Disclaimer I do not own Hellsing, so you no sue -

Thanks for the reviews! Wow. . . 10 reviews already! Thank you all! Anyway, I hope you like chapter one. And yes, it will revel some of his "tricks" that he played on Integra, if you will. No, I will not be spelling them Arucard and Integral, so please stop emailing me about that ::coughs:: You know who you are.

Jessica- Sorry for the delay, here's chapter one. I'll try to update more often and not keep people hanging. I'm glad you like it.

Honourable Mr. Kaiba- Thank you for the review. I'll be sure to really try and keep up the work.

C.A.- Thank you so much for the review!! I'm planning to make this many chaptered. I hope you enjoy chapter 1 and review! I'll be sure to update quickly.

Butterfly- here's chapter 1. I was waiting for ideas ::grins:: Hope you like it.

Animefan12191- Thanks! Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Senpai-san- I'm happy that you think it's so funny! I hope you enjoy future chapters.

The james of hearts- Thanks for the review! I love his attitude so I just had to do a story like this. But I feel sorry for what I have in store for him ::smiles:: It's going to be oh so good. Anyway, I hope you continue with the rest of the story!

Neng- You spelled it right ::grins:: But I am glad you like the story and I hope you read the rest of it.

Jay-Trusedale- Thank you for reviewing! I'll be looking forward to your next chapter and I hope you continue to read it.

Dark-Saber1- Thank you. I didn't want to say what he had done just then. I wanted to wait until I got to a real chapter. This one will explain what he had done and him drawing on- There I go, explaining what I'm going to do. If you want to find out what he did, you'll have to read it ::smiles slightly:: I hope that you do.

This chapter is a flash back of a few of the things that he had done to get into trouble. There is a lot of stupid-ness and OOC, so please don't shoot me. But it is funny. Enjoy chapter one and don't forget to review!

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Chapter 1: "Spiked Tea and Bloodied Walls"

Feeling unusually happy, Alucard decided that the Manor house was just too quite. The vampire practically floated up the stairs, laughing manically at the thought of the havoc he could cause. After all, it was Saturday. Nobody needed to be sleeping in. . .

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Alucard silently stalked through the shadowy halls, looking for an innocent employee to terrorize. The vampire perked up when he realized where he was and a smirk spread across his features. As Alucard waved his hand slightly, a dark portal opened up below him. The vampire phased through the floor and right over Integra's bed.

He silently dropped to the ground, landing gracefully. Still grinning insanely, the vampire walked over to the sleeping form of his Master. Staring intently at her, he sat down, twitching with excitement.

"Never leave a vampire unattended, Master," he whispered, and pulled out. . .

A black Sharpie. Grinning madly, he proceeded to draw on her face, trying desperately not to cackle in his glee.

After a few minutes, Integra moaned softly and her eyes fluttered open slowly. Alucard froze, the grin slipping from his face. Tossing the Sharpie away, he phased through the chair and floor a split second before she awoke.

Integra sat up, rubbing her eyes slightly. "Damned dreams. . . I swear I will never play with ants and honey again," she muttered, getting out of bed. The Administrator of Hellsing walked into the bathroom yawning. Passing the ungodly large mirror and not noticing her face, she turned on the water, letting it get hot.

As she started undressing, a knock resounded throughout her bedroom. Growling in contempt that she didn't get to take her shower just then, she turned off the water, got redressed and stalked angrily over to the door, throwing it open.

"What is it," she snapped, showing the world her non-morning person side.

Walter was standing in the doorway, looking over a report. "There seemed to have been a silent attack in a neighborhood not that far from here. We just go the-" Hellsing's butler looked up from the paper and stood shocked.

Integra glared slightly at him. "Go on Walter. What does the report say?"

"Uh, the marker, err, vampire, I mean. Wrote on, uh, killed three faces. Families, I mean, families."

Integra tilted her head, looking curiously. "What in Her Majesty's Name are you talking about, Walter?"

"I, um, had gotten caught up in my thoughts," he lied quickly, blinking. "Here's the report. Uh, I'll go get tea," he stuttered slightly wandering away.

