Chapter 7: And they turned their backs to each other.

"While no one was noticing, it became lost,

With a start I realized you were gone.

And only memories remained.

Restlessly, I could hear voiceless cries .

As if made by dolls who had lost the power of speech,

Or crowds of stray cats on street corners."

- Lyrics from "Arigatou" by Kokia.

Kagome did not dream.

While she slept on, peacefully like an undisturbed rotting corpse, old memories of Inuyasha and her surfaced like small little buoyant boats. She watched them from afar on the shore of her own World, all alone with no one for company. They bobbed on gentle seas, sailing further and further away and her heart lurched every time a small wooden boat disappeared beyond the orange flat horizon.

"What are you looking at?"

She turned around, a little startled at the voice and gasped into her hand when she saw Inuyasha standing right behind her.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming," she whispered, for fear that he would vanish in a puff of smoke if she spoke louder.

Inuyasha merely smiled, and she wondered where he had gotten such a smile like that. It was so soft that the laugh lines disappeared into his face, so sad that the corners of his mouth seemed to droop, yet so happy that she could literally feel it from his eyes. She had never seen him smile like that before; so peaceful, at ease, with no underlying currents of anger, frustration or resignation at all.

"Inu... Inuyasha..." Her voice was trembling; she had hovered over the edge of mental breakdown for so long that when she finally got to see him, she was unsure of herself. Whether it was good for them to meet again, whether it was okay for he to see her in such a state, whether it was even acceptable to call out his name-

"Kagome."

Her resolve on holding back that dam of tears whittled away at his voice; so young, so strong, so fleeting. So she buried her face into her hands as she wailed and bawled like a hungry baby, lest he might see the lines around the corners of her eyes. And she dared not lean onto his shoulder, for she was also afraid that he might not be solid and she might fall face-down, into the cruel pit of Reality.

So when he gently pried her hands away from her tear-streaked, worry-lined face, she sniffed hard and looked astounded into that familiar pair of warm, golden eyes. They were so telling and transparent, and even though she could not see her reflection in his clear irises, her heart convulsed at the unavoidable pangs of guilt that heaved up within her chest. So much so that she wanted to confess there and then; that she had slept with his elder half-brother, that she fell in love with his murderer, that she was now carrying his child and Sesshoumaru knew nothing about it. Kagome wanted his acceptance even though she was tainted, wanted his forgiveness even though she knew that she deserved none, and hoped that he would not turn her away like a used prostitute or traitor.

But Inuyasha said nothing. He merely caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, and let out another sad smile as he brushed away her big, rolling tears.

"I.. I..." Kagome cried again, this time silently because her sins weighed down on her chest like frozen slabs of ice.

"Ssshhh..." Inuyasha pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, "Don't cry, Kagome..."

And she cried harder, because it was Inuyasha who was comforting her, not the father of her child, and she was not worthy at all to receive such kindness from him. Kagome could feel the texture of his coarse silver hair on her cheeks, could feel his firm muscular chest, and knew that even though he had not changed, she had. Now that he was standing right before her very eyes, hugging her like before, she felt oddly alienated and strange as if this outer skin was not hers.

"I... I'm not the old Kagome anymore..." she cringed at her own words.

He rested his chin on her head and let out a light, light laugh, "I know."

She dared not look up, and fisted in his fire-rat haori, "You don't know."

Inuyasha laughed again, this time louder, "You are so stubborn, and you haven't changed in this aspect you know."

She smiled a little, a bitter one, hidden in the folds of his haori and remembered that Sesshoumaru said the exact same thing to her once too. A lump rose in her throat, so hard that she wanted to spit it out for it was slowly cutting off her air and she wanted nothing more than to remain in his warm, open embrace. Perhaps things would take a better turn if she pretended that nothing had happened between Sesshoumaru and her, and if, she continued to stay in his embrace, perhaps she might be able to go with Inuyasha beyond the end of the Borders.

"Kagome, believe."

"Believe...?" She frowned, all thoughts of her leaden confessions, self-condemnation and selfish wishes lost to the windless zephyr that swept past their bodies. What did he meant by 'believe'? In who? In what? Why?

