Author's Notes:
Present: (in italics) - Hatsuharu's thoughts; "..." - Dialogue
Flashback: "..." (in italics) - Dialogue; (in regular font) - Hatsuharu's thoughts
"Sohma...san?" Someone called out to him. It was a girl's voice. It broke in hesitation as she attached the honorific to his name.
Hatsuharu stiffened upon hearing the voice from behind him. He knew that voice. He slowly turned his head towards the source and-
It's her. . . !
His eyes widened.
What is she doing here...?
He stared, unmoving, observing the changes in her. She still wears her glasses. He didn't mind, she has always looked good in them. But she no longer braids her hair; that is one. It has gotten longer too; it is up to her waist now.
Another breeze came, softly blowing her hair to form gentle waves around her. His face fell, envious of how the wind can get so close to her.
"Anou… Sohma-san? Daijoubu?"
He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. His throat felt so dry all of a sudden. He swallowed as he tried to regain his composure.
Her eyes revealing concern, she slowly knelt beside him.
"Is something wrong, Sohma-san?"
He looked away, aware of their closeness.
Why is she here? Why did she come? Did she-? M-masaka… How is that even possible?
When he didn't answer she put his hand on his shoulder.
"Sohma-san?"
He jumped a little and looked straight at her. He probably looked scary because she quickly withdrew her hand and gave a ton of apologies.
"G-Gomen nasai! I didn't mean to intrude! It's just that, I saw you walking out of the classroom, and I figured you might get lost again, so I followed..." Her sentence suddenly trailed off.
He frowned and studied her.
"What did you just say?" He whispered.
She looked at him apologetically. "G-gomen nasai! I don't know how I got the idea that you always get lost. I can't remember..."
She put her hand to her temple, frowning. He saw her right hand tremble as she struggled to remember. Hereached out to hold her shaking hand.
"It's ok. You don't have to worry about it. Don't push yourself too hard."
"A-alright..." When she realized he was holding her hand, she gave a gasp and blushed. She tried to free her hand, but he held on.
"Not just yet, your hand is still trembling."
"Gomen nasai... I don't know why it's trembling, when it's not even that cold outside"
"Don't talk. It's alright."
Silence fell between them. He could observe that she was trying to think of a way to start a conversation. Before she could think of anything, he spoke up and let go of her hand.
"Let's get going. It is nearly time for class." He said as he stood up.
"Oh my! I almost forgot!" She exclaimed, standing abruptly. She looked relieved that the tense situation was gone.
"Shall we go?" He kept his gaze low to avoid looking at her.
"H-hai."
They walked side by side in silence.
How long has it been since we've walked side by side like this?
FLASHBACK
Hatsuharu was coping with his break up with Rin. He was still confused as to why she broke up with him. As time passed, he was starting to believe that maybe she really doesn't love him anymore. It pains him to think of such an idea. It's like there is a black hole now where his heart once was, sucking every positive feeling in his body.
It has been about 2 weeks since he trashed the classroom... or has it been a month...? Two...? He couldn't remember. The days and nights just melt into one hazy dream… or is it a nightmare?
He couldn't decide.
He looked around. It looked like he wandered into an unfamiliar place...again.
He smiled nonchalantly. It did not really bother him.
He scanned the area. This place seemed to be the farthest he's wandered off to from his house. Although... judging from his 'track record', he could be wrong.
But the place really was unfamiliar. He wondered if he would be able to go back before supper.
Since he had nothing else to do, he explored the place a bit. He hoped it would distract him enough from thinking about Rin.
It was a fenced area with a huge park inside.
Correction—a huge, deserted park.
He walked for about an hour, trying to get to it. Finally, he got inside. He discovered that the entrance was just a little way off to the right of his original position. He guessed he must have just missed it and shrugged it off.
Tired, he went to look for a nearby bench. After a few minutes, he saw a bench about ten feet away. He started to approach it, and then stopped at something that caught his attention.
It was a blue marble with traces of silver lines that one of the children must have left. He bent down and examined it, tracing the lines with his thumb.
"Sohma-san...?" A female voice called out.
Hatsuharu looked up and saw a girl wearing the same uniform as Tohru.
I guess she's from our school. How did she know my name?
"Do I know you?" He asked coolly as he stood up.
The girl blushed as she put her hand over her mouth. "Iie... I... I just see you in school. We're in the same year. I heard that you are Sohma-san from the others-" She stopped abruptly.
"Oh no! You might think I'm some kind of stalker! G-gomen nasai! It's not like that! I didn't go around asking for your name or anything! It's just that I overheard some girls in my class talking about you after you passed by..." Her face reddened further and looked down. "...Gomen nasai..."