Integra took the portfolio in confusion. "A-alright."

Alucard cackled and phased part way through the wall, his eyes gleaming mischievously. Integra raised her eyebrow, glancing at him silently.

"My, my, Walter did seem sidetracked, hum?"

Integra shook her head and walked back into her room, slamming the door in the vampire's face.

Alucard continued to grin before floating down the stairs to the basement. "Such fun this is," he said, laughing insanely.

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Integra tossed the report on her bed, sighing softly. She rubbed her temples and walked back into the bathroom. "This is going to be a long day," she muttered tiredly. She glanced at her reflection before turning to the bath. The Administrator stopped on a dime, turning back to the mirror slowly.

Written on her forehead so she could read it was 'Bite me', a pair of fangs was drawn around the phrase. A sun-like design adorned her left cheek while a circle encompassed her right eye like a monocle. Angry eyebrows were drawn over her own and a very bad picture of her (perhaps) was on her right cheek with a sword going through its neck.

Breathing deeply, she tried to remain calm, but when laughter could be heard throughout the manor, she lost it. "ALUCARD!!!!!"

The grinning vampire phased through her floor. "Yes, Sir Integra," he questioned, mockingly. Integra turned; rage etched on her face.

"WHAT DID YOU DO," she screamed, grabbing anything silver in the bathroom. Alucard, still laughing softly, started to back away.

"I think it makes you look beautiful, my dear Master. Besides. . .it's Saturday, there should be a little excitement, don't you agree? You look better now than you did before." The vampire clamped his fangs shut at the last comment. Maybe that went to far.

Integra tried smiling, but she failed miserably. "Get. . .out. . .now. . .Alucard."

The No Life King blinked once, grinned and laughed again. "I should have given you a moustache," he said, snickering.

. . . . . . . .The whole manor shook with Integra's scream of rage and Alucard's scream of pain. . . . . . . .

"DON'T EVER TOY WITH ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, SERVANT," she screeched at the unconscious vampire lying on her floor. The Administrator of Hellsing stalked out of the bathroom, making sure to tread on Alucard, got dressed and went about work, growling.

The rest of the day, employees stared as she walked around or if they were summoned to her, but none dared to ask what had happened. The first and only person who did seemingly vanished off the face of the Earth.

There was reportedly no sign of Alucard, either. Which was highly unusual for a good Saturday to play games.

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That evening Walter was in the kitchen, preparing Integra's tea while Alucard was shifting around in the shadows.

"Good evening, Sir Alucard," the butler murmured without looking in the direction of the vampire.

"Ah, Walter. Just the person I was looking for," the vampire said back, grinning. "I need you to look at my guns. They seem a bit wear-ed. . . Perhaps you could fix them up." Alucard handed Jackal and Joshua to Walter, who took them, looking none the surprised.

"Alright, I'll look them over. But first I need to get Integra her tea."

Alucard's grin turned deadly. "Let me handle that Walter. I know how much you have to do around here and it would just be a load off your shoulders if I did this for you."

Walter blinked, surprised. "Thank you Alucard," he said before turning away, unaware of the danger he just put Integra in. "Very unlike him," he muttered and walked away.

Alucard, still grinning, followed Walter with his eyes. As soon as the butler was gone, he pulled out a bottle of Moonshine and dumped it in her tea, laughing evilly. He picked up the tray, sniffed at the tea lightly making sure that it didn't smell of its usual alcohol self.—, and proceeded to carefully walk up the stairs towards Integra's office.

The vampire phased through the door with the tea, no longer grinning. He placed the tray on the desk, and stood back, waiting.

"Thank you Walter," Integra muttered, not looking up from her work. Alucard glared slightly and coughed, causing the Administrator to look up at him. He tried desperately not to laugh at the sight of her still marked-on face.

"Oh Alucard," she said, slightly surprised that he would be here and Walter not.

"Your tea, Sir Hellsing," he said, bowing mockingly, though she didn't catch it.

"Thank you Alucard," Integra said, still in shock. Alucard stood, waiting for her to drink.

