Keep me Safe from my Trouble and Pain

A Sequel to "Rose Tints my World"

Mr. Majors had never considered himself a "ladies man", but after his most brutal and nearly fatal attack just a few months before, he found himself to be the object of many ladies' attention. Brad seemed to be adjusting nicely to this change, going out almost every night, (and on occasion, staying in, if you catch this narrator's drift).

Brad hadn't seen Janet since he was released from the hospital. He felt liberated by that last visit, somehow re-born. It seemed he was a new man and he had indeed gotten over her, but things, as everyone well knows, are not always as they appear…

"Oh Brad!" The young woman cried out in pleasure. "Oh! Oh yes! YES! OH GOD, YES!" She screamed, reaching her climax. This continued for quite some time. It was pretty common for Brad to have a new girl every night in his bed now. Not that he minded, but it was mostly meaningless sex…Not the commitment he'd always hoped for.

As the thrusting and moaning softened and Brad exited her, he heard the phone in the living room beginning to ring. "Damn it…" He muttered to himself.

"Don't get the phone," The girl lying in his arms said, snuggling closer to him.

"Nikki, I have to…" He replied, kissing her forehead softly. "It might be someone from work or something. Just stay here, okay. This won't take long," He assured, getting up. After slipping on his briefs, he trudged into the living room, wondering who could be calling at this hour.

"Mr. Majors?" The person on the other line asked.

"Yes," Brad replied. "This is Brad Majors…"

"This is Dr. Smith. I know it's a very late hour to be calling and I should hope that I haven't disturbed you, but this news couldn't wait. It has to do with your…problem you've been having…" The doctor said, beating around the bush a bit.

"Oh yes…That…" Brad said, lowly and uncomfortably. The 'problem' that was spoken of was that with his manhood. He'd had a PSA just a week before.

"We have your test results back…Mr. Majors, I'm sorry to inform you that you've got prostate cancer…" The doctor said bluntly, as doctors often do.

The words hit Brad like a bullet. "P-Prostate…cancer!" He asked, a million scenarios running through his worried mind, each one a bit worse than the first.

"Mr. Majors, I'm so sorry…It is treatable though, but I would like you to come in as soon as possible for a meeting about possible treatments. Since we've caught it in its very early stages, there's a lot we can do to treat it," The doctor explained.

"Is tomorrow okay?" Brad asked, anxious to find out what types of treatments he could have for this.

"Yes, tomorrow would be perfect, Mr. Majors. I am truly sorry about all of this. I'll see you tomorrow," The doctor said, then hung up, leaving an awestruck Brad in his wake.

Brad hung up the phone, calmly walking back into the bedroom and sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, not saying a word to his companion, Nikki.

"What's wrong?" The girl asked, sitting up. "Who was that?"

Without a word to Nikki, the situation hit Brad fully, causing him to slowly sob, and then turning into full-blown weeping.

"Bradley!" She exclaimed, pulling the sheet around herself and walking over to him. "What's wrong? What happened? Who was that on the phone?"

"I-It was my doctor…" He said, between cries, trying to hold on to the last bit of his composure. "I-I have cancer…"

Nikki held him for most of the night, comforting Brad as best she could until he fell asleep in her arms.

The next morning Brad awoke to an empty bed and Nikki was no where to be found. 'Another one night stand…God, how can I go on this way?' Brad wondered to himself, about to break down again. He got out of bed and quickly got a shower and got dressed. After running a comb through his brown locks and grabbing his keys from the counter, he was off to the doctor's office.

Brad nervously got into the car and drove over, hands shaking violently as he neared his destination. 'What if there's nothing they can do? Am I going to die?' Brad wondered as he pulled into the parking lot. After turning off the engine to his new sports car, he sat there for a moment, trying to calm himself down and stop himself from crying again.

It was five minutes later before Brad was out of the car. He inhaled the cool, fresh morning air as he walked to the building. Once inside, he hurried to the office and was taken back to the room immediately. The doctor explained his cancer and the possible treatments: chemotherapy or the removal of the prostate in its entirety.

"Brad, the removal of the prostate would be the best choice health wise, as it would ensure that the cancer is completely gone. Though, if you're planning to have a family of your own someday, you could run into a few problems, as you'll be impotent after this procedure," The doctor explained to him.

