Selfless

Five – Thoughts of Her

He was aware of how obsessed he was becoming. He knew that he was getting crazy, he knew that she was skewering his ability to function. Dixie had done that once, she'd wormed her way into his core and nested there, an image of bouncing blonde curls and beautiful blue eyes, a scent of home cooking.

He'd been crazy over her, and, even years later, he knew that she had been the first woman he'd ever really loved. There had been warmth and heat with Erica, yes, lots and lots of warmth and heat… but, in his only vulnerable moments, it had all come down to Dixie. She had been his first real weakness in his life. Oh, yes, there had more than enough in his life but that the first one he would really be able to admit to.

Greenlee had always had some spot in his heart, some little niche in the core of what made him David Hayward. From the first moment he'd spotted her, there had been a spike in his interest, even more of an interest in a woman that he usually had. He liked women and he wasn't ashamed to admit it, never had been.

He was a womanizer and, ever since he'd first discovered how nice it was to have a warm body when bad thoughts got too loud, he'd come to a state of perfection in the art of seduction. The smell of them, the taste of them, how their skin felt after they fell asleep and the night air chilled their skin just enough to feel beneath his fingers.

He had discovered the evidence of his obsession going through some of his old boxes on Leora's things, the things he had managed to hide from Anna before she had run with her tail between her legs to Paris. She'd tried to take everything but he was a master of making sure he got what he wanted. Before she'd left, he'd managed to get his hands on a good two boxes worth of stuff.

Last night, he's pulled them out of his closet, broke them open and hid himself among the baby books and pink blankets and little stuffed bunnies. And, there, at the bottom, he'd found the evidence that sealed the deal. It hadn't been a pretty realization for him and, in the middle of the night, he'd finally accepted the fact.

Greenlee Lavery was his newest obsession. She wormed herself into him and nested there, and, while Dixie's image remained as a softly defined picture of perfection, Greenlee was becoming a sharply dangerous image of imperfection. She was an image of perfect fucking imperfection and it was pissing him off.

She was a sweep of brown hair and a glitter of velvet brown eyes, a scent of manufactured scent that couldn't cover up what she was apparently so damn ashamed of. She was a curve of hips and waist that felt right and an afterglow that went on for a week. She was, in essence, completely perfect in his eyes and, that, of course, was yet another thing that was pissing him off.

So, basically, David Hayward was pissed off. And the nurses and doctors were scattering like pigeons in his wake, practically sending up feathers. David Hayward, whether you liked it or not, was the most valued member of the PVH staff. He was the most talented and best-credited doctor in the place and, while he had a history of some very unlawful things, it didn't change his record of success in his field.

And he had a good record.

So, no matter what the mood he was in—and he could certainly be a right bastard when he wanted to be—the hospital made the rest of the staff grit their teeth and bear it… even if they didn't want to. The only one, on a day like this, that could handle him was Joe Martin… which was why the elderly doctor was currently attempting to track down his wayward doctor Hayward.

The nurses had cornered him in the cafeteria, begging him to calm down Hayward before he ended up exploding and they had to clean little bits of Hayward off the walls of the hospital. He hadn't believed them until they mentioned how he'd dealt with little old Ms. Marlene Fredericks.

When she mentioned her fear of heart attacks, he'd snapped, rather nastily, for her to stop cramming cheeseburgers and fries down her throat. Needless to say, Ms. Marlene was not a happy camper and had fled to the nurses. The nurses had then fled to Joe. Joe was now on the hunt for the cardiologist.

And, there he was, putting his signature on several papers on a clipboard. As soon as his dark eyes fell on the older man, loathing quickly followed and, with a thoroughly disgusted noise, he snapped the clipboard shut and shoved it into a nearby nurse's hold with an angry bark of "Get!"

The nurse scuttled away, shooting Joe one last pleading glance before disappearing.

When David turned tail to run, Joe effortlessly followed, sensing even as he did David's quickly growing anger. He caught the younger man's arm just before he got to his office and turned him forcefully, finding himself the victim of a look that could have burned a hole in his head. "Fuck off, Martin."

Ah, so he was going to be direct. Keeping a firm hold on David, Joe escorted the head of cardiology right into his office, not wanting David's stress to be escalated by being confronted in public. Yes, the last thing PVH needed was for it's head of cardiology to be done in by a coronary triggered by extreme hatred.

Reaching back, he locked the door before turning around to meet Hayward's livid gaze. He braced himself, watching as David seemed to literally start steaming. "You may think of yourself as some high and mighty doctor but have you forgotten who's more liked by the board?"

"No." Joe smiled lightly, shrugged his shoulders. "No, David, of course not… I just wanted to talk with you. One doctor to another."

He just stared for long moments at Joe, and then, snorting, he shook his head in a movement that reminded Joe of an irritated puppy. His attempt to step past Joe was easily blocked by Joe himself and, twisting quickly, David got closer to the table, peering at Joe with those dark, dark eyes of his.