Inuyasha somberly nodded and closed his eyes, "Hn, believe."

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

"Sesshoumaru-sama!"

He looked up, and saw Rin bounding towards him like an over-excited puppy.

"Look look!" She twirled around and he could see the white and yellow daises that were carefully woven into her messily bunched up hair. "Do I look pretty!"

He gave a bored nod and returned to his scroll, purposefully ignoring her disappointed face which meant that she had not gotten enough attention from him. Sometimes he wondered whether he should marry her off, now that she was already eighteen and almost (but never quite in his eyes) a full grown woman. But yet a part of him was reluctant; for he did enjoy her presence, although she sometimes bordered on being nosy and irritating as well. He was not sure how well she would adapt to the villagers, but he was pretty certain that she would get bullied if he was not around.

Rin practically lived off him, in all imaginable ways and he had no idea how she would survive alone. It was definitely difficult to imagine her as a wife, and harder still as a mother. She was like a stunted child herself, and it was exactly this rare, sweet innocence of hers that allowed her to remain by his side until today.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she skipped to his back and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I am bored."

He frowned a little; Rin may have the mentality of a child, but she had the body of a grown woman and it disturbed him greatly whenever she flung herself onto him like that, without any reservations. Not that he disliked it, but it was simply inappropriate and indecent and the niggering suspicion that Rin adores him in a very wrong way hung at the back of his mind like a half-closed curtain.

"Rin."

The woman-child untangled her arms from her lord and pouted a little, "Rin is upset."

He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, "I've been searching for a family for you."

"Family? What family?" Her lips quivered at the thoughts that her lord might chase her out from his house.

He put down the scroll, motioned for her to sit down properly before him and continued, "You'll need to marry."

"Rin doesn't want that!" She covered her ears and shook her head violently.

He knew that such a thing would happen, and he also knew that he would have to force her. Rin was too dependent on him, and if he allowed this to continue, she would never leave him and he was not sure whether he wanted her to stay by his side forever. He had many reasons for wanting her to leave, and so he continued with his jaw set grimly and his eyes cold and hard.

"You are not in a position to say anything."

The woman-child's jaw slacked as she stared blankly at him, "Sesshoumaru-sama... Rin loves you very much, Rin wants to stay by your side forever-"

"Did you not hear what I say? Leave the room," he felt a tick in his heart but ignored it and returned to his scroll.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, she couldn't believe that her lord would turn her away; was she not good enough for him? Was she not obedient enough for him? Or was it because she was a human and her body and youth would not last as long as her lord's? She got to her feet, knelt beside him and started to disrobe.

His lips parted at what his human ward was doing, and his hand instantly shot out to halt her, before she bared her virgin breasts to him, "Rin!"

She gave a heart-breaking, tear-filled smile and bowed her head, "My lord, Rin will do anything for you, as long as you keep her by your side."

He could only stare in shock as she continued to take off the layers of her kimono, one by one until she pressed her naked body against him and whispered into his ear, "Rin loves Sesshoumaru-sama very, very much..."

He could feel her soft, hot body rubbing against his willing one tantalizingly, and even though his mind and conscience protested against it, he had been deprived of such pleasures for such a long time that he was not sure of how to react. And as she started to remove his kimono and placed seductive kisses on his neck, he struggled to piece his incoherent, losing mind together even though his hands began to wander down her smooth, arched back, over her slender hips and her thin legs.

Before he knew it, he was also naked saved for the loin cloth and by that time, he had long decided that he needed Rin more than honour. As he buried his face in between her soft, supple breasts, sucking and teasing her, a part of his mind warned him that this was very wrong but the small voice was being overshadowed by the carnal desires and nature of his youkai as Rin moaned and squirmed ever so delectably in his lap.

And after he'd taken her, violently and hurriedly, guilt crashed upon him in angry waves as he stared at the dark blood that coated their thighs and nether regions. He was so infuriated with himself; at his loss of control, at his terribly folly and at her stolen innocence that he let out a horrible growl and shouted.

"LEAVE!"

