Disclaimer: I am neither Dick Wolf nor Amy Sherman-Palladino.
Keywords: Crossover. Law and Order SVU / Gilmore Girls
Notes: For the Five Kisses meme on Livejournal, so expect a lot of fluff and Velveeta. Set in the same universe as my other Alex/Lorelai fic. For some reason the idea of Alex living in Stars Hollow amuses me way too much.
Deleted Scenes From Somebody Else's Life
01.
Once, after Friday Night Dinner, