Hey, so I'm here earlier than expected! I just wanted to get this chapter out of the way. I was so tired the other night that I forgot to put the disclaimer with this. Because I did sort of borrow things from Peyton's confessions
Disclaimer-I don't own anything OTH related. They all belong to Mark Schwan, blah blah. And if I did own them? Oh boy what I would do. The only thing I own is the DVD'd, the soundtrack and Joie's autograph. So please don't sue my broke ass.
Okay so I have to dedicate this chapter to Britney a.k.a TutorGurl because she was as patient as she could be and waited for forever for this chapter...anwyays, hope you all enjoy it.
Haley sat uncomfortably wedged between Bevin and another cheerleader, Noelle, in the back of Theresa's car. Haley couldn't believe herself. She had decided to skip work, without even bothering to call and go to an end of the year party at Duke.
"Are you excited, Tutor Girl?" Theresa asked looking at Haley in the rearview mirror. Haley bit her lip and nervously smiled. "Good, there's going to be tons of hot college guys there for you."
Guys. She couldn't help but squirm in her seat a little bit. "Great," she managed to mumble without the other three looking at her suspiciously.
"You don't mind drugs do you?" Bevin asked from Haley's right, "Noelle's boyfriend, Rick, has got some coke lined up for us."
"Like, coca-cola?" Haley laughed, trying to hide the fear in her voice. The three cheerleaders let out a fake laugh.
"Aw, you're just too cute." Noelle commented from Haley's other side, "but coke as in cocaine. He said he'll have a few lines waiting for us when we get there." Haley's first instinct was to call Brooke and get the hell out of there, but the next sentence out of Noelle's moth changed her mind. "You know Brooke went to a party with us here once last year. She chickened out with the cocaine though."
"She did?" Haley asked, surprised. Here was her chance to prove that she was not the same as Brooke. It was her turn to show them that she was more than just Brooke's little sister. "Don't worry, I won't chicken out."
"Good," the three of them chorused, smirking at each other. Tonight was the night they were going to corrupt Tutor Girl and Brooke was nowhere around to stop them.
About 20 minutes later, the girls had finally arrived at Duke. Haley got of the car nervously and followed the three cheerleaders into the large, over crowded fraternity house. Haley followed Bevin and Theresa into the backroom as Noelle went ahead of them to look for Rick. Haley took a deep breath as she walked into the back room, immediately trying to suppress the gasp that was forming in her mouth. There stood Rick with a menacing grin on his face, happy to see fresh meat.
"Rick, this is Haley," Bevin introduced the two as Rick extended his hand. Haley shook it awkwardly, "this is her first time around drugs so take it easy." Rick laughed and Haley swallowed uncomfortable, watching the others in the room do their lines of coke. She reluctantly sat on the couch and watched as Rick made a line on a blank CD.
"We'll start you off with one line, then we can go from there." Rick said while handing the CD to Haley. She took it with trembling hands and watched as all eyes turned to her, waiting for her to sniff it.
"Thanks," Haley muttered, staring down at the cocaine. She could see half her face in the uncovered part of the CD. This wasn't her and this wasn't who she wanted to be.
"Come on, Tutor Girl, snort that thing," Theresa taunted from beside her, "I thought you weren't like Brooke."
"I'm not," Haley was quick to say, looking back up at her before looking back down at the drugs. Don't do this, she told herself, hands starting to shake from the nervousness. The whispers in the room seemed to drown out as she stared intensely at the cocaine.
"Haley!" Theresa's voice snapped, bring Haley out of her thoughts. Haley jumped at the yelling, dropping the CD and letting the coke spread across the floor.
"I am so sorry," Haley said frantically, turning away from the 7 or 8 glares she was receiving, " I can just, just pick it up." She bent down and tried to push the drugs onto the CD but was quickly pulled up by Rick.
"What the hell is your problem you little bitch?" He spat at her, pushing her away from him. "You ruined perfectly good cocaine!"
"I'm, sorry," Haley said with fear in her voice. She knew this was a bad idea in the first place. Now she was stuck miles from home with a bunch of drug dealers and crack whores. "I, I should just go."
