Hi everyone! Gosh, I haven't renewed anything for a while, have I? Gomen nasaiiii! I promise I'll be quicker in future, otherwise everyone will lose interest, won't they?

Oh yes! I was reading my lovely reviews (thankyou very much to everybody that wrote them!) and I saw that someone (I'm very sorry, I can't recall the name) pointed out that at the end of chapter 3, Sanji probably wouldn't run away from Zoro when he made a lunge at him. No, I'm not going to murder them for pointing that out, because they're quite right! Sorry about that. I honestly didn't think of that at the time, and they probably would have beaten each other to a bloody pulp if they had been in character. So thanks for pointing that out! I'll remember to keep a check on their behaviour in future.

Ooh, and another thing- this fanfic is set over approximately three weeks, and Zoro recovers from his (rather serious) gunshot wound in an inhumanly short amount of time. My point being? Well, most mortals would probably still be in intensive care by the time that Zoro is chasing Sanji around his apartment. Well, I just thought, it's Zoro. He survives practically anything if he gets enough sleep… So, there's my explanation.

Alrighty! On with the show. Prepare for the latest installment of the rampantly OOC fanfiction production-

ABPD: Love Lawless

Chapter 4: No Shirts- No Shorts- Big Problem!

Night duty at ABPD headquarters. Spring had well and truly turned the corner, and now a huge and unexpected heat wave had hit the area- wherever you looked, people were lounging around, fanning themselves with anything they could find, crowded into the nearest scrap of shade. Even though it was now past sundown, the heat was still stifling, pressing down like a huge, heavy blanket, completely inescapable.

Zoro, Sanji and Usopp were slumped in the office situated behind the foyer desk, at the mercy of a depressingly small electric fan placed in one corner. Usopp groaned and ran a finger around his collar, resting his cheek on a deliciously cool filing cabinet.

"I think I'm gonna die."

Sanji had two sheaves of documents, one in each hand, simultaneously fanning himself and Usopp. Zoro was collapsed on a desk in front of a window, trying to catch a non-existent breeze. Sanji mustered the last of his strength to irritably kick the back of Zoro's chair.

"Go and fix the air conditioning unit, Zoro. I can not take much more of this."

The green haired man peered over one shoulder, not making any effort to move.

"The repair man's out of town. Just shut up and die quietly like the rest of us."

Sanji ground his teeth, again kicking the back of Zoro's chair with his heel.

"Then get us something to drink. When I do die, I want 'Beloved Hero' on my gravestone, not 'Death by Melting'!"

Zoro groaned, peeling himself from the table and making his slow and painful way out of the door and down the corridor.

"Fine. If it means I can get away from your griping for at least a second. Jeez…"

Usopp flopped back in his chair, listening as the ancient electric fan gave an unhealthy clank, eventually stopping altogether. He gave a long, exasperated groan, feeling the temperature of the room beginning to soar once again.

"Awww, to hell with it!"

Usopp tore his tie from around his neck, unbuttoned his shirt to a few inches below his collarbone, and wrenched the band from around his hair so that it tumbled about his shoulders. Feeling slightly cooler, he spun around in his chair cheerily, pushing the few strands of hair that were sticking to his face behind his ears.

"There. Much better. I can do work now!"

Fortunately, he hadn't noticed Sanji gawping shamelessly at him from behind the filing cabinet.

Yow! What a woman!

The blonde pushed himself along on his chair with his feet, shifting to get a better view.

Hmmm… shorts today…

Sanji rubbed his hands together gleefully, and then took a packet of half-melted lollipops from his pocket. Pushing one into his mouth, he wheeled himself so he was situated next to Usopp at the desk, gazing at him with puppy-like awe.

Usopp slid on a pair of reading glasses, resting them on the end of his nose. Let's see… this goes here… and… this needs signing by the chief… this should be mailed tomorrow… The curly haired youth certainly took pride in his job, as it was his secret wish to become the Head of Department. He would do things a lot differently… Usopp glanced down at his legs. I'm sure glad that I wore shorts today. The other guys most be practically roasting in their pants. He admired his long, bronze limbs with proud interest. Yep. All those high-school gym trials and police training really paid off. I bet any girl would kill for a pair of these, and I…

Usopp looked up. What was that hissing sound? A snake, maybe…? He turned, meeting the glassy, adoring gaze of Sanji, who was slowly and thoughtfully slurping on a lollipop. Usopp wrinkled his nose.