"It doesn't matter." He waved his hand dismissively. "So what brings you here?"
"I always come here."
"You do? Why?"
"I pass by here as a shortcut to my house. And I also come and sit at that bench over there." She pointed at the bench where he was heading.
"Really? Why?"
"Sore wa..." She blushed again, clearly embarrassed.
"It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't trust me." He said as he started to walk past her to head to the bench.
"It's not that...! It's just... I... I come here to watch the trees." She whispered as he passed her.
He took one more step, then stopped at his tracks. "You what?"
"I… I watch the trees…" She repeated—her voice barely audible this time.
He turned his head towards her and studied her. Brown hair, tied in a single braid down to her shoulders. She was only a few inches smaller than him.
She turned and looked up at him as well. He saw that she was wearing glasses that framed her dark brown eyes. They stood side by side, studying each other. When their eyes met, she realized that she had been staring and she jumped back a little, blushing profusely.
She seems to be blushing a lot.
He wondered if it is a habit or if it is just because he's there.
Oh well, it doesn't matter.
He turned back towards the direction of the bench but didn't move. After a minute he called out to her, "So, are you coming?"
He heard her give a little jump. "...Coming?"
"Aren't you going to watch the trees today?"
"Oh... Right... I am..."
He waited for her to sit first. She went past him as she walked towards the bench. She sat down near the end of the bench so that he could also sit.
As he approached, he noticed how her expression changed from being tense to relaxing to almost being lost in thought.
She looks so serious, almost sad. I wonder if she has a problem.
He sat down on the other end of the bench and looked at the trees as well, curious at what she liked at that particular spot.
After a moment of silence, a light wind blew. He was amazed at the motion of the leaves. They looked like ivory pieces from a piano, with the wind acting as the pianist, playing a silent song.
"I like how the leaves dance when the wind blows, don't you?" She spoke in a voice just above a whisper. She was staring at the trees, her voice trying to be light but it betrays a bit of sadness.
"Ah... I like it."
The sun was setting, framing the trees with red orange hues. He is starting to like the view very much, and wondered how he can come back to this place. He started contemplating and his mind wandered off on different thoughts. The sunset was making him remember things.
After a few minutes, he turned and saw her staring at him.
"Is there something wrong?"
She gave him a small smile. "I really like the way Sohma-san's eyes look when he is deep in thought."
"What are you talking about?"
"I like the way you think differently from other people, how you don't care what other people say or think. I really admire it, and I hope I can be like that someday. And maybe..." Her voice trailed off.
"Maybe, what?"
She stared at the trees again, avoiding his gaze. "I saw the extent of the damage when you practically destroyed your classroom some time ago. There is a rumor that you have a sort of a darker personality. Is it true?"
He folded his arms behind his head and leaned back. "You can say that there is a part of me called 'Black Haru'. So you saw it, huh?"
"Eh... I did."
She glanced at him and then looked at her hands on her lap. "Is it okay... If I ask why? You don't really have to tell me. But it might be good to let out your feelings to a stranger."
He extended his arms and stretched. "Let's just say it's related to an important... person."
"Sou ka... I guess it's because of a girl, then." She looked at him.
How did she know?
Seeing his perplexed reaction she chuckled, "So I was right."
For the first time, it was his turn to blush.
He was tricked.
Or was he?
He smiled at her. "Did you just trick me? Or are you just perceptive?"
She returned his smile. "Well, maybe a bit of both."
A wave of comfortable silence enveloped them as they continued to smile at each other.
Finally, she spoke up again, looking towards the trees.
"This. . . 'Black Haru'. . . Maybe I'm wrong. It's just that I heard rumors that it is your split personality. I-I don't think so. I-I think we all have a 'black' side in each of us... I think that what you have is something that all of us have. What is 'black' and what is 'white' after all? I think... how you react, is the same way any of us reacts... when we lose control of our emotions... like when we get angry or when we snap at other people. Your behavior is, in my opinion, part of the nature of humans, but expressed in much stronger way. It's safe to say that you're in that end of the spectrum when people are at the extreme, when they totally lose control."
He remained silent, so she continued, "You must have really loved her. If it made you destroy the classroom like that. I think... It's really... noble..."
He blinked and raised his eyebrows. To consider trashing a classroom as 'noble' is something that he did not expect to hear from someone who doesn't look like she has a mean bone in her body.
"You're kind of weird. Do you know that?"
She chuckled, "I guess. Sometimes I feel like some of my views are different from most people... But seeing someone like you thinking in also a different way, kind of puts me at ease. Because maybe that means I'm not such a freak after all."