"You're damn right you should go," Theresa bitched from the couch, "You may not think this, but you are exactly like Brooke." Theresa said, a smile curving at the corner of her lips, "pathetic. It must come with growing up parentless."
Haley tried to ignore the comment and bit her lip in sadness. "Well, I'm just going to go then," she whispered, turning on her heel and heading for the door, ignoring the giggling from behind her.
How could she be so stupid? Thinking those girls were here friends. Brooke was totally right about them and she should have listened to her in the first place. Brooke would kill her if she knew where she was. Peyton had a bad experience at Duke last year and made Haley promise she would never go to a Duke party. But she lied. And now she was stuck without a ride, probably miles and miles away from home. She cursed and fished through her purse for her cell phone. She never even liked purses before the cheer nazi's came along. She dialed the numbers with a shaking hand, praying to god she would be there.
Brooke stretched her legs out across Peyton's couch, making Peyton frown when she came back from the bathroom.
"Well, make yourself at home," Peyton commented, sitting down on the floor and leaning her back against the couch. Brooke giggled and nodded, signaling she was going to. "I'm so bored sitting here. Let's go out and do something."
Brooke shrugged and looked at Peyton before going back to staring at the ceiling. "What do you have in mind, Blondie?"
Peyton rolled her eyes, she only suggested doing something, and she didn't want to be the one to make up the plans. "I don't know, go out? We could call Jake and Lucas and go out on a double date." Brooke laughed bitterly, and swung her legs over the couch, now in a sitting position.
"It would only be the three of us. Lucas and I broke up." Brooke said with no emotion in her voice. She was still pissed off about what Lucas had said to her about Haley and Nathan. Peyton's eyes widened and she put her hand on Brooke's knee. "Yeah, well his loss right? Can you believe the asshole made me choose between him and Haley?"
"He made you choose?" Peyton's mouth fell down in surprise, she had to admit though, she would have guessed Brooke choosing Lucas over Haley. "I'm really sorry, Brooke. I'm here for you." Brooke managed a small smile. Peyton smiled back, suddenly reaching into her pocket as her phone rang. "Hello?"
"Peyton?" Haley's voice shook, she was so relieved Peyton picked up her phone. "Look, before you say anything," she yelled over the loud music, "are you with Brooke?"
"Yeah, why? Where are you I can barely hear you over that music." Peyton said, covering her unoccupied ear with her left hand. Brooke's ears perked up and she leaned in closer to listen.
"Okay, well don't let her know I'm on the phone. I sort of went to a party at Duke with Theresa and Bevin and, and," Haley started to say, but was soon cute off by Peyton's voice.
"DUKE!" Peyton yelled, making Brooke jump in her seat. Brooke lent in again but Peyton pushed her back onto the couch, getting up to her feet. Peyton looked at Brooke and then looked away, knowing Brooke would have a heart attack if she knew Haley was at Duke.
"Yeah, and then they tried to get me to do cocaine-"
"COCAINE!" Peyton's voice erupted, making Brooke get up and stare at her straight in the eye.
"Who are you talking to?" Brooke questioned, wondering who the hell was getting Peyton all riled up.
Haley heard Brooke's voice and she froze. "Peyton, please don't tell her it's me. Please? Will you just come and get me?"
Peyton sighed and relented, knowing Brooke would go psycho if she found out that was Haley. "Fine, I'll be there as soon as I can. Just wait outside, okay?"
Haley swallowed hard and nodded her head, "Thank you so much, Peyton. I owe you big time." Peyton snorted, letting her know she did. She hung up the phone and grabbed her coat.
"What was that all about?" Brooke asked for the tenth time, "Who's doing cocaine at Duke?"
"Jake," Peyton said, hating herself for lying to her best friend. But Haley didn't want her to say anything and she wasn't going to break that promise. "He went to a party with some of the guys from the team and they had cocaine there and he felt uncomfortable so he called for a ride home."
"Oh," Brooke's face scrunched up in surprise. She never knew Jake was the party type. He always liked staying at home with Peyton and Jenny, something she wished she could have done with Lucas. "Well, I'll come with you then."