"This is my office, you hypocritical bastard… I do my job good and I'd really appreciate it if you take my earlier comment to heart."

"Believe me, David, after teenage years with Tad? You don't scare me all that much. You should have seen him then… always running off, getting into trouble… God only knows what he got up to during those few years that he disappeared… I have this recurring nightmare that one day, some young person is going to show up with a DNA test, insisting that they're Tad's long lost son or daughter."

"Wonderful… the twits in this town continue to breed like rabbits… you wanna know the real reason for the decline of the moral center of the nation? I got the answer. Tad's brilliant genes are spreading by the minute, rapidly creating a virus-like threat to the national IQ number."

Well, David was in fine form today, wasn't he? "Is something bothering you, David? I mean, you may be a blood-sucking bastard to the staff but you're usually extremely understanding to the patients." And it was true. His manner toward others was usually lacking, but his tenderness with most of his patients was excellent. He was able to effortlessly shift into an air of a caring father or close friend.

"Yeah, Joe, I'm getting sick of dealing with stupid patients who don't follow my dietary rules. I do my job and I do it well and I'm frankly getting sick of people coming into my office insisting I'm not doing my job good enough."

This was not like David. And, frowning, he studied David with more thoughtfulness. He was definitely stressed. Warm brown skin was a shade paler than usual and there were bags beneath his eyes… David was not exactly old, but he'd always struck Joe as one of those lucky men who aged with extreme grace, that time would be kind to him.

He actually looked older than usual.

"Have you been under any extra stress lately? Any insomnia?"

"Jesus Christ… I have Joe Martin asking me if I have any problems." He laughed, his usual deep-throated sound but there was, Joe noticed, a slight strain on the noise, a roughness not usually there and, stepping forward, he watched as David stalked to his desk and snagged a pile of folders.

Passing by Joe with a nasty glance, he snarked "I have work to do, Martin. I want you out of this office before I get back." Joe however, simply stared after him, brow creased in worry. Yes, David wasn't exactly someone he'd trust with his own health but that didn't change the fact that Joe found himself fretting and in full father-mode for the first time since Tad had finally grown to adult hood.

And, he decided with a sigh, that maybe he should just follow his instincts and figure all of this out?

Ryan was gone; Ryan was off trying to get Kendall's attention away from Zach and her new marriage. And, once again, Greenlee was left alone to mope in her loneliness. She spent an hour in the tub, soaking, contemplating her current issues before she hauled herself out and tucked herself into covers.

There she sat, on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, the damn dress in her hands, staring into the flames of the fire she'd started. She needed to go shopping, pick herself out a new outfit for next week… she needed to get herself ready for the grand reopening of the casinos.

Yeah, she had things to do but the thought of going to the opening… yeah, just what she wanted! Zach and Kendall and Ryan in the same room… probably come to blows about who gets to marry her the next go around! With a groan, she reached up, ran fingers through damp hair, wishing Ryan were here so she could attack him with something heavy and easy to throw.

Plus, this was Pine fucking Valley! Watch and see, there was going to be an explosion or someone coming back from the dead or someone showing up for their own fucking funeral! Still… Kendall had looked so shaky… and she had promised to go, damn it! Which basically meant she was going to go… and she knew it.

But, she needed Kendall right now… and it looked like Kendall needed her too. So, that was it… she was going… still, things could be worse… David wouldn't be there, right? Why the hell would he be there, anyway? The simple fact was, he wouldn't be there… she'd be able to deal and function.

She looked down at the bunched up dress in her hands, studied the splashes of pink and greens between her fingers… the firelight caught her ring and she flinched, feeling a painful surge of raw guilt. She was married, as in, lawfully wed… she was bound to Ryan and yet… her thoughts were filled with that night.

Even when Ryan touched her… she thought of him and how his hands had felt between kisses, as they moved together, matched up in some way that she hadn't experienced in years… it had been so long since she'd responded to anything like she did to him… she remembered pulling his head down to kiss him and savoring the taste of him.

Fingers in his hair, fingers on his back, holding him as tight as she could, trying to keep it going as long as it could… as many times as possible… and they had, enjoying each other until finally laying in silence, hearts beating hard in their chests, tangled up in sheets and not caring.

And then, the realization had hit and, shaking, she'd freaked, panicked, finally managed to get herself to sleep and, the next morning she'd fled, run as far and hard as she could to get away from him… this was wrong… this… it hadn't been like this with Leo… she'd never found herself wanting someone else like this… this desperately…

She sniffed, curled fingers into cloth and raised the dress to her face, burying her face into soft fabric… she wanted David… she wanted him and she wanted back in his bed… god… she was just sick… and she just kept getting sicker… but that didn't stop her from craving him.

AN: Angsty but I'm about to make them hit a new plateau in the relationship! Wait and see! And don't forget to review! I didn't get any reviews last chapter people! I almost cried!