Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot would like to inform Mr. Prongs that he has a weird looking mouth.
Love,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs is mortally offended and would like to know what inspired Mr. Padfoot to write such a cruel and heartless note.
Deeply Hurt,
Mr. Prongs
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot felt that it would be in Mr. Prongs best interest to inform him of the misfortune of having a weird looking mouth. Mr. Prongs may feel free to thank Mr. Padfoot.
Most Happy to be of Service,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs will most certainly not thank Mr. Padfoot. In fact, Mr. Prongs will be devoting the rest of the class period to pointing out all of Mr. Padfoot's countless flaws.
Seeking Revenge,
Mr. Prongs
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot fears Mr. Prongs is dreadfully mistaken. Mr. Padfoot, as he is sure Mr. Prongs is well aware, has no flaws.
Perfectly,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs would like to note that Mr. Padfoot is an arrogant, self-centered git. Mr. Prongs would also like to present Mr. Padfoot with a well-thought out list.
1) Mr. Padfoot is too loud.
2) Mr. Padfoot takes too long in the shower.
3) Mr. Padfoot primps like a girl every morning before breakfast.
4) Mr. Padfoot is annoying.
5) Mr. Padfoot's feet are absolutely grotesque.
6) Mr. Padfoot eats more than Messrs. Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail combined.
7) Mr. Padfoot thinks he is good looking.
8) Mr. Padfoot is tone deaf.
9) Mr. Padfoot is mean to first years.
10) Mr. Padfoot had FLEAS.
Mr. Prongs rests his case.
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot has reviewed the list presented to him by Mr. Prongs and would like to get a few things off his chest. Before he gets started, Mr. Padfoot would like to congratulate Mr. Prongs on his ability to count to 10 correctly. Mr. Padfoot is highly impressed. Next, Mr. Padfoot would like to say that Mr. Prongs is very rude and obviously quite foolish to write such things about Mr. Padfoot.
1) Mr. Padfoot is too loud. (Mr. Prongs has no room to talk)
2) Mr. Padfoot takes too long in the shower. (Mr. Padfoot at least does not smell like a stag)
3) Mr. Padfoot primps like a girl every morning before breakfast. (Mr. Padfoot is not a girl, though he is not willing to pull his pants down to prove it)
4) Mr. Padfoot is annoying. (Well…Mr. Padfoot can not deny this, given that Messrs. Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail all have to live with him)
5) Mr. Padfoot's feet are absolutely grotesque. (Mr. Padfoot has pretty feet)
6) Mr. Padfoot eats more than Messrs. Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail combined. (Mr. Padfoot is a growing boy and needs his nutrition)
7) Mr. Padfoot thinks he is good looking. (Mr. Padfoot IS good looking!)
8) Mr. Padfoot is tone deaf. (Mr. Padfoot has a lovely singing voice)
9) Mr. Padfoot is mean to first years. (Mr. Prongs ENSLAVED first years)
10) Mr. Padfoot had FLEAS. (Mr. Padfoot courteously tells Mr. Prongs to shut his ugly face and that the flea incident concerning Mr. Padfoot is never to be spoken nor written of again)
Mr. Padfoot hopes that Mr. Prongs will enjoy his commentary and now presents Mr. Prongs with a small composition of Mr. Padfoot's own.
1) Mr. Prongs is gross.
2) Mr. Prongs is a romantic, nausea-inducing SAP.
3) Mr. Prongs starts to drool whenever he hears the words "Lily" and "Evans."
4) Mr. Prongs still has not beaten Mr. Padfoot's detention record.
5) Mr. Prongs has messy hair.
6) Mr. Prongs has a rather large facial discretion on his right cheek.
7) Mr. Prongs gets grumpy when he doesn't get to bed on time.
8) Mr. Prongs has the attention span of a dead beetle.
9) Mr. Prongs smells funny.
10) Mr. Prongs can not think of Quidditch without jumping around the room like a two-year-old monkey.
Proud of his List,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs hates Mr. Padfoot.
Loathingly,
Mr. Prongs
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot would like to express his sincerest disappointment that Mr. Prongs did not comment on Mr. Padfoot's brilliant list. Mr. Padfoot sees this as a great insult.
Sadly,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs is glad that he insulted Mr. Padfoot.
Ha.
Mr. Prongs
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot will cry if Mr. Prongs does not comment on his list.
Tearfully,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs respectfully tells Mr. Padfoot that he is a pathetic little puppy and grudgingly agrees to comment on his list.
1) Mr. Prongs is gross. (Mr. Prongs is not the one who had bugs living on his body)
2) Mr. Prongs is a romantic, nausea-inducing SAP. (Mr. Prongs is dating the most wonderful girl in the WORLD!)
3) Mr. Prongs starts to drool whenever he hears the words "Lily" and "Evans." (See previous comment)
4) Mr. Prongs still has not beaten Mr. Padfoot's detention record. (Mr. Prongs only needs 7 more detentions to beat Mr. Padfoot)
5) Mr. Prongs has messy hair. (Miss Lily says Mr. Prongs has cute hair)
6) Mr. Prongs has a rather large facial discretion on his right cheek. (Mr. Prongs wishes that Mr. Padfoot had not pointed this out. Mr. Prongs' self esteem has just dropped 10 points)
7) Mr. Prongs gets grumpy when he doesn't get to bed on time. (Mr. Prongs likes his sleep and does not appreciate when the three stupid prats with whom he shares a room decide to exercise their already overused vocal chords when it is time for bed)
8) Mr. Prongs has the attention span of a dead beetle. (Mr. Prongs' attention span is longer than that of Mr. Padfoot)
9) Mr. Prongs smells funny. (Mr. Padfoot is misinformed. Mr. Prongs' nose works just fine)
10) Mr. Prongs can not think of Quidditch without jumping around the room like a two-year-old monkey. (Mr. Prongs believes that there are worse animals to which he could be compared)
Dreaming of Miss Lily and Quidditch,
Mr. Prongs.
