Chapter 6: And the bond between them starts to weaken.
Glossary:
Baka - Idiot
Daijoubu - Are you alright?
Konnichiwa - Hello
Arashiyama - a town in Kyoto
Shikon no Tama - Jewel of Four Souls
"Love and Doubt have never been on speaking terms."
- Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)
If there was anything that he hated most about being a human, it was worry.
Worry was like a big, itchy mosquito bite, constantly reminding him of its presence, no matter how much he wanted to ignore it. And if he scratch it, it would only provide temporary relief while returning back with an even more hateful and vengeful itch. The loathsome thing would slowly, continuously scour his mind in and out, and rub at all his sensitive, sore spots with the exact correct strength, so that he would ache and moan while feeling increasingly, supremely unhappy and unsatisfied.
Vex coupled with anxiety was worse; like a stinging mosquito bite that lingered on for weeks.
"Kagome," Sesshoumaru called out in frustration. She lifted her surprised face and turned to him, "Huh?"
He stared at the half-ate, overripe persimmon in her hands, "If you're not going to eat it, the flies will."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Kagome absentmindedly apologized and took a half-hearted bite at the soft, bright orange fruit.
He fixed her with a analysing, clinical look and wondered what was going in her head; she had been so quiet these two days and he had to admit that he was greatly worried about her. He wondered why love had to go hand in hand with worry, and many other useless, tiresome things that dragged him down and worn him out. He, being a taiyoukai once, had never given much thought to 'love' itself, for the concept of it was elusive and seemingly non-applicable to him. And even when he started to learn to love Rin, she was already dead and he had none of these cloying emotions that stuck onto him like annoying, parasitic leeches.
Wasn't love between a man and a woman, rather simple? Just a matter between two individuals, irregardless whether they were youkai or human?
It was then the Great Sesshoumaru caught himself in the loop of such thoughts. Why, he didn't even had time or effort to think about such things before! The whole incident began to look so absurd and childish that he waved it away and chomped down on another persimmon.
Until his eyes involuntarily reverted back to her, and he let out a long, dramatical sigh in his mind.
He was thoroughly, completely, utterly defeated and... subdued by Kagome. It seemed to him that no amount of acquired wisdom would help at all.
Being a human was tough; few quirks and many drawbacks, he thought and plucked the fruit away from her unmoving fingers, "The monk."
Her eyes moved up to his handsome face, I miss that crescent mark, "What?"
He finished the fruit for her and replied in between chewing, "You are affected by the monk."
"No, it's not that," Kagome smiled, afraid that he might get to her inner thoughts and tried to snatch the fruit back.
He saw the wall she instantly erected with that faked smile of hers, and his heart twanged with hurt, "Come here."
The smile disappeared as fast as it had appeared, and the miko obediently knelt in front of him even though her eyes were fixed on his dirtied boots. He lifted up her chin, with the thought of chiding her, for keeping things from him, for not telling him her fears, for wanting to go through whatever burden she had in her mind, until he saw her eyes.
They looked ashen-gray under the filtered sunlight, and he caught his own reflection in her watery irises, which was glaring back at him.
"Kagome, are you afraid for me?"
She nodded, willing the tears not to fall from her eyes and looked down again. She was not lying; she did not know what the curse entailed, whether it was already completed, why the monk had known her dreams, whether if he knew her secret, her unexplained nightmares, the stranger-child in them, and her own secret which was like a boulder resting on her heart.
So much was going in her mind that she thought she might crumble under the weight of these hefty fears. She was very afraid, not knowing what the future might hold for them and for him if he could become a youkai again. And she dared not tell him, because he was so precious to her, so very precious and very fragile in her eyes that if all of these were a dream, she might lose her sanity and commit suicide.
And Death was indeed crouching nearby, waiting for a chance to welcome both of them into Its embrace.
The fierce look in his eyes dissolved and Sesshoumaru gently gave her cheek a light slap, "Baka."
Kagome looked up in shock; had he just... slapped her? The way she would do to Buyo years ago if he was naughty? But before she could open her mouth to say anything, his lips had swiftly descended upon hers and dazedly, she could taste the persimmon in his mouth.
It was sweet, so sweet and so overwhelming that she felt giddy when he suddenly tore away and looked into her no longer gray eyes.
"I don't care what the monk says."
She blinked, and looked back into his eyes; they were no longer golden, but the piercing, intense, haughty confidence was still there and even though he offered no words of comfort, or promises, she felt a little stronger.
Yes, I can depend on your strength, she let out a tear-streaked smile and nodded her head, and I still believe in fairytales.
He wiped her tears away with his thumb, don't cry, and kissed her again, you need to be strong too.
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Sesshoumaru glared at the person who was blocking his way, "You again."
The monk half-lifted his straw hat and feigned a surprised look, "Ah, again it's the cursed boy with the lovely miko. How envious I am..."
