Disclaimer: What you can read and say: hey I know what she is talking about! well, that's not mine!

A/N: Well, I'm still sorry if this chapter is still coming so late! Hey I hope you'll like this chappie! It's bigger than my usual chapters, so I don't know how it is coming out…

To Erin: Thank you for beta reading and patiently telling me what's wrong in my chapters! A big thanks!

Merry Christmas

The day after that horrible one was Christmas. Nobody was in the mood for spending a good Christmas, but Hermione didn't want anything to ruin the atmosphere. She and Lilian slept at Mr. and Mrs. Granger's house. In the morning Hermione was the first in the living room, waiting for everybody else near the big Christmas tree.

She waited a lot before she heard Lilian's steps on the stairs. It was like nobody wanted to face another day like the past one.

"Hey!" said Hermione when Lilian stepped into the living room. "Merry Christmas, love! Did you sleep well?"

Lilian looked at her with a serious face.

"Are you OK?" she asked her mother.

"Sure, honey. Why?" said Hermione, searching for Lilian's presents.

"You're ill," said Lilian, motionless.

Hermione turned her head towards Lilian. Her mouth opened.

"I-it's C-Christmas-" stammered Hermione. There was panic in her voice.

"I know," said Lilian softly. "Mom, I love you, but you want to die just because you swore not to use magic again?" She paused. "That's very selfish."

Hermione smiled at her, something Lilian wasn't ready for.

"I know," she said, looking her daughter's face "I know that maybe you think it's stupid, but I left that world for you and I don't want to go back. It's very painful for me. And then maybe you don't know, but that kind of enchantment is used only in Dark Magic."

Lilian looked at her mum.

"Dark Magic? I want to save your life."

"Saving the life of somebody that is not going to die because of magic or, worse, change something that can't be changed, is always Dark Magic."

She smiled. Then, again, footsteps on the stairs, Mr. and Mrs. Granger entered the living room too.

"Mum, dad, finally!" said Hermione. "We can open the presents!"

Lilian started to unwrap her gifts and everybody was interested in what she received: a handmade blue sweater from Alex ("I didn't know Alex could knit!"), a new quill with ten different coloursof ink from Josh, a book from her mum (what a surprise!) and some money and a new toothbrush from her grandparents.

Hermione's present from Lilian was a scarf and gloves 'Always Hot', with a charm that made them warm; from her parents she received some cash.

Then they had a big English breakfast with tomatoes, sausages, eggs, and mushrooms, milk, jam, marmalade, tea, coffee, biscuits, butter, orange juice, that for a while cheered them all up.

They went to the church in the morning and came back for lunch. They ate all that an English Christmas' party required and then they all sat in the living room waiting for something good on television. Lilian and Hermione didn't talk to each other. The atmosphere was quite tense.

At about 2 pm the doorbell rang and Hermione became very nervous. She had forgotten about Harry and Ron coming.

"Don't worry," said Mrs. Granger, as if she could read her mind. "Harry and Ron usually use the fireplace."

Hermione sighed in relief.

Mr. Granger sat up and went to open the door.

From the sofa where she sat Hermione saw a very tall and big man with a bushy beard and beetle eyes.

Lilian must have seen him too, because she sat up suddenly and ran towards the door crying "Hagrid! Hagrid!"

"Hi, little Lilian. How are yeh?" he said cheerily.

Then he entered into the house giving a big hug to Mr. Granger and then to Mrs. Granger, leaving them breathless.

"Merry Christmas!" he said when he entered the living room.

Hermione sat up lazily and remembered something witha smile on her face.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Hagrid!" she said hugging him.

"Please Hagrid, sit down. D'you want a cup of tea?" asked Mrs. Granger.

"Yeah, thanks," he answered grinning.

Mrs. Granger put the tea and the biscuits in the middle of the table and everybody sat down. There was an uncomfortable silence that Mrs. Granger tried to break most of the time.

"So, Hagrid, how was the Christmas feast at the castle this year?" she asked.

"Wonderful, as always. This year Dumbledore had called Father Christmas himself. Yeh should have seen the first years." he said grinning.

"Really?" asked Lilian, her eyes shining.

"Sure."

"And did you talk to him?"