"Impotent…" Brad muttered, thinking. "Doc, I want to have kids someday…"

"Then maybe the chemo would be the best choice for you. It does come with a lot of risks of its own. The cancer could spread or come back..." The doctor continued on with this for a while, informing Brad that his hair would most likely fall out and he would be weak from the treatments.

"I-I'll do it…" Brad said, reluctantly.

"Mr. Majors, you don't have to decide right this instant…Take the night to—"

"No," Brad said, solemnly. "I don't need more time…I'm going to do the chemo treatments."

"Alright Mr. Majors, if that's what you'd like to do…I'll have the nurse set up your appointments starting tomorrow?"

"Actually, could we start right away?" Brad asked, nervously. "I-I don't want to hesitate on this…"

"I'll see what I can do," The doctor said, leaving the room for a moment.

Brad sat there, nervously waiting for the doctor to come back. '29 years old…God, I'm too young to have this! It's not fair…' Brad thought to himself.

He heard the click of the door, shaking him out of his thoughts of disbelief and anger. The doctor instructed him to come along for his first treatment. Brad sat in the chair apprehensively as the nurse put the needle in his arm to administer the treatment. Sitting there getting the chemo seemed like it took an eternity.

When the treatment was over, Brad felt woozy.

"Just lie down here for a while dear. You can't drive yourself home in this condition. Do you have someone you could call to pick you up and drive you home?" The nurse asked, helping Brad to a bed.

"N-No…I don't…" Brad said, softly.

"Wait…Weren't you engaged to Janet Weiss?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, but that was over a year ago," Brad said. 'A year, 3 months, and two days to be exact…' Brad thought to himself.

"Well, are you two still close? I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you two ended on good terms…O-Or maybe a friend or someone?" The elderly nurse suggested to him.

"No…Janet's planning a wedding now…She doesn't have time to worry about me, nor would I want her to. And I'm not going to tell any of my friends about this either. They've all got too much to worry about…" Brad said, thinking of the few friends he actually had now.

"You're going to do this by yourself? You know once your hair starts to fall out you won't be able to hide it any longer…" The nurse reminded.

"Yes, I know…But there's no need to worry them now about it. I mean, that won't even begin to happen for a while, will it?" Brad asked.

"Well, it differs from person to person. Your hair could start falling out as soon as after the next few treatments…" The nurse explained, studying his chart.

"Then that's at least two more weeks of people thinking I'm fine…" Brad simply said.

"You live on 3rd Avenue?" The nurse suddenly asked, looking up from his chart.

"Y-Yes, I do…Why do you ask?" Brad wondered.

"I live on that street too…Just a few blocks from you actually. I-If you'd like, I can take you to your treatments and bring you home." The nurse offered kindly.

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" Brad asked.

"No, of course not, I'm going to be coming here anyway…I can come and pick you up on my break and then take you back when I get off work…I'm due to get off in a few more minutes now, if you'd like me to drive you home," She said.

"Thank you very much Ms…?"

"Mrs. Lochlin," The elderly nurse replied. "You can call me Abby."
"Well, thank you very much, Abby. You're truly a lifesaver…" Brad said, with a smile.

Abby Lochlin was a small, sweet woman with a kind face and an even kinder heart. She was about thirty years Brad's elder, he guessed, and came pretty close in doing so. She had wrinkled, soft features that suggested she had been a heartbreaker in her day. Her hair was mostly dark blonde, though patches of gray could be found. Her eyes were a sage green shade, though hints of brown and flecks of gold were apparent.

Soon Abby was off work and she was escorting Brad out to her small station wagon, not much different than one Brad had previously owned a year before. The ride to Brad's was nice to him. He hadn't really fancied himself to have that many friends, nor had he opened up to any of them as much as he had with Abby, whom he'd only met hours before. She seemed like someone who would listen to his many problems and woes and offer her wisdom with the least amount of judgment Brad could ever hope for. She had a motherly tenderness to her and Brad wondered if she had kids of her own, though didn't want to pry.

Over the next few weeks, Brad continued with the treatments and his rendezvous with Abby. Keeping his illness well hidden from his co-workers and the general population of Denton was a hard task, though he seemed to be accomplishing it very well…That is, until his hair began to fall out.

