Author's Note: Uh, he he, sorry for the delay. I know it's been over two weeks since I last posted but I was out of town last weekend (out east looking at colleges; now I have a dilemma: do I go to Brown or NYU? decisions, decisions…). I tried to finish the chapter before I left but I just didn't have the time. Anyway, here it is, and it's a bit longer than usual. Also, since I'm on spring break and I have no homework (yay!), I hope to get the next chapter written in the next couple of days (right after I write the next chapter of Alter Ego). Sound good?

    Once again thanks to all who have taken the time to review. Your encouragement is much appreciated and I love you all!

    Huh, wow, a relatively short author's note this time. I didn't know I was capable of that. Onward!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I think I've forgotten a few of these. Oh screw it, I don't own Inuyasha, okay? Do I really have to tell you every time?

Missing in Action

Chapter 6: Learning to Let Go

She'd been pretty quiet all day long. Every time Inuyasha tried to get Kagome to talk to him, she either ignored him outright or quickly found an excuse to leave. Yeah, she was quite pissed.

But there was more to it than that, it seemed, though he'd be damned if he could figure out what it was. Even when addressing Sango, who was doing a bit better now thanks to a good night's sleep, she was somewhat distant.

It must have had something to do with the diary; that much he guessed, because that was when it had started. But what? Was she upset that Inuyasha had discovered that she was married? No, that wouldn't cause her to become so depressed.

Come to think of it, the diary had been stashed away pretty deeply. Other than various mentions of kisses with Hojo he hadn't come across anything all that personal. Well, there was that one about her period, but he preferred not to think of that at all. But maybe there was something else in it, something he hadn't read, that was upsetting her so. What could possibly be big enough to warrant hiding it away like that?

Inuyasha sighed, his frustrated and curious thoughts running in circles, mimicking the movement of his hand as it wiped down one of the tables in the cafe dining room. This was getting him nowhere. He needed to get her to talk to him, at least.

As if hearing his thoughts, Kagome appeared at the bottom of the stairs. She merely glanced at Inuyasha, not smiling, but not really scowling, before turning toward the kitchen. At least it's an improvement, he thought wryly as he followed her with his eyes.

Almost immediately she returned, Sango at her heels.

"Inuyasha."

He looked up in surprise upon hearing her address him. Hmm, maybe more of an improvement than I thought... But she still didn't smile as she approached him. He got the impression that she'd decided to put her anger aside for now, for the sake of something more important; and he had a guess about what that might be.

"I've been informed," she began in a somewhat formal tone that made him wince inwardly -- he would rather she yelled at him than sound so cold and distant, "that the spy was shot west of here, so that's where we should start our search for Miroku."

Sango looked at the floor for a moment, clasping her hands with suppressed worry, but quickly composed herself and nodded in agreement. Her voice was steady as a rock when she asked, "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow morning," the other woman answered, her tone a bit softer and more sympathetic. "That is, assuming you're still coming with us, Inuyasha."

He nodded quickly. "Absolutely," he said decisively, accompanying it with a look of entreaty that almost managed to penetrate her cold attitude toward him. Almost.

She turned away, headed back toward the stairs, and Inuyasha watched her leave. Sango merely observed the hanyou's expression, distracted, for the moment, from thoughts of Miroku by the man's curious demeanor. If she didn't know better she'd have guessed he was hurt by the woman's indifference.

"She'll forgive you eventually, Inuyasha," she offered knowingly.

Mild surprise and embarrassment at being caught staring flashed across his face, before he slipped into his own personal method of detachment, looking away with a "Feh."

A small, amused smile appeared on Sango's face as she shook her head lightly and walked back to the kitchen. But the smile gradually faded as her thoughts returned to...him. At least she's here, Inuyasha, she thought sadly. At least you have a chance to apologize and tell her how you feel. Don't squander it.