At that very night, poor Rin was so confused and so hurt by his unintentional words that she left the grounds of her shelter dressed in nothing but her thin, bloodied yukata. By the time he found her, he could only see her head lying on the winter grounds with the shredded pieces of her soiled yukata.

And a part of his heart died, although the weight of his sins did not decrease.

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

She slowly lifted her heavy eyelids, but made no noise because she knew that Sesshoumaru was sitting behind her, behind that tree she was leaning on which separated him from her in the way she felt it had always existed between them. A space, a small barrier that had always stood in between them no matter how much they desired or tried to reach to each other. It seemed such an easy task, that if she just stretch her arms, over the non-dimensional margin, she would be able to touch and bring him to her.

But now she understood why.

The chasm between them was never meant to be reachable or traversable; and there was no real reason for it. It was just meant to be.

Kagome cupped her face and breathed heavily. What did Inuyasha wanted her to believe in? That she could bridge the gap between Sesshoumaru and her eventually? That she should believe in him, and not doubt him? Or that she should overlook the fact that he was his murderer even though she loved he and him?

Did Inuyasha knew that believing was a very, very hard thing to do? Something that she had never quite grasp it?

She lifted her fingers to where his knuckles had touched her cheek, and wondered why he had chosen this time to appear before her. Was that a sign that she should go home? That he had untied the seemingly dead knot in her heart and she no longer needed to remain in his era? But surely he knew of the other knot in her heart, did he not?

Kagome bit her lower lip and frowned; Inuyasha was always so impossible, even when he was dead. Never giving her an answer, just telling her what to do and expecting her to follow his instructions.

"Hn, believe."

A soothing breeze lifted her face up, and as she rested her head against the hindering tree, she rested a hand on her belly and silently wept.

And even then, the expanse between them would not melt away like snow upon spring.

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

His eyes jerked open with a start as a fallen leave brushed past the tip of his nose.

Sesshoumaru pressed his palm to his pounding heart as he waited for the blood-curdling shrieks and screams to fade off in his ears even though he never really heard it on that night. Her body had been dragged by the wild wolves for such a long distance that it hurt his eyes to follow the bright blood trail. By the time he had found her severed head, her face had so many gashes and one of her eyeballs was almost gouged out. He bunched up her dead hair, cut it with his claws and buried her head under the snow.

He lifted his hands up as her soft humming laughter began to replace the screaming; he could see her virginal blood, coated on his fingertips, stained on his palms, crusted and dark under his fingernails. He recalled the pained look when he entered her, the tears in her eyes as she let out an assuring smile at him after the sex, and the blood.

So much of it; on his thighs, on the floor, on her kimono. The scent of it, so enraging, so overwhelming, so defiling-

He clenched his jaws and blinked.

Her blood had disappeared, and his eyelids drooped with his hands as he thought of the white and the yellow daises in her hair. She did look pretty with them, and he regretted not telling her. He never should have sated his desires using her, should have married her off, shouldn't have let her enter his heart, should have been more firm with her...

A thousand and one regrets and burdens layered themselves over his heart, and he wondered when they would fall off. And if they did, if the layers peel off one by one like a brilliant yellow chrysanthemum, gone with the wind, would he feel naked and small and still regretful? Would he be able to cry, like a normal human being now that he was one?

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes while a summer breeze blew from his back and the tassels from Tenseiga's hilt skimmed across his knuckles. He ran his fingers lightly through the black and silver hair, and frowned as he kept his eyes tightly shut.

He wondered if Rin would be able to hear his unsaid apologies. And if she did, would she forgive him? Or would she hold it against him forever? Or would she simply smile and ask when he would return from his nameless journeys?

Sesshoumaru forcibly pushed back the lump in his throat and lowered his head, I can never love you the way you want me to, Rin.

And she wept at the back of his mind.

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

"You are awake."

Kagome wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and nodded.

Sesshoumaru held the lock of their hair tightly in his hands and narrowed his eyes, "What happened this morning?"

"This morning?" She asked back, her mind still fuzzy from her surreal encounter with Inuyasha.

There was silence. Suppressed silence.

"There was a young man, he asked me for directions and..." her voice trailed off, not sure whether she wanted to continue for she hadn't made up her mind in regards to their relationship. Perhaps she should heed Inuyasha, and forgive and forget for humans err.

