Chapter 13: Exercise No Sanity
"What are you doing here? I didn't think you were into exercise. Go home and practice your trombone," Sakura snapped at Basil. They were standing outside the entrance to the Crystal Tokyo Sports Center.
"I already did. And Mrs. Mizuno told me that you might need someone with you. Those Love Angels could get your bracelet if you're alone," Basil protested, a frightened look in his black eyes. Sakura sighed with exasperation.
"Fine. Just don't hang all over me. I know men have a fatherly instinct, but you don't need to worry about me," she said, practically shoving him through the door. She headed for the martial-arts practice area, which was watched over by a stern woman named Yukari Onizuka who held her black hair in a long braid.
"You again. I like your attitude," Yukari said, giving the thumbs-up sign to Sakura, who did the same to her. Sakura went to the locker room to put on her uniform and protective gear, leaving Basil at the entrance, who was shivering under Yukari's harsh glare. When she finished, she found there were three other people there to spar with. One was an overeager young woman with purple hair, another had short green hair and just seemed depressed, and the other also had green hair and looked eeriely familiar to Sakura. Yukari set them up in pairs so that Sakura's first partner was the gloomy-looking girl.
"Hey, what's your name? I'm Sakura Mizuno," she said, bowing to the other girl, who just scowled at her stiffly.
"Utako Morino," the other answered simply. At Yukari's command to start, the ground began to shake suddenly.
"Hey! You Sailor Senshi! Quit causing the earthquake!" Hinagiku shouted.
"That's foolish. The earth's seismic activity is what causes them," scolded Yukari. On the sidelines, Basil began to panic and sob. He had no idea what was going on, as he had never been in an earthquake before, and he also didn't know what "seismic activity" meant, but it sounded quite frightening. The girl with the purple braid, Aoi Akiyama, spotted him, smirking. She crept over to him as lightly as she could with the floor shaking until she was close enough.
"The ground gods are punishing you. It's time to repent for your sins," she said softly, but evilly.
"I repent! I REPENT! JUST STOP THE SHAKING!" Basil wailed, bowing his head to the floor to her as if she was his Queen. Sakura glared at him and Aoi and stomped over.
"Stop that, both of you. Basil, it's not caused by 'gods,' it's caused by movements in the earth. It's a natural thing, like rain or the sunshine," she scolded, "This is why I didn't think little boys should come to a place like this." Luckily, the earthquake stopped soon, and Basil wiped his eyes.
"What's seismic activity? How did that happen?" he whimpered.
"It's because the crust of the Earth is in pieces, and Japan is over a fault line, which means we get a lot of earthquakes here. I really don't know much about this, though, but when we get home you can ask Mom since she knows so much about science," Sakura answered annoyedly.
"Now that the interruption is over, can we get on with our sparring practice session?" Yukari sighed. Sakura went back to Utako, who was obediently in her fighting stance, though she had a depressed look in her eyes. Sakura started with a punch, which Utako ducked under and threw a kick.
"Sailor Pegasus Weirdo Flyer!" shouted Aoi, shoving Hinagiku into Sakura and Utako. Yukari strode over to her.
"That is not fair. Only fight with your partner, Aoi, and the idea is not to hurt them, but to learn how to control your kicks and punches," she scolded. In response, Aoi swung a punch at Yukari, who grabbed the startled young woman's fist. Aoi shrieked and struggled to get away, but Yukari held her tight. Meanwhile, Hinagiku was staring at Basil curiously. An idea seemed to be forming in her brain, but she was snapped out of her reverie when Sakura offered to spar with her instead of Aoi, who left the sparring room in a huff. Utako also left as well, leaving Sakura and Basil alone with the girl who seemed to be suspicious of the Sailor Senshi.
Unseen by those who were in the sparring room, three people were watching them. One, a surprisingly ordinary-looking man with brownish-red hair, was glaring at Sakura and Hinagiku.