* * *

The only sound was the rustling of the branches and underbrush in the surrounding woods as the threesome slowly made their way through it in search of Miroku, Inuyasha in the lead. They had been traveling since early that morning with little conversation among them, besides the occasional suggestion of a change in direction.

Inuyasha swiped a frustrated claw at a particularly low branch that was in their way. He couldn't take much more of this. Glancing back at Kagome, whose eyes swept the area, pointedly ignoring him, he suppressed a growl. This was getting ridiculous. For fuck's sake, what the hell could have been in that journal?

All of a sudden he stopped short, ears pricked in the direction of a noise he thought he'd heard. Footsteps... He'd frozen so unexpectedly that Kagome nearly collided with him from behind. But before she had a chance to question him he whirled around urgently, grabbing her around the waist and Sango by the arm and dragging both off to the right in he direction of a boulder the size of a small building. Once safely out of sight he turned his head back in the direction they had come, ears straining and eyes peering through the trees anxiously. Both women saw this and kept very still, concentrating their own limited senses on detecting whatever danger Inuyasha had perceived.

Soon they too could hear two pairs of footsteps; heavy ones, like those of the boot-clad soldiers who patrolled the area. Kagome tensed at this, swallowing, trying to slow her rapidly beating heart. Surely they could hear it, it was so loud, pounding in her ears. Voices could be heard as well, quiet, but not far off, speaking what was unmistakably German.

"...mehr nach links. Wir müssen noch mehr in dieser Richtung suchen, bevor es zurück geht."

"Jawhol."

The footsteps grew closer and closer, until they were mere feet from the boulder behind which the three stood, where they stopped. The sound of brush and leaves rustling nearby while the soldiers glanced around had them holding their breath as they pressed up against the rock surface, listening in fearful anticipation. Finally the footsteps began again, retreating, growing further and further with the men's departure.

Kagome let out a breath of relief, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the rock. Inuyasha relaxed as well, looking down at her. Only then did they both realize that he still had his arm protectively around her waist, and that he was partly leaning up against her, trapping her between himself and the boulder's smooth surface. Their eyes met briefly, identical looks of embarrassed apprehension warring with desire on their faces, which were mere inches apart. It took a moment before Inuyasha managed to pry himself away, looking down at the forest floor as he did so.

Now that the danger had passed, Sango observed the silent exchange from a short distance. She saw the expressions on both of their faces when their eyes met, holding for an instant before they both looked away, and Inuyasha reluctantly released his hold on her.

Kagome released another breath as she looked off into the forest, trying to steady herself. She wished she could say that her fluttering pulse was still due to the close call with the soldiers only moments before, but even she didn't buy that.

"We should get going," said Inuyasha quietly, not looking at Kagome as he concentrated on calming his raging blood. He saw her glance at him out of the corner of his eye, registering the slight flush that had appeared on her cheeks, which nearly undermined his efforts. She's married, he reminded himself sternly. She's married... which means she is absolutely, positively off limits.

Clenching his jaw and swallowing he muttered, "Come on," and set off in the direction they had been headed before. After a moment's pause the two women trailed after him, with Kagome bringing up the rear.

* * *

They traveled on for hours, until the sun began to disappear beyond the horizon and twilight descended upon the group like a veil. Stars winked to life one by one and a silvery, waning moon cast it's unearthly light over the forest.

Inuyasha's ears twitched at the sound of a stifled yawn coming from Kagome. He paused and turned back toward the two exhausted women, then cast a glance at the rapidly darkening sky. He had hardly realized how late it was getting, and by now they were much too far out from the village to turn back. Besides, he thought darkly, it would not be wise to wander around in the dark near there with the area swarming with soldiers. If the Nazis shot this friend of theirs, an innocent townsperson, on mere suspicion, what would happen if they caught an enemy soldier such as me. What would happen to Kagome...