"Can I… help you?"

Sanji pulled the lollipop packet from out of his pocket, drawing out a glistening cherry-flavour.

"Want a wowwipop?" he slurped indistinctly, the adoring, wide-eyed stare still fixed resolutely on him.

Feeling slightly suspicious, the curly haired youth weighed the question in his head for a moment. He shrugged.

"O.K. Thanks."

Placing the sweet between his lips, he continued working, a small chorus of slurps now breaking the studious silence. Sanji was now struggling to keep a painfully wide grin from spreading across his countenance. Entertainment sorted. Lollipop, glasses, shorts… hmmm. Pretty police cop, maybe? Sexy secretary? Hot librarian? The possibilities were endless…

The slurping and silence continued for a few more minutes. Usopp looked up from his work again, taking the lollipop from his lips and examining it. Sanji stirred from behind him, muttering under his breath.

"Put it back. You're ruining the effect."

Usopp furrowed his eyebrows, turning to face him.

"Did you just say something?"

Sanji straightened up, gesticulating apologetically.

"No, uh… no! Just… uh… keep up the good work, doll!"

Usopp made a disgusted noise, returning to his work. There was some loud shuffling in the background, the flick of a switch, followed by a grating blare from the radio.

"What the-? Sanji!"

The blonde shrugged, twiddling the dials to tune in to a station.

"It's too quiet!"

Usopp slammed down his pen, scattering papers on the floor.

"I'm trying to work here! This is too much! Too much, you hear me?"

But it was no use, as his voice was suddenly drowned out by a wall of sound-

Get down, make love

Get down, make love…

Get down, make love!

A wave of nausea began to creep into Usopp's stomach.

"Oh, God…"

Sanji steadily turned a wide, lecherous grin in Usopp's direction.

You take my body,

I give you heat…

Sanji struck out behind him with his left foot, kicking the door closed with a muffled slam. Taking a long, labourious look around the room, he began loosening the tie from around his neck, undoing the top button.

You say you're hungry,

I give you meat!

Usopp began to crush a piece of paper nervously between his hands, small pieces of it starting to litter the floor. It was all true. I should have listened! I should have listened, dammit! What Zoro said earlier… the face of the green-haired man flashed momentarily through his mind.

Err… Usopp? Why'd you shave your legs?

Usopp had waved the question off with slight embarrassment.

Well, you know… I just… my hair is so dark, y'know, and uh… it had to go. Haha.

Zoro had raised an eyebrow. That's, um… great, but, do you know how… unmanly that makes you look?

Usopp cringed.

I suck your mind…

You blow my head!

He snapped his head up, just in time to see a shirtless Sanji.

Right there.

Shirtless.

Shirtless?

SHIRTLESS!

"Oh m-my God! What the hell are you doing? Put it back on!"

Usopp had involuntarily covered his eyes, waving his free hand in a vague direction towards Sanji. Peeking through a gap in his fingers, he could just see the blonde's shirt tastefully decorating one of the strip lights overhead.

"Usopp-chaaaan…"

"What? G-go away!"

"Why are you acting so shy, Usoppu-chan? I'll be nice!"

"Shut up! Put your sham dirt back on! I mean your damn shirt! Your shirt! Put it back on! What the hell is Zoro going to think?"

Usopp tried to back his chair into a corner, desperately trying not to make eye contact.

"Hmm. I don't see a Zoro anywhere…"

Usopp made another hasty attempt to wheel back his chair.

Why in God's name is this happening again? Can't he take a hint?

Something was stopping him from going any further. But it wasn't the wall…

Make love!

Inside your bed…

Everybody get down, make love…

Sanji had a hold of his shirt collar.

Usopp's gaze wandered reluctantly up Sanji's bare torso, meeting his steel-blue gaze uncertainly. His thin, smooth lips were mouthing the words of the song, eyes steady and focused, directly on him. Drinking him up.

