Chapter Forty-Eight: If I Only Had A..
I've sent out this call to some of my other readers but right now I'm sending out a general plea! Help! Anyone Help! I don't get UPN in my area so I've been watching Buffy on my local FOX station and I don't think it's going to be shown this season. So if there is anyone out there willing to tape pity on me and tape it each week. (On the same tape one week's show starting right after where the last one left off, if this makes sense) Then when the tape is full send it to me and start a new one. I will pay for tapes and postage and any other expenses. Please let me know ASAP if you can do this!
"So what exactly did Drusilla say to you guys?" Dawn asked.
'Nothing that made sense," Buffy said, hurrying into the house. After their run-in with Drusilla the whole Scooby gang had decided to go back to Buffy's house to figure out this latest development.
"She said something about missing a brain and a heart," Anya said. "Then she started babbling about flowers."
"So what was she talking about?" Buffy asked. Everyone looked at Spike.
"Why are you all looking at me?" Spike asked, annoyed.
"Because you were with that lunatic for over a hundred years. Don't you know how to translate her ramblings into English?" Buffy said.
"Sometimes," Spike said. "It's hard to tell what the bloody hell she's talking about. The only part that made any kind of sense is when she talked about the brain and heart."
"Yeah what was that about?" Xander asked. His and Anya's argument was forgotten for the moment but both of them knew that once they were alone it would resurface.
"She was talking about her army," Spike explained.
"Of course," Anya said. "Why didn't I figure it myself?"
"Vengeance demons aren't used for this," Spike explained. "At least not normally."
"Used for what?" Willow asked.
"Demon armies," Spike explained. "Aren't based on strength. They're made up of different demons playing different roles. From what I saw she has 4 Feral demons recruited to be the muscle of the army. She's hired some Defels to be the eyes and ears. She's hired a whole slew of demons to be the different parts of her army. She just doesn't have the demons worthy enough to be the brains and heart of the army."
"Who would she chose for that?" Willow asked. "Vampires?"
Spike shook his head, "Any demon smart enough to be the brain of an army would take control of it from Dru. She might be crazy but she's too smart to let anyone smarter than her be the brains."
"So she's looking for a demon that will take orders but it smart enough to improvise when it needs to," Anya guessed.
Spike nodded, "And for the heart she needs someone to fuel the army into doing what she wants them to do."
"What's that?" Dawn asked.
"I don't know," Spike said. He looked at Buffy and Anya. Dru had had some kind of vision and it had to do with the both of them. He just wondered what it had meant. Whatever it meant, it couldn't be something good.
"You didn't pick up any kind of information while you were with them?" Buffy asked. "About exactly what this army's for?"
"I just know that she wants to open the Hellmouth and she's being helped by those wankers, " Spike said. He looked down at Buffy, who was stretched out in a now familiar position with her head resting in his lap. "They're the ones who are after the two of you. Dru's paying more attention to her army."
"Why does she want to open the Hellmouth in the first place?" Xander wondered. "I mean she's insane but she never tried anything like that before."
"No," Spike agreed. "We preferred other forms of ending the world, the Judge, Acaltha."
"Right," Buffy said. "And look how great they turned out. What's going to happen when she tries to open the Hellmouth."
"Something we have to stop," Willow said.
"She saw something tonight else tonight too," Buffy pointed out. "What was that?"
"I don't know," Spike insisted.
"She was looking at me and Buffy," Anya pointed out. "Does that mean anything?"
"Could," Spike allowed. He wasn't going to say anything more until he figured out exactly what Drusilla had seen. "Never can tell with Dru's visions."
"Hey," Dawn said. "I just thought of something. If we can keep her from putting her army together than she won't be able to open the Hellmouth."
"Sorry Bit," Spike said. "But all she needs is the ritual performed at the right time."
"Then why is she creating this army in the first place?" Willow asked. "If all she needs is the ritual and why is she working with the Trio?"
"Who knows when it comes to Drusilla," Buffy said. She had a feeling that Spike knew more than he was saying. She just hoped he said what he knew before it was too late.
Dawn yawned and stretched, "Well I'm going to bed, night all." She stood up and went upstairs.