"I didn't know that monks had worldly affections too," he threw a disdainful glance at the covetous monk and resumed his walking when he spoke again.
"It is true that we are supposed to be devoid of all emotions, but honestly, that is not possible for those who have souls right? Even you should know that..."
Sesshoumaru stopped in his tracks, half-frozen by his ambiguous statement and half-alerted by the uncanny tone in his voice, "What are you trying to say?"
The old man put down his basket of collected herbs and turned around, "I am simply stating my envy, that such a man like you can get himself such a wonderful wife... or is she not?"
"It is none of your business," the taiyoukai narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth.
"Oh, it just seems to me so since every night you two seem to enjoy each other-" the monk's words were cut off and he let out a thinned smile at the sword that was resting on his neck. Sesshoumaru was now behind him and his nostrils flared at his insinuation.
"What's your intention on spying us! Say!"
The blade was pressed further into his skin but the monk was not worried at all, for he knew that the blade could not cut. Still as fast as ever eh?
"Calm down boy, I followed because of your curse," the monk replied coolly.
"I suppose dead men won't lie," Sesshoumaru threatened as he took out a small dagger from his obi and took aim at the jugular vein.
The old man's forehead creased, "Don't you want my help? I can lift the curse along with your pretty wife since-"
Sesshoumaru took one non-pitiful look at the collapsed body after he had swiftly lashed the dagger across the vein and jumped away. It would be hard to explain to Kagome if blood got onto his kimono and he gave a final kick to the writhing body before he left. No one would mock or make use of Sesshoumaru, even if he's a human now.
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"Why?"
Kagome took a hesitant step forward, "Who... who are you?"
The child's back stirred, "Me...?"
Kagome swallowed and took another cautious step forward, "Can you tell me?"
The child stopped rocking, "Are you sure?"
She nodded her head.
The child let out an empty, ghostly giggle, "Me? Me? Me?"
Kagome rubbed her cold arms and frowned; the snigger chilled her bones and something felt very wrong to her.
"Me? Me? ME? ME! ME!"
Shivers crawled down her spine and she felt as if her head was clamped between two big rocks; she could not move!
Then the child shrieked.
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In the dead of the night, thick, white defined smoke rose up from the dead monk's body and let out a hissing chortle before it dissipated.
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"Ah!" Kagome sat up right and panted hard. Why had the child screamed? Why did she felt so frightened this time round?
She looked to her left and right; all she could see were the long, weak shadows of the trees and the dying embers of their campfire.
Sesshoumaru was not around.
She quickly got to her feet and called out softly, "Sesshoumaru?"
No one answered.
Kagome could feel perspiration trickling down the sides of her head to her throat, "Sesshoumaru?"
Then she heard the snap of a twig and jumped around like a startled rabbit, to see him standing behind her, with only half of his face visible under the wane moonlight. Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and buried her damp face into his chest, "Oh! Where did you go?"
Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and replied slowly, "What's wrong?"
She shook her head and smiled in relief, "Nothing, nothing in particular."
He smoothed her long hair and closed his eyes, "Are you hiding something from me?"
She felt as if her innards had frozen in that instant he asked, "Why do you say that?"
"I met the monk, he said that you were pretty," Sesshoumaru tried to unclench his teeth.
Kagome let out a silent breath of relief and laughed out loud, "No, I'm not hiding anything, really."
He gave her the benefit of doubt and allowed himself the possibility of misguided folly; she was afterall his Kagome, the one he had put so much of his soul and faith in. She would not betray him, no matter what may happened.
She was all that he had now, and it was the same for her too, he believed.
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"Do you want to see my face?'
Kagome wordlessly shook her head; somehow she was not so sure whether she wanted to see the child's face. All kinds of horrible images and notions rose to her heart and she wished that Sesshoumaru could be by her side in this dream.
"No?"
She bit her lower lip and tried to breathe; somehow the air seemed particularly heavy tonight, as if the child was weighed down with a unnamed burden too.
"Don't you want to know who I am anymore?" The child asked again, even though the rocking actions did not stop.
"I... I... why do you keep appearing in my dreams?" Kagome asked.
"Why? ... Because it is you."
"Me? Why?"
"You, you are powerful," it responded back.
She frowned, "Powerful? I don't understand..."
The child stopped rocking and for a while, the silence was so stifling that Kagome could not help but to wish that the dream would end. It was going nowhere and the child was majorly creeping her out.
"Change. You can change, Kagome."
"Huh?" She wondered why the child sounded so sad, "You know me!"
The child seemed to sigh, and laugh and cry at the same time. Which it was, Kagome was not sure because the child started to chant darkly.
"You, you, you, YOU, YOU!"
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Kagome woke up from the dream, ran to the back of their campsite and vomitted. Sesshoumaru instantly got up and silently stood behind a tree while she retched and moaned and gagged. He moved to her side and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "What's wrong?"