It was the third week before the loss was actually beginning to become apparent. When the first large patch on his head was hairless, he knew it was time to tell his co-workers and scarce friends. He knew it wouldn't be easy to break it to them, but he hoped that it'd be painless. If he could survive the chemo they were putting into him, he could survive this.

Taking them aside, Brad decided, would be too lengthy, so he chose to call a meeting in the conference room. The quicker this was over with, the better.

Once everyone was present, Brad presented the speech to them that he'd practiced in his bedroom the night before. Well, not the exact speech, as he found it was much more emotional to actually have an audience other than an armoire. Tears began to flow not only from his co-workers, but from he as well. It was harder than he thought. After telling them about his treatments and what he'd been going through, there were hugs galore, all in support of him.

After leaving work and his chemo behind for the day, Brad finally arrived home earlier than usual. Slumping in a chair in his bland home, he sighed, knowing what he'd have to do next. He took off his suit jacket, which cost a pretty penny, and laid it across the couch. Tiredly, he walked up to his master bathroom, which adjoined to his bedroom. Pushing away the thoughts that urged him just to pass out for the night on the inviting bed, Brad went into the bathroom and took off his shirt and tie, laying them in the hamper. Then he opened the cabinet behind his mirror, taking out the pair of clippers that lay beside the band aids, rubbing alcohol, and various toiletries. He sat them down on the sink, plugging them into the socket on the wall.

Brad glanced at himself in the mirror and chuckled a bit. Aside from the bags under his royal blue eyes and the noticeably bald patch of scalp, he didn't look all that different from his healthier days; though that was about to suddenly change. Running his fingers through his dark brown locks one last time and ending up with a handful of hair in his hand he sighed, knowing it had to be done. Taking the clippers from the sink, he turned them on. The buzz filled the silent room, cutting through the fragile air and putting an end to the deafening silence. Brad held his hair back as he brought the clippers to his head, finally making contact. Brown hair began to fall to the cold, tile floor unceremoniously.

Ten minutes later, Brad had completed his task, his hair scattered on the floor. He dare not look in the mirror, but he hurriedly cleaned up the tresses on the floor and then stripped the rest of the way to take a relaxing shower. The water seemed to calm his nerves and wash away more than just the leftover hair. This was a new beginning of sorts. If he could beat this cancer, Brad was sure he could do anything.

After getting out of the shower and drying himself off, Brad dressed in his pjs, headed off to bed. He tried his best to fall asleep quickly, and though his tired body wanted to, his mind wouldn't let him. Memories of his high school days, when he was truly happy, began flooding back to him. He sighed aloud, thinking of his sweet Janet, finally admitting to himself that he was still in love with her. He thought of his life now, just going from treatment to treatment, no real companionship or strong relationships in his life. He realized the long-ignored need for a real commitment and how he so desperately wanted to settle down and have a child. The one-night stands just weren't cutting it for Brad.

After many hours of tossing and turning, Brad finally got to sleep only to have the alarm go off. Clinging to the pillow and hitting the 'snooze' button to grasp onto just a few more minutes of the nocturnal bliss known as sleep, Brad couldn't help but realize it was a futile effort on his part. He got up out of bed, stretching his sore body. Walking over to his closet, he took out a suit then got a pressed white shirt. After choosing a red tie and getting all of his other necessities from various drawers, he walked sleepily into the bathroom. Glancing towards the mirror, he had to do a double-take, almost causing him to drop all of the clothes and towels in his hands. He laid them down, running a hand over his head. It would indeed take some getting used to.

After taking another shower and getting dressed, Brad put away his comb, laying it beside the clippers in the cabinet. He wouldn't need it for a while. He tied his tie, trying his best not to look at himself in the mirror. He couldn't believe how different he looked. 'God, I couldn't get a one-night stand if I tried now…' Brad thought to himself. 'Maybe I should start shining my head or something?' Brad wondered jokingly to himself. He chuckled at the thought, the first smile that had come to his mouth in some time.

On a more serious note, Brad knew he had to get to work on time, even if he was sick. Grabbing his keys from the nightstand, he rushed downstairs and quickly gulped down some orange juice for breakfast. Then, briefcase in hand, he was out the door and into the car. He was anxious to see his co-workers' reactions to his 'new look', as some would call it. Not that he cared, but he didn't want to draw any attention.