"We should stop here for the night," he stated firmly, and got no arguments, seeing in Kagome's eyes that her thoughts, with respect to Miroku and the soldiers, mirrored his own. He felt even more guilty then, because she didn't realize that she was traveling with a wanted man, a soldier on the run. She was completely unaware of the additional danger he posed to her.

Kagome, for her part, felt that familiar guilt creeping up on her as well. If they caught us they would take him for a spy as well, she thought. I can't put him in that position. I won't let anything happen to an innocent man because of me. Especially him... "I agree," she said. Sango merely nodded.

Inuyasha led the party off in the direction of a small clearing, surrounded by thick trees and underbrush, where the light of a fire would be relatively hidden from the surrounding woods. Along the way they collected dry wood from the forest floor and, when they reached the clearing, piled it up neatly for burning. Kagome and Sango surrounded the small, makeshift fire pit with rocks to contain it while Inuyasha used his claws to make wood shavings for kindling. He then lit the kindling with one of the matches from the small survival pouch attached to his belt -- standard army issue -- and cultivated the tiny flame into a comfortable blaze.

None of them had had much to eat all day, save for a few snacks that Kagome had brought along to tide them over. By now all that was left were a couple of pieces of bread and cheese; hardly a meal, but they would make do.

"No, thank you," Sango said wearily when Kagome offered her a share of the food. "I think I'll just get some sleep."

"Are you sure? You should really eat something," the woman prodded.

"Really, I'm fine. Just tired." And with that she settled herself down in the leaf-strewn grass near the warmth of the fire, drifting slowly off to sleep.

Kagome watched her friend for a while, a look of concern on her face, completely unaware of the fact that she herself was being watched. Amber eyes regarded the raven-haired woman's profile in silence, as though trying to read her thoughts.

"It's hard on her," she said softly, almost to herself, and Inuyasha once again got the sense that she meant more than she was saying. "Not knowing if he's dead or alive, picturing his death in her mind, wondering what her world would be like if he were to disappear forever." The more she spoke, the darker her eyes became, the more pain they held. Suddenly Inuyasha realized what she must be thinking of, and he felt a dull ache somewhere in the vicinity of his chest at the thought.

"You're thinking of him, aren't you," he murmured, unable to keep the barest trace of resentment from his tone.

She glanced over, slightly startled, her brows knitting in mild confusion and curiosity. 'Him'? He can't mean...Kouga? "What do you mean? How do you know?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her, rolling his eyes with a wry smile, "What do you mean, how do I know? I read your diary, remember?"

Oh, of course, that 'him'. I forgot he knew about that. She stiffened slightly when he mentioned the diary, recalling her anger from before, and he winced, wishing he hadn't brought it up. She turned away, the hard look returning to her eyes.

But Inuyasha wasn't willing to leave the conversation there this time. He was determined to find out why she was so upset. "Look, Kagome, I realize you're angry with me for reading it and I understand why. I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that. But when I picked it up I had no idea it was yours, and once I started reading about you and-" he broke off suddenly, unwilling to admit his interest in her relationship with Hojo.

He sighed in frustration when she still refused to look at him, decided to try a different tack. "For fuck's sake, Kagome, all I found out is that you're married, okay? Whatever else is in that diary that has you so upset, I must have missed, so can we just-"

Her eyes widened in surprise and she whirled around, anger forgotten, interrupting him. "Wait, what did you say?" she asked, confused.

He stared back at her, frowning. "What, I said you're married to that, that Hobo guy, or whatever the hell his name is," he repeated, his agitation at the subject beginning to overcome his careful detachment. "That's who you were thinking of," he said somewhat bitterly, looking away, "your 'brave soldier' off at war. I've seen that look you get. You're worried about him; you miss him, don't you."

Kagome shook her head slightly with a bemused sort of laugh. Oh what a tangled web we weave... she thought sardonically. Finally she got up and moved around the fire to sit beside him. "Inuyasha, this is sort of a long story, so I'm going to need you to listen to me," she said seriously, and the hanyou in question watched her silently, a somewhat confused expression appearing on his face.