She wiped the watery vomit off the corners of her mouth, tried not to think of the dream and replied breathlessly, "I think... it's the wild fruits we ate yesterday..."
He nodded, slowly turned her around, clasped her tired face with his calloused hands, and gave her an indescribable intent look, "Kagome."
Her lips parted at the morning light that was dancing in his dark brown eyes, and she wondered whether the same pair of eyes would greet her every morning in future.
Sesshoumaru brought her head to his chest, squeezed his eyes shut and buried his nose into her hair; it was so difficult to say the three words, as if they were cursed things he should never, ever mutter. Why! He should have been killed, should have crossed the bridge, should have joined all the people who once died under his hands, should have forgotten all the worries of this world-
Yet, there he was; kneeling before her, alive and breathing and bearing both their burden on his shoulders while she prayed and feared and hoped for them. So many doubts were circling in his head, but yet he chose to ignore them.
So he simply said, "I'm here."
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He hid behind a faraway bush and saw their embrace. Oh how it disgusted and excited him at the very same time! He ran a dry tongue across his lips, and smiled at the game that was enacting itself in his head.
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"Konnichiwa!"
Kagome jumped a little at the sudden voice behind her back and turned around to return the greeting, "Konnichiwa!"
The young man bowed a little and smiled, "I'm sorry, but do you know whether this is the correct road to Arashiyama? I think I'm lost..."
She shook her head; she didn't even know where she was standing right now and Sesshoumaru was away in the nearby river bathing, "Ah no, I'm sorry that I can't help you."
He let out a small, forced laugh and shrugged his shoulders, "Oh well, I'll just have to try then... I have to get the jewel by hook or by crook..."
"Jewel? What jewel?" Kagome caught his gaze, and thought that the reflection of sunlight in his dark irises resembled black gleaming pearls. His short black hair was ruffled, as if he had not combed it for days and he had a nice, masculine jaw that reminded her of someone whom she couldn't recall.
The handsome man, who looked to be in his early twenties answered with a sad frown, "The Shikon no Tama, I need it to save my dying wife..."
Her eyes rounded considerably and she felt the jewel's tug inside her heart, "Shikon no Tama?"
He nodded, "Hn, rumours say that the Lord of the West had hidden the jewel in the mountains of Arashiyama after he killed his hanyou brother."
She felt as if her heart had been dipped in ice-cold water, "The Lord of the West killed... his younger brother...?"
He refrained from smiling and nodded again, "Hn, cruel isn't it? And not only did the Lord of the West killed his brother, he also killed his comrades; the monk, the taijiya and the kitsune I think..."
And Kagome felt as if the waters had rushed into her ears, for she could hear nothing and the image of the young man doubled and thripled before her very eyes. Cold sweat lined her eyebrows and before she knew it, she heard the smooth pleasant voice of the man into her ears and felt his warm breath caressing her neck.
"Miko-sama! Daijoubu ka!"
She weakly nodded her head while clutching onto his shoulders for support; her body felt so heavy and cold, as if it was buried deep in powdery snow. She could feel the warm, comforting breath of the young man on her neck but all that ran in her mind was that she had slept with Inuyasha's murderer.
"Kagome..." He smiled and brushed his lips across the shell of her ear, "Mine, mine..."
The young man's distant voice seemed to have turned into silvery dense fog which permeated her skull, and Kagome struggled with the heaviness that was pressing down upon her head while she somewhat tried to numb the stabbing pain in her heart. She wanted to tell herself that this wasn't true, that she had heard wrongly, that it was just another nightmare and everything would pass once she got a grip on herself.
He lied, he lied, the words cruelly repeated themselves in her head and she could not cry. Guilt and anger filled her heart, along with stinging sorrow that not only could she not avenge for Inuyasha, she had fallen into this trap of Fate and no matter how she tried, she would never be able to get out of the damned entangled web.
Unless she severed the string that connected her to him...
He gently laid the unconscious miko onto the ground and took off his clothes while he loosened her top and revealed her chest. Trailing a finger from her neck down to her sternum, he placed a light kiss on her lips and buried his face into the crook of her neck while taking in a long, deep breath. The scent of power, rolling forth from her was enticing, awakening and arousing in a different sort of way.
From the corner of his eye, he could see Sesshoumaru standing under the shadows of the trees like a frigid cuckolded man, and could not help but to imagine the desolated misery that would fill the rest of his days, and her days. He let out a loving smile at the seemingly asleep Kagome, placed loving kisses on her naked breast, smoothed out her frowning eyebrows, brushed her fringe aside and softly whispered.
"Come to me, Kagome. Come to me..."
And as he drew away from her, he kissed her forehead, pulled on their clothes and walked away with a languid smile on his face while he wondered what Sesshoumaru would do.
In asian myths, it is believed that there is a red string of fate that ties between a man and a woman, if they are destined to be together.