupid not to see it before."
"Where did you get that idea?" Dawn asked.
"He said as much," Buffy said. "And I don't believe that it I never thought of it."
"It's not true," Dawn said. "Spike loves you. It isn't about Angel. If it were he would have left a long time ago. Do you really think he'd have done all that he's done for you if this was just about revenge? And remember this is Spike. Look at his pattern. Remember when he came back for revenge on you and Angel when Drusilla left him? He didn't have a plan. He just came in, did the damage and ran and from what he's told me when he was first turned he just ran out and did so much damage he barely got out of London alive. Thinking out an elaborate revenge scenario and then seeing it through isn't Spike's style and you know it."
"Not usually but if he wanted to…" Buffy stopped and thought about Spike's pattern. He was impulsive. Everything she knew about him fit that. He hadn't thought about the consequences when he'd chained her up in his crypt or when they'd crashed through the floor of that abandoned building. He had just been reacting on emotion and that was one of the things she liked about him. He acted with his heart or what passed for his heart.
"And besides," Dawn said. "Spike wouldn't use his own child to get revenge on Angel or anyone else. He wouldn't use your or your baby for anything. He loves you and if you haven't realized that he really does by now then you're right. You are an idiot."
"Whose side are you on anyway?" Buffy complained.
"My niece or nephew's," Dawn said. "I want and I know you want him or her to have as normal life as possible and that won't happen if you can't be civil to Spike."
"I'm not the only one, who's being difficult around here," Buffy pointed out.
"I'm not saying you are but Spike's trying," Dawn said. "Can you try too? It will make things a lot easier around here. And then if you and Spike are getting along you can relax and enjoy being pregnant."
"Yeah," Buffy said sarcastically. "Enjoy being so tired I can hardly get up in the morning and being so sick that I can't keep anything down and what I can keep down I usually bring back up at some point during the day."
"It'll get better," Dawn said.
"I hope so," Buffy said. "Sarah says that she could probably do a spell that will help but Spike won't let her. He's a little cautious when it comes to magic and I agree with him on this."
"Good," Dawn said. "Now go downstairs and make up with Spike. It'll make things a lot easier on everyone here, especially you and the baby, if you two aren't fighting."
"Fine," Buffy said. In the interests of peace she'd go and talk to Spike. She sat up and paused. Something didn't feel right.
"Buffy?" Dawn asked, noticing her sister's face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Buffy said. She stood up. Everything felt fine now. It had probably just been morning sickness again.
Buffy and Dawn walked downstairs. Spike was sitting on the couch, watching TV and Giles was reading.
"How are you feeling?" Giles asked, looking up from his book.
"Okay," Buffy said. She walked over to the couch. She started to sit but then suddenly she felt a cramping pain rip through her abdomen. She let out a cry and sank down onto the couch, clutching her stomach.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Spike asked, alarmed.
"I don't know," Buffy gasped, grabbing onto Spike's arm.
"Is it the baby?" Giles asked.
Buffy shook her head. She didn't know. She'd never felt anything like this before. It just hurt. She vaguely felt Spike pick her up and carry her out to the car. It was cloudy out so he was safe from the sun but that didn't bother her. All she could focus on was the pain and fear that something was happening to her baby and she was powerless to stop it.