I can feel it, when you break me…

Come on so hard, when you take me!

"Sanji…"

"Usoppu-chan…"

The black haired youth took a huge, readying breath. He forced his expression into what he could only assume was a seductive half-smile, fluttering his eyelashes demurely. Sanji smirked, beginning to home in on those coral-pink lips, stained unevenly by the cherry lollipop that now lay forgotten on the floor.

"Sanji-kun, there's something… I…"

Sanji raised an eyebrow, eyes half closed. He was almost there…

"Can't it wait?"

Usopp rested an arm on the back of the chair, raking one hand through his thick jet curls. He looked innocently up at the ceiling, crossing one leg over the other, making sure that the smooth bronzed skin momentarily caught the light. Sanji rolled his eyes and whimpered in ecstasy. At last! Usopp let out an airy chuckle.

"Oh, well, you know… it can't really wait, because, you see…"

Strong, bare arms began to wind around his torso. Hot, tobacco-laden breath made the stray hairs across his cheeks flutter. A pause. Sanji was so close now, just waiting. A defiant smile flickered across the blonde man's lips. He could already anticipate the taste… Usopp tossed his hair slightly, making sure to give him the most enticing smile that he could muster.

"Sanji-kun… I'm a guy."

Sanji froze, eyes wide, darting over the curly-haired man's features.

"Eh?"

Usopp writhed seductively in Sanji's frozen grip, peering out from beneath glossy black curls and angelic eyelashes.

"I am a G-U-Y." he said, simply.

Sanji's expression was hard to decipher- one couldn't tell whether it was horror, surprise, disbelief, or maybe all these thrown together with a few extras added in. Usopp grinned. He was thoroughly enjoying this. Sanji's bottom lip began to tremble.

"Ah…aaaah…"

Usopp sighed and massaged his temples. What he was doing was incredibly evil, but… it just had to be done.

"Aaah… aha.. AHAHAHAHA!"

Usopp jumped in shock. Sanji had let go of him, and was now clutching his stomach, tears of uproarious laughter pouring down his face.

"Usoppu-chan, you're too much! Ahaha… that's the best thing I've heard for months!"

The black-haired youth's expression had turned from smug jubilation to stony disbelief.

"Huh?"

Sanji wiped away a tear from under his fringe, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh come on, Usoppu-chan! I can smell from a mile off when a girl's just playing hard to get. That one was the best yet!"

Usopp's spluttered, opening and shutting his mouth like a fish hit on the back of the head with an oar.

"W-WHAT?"

Sanji stopped laughing abruptly, in a split second grasping the arms of Usopp's chair, towering over him. The long nosed youth began to slide uneasily down in his seat, wondering if it was possible to make an escape between Sanji's legs.

"You're right. We're wasting time. Let's just do it."

Sanji scanned the room furtively, eyebrows furrowed. Usopp squeaked fearfully.

"…how clean is your desk?"

Usopp's mouth gaped in momentarily silent horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The curly haired youth made a desperate, vicious upper cut with his right foot, catching Sanji hard and decisively between the legs. The blonde made a high-pitched whimper in the back of his throat, eyes watering, keeling slowly over sideways onto a filing cabinet. Usopp, spying his chance, leapt up, making a full throttle pelt for the door. Throwing it open hard enough to tear it off its hinges, Usopp flung himself headlong into something firm and soft standing just outside.

"Ow! What the…?"

Usopp looked up, meeting the quizzical gaze of Zoro, who was clutching three bottles of water. The long nosed teen gave a whoop of jubilation, flinging his arms around Zoro's middle.

"ZOROOOOO! Where have you been? Where have you been?"

"Well… it turns out that the water tank was broken too, so I had to go out and buy some."

Usopp wiped his streaming eyes, setting his glasses straight again.

"Usopp? What's the matter? Where's your tie? And… Sanji? Where's your shirt?"

Sanji, one hand caught between his legs, pointed shakily to the strip light above his head, making a pained groan in the back of his throat. Zoro looked from one to the other.

"What the hell happened? I leave you two alone for one minute…"

Usopp grabbed Zoro's sleeve, tugging on it irritably, tears beginning to well up in his eyes once again.