"No," Peyton said quickly, she put her hand up to stop Brooke from coming closer, "No, it's fine. I can go by myself. You can stay here and watch TV." Brooke let out a laugh and shook her head, knowing Peyton was lying through her teeth.
"Peyton, who was on the phone?"
"I told you, Jake," Peyton said, turning away from Brooke's icy glare. Brooke had a knack for telling when you were lying and it drove Peyton nuts. "Okay," she sighed, finally giving in. "Promise not to flip out?"
"Peyton this is me you're talking to," Brooke said putting her hands on her hips. She watched as Peyton put her leather jacket on her and pulled on a curl.
"Exactly," Peyton stated slowly, "that wasn't Jake." Brooke rolled her eyes, it was kind of obvious. "That was Haley."
"What?" Brooke yelled, her tone dropping from her normal cheery voice, to a sharp, cold voice. "She's at Duke?" Peyton nodded as Brooke stormed out the door, "Hurry up!" She called out from behind her, making Peyton shut the door and quickly run to catch up with her.
The ride to the college was silent. Peyton moved her head along to the music and Brooke stared at the window, ready to snap any minute. Peyton decided it was best that she leave Brooke alone, and let her think about this whole Haley situation. She didn't know Brooke was thinking but she figured it was on the lines of raising major hell when they got home.
They finally pulled up to the campus and saw Haley sitting on the stairs, looking scared and lost. Peyton beeped the horn, signaling she was here and Haley jumped at the noise. She smiled thankfully and ran to the car, hopping into the back seat.
"Thank you so much Peyton," She repeated over and over again her smile about to fade when she found out Brooke was there.
"Yeah well don't thank me yet," Peyton mumbled watching as Brooke turned around with the same icy glare on her face from earlier.
"Brooke," Haley choked out, her eyes widening in surprise. "What, what are you doing here?" She shrank back in her seat, dreading facing the wrath known as her sister.
"Shut up and sit there," Brooke snapped, pointing her finger straight at Haley. Haley gulped and did as she was told, waiting for Peyton to drive off. When she did, Haley shifted onto the other side of the backseat, farther away from Brooke as possible.
Peyton didn't even dare say a word. The tension in her car was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Like before, Peyton just nodded along to the music and thanked God she wasn't going to be in the James house tonight. What felt like forever, Peyton finally turned into their driveway and winced as Haley got out and slammed the door shut behind her, Brooke doing the same thing. She drove off, lucky not to be caught in the crossfire.
Haley slammed the front door shut, pissing Brooke off even more. Brooke threw the door open and slammed it shut behind her, making Haley turn around in fear. All she wanted to do was go to bed and avoid this whole thing.
Brooke stood there, shaking her head in disbelief that her sister would do something so stupid. "Cocaine? Jesus Christ Haley! What the hell were you thinking?"
"Don't yell at me! You're the one who almost did it too, so don't you dare call me out on that." Haley yelled back, ready to pick a fight with Brooke. Usually when she fought with Brooke she didn't bother saying a word, but this was different.
"I did not!" Brooke gasped. She hoped Haley didn't find out about her little incident last year. Theresa and her were becoming real close and her rejection towards the drug was what tore them apart.
"You did too. Theresa told me that you chickened out though." Haley said, making Brooke madder by the minute.
"Don't believe a word that bitch says. God, it's like she's brainwashed you into being one of them" Brooke said, throwing her hands up in the air out of frustration. She knew how those girls could be and it killed her to think of Haley becoming one of them. "What the hell is up with you lately?"
"Nothing," Haley snapped rolling her eyes. She had to admit, she wasn't herself but she didn't see anything wrong with that. "What the hell is up with you?"
"Nothing," Brooke mimicked, not believing a word Haley was saying. "You're staying out late, partying, doing drugs!"
"I didn't do drugs!" Haley was quick to defend herself. The last thing she wanted was Brooke thinking she's a crackwhore. "I didn't do them, okay?" She whispered looking down at her feet shyly.
"I don't care if you didn't do them!" Brooke yelled, making Haley quiet, "you're staying out late, hanging out with the wrong crowd and nearly doing drugs. Haley, you're scaring me."
Haley looked up at Brooke for a second and shrugged. "Yeah, well now you know how it feels."