As she picked the tea up, Alucard started twitching with excitement. The Administrator slowly drank the tea, sealing her doom.

When she finished her drink, she went back to her work, seemingly unaffected. Alucard blinked, his mind void of any thoughts. A few minutes later and the Administrator of Hellsing leaned forward, her hair covering her face. Alucard bent down, staring curiously at his master. Integra started to shake slightly and Alucard, almost alarmed, tapped her on the shoulder.

Integra fell backward in her chair and burst out laughing, a rosy tint around her nose, ears and cheeks. "You'll won't be a believing what I just read," she said, giggling. "Y-you see there was this. . . t-this. . .uhhhhh. . . oh blast, what's the word I'm looking for-"

"Vampire," Alucard inserted helpfully.

The Administrator of Hellsing looked at him in admiration. "T-that's it. But how. . .uh, how did you know that's what I was t-thinking?" She hiccoughed slightly and Alucard had to bite his knuckle to stop from laughing at his master too hard.

"I'm a vampire too," he said, sniggering softly.

"Oh, w-well then I'm gonna have to kill you, okay? Y-you're gonna die now," Integra slurred, pulling out her gun. Alucard really had nothing to worry about; in this state she wouldn't be able to hit the side of a barn standing two inches from it.

"But I work- I mean you work for me, Ma- Integra."

She lowered the gun. "I do?"

Alucard nodded, his grin turning evil. "Yes you do, and as my first order to you, I want you to change into this." A suit much like Walter's appeared on the desk. Integra looked at it before dropping the gun, shrugging and picking it up.

She went to change and soon came back, grinning stupidly. Alucard smirked, took some pictures for blackmail and yawned slightly. "You are to stand right there. Don't move and keep smiling until I tell you to stop. I'm going to sleep." He phased through the wall and a few seconds later, found himself in her bedroom, smiling insanely. He yawned once more, buried himself under her covers and fell into a deep sleep, not thinking of how long it would take for the homemade alcohol to wear off.

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Integra moaned softly and woke, holding her head. "Bloody headache," she growled getting up. . . off of the floor? Integra blinked and looked around. She was in her office but what was she doing here and on her floor? She sighed and brushed her clothes off but stopped when she looked at what she was wearing. Integra started to shake in rage but she kept her temper in check until she reached the place she knew the out of control vampire would be. Kicking open her bedroom door, she stormed in, but stopped when she saw the walls were leaking blood. "So this is what he does in his spare time," she growled before stalking over to her bed. Taking a deep breath she proceeded to wake the sleeping manor with her voice.

"ALUCARD YOU GET OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW! WHO SAID YOU COULD SLEEP THERE!!! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY ROOM BY STAYING HERE!! YOU WILL BE SEVERELY PUNISHED IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

The vampire jumped up and fell out of the bed, landing on his head. "Ow. . ." Looking at her upside down, the vampire grinned innocently. "H-hello Master."

"Don't you DARE 'hello Master,' me Alucard. Get out now!"

Alucard scurried from the room and her wrath, thankful to still be walking. Of course, being who he is, he had to try to get the last word in. "At least I still have the pictures," he called back to her, laughing gleefully.

Integra hurried after him as he ran for his life down the hall. "GET BACK HERE ALUCAAAAAAARD!!!!"

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So how was that? Good, bad, just okay? Tell me your thoughts! So sorry that it took a bit of time to finally get the chapter out but it was worth it, eh? Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to review! Oh ya, and that wasn't the full effect of Moonshine. Listen up all you kiddies: that stuff is deadly if not brewed properly and even that's pushing it. It can cause everyone and anyone to go blind if they drink more than what their bodies can handle and it doesn't take a lot to kill someone. This is a fic so the truth was bent and stretched. Moonshine can affect someone in as little as 10 minutes. So, do NOT drink it. Try to stay away from alcohol all together.

Ryu- Kitsunia does not promote drinking any alcoholic beverages.

—I know that Moonshine has a smell, but for the sake of the story, let's just say that it doesn't.

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