"Of course. An' I told him that I had a pair of beautiful girls to join fer the tea and he gave me something fer yeh-"

He searched in one of his numerous pockets and picked out a pair of packets wrapped with golden paper. He handed one to Hermione and one to Lilian.

"Thanks," they said together and unwrapped their presents curiously.

In Lilian's there was a new shining copy of 'Quidditch through theAges' ("I told Father Christmas that yeh really enjoyed yer first Quidditch match, last month") and in Hermione's there was a big bottle of shampoo. The label on the bottle said 'Sleekeazy's Hair Potion'.

She smiled a little.

"And here's your present, Hagrid," said Mrs. Granger. She gave him a big box that he quickly opened. It was a bottle of brandy. He was very happily surprised.

"Oh, thanks," he said, trying to hide the tears. "If all the Muggles were like you-"

"Oh, come on Hagrid," said Mr. Granger.

"And did you like my, Alex and Josh's present?" said Lilian suddenly.

"Of course! I love Chocolate Frogs and yeh gave me a box full of them."

Hermionesmiled and stared at her cup of tea.

"What's wrong?" asked Hagrid at that very moment.

"What?" asked Hermione, pretending to be puzzled.

"I ain't stupid, maybe a bit dense, but not stupid. An' it's clear enough that there's something that just doesn' fit."

Hermione turned her head towards Lilian.

"Honey, why don't you go upstairs and start to read the book Hagrid gave you? I read it once, very interesting book," she said sweetly.

Lilian looked gloomily at Hermione and then, without a word got up and went to her bedroom. Mrs. and Mr. Granger stood up too.

"We have to go do that thing, right dear?" said Mrs. Granger, throwing a meaningful look at her husband.

"That thing? Oh yes, we really have to go, then," he said, hurrying out the door.

"Remember darling, they usually come at 5 pm," said Mrs. Granger, leaving the living room. "Merry Christmas, again Hagrid."

"Merry Christmas to yeh too," he yelled after them.

"Hey, it mus' be something very importan' if yeh don' wan' ter say it in front of them."

"They already know."

"Sowhat is it?"

Hermione handed him the letter from the hospital and Hagrid read it, gasping around the 2nd line. When he finished it Hermione saw his eyes filled with tears.

"Is it a joke?" he asked hopefully.

Hermione shook her head.

"How long are yeh gonna live?" he asked.

"Four months, or less," she said, suddenly interested in the carpet.

"That's awful. Hermione yeh must come ter Hogwarts, Dumbledore'll certainly-"

"He cannot do anything. You have to use Dark Arts if you want to do something like change things that cannot be changed."

"Dumbledore knows Dark Arts, he's just much too noble ter use 'em."

"I know that. But I don't want to come to Hogwarts, anyway."

"Why?"

"Because I swore I-I would never use magic again in m-my life-"

Every time she said that she felt more and more stupid. How could she compare her life with a foolishpromise she made 12 years ago?

But she didn't want to go back to Hogwarts nor to 'her world'. The world she had loved so much. The world that she had left with so much pain and shame. The world where all the people she had loved most belonged. All the people that she still loved.

"What are yeh doin' with Lilian?" said Hagrid, snapping her back to reality.

"I-I don't know. I haven't thought aboutit yet-"

Now she was scared. Scared she was going to bea bad mother. She had forgotten her own daughter. She didn't know what would have happened to her. Why? Why did everything have to be so hard for her?

"Don' yeh think she'll need her father?"

"No."

"Where areyeh goin' ter stay after-"

"With my parents," she said without thinking, as she'd always thought that.

"They're old, an' definitely they love Ron. D'yeh think they'll hide Lilian like yeh did? D'yeh think they'll-"

"I didn't hide Lilian!" she almost screamed.

"Yeah, yeh did," said Hagrid calmly. "I'm sure yeh didn't do it on purpose, but yeh did it."

He paused, then said, "Go an' talk ter Ron an' 'Arry."

"Why?"

Hagrid seemed surprised by that question. "'Cause it's the righ' thin' ter do-"

"No. Why everything must be so difficult?" she asked and then started to cry.

Hagrid looked at her and, like the night at her house in July, he started to toss her hair with one of his big hands.

"Hagrid," she said. But the other words didn't come out. It was so difficult to say.