Brooke raised her eyebrow in confusion.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Brooke bitched back defensively. Haley gave her a look as if she knew what she was talking about. "Well go on, I'm waiting."
"Don't you see it?" Haley yelled, almost in tears. Brooke shook her head and waited for Haley to go on. "I'm exactly like you, Brooke. Or how you used to be. Now you know how it feels to be worried sick when you're not home on time or finding out you almost did drugs."
Brooke was silent for a minute before realizing it was all true. She would come home at the wee hours of the morning drunk out of her mind most times. No one was there to stop her so she kept doing it and doing it until Peyton talked some sense into her. It was Peyton that stopped her, not Haley. "Yeah, well if you didn't like the person I was why didn't you try and stop me?"
"Because, Brooke!" Haley yelled, making Brooke jump in shock, "Why the hell would you listen to me anyways? You ignored me in school, you practically pushed me out of your life and when I did try to talk to you, you would tell me to mind my own business."
"Yeah, well you should have tried harder," Brooke snapped, ungrateful for Haley's past attempts at help. "You didn't try hard enough to stop me. I bet you didn't even care."
"Didn't care? Brooke I fucking cared so much that I waited up for you until you got home. Okay? I fucking made sure you got into bed okay and that you didn't get sick all over yourself. I fucking covered for you when Mike got suspicious and I fucking tried to stop you when you lost your virginity to Nathan. But you know what you did all those times?" Haley snapped, not knowing where all this rage was coming from. She was crying now but she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Brooke shook her head, afraid of what Haley's answer would be. "You told me to leave you the fuck alone and that you wanted me out of your life. Every single time you were drunk you told me that."
"I never meant it," Brooke said back in her own defense, practically ignoring the comment about Nathan. "You do stupid things when you're drunk."
"Of course you didn't, you never mean to do anything," Haley muttered under her breath, but it was loud enough for Brooke to hear.
"What the hell do you mean by that?" Brooke commented right back. The two sisters had never got into this type of fight before and both of them were getting angrier by the minute. "Come on, Haley! Spit it out. What else do I never mean to do?"
Haley glared at Brooke and was ready to let her have it. "You might want to sit down, it could take a while." She replied coldly watching Brooke roll her eyes. "You never meant to make fun of me, right? It was all just a big joke to you, wasn't it? It made you feel better about your own insecurities. Make fun of Haley and that will fix everything. Well it might of fixed you, but it broke me. Broke me, Brooke. You know how many times you humiliated me by just simply turning away when we passed each other in the halls? You made me feel worthless, like I wasn't good enough to share the same air as you. I was so sick and tired of people calling me Little Brooke. I'm not like you, but people don't understand that. And you want to know something?"
"What?" Brooke whispered, sitting down on the couch and looking at her feet. She was letting all of Haley's words sink in and she was starting to get tears in her eyes.
"I cried myself to sleep every night," Haley said, more tears welling up in her eyes, "because of you making fun of me. It had nothing to do with Mom and Dad. It was all you, Brooke. I didn't want to say anything because I thought I'd be nice and spare you the heartache. But when you made wisecracks about me, they hurt worse than losing Mom and Dad. When, when you made fun of me in front of your friends, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted a way out of there and taking my own life was the only option I had, Brooke. You drove me to the point where I almost did. You made me feel like I was the worst person in the world and that I didn't deserve to live. But that didn't hurt the most.
"What hurt the most was you coming home and pretending like it was okay. Like you did nothing wrong. But, you did so many things wrong, Brooke. And I let them go. Because I forgave you, because you're my sister. And because you're the only goddamn thing I have left in my life. And when you pushed me away like that, I felt like I had lost you too. And that fucking scared me. Do you know how it feels to be disconnected? Of course not, because you never show your emotions. You don't need to be strong in front of me. I don't need you to act all macho around me. You held me all the times I cried, and I want to do that for you. I want to be there for you when you're upset, because believe it or not, I know how to comfort people. Sometimes I wish, I wish you would just stop babying me."
