Title: For Naught part 3/7

Thank you for the reviews! Y'all are amazingly encouraging! Sorry for the delay- busy Sunday- but be warned- this week is hectic too, posting might be sporadic but the story should be up in its entirety by Friday or Saturday!

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Rodney paced the floor, shivering as he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. One minute he was freezing, the next he felt like he was on fire. The walls of his room seemed to be closing in on him and, as comforting as the dark familiar place was moments ago, now it was nothing more than another prison.

Frustrated, McKay gave up. He smacked the panel near his door and winced at the brightly lit hallway. His head throbbed and the lights seemed to pulse, but he walked quickly, keeping his head down, his body driving him to move.

Entering his lab, he glanced around for a second and then shook his head. He couldn't stay here either. He needed something open. It was like the world was shrinking and he found it hard to breathe.

"If I could only get some enzyme." The thought flitted through his mind before he even realized what he was thinking. Anger flared again, he hated himself for even wanting the drug. He hated his body for demanding it and he hated Ford for subjecting him to this agony. How could he have been so inattentive? So stupid to let himself get hooked on a drug that warped his mind and took away his control.

McKay passed a group of soldiers in the hall and shrunk deeper into his blanket to avoid their stares. He knew they were staring. They had probably seen him in the throes of his insanity, ranting and raving and making no sense as he'd tried to explain to Weir how they needed to rescue Sheppard and the others.

Snorting, Rodney shook his head. They hadn't needed to do anything. Sheppard had it all under control. John's control hadn't been taken from him against his will. Oh he'd been coerced into helping Ford, but John hadn't felt the drug coursing through him or taking over his faculties. John had been able to think straight, to think clearly. John had saved himself.

Another turn in the hall and McKay wasn't exactly sure where he was anymore; he just knew that up ahead he saw an exit. A balcony. He could get outside; he needed to get outside before the walls caved in on him. Ignoring another wracking cough and painful shiver, Rodney pushed his way into the cold night air. The breeze felt good against his skin, the air smelled like the sea. Though his body fought against its cravings and seemed to twitch and shiver no matter how hard he tried to be still…the freedom of being outside was enough to calm him for a moment. He blinked up at the night sky, searching for stars,but the lights of Atlantis were bright, blocking out the natural light and leaving only inky blackness above. Suddenly, as quickly as it had comforted, the openness lost its appeal. It yawned above Rodney and threatened to suck him into its grasp. Floundering, McKay backed against the outer wall of the city, trembling with the intense fear that the sky would swoop down and scoop him into its depths.

He'd floated in space before, he'd seen the expanse up close and now, it mocked him. Fear filled him and panic gripped at him and he shrank away, slipping down onto the ground and curling into a tight, pained ball as his muscles cramped and his breathing quickened. Pulling the blanket tightly around him he pressed himself against the city wall and prayed that the pain would just stop.

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John virtually punched the control panel beside Rodney's door and pushed his way through before the door had fully opened.

"McKay?" heshouted harshly not caring that he would roust the man from his rest. When there was no answer he mentally nudged the lights on only to find the room empty.

"Damn it." Sheppard's eyes scanned the room, noting the mess of covers on the bed. Looked like Rodney wasn't sleeping to well. He'd check the lab.

But the lab was empty, too. Where had McKay gone? The mess? Growling to himself,John started on his hunt. He was determined to find Rodney and call the genius on his stupidity. What had the scientist been thinking?

Anger boiled within John again. Here he'd fought for his life, faced the wraith queen down and barely escaped being blown up in a firefight and Rodney didn't have the common sense to just stay put and wait for him to come find him?

Sheppard stormed the hallways, checking Rodney's usual haunts and finding everyone but the man he sought. The longer he searched the angrier he got.

"Colonel?"

"What?" John spun, snapping at the young marine hailing him.

"Um…" the young man looked suddenly terrified but swallowed his fear and faced his superior with courage. "Are you looking for Dr. McKay?"

John started to tell the boy to go away but stopped. "Yeah. Where is he?" He softened his brusquetone, hoping to find out what he needed to know.

"Saw him heading toward the east balcony a bit ago."

John frowned. "Thanks." He was running through the hall before the marine had time to respond again.

Five minutes later, John burst out onto the balcony, to find it deserted. "Shit!" Sheppard took a few steps away from the door and then walked to the rail, and stared down into the choppy dark sea below. He needed to regain control and calm down before he started searching for Rodney again. He knew McKay well enough to know that if he confronted him with yelling and accusations, the doctor would just yell back and retreat behind big words and arrogant defensive mechanism. They'd get no where.

The sea was calming despite the waves. The sound of it soothed his anger. What had Rodney been thinking? The question rolled through his mind again. It hurt that McKay hadn't had faith in him. Hadn't trusted that he would come back for him. Was their friendship that strained? Was his leadership that bad? Where had he failed to instill that trust in McKay or was McKay just that conceited that he didn't believe anyone could pull off these things but him? Why hadn't Rodney used his brain instead of taking the drug and why…

A sound caught John's attention and he looked up from the mesmerizing pull of Atlantis's sea. The night was dark but Atlantis shown brightly, casting shadows around the balcony. What was that sound? It had a cadence to it, rising and falling but constant and sounded almost like…a voice?

Sheppard spun around his eyes straining to see into the shadows, sweeping the balcony as he tried to pin point the sound until they fell on the dark mass huddled against the city.

"Rodney?" His asked in disbelief even as he moved, fast, towards the sound.

As he came near he saw only the top of McKay's head in the folds of the thick blanket.

"Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Oh god, make it stop." The litany went on and on, rising and falling from a whisper to growl and back again. Rodney rocked and shivered and pressed himself against the city, never stopping his chant.

John stared. "Rodney?"

McKay didn't respond, he merely continued to rock and chant, never looking up or acknowledging Sheppard's presence.

Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat John blinked and moved closer as Carson's words in the infirmary rang through his head. Rodney had taken a massive dose of the enzyme. He'd gone through withdrawal with no help…cold turkey. Beckett hadn't been sure he was going to survive.

John sank to his knees beside his friend and tentatively reached out. "Rodney?" He touched McKay's shoulder and Rodney's movement suddenly ceased.

Slowly, the scientist lowered the blanket from his face. John saw the deep sunken eyes, the faint bruising along his jaw and the trembling lips. "Damn it, McKay." John's anger drained out of him instantly. "What did you do?"