Once to work, Brad got a few stares and heard a few whispers as he passed other cubicles to get to his office. He quickened his walking pace, trying to avoid the eyes that were burning into him. Finally getting settled inside his office, he quickly tried to busy himself with work, though couldn't help but notice the array of people passing by his door, some that normally never did. After about everyone in the office had walked past his, he decided he'd had enough. 'Guess I'm going to have to deal with this too if we're ever going to get any work done around here…' He thought to himself, putting down the files he was working on and standing up. He walked to the door and opened it, walking out into the cubicle areas. "Alright, I've had about enough of being looked at like I'm an animal in the damn zoo! You want to see me? Go ahead, I'm right here, but please don't treat me like I'm some sort of freak! I'm still the same damn boring guy you all used to know! Now, I'd appreciate it if you'd all just get back to work!" He said, bitterly as he went into his office and shut the door and blinds, wanting to be left alone. He put his head in his hands, taking a deep breath, wishing just to be able to go home and crawl back into bed until the cancer went away.

As Brad delved back into his work, the remaining office hours seemed to pass rather quickly and uneventfully, though he still, of course, wasn't feeling up to par. After the little outburst he had, none of the co-workers bothered him for the rest of the day. Brad left the office swiftly and hurried to make his treatment, in which Abby would drive him home from. Abby was becoming a great friend, and though Brad was grateful for her companionship, he still wanted a real relationship with people his age…Not just a pity-friendship by a kind elderly lady who felt bad for him.

"Bradley! I didn't know you were going to do that yet!" Abby said, upon seeing him.

Brad smiled at her. "Yes, well I thought it was time…" Brad said, softly.

"Well, it'll grow back in no time! Believe me, I see a lot of patients…And your treatments are almost over," Abby said cheerily, as she was giving him his chemo. They talked for a long while more on a few lighter subjects. It made Brad feel a lot more secure about everything when he talked to the motherly-like Abby. Almost like everything would work out and eventually be okay. But, Brad knew he shouldn't get ahead of himself in thinking that.

After the treatment, Abby took Brad home and he immediately fell asleep on the couch. The treatments were getting to him. After about three hours sleep, he awoke to feeling horrible pain. Getting up wearily and searching the house, Brad couldn't find any painkillers in the house. He had to go out. After putting on his coat, he decided to walk to the drugstore. He wasn't getting as much exercise since the chemo anyway and knew he needed it.

The drugstore was only a few blocks away from his house. Brad was quickly there and got the pills he needed. Walking out of the store, a million things raced in his mind and he didn't even see the girl who walked right into him.

"I-I'm sorry," She said, kneeling to pick up the mess of things she dropped. She tucked a blonde curl behind her ear.

"J-Janet!" Brad asked, kneeling down to help her.

"Oh my GOD!" She exclaimed, finally getting a good look at him. "Brad, I-I didn't recognize you…Y-You look so…different…" She said, trying to be polite.

Brad half-smiled at her, their eyes locked on one another. "A lot's happened since we last saw each other…"

"Do you want to go get a cup of coffee or something?" Janet suggested, her things now in her hands. "I'd like to catch up with you if you've got the time."

"Sure…I've got all the time in the world."

They walked to a little café and got a table near the back. After getting settled and ordering, they began to talk.

"Brad," Janet began, a bit awkwardly. "In all the years I've known you, I never knew you to like a look like…that…" She said, without thinking.

Brad laughed, truly laughed, for the time since his diagnosis. He figured by now that the news of his illness would have been all over Denton by now. Though considering he didn't have a lot of friends, he understood that to be the reason why it wasn't. "Janet," He said, his laugher now subdued, "I have cancer."

"W-What! CANCER!" Janet said, startled, then she lowered her voice after getting looks from just about everyone in the shop. "Cancer? Brad why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her voice softer now.

"Janet, we've not been close for a long time, I didn't want to just butt back into your life with something like this. It's not important."

"NOT…" Janet caught herself once more and hushed her voice. "Not important? Brad Majors, you mean everything to me!" Janet blurted out.

"Janet, please don't do this…" Brad said. "I-I can't go through this right now… I don't want you to feel sorry for me because of my illness."

"Brad, I'm not…I've missed you ever since I saw you in the hospital a few months ago. God, I felt so horrible about what I told you in that bar that night…Heck, I broke it off with Ronnie because…N-Never mind…" She said, trailing off.