At that point, Brooke was crying as well. "I'm crying right now, can't you see that? Watch the tears fall down my fucking face. Are you happy to know that I'm not fucking dead inside? I'm not hollow inside, I have a heart that fucking beats and rips to pieces when you cry yourself to sleep at night. Why didn't you just tell me, Haley? I would have done something, I'm not so fucking wrapped up in myself that I wouldn't take the time to change. And to prove to you that I'm not self-absorbed, I broke up with my boyfriend because I chose you over him." Haley did her best to hide the look of shock that appeared on her face. "That's right. I chose you Haley. But right now something tells me that I made the wrong choice. I am so fucking sorry that I take care of you and make sure you're okay. Send me to jail for caring about you.
"Fine, I'll admit it, I was a bitch to you in school, okay? Is that what you want to hear? If you thought it made me feel good making fun of you then you're not so smart. I hated it, Haley, I fucking hated it. I cursed and cursed at myself for doing it to you, but I had to. I had to prove to Theresa and Bevin that I could be mean. And don't ask me why I did it, because I don't have an answer. They told me to do it. And I listened to them. I didn't realize how horrible they are until I realized how much they hurt you. So I tried to get them to lay off of you and as a result I practically lost my captain title and lost two friends."
"I never asked you to go against your 'friends'. It's obvious you would stop at nothing to please them." Haley snapped at Brooke, not believing a word she had said.
"You know what?" Brooke said while raising her hand, "I am not going to have this conversation with you anymore, because you're just going to make me more angrier than I already am. Good night," she spat bitterly, heading for the stairs.
And it's as if the sudden words made Haley change into a different person. "Where are you going?"
Brooke stopped in the middle of the stairs and laughed bitterly, "to bed, where the hell do you think I'm going?" Haley turned away shyly and shrugged. "You're a big girl now, you can go to bed yourself. At least that's what you told me last week."
"I can't," Haley whispered, breaking down in tears. Brooke started to head up the stairs again but stopped when Haley continued. "I can't." She sobbed harder, falling into the couch and curling herself into a ball. "Don't leave me, Brooke."
Brooke heart sank and seeing her sister in that state broke her heart. "What are you talking about?" Haley did her best to regain her composure and sat up so Brooke could sit down next to her.
"I lied, Brooke. I lied. I can't go to sleep without you." Brooke stared at her sister in disbelief, hoping Haley would get on with the story so it could clear things up. "Every night after you went to bed, I snuck into your room and slept on the edge of the bed." Haley stared at Brooke, waiting for her reaction.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Brooke said as kind as possible. She pulled Haley onto her lap and rested Haley's head on her shoulder. Haley sniffled and shifted so she could wrap her arms around Brooke.
"Because," she whispered, "I figured that once in for all I could grow up and get on with my life. But I can't. I need you to tuck me in, I need you there with me because, you make me feel safe and protected. And because it reminds me of when we were little. When you told me you would tuck me in even when mom was home. Now that she's gone, I still trusted you to do it, and you did. And I am grateful for it, Brooke. And it was hard to tell you not to do it, so, so, so, hard. I would just lay awake with Mr. Waffles staring at the ceiling. And sometimes I would put him where you usually sleep and pretend it was you. But it wasn't the same, wasn't the same at all. So in the middle of the night, we would sneak in and sleep with you."
Brooke held Haley tighter and gently rocked her to help stop the tears. "Aw, baby, come here," she suddenly realized her words and tried to look apologetic when Haley looked at her.
"You called me baby," Haley whispered, her voice cracked and it was nasal from the buckets of tears she had cried.
"I know, and I'm really sorry, I just sort of slipped out. I promise I won't call you baby again," Brooke explained quickly. She felt horrible and hoped Haley wouldn't start crying again. She looked confused when a small smile appeared on Haley's face.
"No, don't," Haley said with a bright smile now on her face, "I know I said I didn't want you to call me that, but I like it. It makes me feel loved."
Brooke couldn't help but smile. "Well you are loved, baby." Haley smiled and snuggled in closer, allowing Brooke to rest her head on top of hers.
"I know I am." She tried to suppress a yawn but she was too tired to fight it. "Alright, it's bed time for Haley-bub." Brooke glanced at the clock, not realizing it was that late.
"Okay," she waited for Haley to get up, but she didn't. "You need to get up so I can kind of get up," she pointed out, still waiting for Haley to get up.