She took a breath and exhaled, observing the flames that licked at the air, slowly but surely consuming the wood pieces that fueled it. When she spoke, her voice was soft with remembrance. "I met Hojo when I was about sixteen years old." She smiled slightly at the memory. "At first I think I was captivated by him mainly because he was a year older than me and very intellectual. It seemed to me that he was the perfect guy, and I fell in love with him for it. We were together all through high school, and as time went on that sort of silly schoolgirl love that I had felt for him in the beginning changed and grew deeper, more real. He taught me about literature and encouraged me to study medicine, and I hung on his every word.

"It was so easy to forget about the outside world in those days," she continued, but her wistful tone began to darken with regret, "The village was so isolated that it seemed, even as the war was brewing in the east, we would be protected from it. When I was nineteen Hojo proposed to me, and it looked as if all of my plans for the future -- the wedding I'd always wanted, a home, a good husband, a family -- would all come true exactly as planned. I was naive -- terribly so." She shook her head with a self-deprecating smile. Inuyasha merely continued to listen in silence, not entirely sure where she was headed.

"Unfortunately, before we had a chance to get married, he was drafted. The war had not stayed nearly as far away as we'd hoped, and the Nazis were invading France. Before he left we promised each other that we would be married as soon as he returned, we would pick up right where we left off."

Well that sounds familiar, Inuyasha thought ironically, but remained silent. He was almost immediately distracted be the look of deep sorrow which seeped into every corner of her countenance. When she spoke again, her voice was low and thick with recollection of tears shed long ago.

"He never came back. We wrote letters back and forth regularly for over a year, then suddenly his stopped coming. It was a while yet before I received it -- the thing most dreaded by those of us with loved ones in combat -- a letter from the war department. It said that he was missing in action -- not dead, just 'missing'," she said derisively. "I believed he was still alive, that he was at that very moment on his way home to me; maybe he'd deserted and was traveling on foot halfway across the country just to see my face. Even then, at nineteen, I had such idealistic dreams of heroism and chivalry. All that changed when I received the second letter.

"He was dead. They'd found him wounded and tried to treat him but his injuries were too severe. He'd died the very day I had received that first notice..." she trailed off, eyes staring unseeingly into the fire.

Inuyasha closed his eyes. It pained him to see her like this, to hear in her voice the echoes of loss and pain, not just of Hojo but of the girl she had been, the woman she would have become. For the first time he felt that he truly understood her, or at least a part of her. And all he wanted was to be able to make her pain go away, to protect her in any way that he could.

"Kagome," he began, but found himself at a loss for words when she finally looked at him, eyes glazed with unshed tears. Without thinking he drew her into a comforting embrace, resting her head against his shoulder and rocking her back and forth as she began to cry.

"I lost everything," she whispered, fingers clenching and twisting in his shirt. "My father had been dead since I was young, and my mother and brother fled the country before the war. But I chose to stay with him. He was everything I had."

"I know," Inuyasha murmured soothingly, all thoughts of distance and detachment overridden by the overwhelming urge to protect.

She felt as if a poison that had been slowly draining her life away from the inside was being drawn out of her. The more she spoke the more she came to realize that her scarred heart was beginning to heal. After a time the tears receded and she took a deep breath, pressing her cheek into Inuyasha's chest. She hadn't allowed anyone to get so close to her, in the emotional sense, for years. Even as this thought occurred to her she felt it necessary to remind herself that there were certain barriers she could not cross, certain things she could not divulge. To do so would only endanger him further.

Finally she reluctantly pulled back, sniffing slightly and wiping her eyes. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"Feh," he replied, but with a small smirk, the genuine look in his eyes belaying the remark. "You should get some sleep," he suggested gently, and she nodded in agreement.

"I should. So should you."

"Hey, someone has to keep watch," he shrugged. "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine."