"You broke up with him? Janet, you seemed happy with him-"

"That's just it…I seemed happy to everyone with him…But I wasn't Brad. I-I missed you…And I'm sure I've lost my chance now…" She said softly.

Brad shook his head. "Janet, I love you…I never stopped loving you…But we're no good for each other. It'll never work. We didn't work before…And you said it yourself, you were never in love with me…"

"But I was LYING, Brad! I lied and I'm sorry… I do love you…Please…I-I'm so sorry…" She said, taking his hand in hers. Her big, brown eyes were quickly filling with tears though she dare not break their gaze from his. "Brad, I love you more than anything…" She whispered softly to him.

"I love you too…Come on…Let's get out of here, I know someplace we can go…" He said, leading her out of the coffee shop before they were asked to leave. They walked to his home, both just wanting to talk to one another without interruption. Finally, after settling on Brad's cozy couch, they resumed their conversation.

"Oh Brad…I-I had no idea you were sick… If you don't mind my asking…What type of cancer is it?"

"It's prostate cancer, Janet…" Brad said softly.

Janet sat there for a moment, shocked. "Prostate… Brad why are you having chemo? Couldn't they just take that out?" Janet asked.

"Well…They could…But I wouldn't be able to have kids if they did…And I-I really want to be a father someday…" Brad admitted.

"Really now…" Janet said, a grin coming to her face. "Mr. Majors, let's go make a baby…"

"What!"

"You heard me… I love you…And I want to make love to you…" She said, gently pulling him by his tie to his bedroom.

The sex they had was amazing. Better than any one-night stand Brad had had or any muscle man Janet did. It was like nothing else had mattered but the two of them in those precious moments of love. They were officially back together.

Over the next few months, Janet and Brad grew closer and it seemed Brad's cancer was going into remission. His treatments were no longer needed and his hair, which had been previously a rich brown shade, was now growing in gray. It wasn't something the now 30 year old Brad fancied, but he was dealing quite nicely, as Janet didn't seem to mind it at all. He'd also grown a bit of a beard, which Janet wasn't quite as fond of, as it made Brad look older than he was.

"Janet sweetie…C-Could we talk for a while?" Brad asked, 4 months after they'd gotten back together.

"Sure baby, what's on your mind?" She asked, crossing over to him and sitting next to him.

"Well… I-I've got something to say…Y-You see…Damn it Janet…I love you and…" Brad trailed off, getting down on one knee and pulling out a ring box, "I want you to be my wife…Will you marry me?"

"Oh Brad!" Janet exclaimed, almost in tears. "O-Of course I will! But there's something you must know…" She said, as Brad slipped the ring on her finger.

"What's that honey?"

"I'm 2 and ½ months pregnant!" She exclaimed.

"What! Oh my God…Honey that's great!" Brad exclaimed, getting up and hugging her gently.

"Really? You're not angry at me for not mentioning it? I mean…I was just sort of scared, you know? About your reaction to it…"

"Sweetie, I can't wait to be a dad! Oh my God…This is amazing! Do you know what it'll be yet?" Brad asked.

"Well…I have that appointment this afternoon…I was hoping you'd come with me…" Janet said, grinning.

"Great honey…I can't wait!" Brad said, excitedly.

Janet smiled and kissed him sweetly. She put a hand to his beard-like growth. "Honey…I love you…But please shave…" She joked.

"Alright, I will right now," He said, willing to do anything that made her happy.

"Baby, it was a joke…" Janet said, giggling. "I love you if you have a beard or not…"

"Well, I know you hate it honey…"

"So? If it makes you happy, the more power to ya!" Janet said, smiling.

"You're sure?" Brad asked.

"Of course, Brad darling!" She said, kissing him again. "See, you'll still get your kisses…" She giggled.

Brad smiled at her, though just a few hours later, he'd shave for her.

Six years later, Brad and Janet's little daughter Brittany was wandering about the house, waiting for her daddy to get back from what she thought was work.

"Mommmmmmmmy!" She whined, tugging at Janet's pale pink dress. "When's Daddy gonna come home? He's been gone all day!"

"Brit, he's at work, you know that," Janet lied, trying her best to mask her emotions from the girl. She picked her up, setting her on her lap and pushing one of Brittany's brown curls from her face, the same shade Brad's had been before going salt-and-pepper. She hugged her tightly and almost began to cry, though stopped herself before any tears would fall. She couldn't let her daughter know what was going on. She was too young.