"What do you mean by 'a freak'? How can you be a freak? You don't seem like a freak to me at all."
"Hearing Sohma-san tell me this, really makes me happy."
"What do you mean?
"Let's just say, that with the way I grew up, made me believe that I'm a freak."
"How did you grow up then?"
She glanced at him and then stared out at the sunset. As she spoke, her voice was deeper. She sounded like a different person.
"People seek knowledge if they feel like it will be beneficial to them. New knowledge is born out of necessity. Unfortunately, my past is not something that you will benefit from."
She's pretty smart. But I'm not about to back down either.
"Maybe, maybe not. But don't forget that knowledge can also come from 'wanting to know'. It just depends on how one uses that seemingly useless knowledge to his or her advantage so that it will become beneficial."
She chuckled. "You got a point there. I really like how you think, Sohma-san."
"Why do I have a feeling you're changing the subject again?"
"It's not like that. It's just, after today, I might not be able to go to school anymore. So I just wanted to say that I really admire how you've always carried yourself—the way you could appreciate things that others take for granted. And right now, I'm really happy that you do not consider me a freak after talking to me."
"Who would call you a freak? Do people tease you?"
"It doesn't really matter. Don't worry about it, Sohma-san."
"You seem to know a lot about me. But you won't even give a bit of information about yourself. I can also be persistent, you know."
"Gomen nasai, Sohma-san. It might seem unfair to you. It's just that you are quite popular with the girls. I sometimes overhear their conversation. And, well, I also observe you, too-" She stopped abruptly and blushed when she saw him raise an eyebrow.
She continued, looking at her lap. "...S-sometimes. But, even when the girls like you, you don't seem to pay much attention to them."
She suddenly stood up. "Tell you what. To thank you for being with me today, and for being patient, you can ask... five questions about me."
"Five questions?"
"Un..."
"Okay... If you're sure..."
She laughed. "Don't be so serious. My life is not that intriguing."
"Really? The way you're behaving now happens to intrigue me."
Her eyes widened, and he saw her blush and look down. He continued, "Okay then, I'll start, but sit down for a minute."
"I can't. I have to get home."
"If you want I'll walk you home."
"Eh? Are you sure?"
He stood up and stretched. "Sure, why not?" He started walking when suddenly—
"Sohma-san? You're going in the wrong direction..."
"Oh?" He looked around and saw that she was going on the opposite direction.
"Anou... Are you sure that you'll be ok?"
"Don't worry about it. I just get a bit lost sometimes." He said with a shrug.
She looked worried, so he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the same direction she was going.
"I already told you, it's alright. Let's just go, ok?"
After a few minutes they reached the road which she said would lead to her house. As they walked he realized that he still hasn't let go of her hand and was still pulling her.
He looked at her and saw that she was looking down, her face beet red. Sensing her discomfort he stopped walking and slowly let go of her hand. She just let it drop to her side.
She just stood there, not speaking. He wondered if he should apologize.
"Anou, gomen-" He started.
Suddenly, she inhaled deeply, looked up at him and said, "Shall we go?"
He wasn't able to react. She sure can be quick in shifting her emotions.
She smiled at him, "If you have a tendency to get lost, maybe I should leave markers for you to follow. That way, you can come back to the park."
"You don't have to. I'm used to getting lost. It's not a big deal."
"Please? I'll feel better knowing you didn't get too lost."
"...Alright." Hatsuharu sighed inwardly. She looked so worried that he finally gave in.
She beamed at him and clapped her hands. Then she took a ball of yellow thread from her bag.
"It's a good thing I felt that I should bring my knitting thread with me. Here, I'll tie some of the thread around the posts that we pass by, especially the intersections. The direction the knot is facing is where we came from, ok?"
"Ah..." He frowned.
Is it just me, or is she treating me like a kid...? Well, I'm not a kid... And I'm not stupid... 'Stupid'. I hate that word! I-
"Sohma-san? Doshitano?" A worried voice interrupted his thoughts.
He realized that he almost turned Black over such a silly thing.
"Iie. Betsu ni."
"Gomen nasai… I didn't mean to make you feel stupid."
How did she know that? Oh no, she's crying...
He felt really bad for almost turning Black over something so trivial. She was only worried, after all. He reached out and wiped the tears from her face. He placed his hand on her head to make her feel better. It seemed to have worked, because she suddenly stopped crying and looked at him.
"Don't cry anymore, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."
She sniffled. "H-hontou ni?"
He gave a reassuring smile. "Ah."