"Yes?" he asked very sweetly.

"I-I t-think I'll talk t-to them-" she stammered "I mean t-to Harry and Ron. I-I mean L-Lilian has to know, R-Ron has to know."

Hagrid couldn't help grinning.

"Yeh're doin' the righ' thin' Hermione."

Hermione didn't grin back, but said "I-I've been so selfish."

And she cried even harder in Hagrid's arms.

When she had no more tears and after several cups of tea, they began to talk about how totell Ron and Harry the whole story.

"They usually come here at 5.30 pm at Christmas. Yeh can meet here and then-"

"No, I'm not ready now."

Hagrid sighed.

"Oh come on, I though' we had already decided it-"

"I didn't say that I don't want to talk to them. I just think that today it's a bit – early. I was thinking about tomorrow-"

Hagrid seemed really the happiest person on Earth.

"Yes, Hermione, I thin' we can send 'em an owl and yeh'll meet tomorrow here or yeh can go to the Burrow-"

Hermione smiled.

"I don't think I need an owl, if they're coming to see my parents I can just leave a note for them and-"

Hagrid was extremely excited. He almost spilled the tea all over the table.

"Yeah, yeah! Hermione yeh can go ter meet at Hogwarts then and-"

"I reckon we'll meet at the Leaky Cauldron, you know, a place very crowded, near to the Muggle world and with a very good pumpkin juice," she said smiling a little.

Hagrid looked puzzled. "What d'yeh mean?"

"That I like the pumpkin juice-"

"No' that! Abou' the fact that it's very crowded 'nd that it's near the Muggle world-"

Hermione stopped smiling.

"I mean that if I don't feel like doing it, I'll just go back to my world and-"

"-an' disappear again?"

"No – well – yes," she said miserably.

"Hermione-"

"No, listen Hagrid. I feel really ashamed. Twelve years ago I felt ashamed because I was pregnant, because I felt a slut, and now I feel ashamed because of my very stupid behavior. Ron is not very sensitive, but will he be also sympathetic? Will he understand me? I used to say everything to him and Harry, and then I disappeared without a word. We used to be very goodfriend, d'you remember us? How will they go through my return?"

"Hermione, I know I've already said that, but they've waited fer yeh fer twelve years, they can be only happy ter see yeh again-"

"I know. Thank you. I just need sometime, like them I think."

There was a long pause broken only by the slight noise of a pen on a piece of paper.

Ron, Harry, I have to talk to you. Can we see tomorrow at the Leaky Cauldron at about 3 pm? I hope so.

Hermione

Hermione handed the note she wrote to Hagrid and he had difficult reading it because Hermione's hand must have shook so much that it was a little messy.

"A bit cold, yeh've been," he said stiffly.

"I'll be less cold tomorrow," she said. 'I hope,' she thought.

"What d'yeh wanna do now?" he asked checking the big clock in the living room. 3.45 pm.

"I think me and Lilian will go out for some Christmas shopping-"

"In Diagon Alley?" asked Hagrid hopefully.

"No, here in the Muggle world. I need to buy my some new clothes - normal clothes," she added quickly, seeing the there-are-clothes-in-Diagon-Alley-too look on Hagrid's face.

"I think you can wait here formy mum and dad and then we can wait all together for Ron and Harry."

"Me? Here at yer house alone? And if one of those pheletones ring?"

"Telephones, and don't be silly Hagrid, my parents will be home in a moment," she said smiling. "And if they come back and find nobody they will never know what we have planned to do."

She looked Hagrid with puppy eyes. Hagrid couldn't resist.

"Ok, then. Just be a good girl an' don' spend too much of that strange money of yours."

"Ok, Hagrid," she said hugging him.

"LILIAN," she called for her daughter.

"What?" Lilian answered her from her bedroom.

"We're gonna go out," she said.

"What? I don't feel like going out," she protested.

"Really? Pity, I wanted to take you out for some shopping, but-"

She didn't even finish her sentence that Lilian was already in the living room wearing her coat.

"Let's go then," she said,a slight smile on her face. "Bye Hagrid, see you at Hogwarts."

"Bye, girls," he said helping himself with more tea.

At that very moment Mr. and Mrs. Granger arrived home.

