DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Bible, as I'm sure you may have guessed (or read in previous disclaimers) Yeah, don't take offense from this, it's just a story, a rather stupid story, but a story nevertheless.

Jesus had just been killed by a group of very, very, angry Pagans, who were angry at Jesus and decided to kill him. So because of this "killing" thing Jesus died. Again, yes for the third, no fourth, time in his life, and that's a record. So Jesus, again, finds himself floating in the crossroads between Heaven and Hell, then suddenly a giant rusty anchor is attached to his ankle, he then hears the voice of God yell down to him, "Jesus, you're going to Hell 'cause you did some mean shit to people on Earth so Hell's where you're going! Come visit me whenever you want!"

Jesus wanted to go to Heaven, he thought of Hell like you see in the pictures. Horrid. Actually, in the pictures you only see the broiler room, which you have to work near once or twice a month to earn your keep. Other than that it's quite nice. Jesus didn't know this and tried (and he did pretty well considering the giant rusty anchor that was on his ankle) Then out of nowhere a giant blue whale was on a chain that was connected to the giant rusty anchor, which was on a chain, which was attached to Jesus' foot. And Jesus fell into Hell.

Jesus was knocked out by the fall having hit his head on the giant rusty anchor, and woke up several hours later in an administrative building. It was a bit like God's, but instead of just one desk there was about ten and there were far less people walking around (Well, none really).

"Hello." Said a voice right in Jesus' ear, but the speaker had also snuck up behind Jesus and upon the voices speaking into Jesus' ear, he jumped and screamed like a little girl. "Gosh, I'm really not that scary." The voice said. Jesus turned around to see the asshole that had snuck-up on him. There was a man there, he wasn't wearing any shoes, and had black hair and wore outlandish clothes, almost like God wore except Jesus saw something in them that didn't say "I think I'm a rebel, even though I don't really have anyone to rebel against" like God's clothes did.

"Who're you?" Jesus asked, "Spawn of Satan? A demon whom I am bent on destroying?"

"Not any Demon, I'm the Demon. I guess I could be called Satan, some guy that got here yesterday called me a sphinx." The man answered, "That was kind of weird,do I look like a sphinx to you?"

"I'll kill you." Jesus said coldly.

"Good luck with that, but you do know I'm pretty powerful."

"Not as powerful as the will of God."

"Not quite, but I'm pretty close. Now come, you've got some paper work to fill out." the Devil led Jesus to a desk and handed him a pen and a few papers.

Jesus sat down and quietly filled out the paperwork. When he was done he handed it to the demon who was meditating. "Thank you for filling out the forms Jesus. You shall know me as Uncle Sam from now on."

"Why?" Jesus asked.

"Because I'm kind of your uncle and I've always been rather fond of the name Tom."

"Sam, how can I-"

"Uncle Sam."

"Whatever, how do I get out of here?"

"I'm not completely sure. I got down here by magic escalater somewhere around the beggining of time. I haven't even thought of leaving."

"Well, I'm going to. I don't want to be in the midst of sinners."

"You are a sinner."

"So," Jesus said looking at the ceiling to see if he could go the way he came.

"Just pointing it out." Uncle Sam replied also looking at the cieling, "What are you looking at anyways?"

Jesus ignored "Uncle Sam" and continued to try and find an escape route.

Suddenly Uncle Sam took hold of Jesus' arm and pulled him out of the administrative building.

(Yeah I know, not much of a chapter, but I need to get this up and start the next one because this has been sitting in my documents for weeks, I'm just better off posting it.)