She gave him one last look before curling up on the ground to get some much-needed sleep.

Inuyasha sat in silence, listening to her breathing become deeper, more even, until he knew she was asleep. Seeing her shiver a bit he shrugged out of his coat and draped it over her shoulders, allowing his knuckles to bush her cheek ever so gently as he sat back. He watched the light of the dying fire as it flickered over her angelic features, so peaceful and untroubled, as she rarely was when she was awake. It seemed that something always prayed on her mind. But just now it seemed she was content, if only for a short while, before the real world returned to trouble her again.

The silver-haired hanyou pulled from his pocket the old, worn piece of paper that contained Kikyo's letter of goodbye. As he regarded it contemplatively for the thousandth time his mind played once again familiar memories from the past, memories of her as he had known her in London, and finally the image of her as she appeared from within that black sedan in front of the villa. His gaze drifted from the letter over to Kagome's slumbering form, then back to the letter, before he calmly tossed the paper onto the fire. Inuyasha watched with a slight smile playing at his lips as the flames consumed it greedily, causing it to curl and blacken, turning it to ash.

"Goodbye Kikyo," he murmured, and as he said it he could almost feel the great weight lifting from his shoulders. "Goodbye..."

* * *

"Inuyasha."

"Huh? Wha...?" The man blinked awake at Kagome's sharp voice, but when he looked up at her standing over him he saw that she was smiling.

"Come on sleepy-head. We've got to get going," she said with a slight smirk, tossing him his jacket. "Excellent job on the look-out, I might add."

"Feh," he replied, getting to his feet and brushing the soil from his clothes. Kagome only laughed lightly.

"You're in a good mood," he commented.

She smiled. "Come on, Sango's already started. We have to catch up." And with that she turned and headed off in the direction Sango had left in not long before, glancing back to see that Inuyasha was following.

They soon joined their friend, who was still unusually quiet, lost in her own thoughts, but the relative silence that fell among them was much more companionable than it had been the day before. The group had not been traveling all that long when Inuyasha slowed to a stop, sniffing suspiciously, a look of foreboding growing on his face.

"What is it?" Kagome asked, her voice mirroring his expression.

He met her eyes seriously, swallowing, replying quietly, "Blood."

There was a sharp but stifled intake of breath from Sango, but Kagome asked calmly, "Where?"

Inuyasha looked from one woman to the other, silently signaling them to follow him as he set off through the trees. The scent grew stronger, closer, finally culminating in a small clearing. He stopped just inside, staring grimly at a large, dark stain on the soil, some of it even splattered on the trunk of a tree just beyond, smeared on the leaves that were strewn about the forest floor. It was not recent, but it was unmistakable.

"Oh my god," Kagome whispered, entering the clearing behind him. Sango's eyes widened as she approached as well. She moved forward and knelt before the gruesome stain marring the otherwise pleasant scene.

"It's his, Kagome," Inuyasha stated gravely, "I know the scent. The blood belongs to Miroku."

"Oh my god," she whispered again, grabbing his arm for support. "But," she said weakly, swallowing hard and meeting his amber eyes, "where's the body?"

* * *

A/N: What'cha  think? Hope it works okay. I hit a frustrating case of writer's block right after I got home and went back and read the whole story over again to get my brain jump-started. But don't worry; I know exactly what's going to happen next (my favorite part so far is coming up in a chapter or two!) so it shouldn't trouble me again.

    Finally I have to send my thanks out to kitty4 for her help in translating the German in this chapter, as well as her insights into the Reich and it's officers. Thank you!

    Speaking of the German bit, it's not really important but just in case anyone is wondering what those two soldiers said, here's the approximate translation:


    ~ "…off to the left. We have to search that direction further before heading back."

    "Yes sir." [literal translation: "Yes very well"] ~

    Well, I guess that's all for now. Tune in next time for another installment of…Missing in Action!

    In the meantime, please review!