"I don't want to," Haley groaned bringing her legs back up that Brooke just knocked down. "Carry me up."
"Yeah, right, I'm not that strong." Brooke teased, resulting in a slap from Haley. "Seriously, get up, my legs are numb."
"I'm not getting up," Haley said, shifting her position so now she was curled up on top of Brooke again. "We can just stay here all night."
"No thanks," Brooke countered, trying to push Haley off of her, "Haley," she groaned, "I'm not carrying you up the stairs!"
"Why not?" Haley asked, trying to put on the sweetest face possible, "I'm your baby, remember? You're supposed to take care of me and do what I say."
"No, that's not how it works. I am not whipped. You cannot whip me. I will not let you whip me," Brooke babbled trying to avoid the pout on Haley's face. That was the pout that got Haley everything she ever wanted in life. "Haley, stop with the face right now. I told you already, I am not carrying you to bed." But Haley pretended to look sad and leaned back into her chest, making Brooke groan and give up. "Fine. But you're getting on my back." Haley squealed and jumped onto the couch, waiting for Brooke to get up. "Hop on, baby," Brooke said unenthusiastically, groaning from the extra weight when Haley hopped on. "If I fall, don't blame me for breaking your back." Haley giggled as Brooke struggled up the stairs, heading for Haley's room. "Now remember to duck down, don't want you to hit your head." Brooke said in a motherly tone, Haley rolled her eyes and did as she was told, yelping as Brooke dropped her on the bed. "Are you happy now?"
"Very," Haley said in the cutest voice she could muster, she crawled to the head of the bead and got underneath the covers. "I think I lost Mr. Waffles."
"Again?" Brooke cried out in disbelief, "we need to chain that thing to you. How you manage to lose him is beyond me. He should be in here, we slept here last night." Haley shrugged and watched as Brooke looked under the bed from him. Haley grinned and pulled him out from the covers, gently smacking Brooke on the head with him. "I found him," she said sweetly, watching Brooke rub her head.
"Great," Brooke mumbled, sitting on the bed, "you're going to bed in your clothes?" Haley yawned and nodded, obviously too tired to change. "Well, if you insist. I'm too tired to change too," she settled into the bed, forgetting all about the light. "Crap, we forgot the light."
"Is Taylor home?" Haley asked, sitting up in bed. Brooke shook her head and Haley frowned. "I'll shut if off, it's the least I can do."
"Yeah, seeing as you nearly broke my back with your fat ass." Haley stuck her tongue out and flicked the light switch off, jumping over Brooke and back into bed. "Ow," Brooke moaned as Haley's foot kicked her in the face, "now you're trying to break my face? Baby, this is not good at all."
"I'm sorry, Brookie," Haley said, leaning over and kissing Brooke on the forehead, "I didn't mean to kick you. I hope you can forgive me." And there was that cute smile again. How could anyone resist that?
"I forgive you," Brooke said with her own cute smile. "I taught you that thing and I can't believe I fall for it still."
"You just can't resist the charm of your little baby sister, huh?" Haley said with a wink while lying back down in the bed, moving closer to Brooke. Brooke put her arm around Haley and Haley moved her head up onto Brooke's shoulder. Just like every night. "I love you, Brooke."
Brooke smiled, but didn't respond. Haley looked up at her in confusion and became nervous when she didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Did I say something wrong?" Haley asked shyly, hoping she didn't offended Brooke.
"No, no, no, baby," Brooke was quickly to correct her. "I'm trying to think of something to say that will match that. But there are no words to describe how much I freaking love you, baby. I love you so much that there are no words to even begin to describe how lucky I am to have you as a sister. There are no words to describe how much you mean to me and there certainly no words, in any language to describe how much I love you. So no matter how many times I say it, it doesn't measure up to half as much as I mean it. " She bent down and kissed Haley on the forehead, realizing Haley was fast asleep. She wasn't sure if she heard her or not, and if she didn't it would give her more time to find the perfect words to describe how much she loved her sister.
Okay, so next chapter I'm taking a break from all this drama, and doing some serious sisterly bonding between the three. Thanks again for the reviews
Kristin