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot is happy that Mr. Prongs always does what Mr. Padfoot tells him to do and thanks him for his interesting yet inferior point of view.
Master of the World,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs does not do everything Mr. Padfoot tells him to do. Mr. Prongs lives to spite Mr. Padfoot and loves nothing more than not doing what Mr. Padfoot tells him to do.
Of His Own Free Will,
Mr. Prongs.
Dear Mr. Prongs:
Mr. Padfoot respects Mr. Prongs' right to believe whatever he so chooses and would like to inquire, if Mr. Prongs lives to spite Mr. Padfoot, why he still does everything Mr. Padfoot tells him to do.
He Who Always Wins,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs profoundly wishes Mr. Padfoot would shut up.
Wondering Why He Hangs Out With Mr. Padfoot,
Mr. Prongs.
Dear Mr. Moony:
Mr. Padfoot would like to know what is going on in the fine life of Mr. Moony. Mr. Prongs is being himself.
Love,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Moony would like to know how many times he has had to tell Mr. Padfoot that Mr. Moony has to pay attention in Potions or else he will fail. Mr. Moony also wonders what Mr. Padfoot means by, "Mr. Prongs is being himself."
Curiously,
Mr. Moony.
Dear Mr. Moony:
Mr. Padfoot apologizes for interrupting Mr. Moony's precious study time. Mr. Padfoot would like to inform Mr. Moony that when he said, "Mr. Prongs is being himself," he meant "Mr. Prongs is being a bloody git."
Sincerely,
Mr. Padfoot.
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Moony is not surprised that Mr. Prongs is being himself.
Unfathomed,
Mr. Moony
Dear Mr. Moony:
Mr. Padfoot presents to Mr. Moony a rude and blatantly untrue list written by Mr. Prongs. Mr. Padfoot hopes that Mr. Moony will find it as outrageous as Mr. Padfoot does.
Respectfully,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Mr. Padfoot:
Mr. Prongs would like to point out that Mr. Moony seems to find Mr. Prongs list to be nothing short of true. Mr. Prongs hopes Mr. Padfoot has observed that Mr. Moony is giggling.
Thoroughly Amused,
Mr. Prongs
Dear Mr. Moony:
HOW DARE MR. MOONY GIGGLE! Mr. Padfoot sees nothing remotely amusing about that list of lies!
Feeling Betrayed,
Mr. Padfoot
Dear Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs:
Mr. Moony regrets to inform Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs that the lists composed by both Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs concerning each other are both very true.
Honestly,
Mr. Moony
Dear Mr. Moony:
Mr. Padfoot and Mr. Prongs have settled their differences and have composed a brand new list concerning one Mr. Moony.
Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs sincerely hope that Mr. Moony will enjoy this new piece of literary genius.
1) Mr. Moony is too tidy.
2) Mr. Moony always turns in his homework on time.
3) Mr. Moony thinks that he is more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot.
4) Mr. Moony gives evil glares when he is irked.
5) Mr. Moony eats more chocolate than the Easter Bunny and Mr. Padfoot combined.
6) Mr. Moony often does not share his chocolate with his loving roommates.
7) Mr. Moony has not had half as many detentions as Mr. Prongs or Mr. Padfoot.
8) Mr. Moony swears at people in his sleep.
9) Mr. Moony has long toenails.
10) Mr. Moony sings in the shower when he thinks Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail are not listening.
Mr. Prongs and Mr. Padfoot hope that Mr. Moony enjoys their list and patiently await his commentary.
Love,
Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs
Dear Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs:
Mr. Moony would like to say that Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs are morons and that Mr. Moony is going to fail his Potions exam because of them. Mr. Moony offers his thanks.
1) Mr. Moony is too tidy. (Mr. Moony is never late to class because he knows where all his stuff is)
2) Mr. Moony always turns in his homework on time. (Mr. Moony does not want to fail his classes)
3) Mr. Moony thinks that he is more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot. (Mr. Moony IS more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot)
4) Mr. Moony gives evil glares when he is irked. (Mr. Moony is proud of his evil glares)
5) Mr. Moony eats more chocolate than the Easter Bunny and Mr. Padfoot combined. (Mr. Moony cannot deny this)
6) Mr. Moony often does not share his chocolate with his loving roommates. (Mr. Moony respectfully tells his "loving roommates" that if they want chocolate so badly, they can buy it themselves)
7) Mr. Moony has not had half as many detentions as Mr. Prongs or Mr. Padfoot. (Mr. Moony was not aware that this is a bad thing)
8) Mr. Moony swears at people in his sleep. (Mr. Moony is unaware of what he says)
9) Mr. Moony has long toenails. (Mr. Moony will take care of this problem promptly)
10) Mr. Moony sings in the shower when he thinks Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail are not listening. (Mr. Moony is terribly embarrassed and will never sing in the shower again)
Mr. Moony would like to conclude this session of note passing as it is nearly lunchtime.
Sincerely,
Mr. Moony
Bell