"I-I-I tried t-to tell him, Zoro! I t-tried! I did!"

Usopp's entire face went crimson, his eyes bloodshot, his bottom lip quivering more violently then ever.

"M-my, desk, Zoro! He wanted t-to… MY D-E-E-E-E-E-S-K!"

"For crying out loud! What did he do to your desk?"

"Oh, d-don't make me say it! It's not what he did to it, it's what he was going to do on it… oh Zzzzzoroooo! Oh God!"

"Err… oh."

Sanji grimaced, sitting down slowly and painfully on the nearest chair.

"Don't worry, I've paid my price… nothing valuable was damaged… well, I'm not so sure I'll ever be able to have children now, but still…"

Zoro sighed. He felt like he was settling some sort of playground dispute.

"Uh, Sanji? What Usopp said is true."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I know… well, if you can think of a better place than the desk, I'd like to hear it!"

"No! Dammit, Sanji, Usopp is a guy! A GUY!"

Sanji shook his head, grinning. Zoro rolled his eyes.

"Usopp is a guy! A man! A NON-WOMAN!"

Usopp covered his eyes in exasperation.

"Please don't make me prove it…"

Sanji looked up at him blankly. Zoro gave a long, drawn out sigh.

"Haven't you ever noticed that Usopp has no… chest to speak of? Ever wondered why you've never seen him in the women's showers? Yeah, I've seen you looking."

Sanji blinked in bewilderment.

"No make-up! No skirt! No purse!"

The blonde shook his head again.

"Maybe… she's a tomboy?"

Usopp gave a strangled scream of rage.

"Don't make me take my shorts off! DON'T MAKE ME!"

"I think we might have to at this rate…"

Sanji still looked bewildered. Zoro looked heavenward. Cover your eyes, Lord.

As Usopp was preoccupied with fuming, Zoro reached round, undoing the buckle on the front of Usopp's shorts, slinging the belt off in one swift movement.

"What the…?"

Sanji grinned.

"Oho! Someone's been practicing!"

Usopp's shorts fell with a slump around his ankles. Sanji raised an eyebrow. Boxers?

He shrugged.

"Oh, well. I guess comfort's comfort…"

Zoro prayed for strength. Nothing else for it…

One swift tug.

Usopp's boxers were now dangling around his knees.

"Zoro?"

It was strange… at that moment, Sanji appeared to have turned to stone, eyes almost starting out of their sockets. Just staring. Staring and staring and staring.

…

"Uh… Zoro? I'd like to put my underwear back on, now."

Zoro sighed, looking at the statuesque form of Sanji, paralyzed with shock. Poor guy… I think he's got the point at last.

Sanji rose slowly, eyes still dead ahead and glassy.

"I think… I'll… finish early. Yeah. Maybe have a nice, cold, shower… G'night, Zoro. G'night…"

He glanced back at Usopp like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"G'night… uh… hmm."

The door slammed shut.

The pair stood in silence for a moment.

"I thought he took it quite well."

"Oh, I don't know, Usopp…"

Zoro looked upward.

"…he is walking home without a shirt on…"

End of Chapter 4

Well, dear people, that is the end of this chapter! Hope you enjoyed! This is one of a pair of chapters that I like to call the 'SongChaps', or chapters with songs in them. The song featured in this is by Queen, called Get Down, Make Love. It belongs to them, so don't sue me. It's a damned cool song, too- all slow and slinky and sexy. Very Sanji, then… except for the slow part. Heh heh. I made sure to pick the lewdest (yet cleanest) song that I could think of. This chapter was quite short. It didn't end too abruptly, did it? I wrote this chapter mainly for the song, mainly so that everyone can drool over the image of Usopp wearing short shorts and glasses and sucking a lollipop, and mainly so that Sanji can say 'Yow!'. Personally, I like the touch about the desk! …XD Poor, dear Sanji-kun… what will become of him? Of course, to find out, you'll have to read the next chappie when I get round to it, won't you! HA HA HA! (pluggedy plug plug)

Till' then… xlovex LPL!

P.S! REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! THANKYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!