He clenched his jaw so hard and so long that he felt his human teeth and gum would give way soon if he did not speak, "Is that it?"

She rested her face in her right hand with her eyes shut while her left hand laid over her still-flat belly, "Hn."

He decided that his nails would soon break too, if he did not release his fists, "Kagome, what do you hate most?"

She answered without any hesitation, "Lies."

He wanted to snort at her, wanted to stab through her heart with Tenseiga, wanted to cut off a lock of her hair with his dagger, "Do you know what I hate most?"

Kagome's eyebrows arched up in faint surprise; something was not quite right.

"Betrayals. I normally behead my traitors," Sesshoumaru got to his feet and walked off.

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

They parted ways that very day, both not seeking any explanations or resolutions.

She thought that it was for the better, and the inevitable.

He thought that it was expected, and that he had been too kind.

That very night, they both heard the cries of a little girl in their sleep. It was haunting, heart-breaking and unforgettable at the same time.

She wondered if it was her child. He wondered if it was Rin.

And they could not sleep well, no matter how they tried.

: - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - : - :

Kagome sneezed; the days were getting colder and the leaves were starting to turn into shades of orange and red. Autumn would arrive soon and she did not have enough clothing on her back to ward against the chill. She lifted her hand to shade her eyes from the sun and looked up.

It seemed that she hadn't got very far on her own, and she wondered how many days it would take to return back to the Bone Eater's Well.

That damned, cursed well.

Sudden thoughts of Inuyasha peering down the well in irritation, of Inuyasha holding her hands tightly while they traveled back to and fro, of Miroku and Sango and Shippou wanting to jump into the well with her, gushed back like an unstoppable, unwanted wave of stinging sea waters.

Along with the memory of Sesshoumaru, with his back to her while he was surrounded by ookami-youkai. And then how she had saved him by chance, how he had saved her from the lake-youkai, how they discreetly poured their souls to each other, how they fucked each other in hurt and pain, how they made love to each other and gave their hearts, while secretly wishing that Time would stop and they would always be together in relative freedom and happiness...

And how he had left her, silently under the tree without another word.

Her legs gave way and as she sat amidst the scratchy, dry grass blades, Kagome tried telling herself that it was the hormones; it was the child inside her womb that was affecting her and after a big, fulfilling cry, she would feel much better and lighter. But the deepening, gnawing emptiness would not budge no matter how much or long she cried. She figured that one day, it would swallow her up whole, inside out and she would be locked inside that burning, lock-less cage until she went mad or die.

She hugged herself and cried, and cried and cried. Until she thought that her throat would tear, her eyes would bleed and her nose would split. Yet her heart wouldn't die, and she told herself that this was no good; no good for the unborn child, no good for her health, no good for her poor eyes.

But she still could not stop her tears, and a part of her mind was amazed at her ability to cry, as if she was crying for years of sadness, loneliness, and for her unborn, fatherless child.

"Don't cry."

Kagome opened her swollen, red eyes to see a piece of delicate handkerchief dangling before her pale face.

She looked up, and thought that the man standing before her looked very familiar. He was dressed in an expensive-looking burgundy kimono that had plain white plum blossoms adorning his left shoulder. His face was long and sharp, but with a soft edge to it, and had such young-looking skin that for a moment, she was not sure whether he was a female or not.

"Take this," he lowered himself down and thrust the handkerchief into her limp hand, "Wipe your face."

His voice was definitely masculine; smooth, deep yet light at the same time. His eyes were slanted, his lips thin and his nose high and sharp. Kagome wondered where she had seen this handsome face before, and dried her tears with his handkerchief.

"Thank you," her brittle voice croaked like an old hag's.

The man smiled, one corner of his lips higher than the other one, and replied, "You need to sleep..."

Her eyes drifted shut, and as her head tilt forwards into the crook of his neck, he smiled again.

Finally. :)

Their secrets are out. Kagome is pregnant with Sesshoumaru's child, and Sesshoumaru had consensual sex with Rin...

What will happen next time? Stay tune folks:D