Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, and the plot is loosely based on Lyra Silvertongue's 'Trick Stair', HP D/Hr.

Chapter 3: Banter

"You didn't have to kick quite so hard, Maxie."

"I'll kick you again if you don't shut up."

Silence.

"There's gotta be a way out of this…" Bangs were heard on the door. "Thing."

"Closet, Maxie. For a transgenic, you're not very smart."

Crack

Whimper.

"Maybe now you'll shut up."

"I'm signing you up for anger management classes for your Christmas present."

"I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES."

"I rest my case."

There was the familiar sound of something whooshing through the air, but something – or someone – caught it.

"Let go of my foot."

"No."

"Alec…"

"C'mon, Maxie." The sound of something being removed. "I don't suppose you're ticklish, are you?"

"ALEC, GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF MY FOOT BEFORE I DEEM YOU A EUNUCH FOR THE REST OF YOUR ADULT LIFE."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Watch me."

Click

Darkness.

"It seems as if someone has turned off the light."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Night vision on."

"Oh my god, Alec. I didn't know you were so mature. Would you like a lollipop?"

"Only if it's yours."

A growl.

"Victor, unless you would like to become Victoria, you better shut up."

"But it's so much fun being in a dark closet alone with a short-tempered, aggressive – as in make-you-a-eunuch-and-become-Victoria aggressive – take charge bit-"

"I swear honest to God I will hang you up, quarter you and then for my sadistic pleasure use your bones as decorations and your veins as tinsel for the Manticore Christmas tree and everything that you hold dear will die a painful death."

"That was a truly spectacular run-on sentence, Maxie. And you could have been more imaginative with the whole 'veins as tinsel bit'. You could have used my veins as… Window drapes for example. Or maybe even to tie your shoes with. Or if you truly love Fido, feed them to a rabid dog. I give you: one point for lack of originality."

"Name me one person before me who threatened to do this to you and I will show you originality."

"Well, O.C. said something similar to that."

"She's not exactly in line for a Christmas present from Santa Max at the moment. She doesn't count."

"Now explain this to me, Maxie darling. What does that have to do with the use of my veins?"

"You tell me."

"You brought it up."

"You did."

"No, you did."

There was an uncomfortable silence where the two transgenics merely glared at each other.

"Did!" Max shouted.

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

Hysterical laughter. "I totally agree with you, Maxie. Full heartedly; mind body and soul."

Dark mutterings.

"Why you effing bastard." (This is a PG13 fic after all. Just substitute it for more Max-Like things.)

"Now, now Maxie. Not so much with the swearing."

"I'll show you swearing, you mother-effing-"

Temporary silence with the sound of struggling.

"You do realise you gave me no choice."

"Mbd mmm ment mov mah mauyth."

"What's that, Max? Speak up woman!"

"MBD MMM MENT MOV MAH MAUYTH."

"English, Max. You know, Eeeng-Leeesh. E-N-G-L-I-S-H."

"MRATS MIT."

"Wh- OW! Max!"

"Oh you baby. It was only a small kick."

"Small schmall. I swear I could feel the soldiers retreat in horror. Hell, the whole ARMY scampered."

"Oh, Alec. You poor thing."

"Poor?"

A heated silence filled the closet as Max shimmied straight up to Alec.

"I don't really care about your 'army'."

Max didn't hear the soft exhalation of disappointment as she walked to – and sat down on – a crate filled with parcels.

"You could try and be a little bit more sympathetic."

"You can go back up to Manticore and ol' Deckers and say that he should factor in sympathy for the next generations."

Pause.

"I swear I will be pissing blood for the rest of the week."

"TMI, Alec. TMI."

"Just thought it would squeeze a little bit of emotion from your cold hard stone of a heart."

"This stone's not dribbling."

Another pause.

"Bitch."

"What did you call me?"

"Bitch."

There was the sound of flesh meeting flesh.

Whimper.

"Queen, not bitch. 'For a transgenic you're not very smart'," Max added in a condescending tone.

"That's my line!"

Max stuck out her tongue. "You don't own it."

"And you call me immature. What a brilliant example of maturity, Max. Absolutely stunning."

"I never called you immature. For the record, I called you mature."

"You meant immature."

"No I didn't."

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

A pause.

"This is going to get us nowhere," Alec observed.

"Shut up, Alec."

"No. It's a free country."

"If it's so free, I guess I can do this."

"Oi! No more kicking!"

"Punching?"

"No physical violence allowed, ever!"

"Mental and emotional then."

"Not going to get you nowhere, Maxie."

One line and it was already clear how far this was going.

"Sorry," Max whispered.

"You should be."

Uncomfortable silence.