"How unstereotypical. Japanese girls should not be so masculine and forthright," he muttered to himself, "When I take over the world, things will be much better." The other two people were a pair of teenage girls, named Myrna and Fiona. Fiona, who was tall, extremely thin, and had shoulder-length brown hair, poked Myrna in the arm.
"Look. Radcliffe is distracted. Now's our chance to use our magic powers on him," she snickered.
"Yes. If we kill him, I will be freed from his neverending requests for marriage, just because I was born to English nobility," added Myrna, who, unlike her very lanky friend, looked very much like Minako Aino had when she was younger, although Myrna was decidedly fat.
"Yeah, you'd think that the fact that Gemini is obviously your steady boyfriend would be enough of a hint, but nooo...I think that guy is delusional or something. Come on, let's...hey, isn't that one of those Sailor Senshi? Let's go get her to help us," giggled Fiona, and she and her plump English buddy entered the sparring area. Still looking through the large glass windows, Radcliffe pulled a bouquet of plastic glow-in-the-dark flowers out of his pocket, intent on wooing Myrna and oblivious to her plot to get rid of him forever. Fiona raced clumsily over to Sakura eagerly.
"Hey, you're a Sailor Senshi! We're Sailor Senshi too, and we need your help to defeat this really evil man!" she exclaimed.
"You're a Sailor Senshi? Then why have I never met you before?" Sakura asked suspiciously, "If anything, you should've at least been at that meeting the Queen held back in March."
"Because we're very mysterious. And foreign," piped up Myrna.
"Oh, my darling Lady Myrna, let us wed!" Radcliffe shouted, bursting into the room, waving his plastic flowers around.
"What is going on here? This isn't a place for romantic gatherings! If you're not here to practice martial arts, then leave!" Yukari barked.
"We are. Aurora Cosmic Power, Make Up!" Fiona shouted.
"Neo Venus Power, Make Up!" yelled Myrna. They spun around, twirling ribbons above their heads in mock Senshi transformations. Well, Fiona tried to, but she tangled the ribbons in her legs and fell down. With a flourish, Myrna slipped an orange sailor-styled collar over her neck.
"I am Neo Sailor Venus, and I shall defeat that evil man who only wants my money! Goldiggers will be punished in the name of love and beauty!" she announced. Fiona sat up awkwardly.
"And I am Sailor Aurora, the warrior of the rainbow who protects the true diversity of life from this foolish man who thinks he can put everyone into his neat little stereotypical categories," she said, although she did not have her sailor collar on. While the two fake Senshi were introducing themselves, Hinagiku took the chance to sneak up on Sakura. In the attempt to steal her bracelet, however, Hinagiku grabbed her arm.
"Get off of me! What are you trying to do!" Sakura bellowed, shoving Hinagiku into the wall next to Basil, who jumped out of the way in fright.
"I'm going to take that bracelet no matter what! Wedding Attractive Flower!"
"You'll have to make me detransform first! Milkshake Prism Power, Make Up!" Hinagiku and Sakura transformed for real in a flurry of green and yellow lights, leaving Fiona and Myrna stunned.
"Please marry me! You're just my type! Submissive, reserved, like a good English girl!" Radcliffe gushed.
"DON'T CALL ME RESERVED!" Myrna roared, her fist connecting with Radcliffe's nose and sending him crashing out the doorway. Once Angel Daisy had gained her Fighter Angel form, she and Sailor Milkshake had begun a brawl, neither one really using her magic powers.
"Saint Pendule Daisy...AHHGGH! Let me go! I have a fight to do!" Angel Daisy protested as Yukari dragged her away from Sailor Milkshake.
"That is enough. We do not use magic here. This is a place for exercising one's physical strength. Now leave, you have caused enough trouble already," she ordered, forcefully leading the angry Angel Daisy out the door too.
"Basil, let's leave. This place is utterly insane today, what with stupid lovesick men, fake Sailor Senshi, and Love Angels who want my bracelet," Sakura said, yanking Basil to his feet.
"I agree. And earthquakes," he added softly.