Hermione smiled. "We were going out for some shopping, Hagrid is still inside and he's waiting for you, he'll explain everything. See you later."

And she and Lilian left for Harrods.

In the meantime, at the Burrow, there was a big party. Arthur and Molly Weasley wanted to celebrate Christmas with all the family, sothere were about 30 people. Under the big Christmas tree there was a huge pile of gifts; some were already wrapped, other were still in colored papers. Evidently all the family helped with everything, because all the wonderful gifts were new.

At about ten to four Ron and Harry decided it was time to go and wish Merry Christmas to Mrs. and Mr. Granger.

"Mum, we're going to Mrs. and Mr. Granger's house, we'll be back in an hour," said Ron as every year.

"Ok, Ron. Greet them for us, and if there are any news from Hermione let me know as soon as you can," answered Mrs. Weasley as every year.

"Of course," he said as every year.

"And you guys don't touch our Chocolate Frog," said Harry to the twins (the big ones!).

They entered the fireplace and screamed "Grangers' house".

They disappeared between green flames.

A few moments later they appeared in the fireplace of the Grangers' house finding themselves in front of three people.

"Good afternoon, dears," said Mrs. Granger without being surprised that two people had just arrived in the fireplace of their living room.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Granger and- Hagrid?" Harry said, amazed. "What are you doing here?"

"Waitin' fer yeh," he said grinning nervously.

"Oh, I see," said Ron.

"Dears, d'you want a cup of tea?" asked Mrs. Granger with a shrilly voice.

"Yes, please, Mrs. Granger," said Hagrid.

Mrs. Granger went in the kitchen tomake the tea and came back with five cups and a teapot.

Hagrid drunk his cup in one gulp, this could easily be his 100th mug; Mrs. Granger wandered if he could get drunk with all this tea.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Usually Mrs. Granger spoke a lot when they came to visit them, but this time she was very silent.

"Is everything alright?" asked Ron when he finished his tea.

Mr. Granger sat up and reached the table, took Hermione's note from it and handed it to Ron.

He started to read it with Harry that overlooked from his shoulder. When they reached the signature their mouths wide opened and they stared at the sheet for a long time.

"Is Hermione here?" whispered Ron. His eyes went from Mrs. Granger to Mr. Granger to Hagrid.

Mr. Granger shook his head.

"No? Where is she, then? Can we see her? Is she ok? -"

"Ron," said Hagrid softly. "Harry, she wants ter meet yeh at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow. Yeh just have ter wait a bit, yeh've waited fer twelve years."

"But-" Ronstarted, but Hagrid stopped him.

"No buts, guys. Yeh'll see her tomorrow, just go now."

Ron and Harry could barely speak. Without a word they went towards the fireplace, but Mrs. Granger's voice stopped them. She was going to cry.

"Ron, please, convince her of using magic again," she said before running into the kitchen crying.

Harry and Ron looked both puzzled and only Mr. Granger could persuade them to leave.

When they arrived at the Burrow, they could only mutter "Hermione's back" before theywent straight to Ron's bedroom. They left everybody with their mouths wide open. Molly started to cry for joy and the youngest asked their parents about that Hermione.

Harry sat on his bed, trying to talk to Ron.

"It's strange, isn't it? Mrs. Granger didn't seem happy that Hermione is back-"

But Ron wasn't really listening.

"Harry! She's back, back to us! We'll never separate again, I can feel that, but, oh gosh, I can't wait till tomorrow afternoon, I have to see her. She must be at her parents' I-"

"Ron," Harry stopped him "I can't wait to see her too, but if she asked us to meet tomorrow we have to wait, I don't think she'll be happy to see you now."

"But I can't wait-"

"We've waited for so long," he said, and smiled a little. Then he went straight to bed, wanting that night to pass as quickly as it could.

Ron imitated him, but neither of them could sleep for the whole night.

In London, in the meantime, Hermione and Lilian came back from the shopping with loads of packets full of clothes.

Hagrid had already gone (using the Floo Powder). And Mrs. and Mr. Granger assured her that the day after she had a date at the Leaky Cauldron.

She nodded and went to bed, but, like Harry and Ron, she couldn't fall asleep either, but what kept her awake wasn't excitement, but fear.