"We should get going too," Xander said. "It's late and we have to work tomorrow." He stood up and looked at Anya, waiting for her to stand up and go with him.
Anya glared at him. She was still angry with him but she stood up, "Fine, we'll go home but," She warned. "We're not having sex tonight." Then she stormed out, followed by Xander.
Everyone looked after them. There were a few awkward moments and then Willow and Tara stood up and went to bed, leaving Buffy and Spike downstairs.
"I'm going to bed too," Buffy said. "You coming?"
Spike hesitated. She was actually inviting him into her bed. He was making excellent progress but he also had to check on a few things tonight. He leaned over and kissed her, "Have to take care of a few things, luv."
"What things?" Buffy asked suspiciously.
"Nothing for you to worry about," Spike assured her. "I'll be back before you know it." Then he walked out, leaving Buffy to turn off the lights and go upstairs.
Spike hurried down the street until he reached his crypt. The last time he'd been there he'd been with Buffy so he hadn't been able to check out how the cats were doing. He opened the door and saw that the T.V. was on.
"Hey," said Clem poping up from the couch he'd hauled in. "How're you doing?" He studied Spike for a minute. "You remember who I am right?"
"Yes," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "I know who you are." He gestured to the TV, "What the bloody hell are you watching?"
"Noting Hill," Clem said. "Thought you'd like it. There's even a guy named Spike in it."
"Seen it," Spike said. He'd watched it with Buffy one evening. She's been especially hormonal that evening and had cried through half of the movie. "And that wanker is an insult to the name."
Clem shrugged and passed the bucket of wings to Spike who had sat down next to him on the couch. "Crypt looks good," Spike said.
"Yeah, I'm pretty much living here," Clem said. "This place is a lot better than mine."
"Cats giving you any trouble?" Spike asked.
"No, I just feed them and let them live their own life."
"Well you don't have to worry about them anymore," Spike said. "I'm going to take them back with me tonight. They're going to live in the basement from now on."
"The Slayer know about that?" Clem asked.
Spike shrugged, "I'm the vampire of the house. I say what goes and what stays. No one tells me what to do."
"She must not know."
"Not yet," Spike said. "But by the time she figures out that they're living in the basement the kittens will already have been born and I'll be making money from them."
"Isn't she the one who set them free that one time," Clem pointed out.
"She was drunk," Spike pointed out. He thought for a minute. If Buffy really objected to what the kittens were going to be used for than he'd bring them back to the crypt to live.
"Yeah but." Clem said.
"I've got it covered," Spike said. Buffy wouldn't mind him selling kittens, after all it was to provide for her, their son, and Dawn.
"Oh," Clem said, inhaling a handful of pork rinds. "I saw your crazy ex the other day."
"Dru?" Spike asked.
"Who else," Clem wondered. "I thought she was your one and only for a century."
"Mainly," Spike agreed. If you didn't count the times he and Angulus had traded Dru and Darla around or the occasional times he'd play with his food. Then there had been that nightmare Harmony and even before them there had been Cecily A.K.A Halfrek. "So what was Dru up to?"
"I don't know," Clem admitted. "I didn't stick around to talk, you know. She's scary."
"Wait until you get to know her," Spike said. "Then she's terrifying." He grabbed the bag of pork rinds from Clem. "I saw her tonight."
"And she didn't try to kill you again," Clem look impressed. "I thought she wanted you dead."
"No," Spike explained. "She wants us to get back together and destroy the world."
"So she poisoned you and nearly killed you?" Clem said.
"Right," Spike said.
Clem took his pork rinds back, "Weird way to show you care but whatever works."
"That's how I got her back last time," Spike said.
"Remind me never to get involved with a vampire," Clem said.
Spike stood up. "Humans and demons relations are all the same and since I'm the only one of us in one I'd better grab the cats and get home." He headed down to the lower level of his crypt and went to where he had been hiding the cats. After gathering their things he hurried back to the house.
Meanwhile back in the crypt a figure curled up next to Clem on the couch, "I though he'd never leave." She looked up at him. "Think he suspects anything?"
"No," Clem said. "He doesn't have any idea. Want me to rewind the movie?"