Just then the door opened and Brad walked in, fake smile already on his face. He wasn't going to let his guard down around his precious daughter either. "Sweetie!" Brad called, shutting the door, "I'm home!"

"DADDY!" Brittany exclaimed, hopping a good 4 feet from Janet's lap and running over to him. She clung to his leg before Brad picked her up and began to carry her. "Can we play dollies? OH! Wanna see my picture I drew? Mommy said it was purrdy and she hunged it up on da fridge!"

Brad smiled at her. "Here in a few minutes, honey…Mommy and Daddy need to talk alone…Okay?" Brad said.

"OKAY!" Brittany said. "I'll go set up the playhouse and you can come in after you're done!" She exclaimed as he put her down and she seemed to have ran off.

After Brad thought she was out of earshot, he sat down with Janet.

"Well?" Janet asked, nervously.

"It's positive. The cancer's back." Brad said, grimly.

"Oh God…God, Brad no!" Janet said, beginning to cry. She clung to him tightly, afraid to let go.

"Shh…It'll be alright… I'll be fine," He said, holding her close, feeling her shaking against him.

"Brad, I-I can't lose you! What if something happens to you! Brad, what if you die! HUH? What then? And what about Brittany! What are we going to tell her?" Janet asked, freaking out.

Brittany, whom had been listening to the whole thing, walked into the room, about to cry. "Daddy's dying?" She asked, her big brown eyes welling up with tears.

Both Brad and Janet were stunned to see their little girl and even more stunned that she'd overheard them.

"Sweetheart, t-that's not-"

"You're going to leave me, aren't you? Just like my friend Bobby's mommy did! You got that cancer stuffs! You're going to die and I'll never see you again!" The little girl yelled, sobbing harder than any six year old should.

Brad walked over to her and picked her up, cradling her in his arms gently. "Shhh…I love you and I'm not going anywhere," Brad said, tears filling his own eyes. He hated that his daughter had to find out this way. He'd tried so hard to protect her, to keep her safe from the troubles and pains of the world and now, he himself had just caused her the greatest pain she'd yet experienced.

"Daddy, please don't leave me…" Brittany managed to choke out; clinging to him like both their lives depended on it.

"I won't…I never will, honey," Brad tried to assure her, though he knew that was a complete lie. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what,"

"But the cancer! Bobby's mommy had it and she died!"

"Sweetie, she had a different kind than mine is…Hers was in her chest," He said, meaning breast cancer, "Mine's in another place."

"Where?" Brittany questioned, still crying, though not quite as hard as before.

'All over,' Brad wanted to say, though he refrained, as it wouldn't be good for the child, "Don't worry about that honey…I don't want you to worry any about this. Daddy and Mommy are going to take care of it."

"B-But…you promise you're not going to leave me?" Brittany shyly asked.

Brad thought about it for a moment. Could he really promise her that? Could he really assure her that he'd not die from this cancer, which had spread throughout his body? There was a very high chance that the radiation just wasn't going to cut it this time and that Brad was already living on borrowed time. He looked at her, tears running down his face. "I-I promise…" He lied and held his sobbing daughter as his wife looked on, sobbing as well, already knowing the truth. 'I'm giving her false hope…I'm as good as dead in less than six months…God, why this? Why now?' Brad wondered as his whole world fell apart. He knew he wouldn't get to see his little girl grow up or get married. He wouldn't get to see the grandchildren she'd have. He doubted if he'd even make it to her next Christmas.

Earlier that day, when Brittany was under the assumption that Brad was at work, he was at the doctor's office, getting the news. Radiation was hopeless at this point and surgery was completely out of the question… though it hadn't been six years earlier. The doctors told him that if he would have had the initial surgery then, he wouldn't be in this position today…Though he wouldn't have had the beautiful daughter he loved more than anything. The now 36 year old Brad had six months at the very longest, and even Brad knew that was pushing it. He was dying because he'd longed for a family and gotten one.

Now, holding his little girl, the both of them crying like never before, he knew that it had been worth it, though he was scared to think of what this would do to her. She was so young, so fragile. She wouldn't be able to handle his death easily, this he knew, but he planned on trying to prepare her for it the best he could.