"Yokatta..." She placed both her hands on her chest and gave a sigh of relief.
"Let's go." He said, offering his hand.
She looked confused at first. When she realized what he wanted her to do she turned scarlet. Her eyes darted back and forth, first on the ground and then back his hand, not knowing if she should take it or not. But he didn't put his hand down, so she shyly took it and they made their way.
Every now and then they would stop, either to let him look at something that interested him, or for her to place a marker.
She also put a marker on the areas that he took interest to, just in case he didn't notice the other markers. All this time he would hold her hand again, as if trying to make her feel at ease.
"Sohma-san?"
"Hm?"
"Arigatou. I don't know how to thank you enough."
"Call me Haru."
"H-hai... Haru-san..."
During their walk Hatsuharu was able to ask her three questions. She answered all of them, although her answers were usually concise. She did let him ask some minor questions when he didn't understand her answer though, which is good, because many times she would speak in a kind of riddle.
So far, what he gathered was that she has been taking care of herself since she could remember, and that she wasn't able to go out of their house until she was about 7 years old (she didn't say why). She said that that childhood experience made her more reliant on herself and that she spent most of her time alone, but she didn't really feel lonely. She said that this kind of life also triggered something in her.
"What do you mean? What happened?" He asked.
"Is that your fourth question?" She asked in her deep voice again. That voice seemed to come from far away. Hatsuharu noticed that when she talked about her past she sounded like a different person.
He nodded, and she answered, "I... have a tendency to sense things. Sometimes I sense the future, sometimes the past. I don't 'see' it, but I can sense it. Maybe it's a kind of protection, since I'm usually alone."
"So, you're a psychic?"
"Not really. Not like in the movies. It's hard to explain. Besides, it doesn't always happen. I can go for a whole month without getting anything."
"Can you sense anything now?"
"...Hai. That I have to be home. I can feel that something bad is going to happen at home..."
He was startled. He stopped and stared at her. "What do you mean?"
"Something bad is going to happen to my father... And my mother... And I will be part of it..."
"Part of what?"
"It doesn't concern you."
"If you know something bad is going to happen why don't you do something to stop it?"
"Is that your fifth question?" She asked calmly. Her calmness is unnerving.
"No, it is not. But answer me anyway."
"...I've tried to stop it so many times... But they always happen. Once I get that feeling, it is inevitable..."
Hatsuharu couldn't react to that. He stood there, staring at her. She gave him a little smile of assurance before she let go of his hand and walked a few steps ahead of him. Suddenly, she stopped and turned around.
That was when he noticed that they were at a railroad crossing. She walked a bit past him so that they would be at the opposite sides of the track. The barrier is closing, warning people of an oncoming train.
"Gomen ne, Haru-san. I have troubled you... Please don't worry about me. I really enjoyed our time together. It's an honor to have talked to you." She bowed low.
"M-matte..." He called out.
They were separated by the barrier. He had half the mind to jump and take her with him, but he saw her shake her head.
"Dame yo, Haru-san. The train is coming any second now."
She took something from her bag and threw it across the tracks. He caught it. It was a seashell. Just then the train came. He couldn't get across. When the train had passed she was gone.
Japanese section:
Anou - Roughly parallel to "umm..." or maybe even "hey..."
Masaka - "No way." or "It couldn't be."
Gomen nasai/Gomen ne - "I'm sorry."
Hai - "Yes."
Iie - "No."
Sore wa - "That is..." - sometimes I hear the anime characters say that when they are hesitating to say something.
Eh - it could mean "Yes." or "What?" / "Huh?" depending on context. I usually hear girls use this.
Sou ka - "I see."
Un - "Yes."
Doshitano - "What's wrong?"
Hontou ni - "Really?"
Yokatta - Roughly "That's great." or "I'm glad."
Arigatou - "Thank you."
Matte - "Wait."
Dame yo - "No." or "Don't do it." It has a different tone from plain 'Iie'.
Sohma-san and Haru-san - In the anime I've watched, the characters usually call each other by their surnames first if they don't know each other that much or are not that close with each other. If they start to call each other by their first names, they already have a degree of closeness. That closeness is also seen by the honorific attached. )
Author's Blabber:
Maa... I'm sorry if I only posted one chapter. I still haven't finished editing the rest. As I've said before, it's my first fan fic, so I'm trying to 'clean out' any bad grammar. --;; I guess I'm also changing some of the 'wordings' that I'm not comfortable with. (",) Maa... Gomen nasai.
And, I would like to say thanks to those who took the time to read and review this. (and to Numbah Wierdo-san, again, truly sorry...)