I've sent out this call to some of my other readers but right now I'm sending out a general plea! Help! Anyone Help! I don't get UPN in my area so I've been watching Buffy on my local FOX station and I don't think it's going to be shown this season. So if there is anyone out there willing to tape pity on me and tape it each week. (On the same tape one week's show starting right after where the last one left off, if this makes sense) Then when the tape is full send it to me and start a new one. I will pay for tapes and postage and any other expenses. Please let me know ASAP if you can do this!
"So what exactly did Drusilla say to you guys?" Dawn asked.
'Nothing that made sense," Buffy said, hurrying into the house. After their run-in with Drusilla the whole Scooby gang had decided to go back to Buffy's house to figure out this latest development.
"She said something about missing a brain and a heart," Anya said. "Then she started babbling about flowers."
"So what was she talking about?" Buffy asked. Everyone looked at Spike.
"Why are you all looking at me?" Spike asked, annoyed.
"Because you were with that lunatic for over a hundred years. Don't you know how to translate her ramblings into English?" Buffy said.
"Sometimes," Spike said. "It's hard to tell what the bloody hell she's talking about. The only part that made any kind of sense is when she talked about the brain and heart."
"Yeah what was that about?" Xander asked. His and Anya's argument was forgotten for the moment but both of them knew that once they were alone it would resurface.
"She was talking about her army," Spike explained.
"Of course," Anya said. "Why didn't I figure it myself?"
"Vengeance demons aren't used for this," Spike explained. "At least not normally."
"Used for what?" Willow asked.
"Demon armies," Spike explained. "Aren't based on strength. They're made up of different demons playing different roles. From what I saw she has 4 Feral demons recruited to be the muscle of the army. She's hired some Defels to be the eyes and ears. She's hired a whole slew of demons to be the different parts of her army. She just doesn't have the demons worthy enough to be the brains and heart of the army."
"Who would she chose for that?" Willow asked. "Vampires?"
Spike shook his head, "Any demon smart enough to be the brain of an army would take control of it from Dru. She might be crazy but she's too smart to let anyone smarter than her be the brains."
"So she's looking for a demon that will take orders but it smart enough to improvise when it needs to," Anya guessed.
Spike nodded, "And for the heart she needs someone to fuel the army into doing what she wants them to do."
"What's that?" Dawn asked.
"I don't know," Spike said. He looked at Buffy and Anya. Dru had had some kind of vision and it had to do with the both of them. He just wondered what it had meant. Whatever it meant, it couldn't be something good.
"You didn't pick up any kind of information while you were with them?" Buffy asked. "About exactly what this army's for?"
"I just know that she wants to open the Hellmouth and she's being helped by those wankers, " Spike said. He looked down at Buffy, who was stretched out in a now familiar position with her head resting in his lap. "They're the ones who are after the two of you. Dru's paying more attention to her army."
"Why does she want to open the Hellmouth in the first place?" Xander wondered. "I mean she's insane but she never tried anything like that before."
"No," Spike agreed. "We preferred other forms of ending the world, the Judge, Acaltha."
"Right," Buffy said. "And look how great they turned out. What's going to happen when she tries to open the Hellmouth."
"Something we have to stop," Willow said.
"She saw something tonight else tonight too," Buffy pointed out. "What was that?"
"I don't know," Spike insisted.
"She was looking at me and Buffy," Anya pointed out. "Does that mean anything?"
"Could," Spike allowed. He wasn't going to say anything more until he figured out exactly what Drusilla had seen. "Never can tell with Dru's visions."
"Hey," Dawn said. "I just thought of something. If we can keep her from putting her army together than she won't be able to open the Hellmouth."
"Sorry Bit," Spike said. "But all she needs is the ritual performed at the right time."
"Then why is she creating this army in the first place?" Willow asked. "If all she needs is the ritual and why is she working with the Trio?"
"Who knows when it comes to Drusilla," Buffy said. She had a feeling that Spike knew more than he was saying. She just hoped he said what he knew before it was too late.
Dawn yawned and stretched, "Well I'm going to bed, night all." She stood up and went upstairs.
"We should get going too," Xander said. "It's late and we have to work tomorrow." He stood up and looked at Anya, waiting for her to stand up and go with him.
Anya glared at him. She was still angry with him but she stood up, "Fine, we'll go home but," She warned. "We're not having sex tonight." Then she stormed out, followed by Xander.
Everyone looked after them. There were a few awkward moments and then Willow and Tara stood up and went to bed, leaving Buffy and Spike downstairs.
"I'm going to bed too," Buffy said. "You coming?"
Spike hesitated. She was actually inviting him into her bed. He was making excellent progress but he also had to check on a few things tonight. He leaned over and kissed her, "Have to take care of a few things, luv."
"What things?" Buffy asked suspiciously.
"Nothing for you to worry about," Spike assured her. "I'll be back before you know it." Then he walked out, leaving Buffy to turn off the lights and go upstairs.
Spike hurried down the street until he reached his crypt. The last time he'd been there he'd been with Buffy so he hadn't been able to check out how the cats were doing. He opened the door and saw that the T.V. was on.
"Hey," said Clem poping up from the couch he'd hauled in. "How're you doing?" He studied Spike for a minute. "You remember who I am right?"
"Yes," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "I know who you are." He gestured to the TV, "What the bloody hell are you watching?"
"Noting Hill," Clem said. "Thought you'd like it. There's even a guy named Spike in it."
"Seen it," Spike said. He'd watched it with Buffy one evening. She's been especially hormonal that evening and had cried through half of the movie. "And that wanker is an insult to the name."
Clem shrugged and passed the bucket of wings to Spike who had sat down next to him on the couch. "Crypt looks good," Spike said.
"Yeah, I'm pretty much living here," Clem said. "This place is a lot better than mine."
"Cats giving you any trouble?" Spike asked.
"No, I just feed them and let them live their own life."
"Well you don't have to worry about them anymore," Spike said. "I'm going to take them back with me tonight. They're going to live in the basement from now on."
"The Slayer know about that?" Clem asked.
Spike shrugged, "I'm the vampire of the house. I say what goes and what stays. No one tells me what to do."
"She must not know."
"Not yet," Spike said. "But by the time she figures out that they're living in the basement the kittens will already have been born and I'll be making money from them."
"Isn't she the one who set them free that one time," Clem pointed out.
"She was drunk," Spike pointed out. He thought for a minute. If Buffy really objected to what the kittens were going to be used for than he'd bring them back to the crypt to live.
"Yeah but." Clem said.
"I've got it covered," Spike said. Buffy wouldn't mind him selling kittens, after all it was to provide for her, their son, and Dawn.
"Oh," Clem said, inhaling a handful of pork rinds. "I saw your crazy ex the other day."
"Dru?" Spike asked.
"Who else," Clem wondered. "I thought she was your one and only for a century."
"Mainly," Spike agreed. If you didn't count the times he and Angulus had traded Dru and Darla around or the occasional times he'd play with his food. Then there had been that nightmare Harmony and even before them there had been Cecily A.K.A Halfrek. "So what was Dru up to?"
"I don't know," Clem admitted. "I didn't stick around to talk, you know. She's scary."
"Wait until you get to know her," Spike said. "Then she's terrifying." He grabbed the bag of pork rinds from Clem. "I saw her tonight."
"And she didn't try to kill you again," Clem look impressed. "I thought she wanted you dead."
"No," Spike explained. "She wants us to get back together and destroy the world."
"So she poisoned you and nearly killed you?" Clem said.
"Right," Spike said.
Clem took his pork rinds back, "Weird way to show you care but whatever works."
"That's how I got her back last time," Spike said.
"Remind me never to get involved with a vampire," Clem said.
Spike stood up. "Humans and demons relations are all the same and since I'm the only one of us in one I'd better grab the cats and get home." He headed down to the lower level of his crypt and went to where he had been hiding the cats. After gathering their things he hurried back to the house.
Meanwhile back in the crypt a figure curled up next to Clem on the couch, "I though he'd never leave." She looked up at him. "Think he suspects anything?"
"No," Clem said. "He doesn't have any idea. Want me to rewind the movie?"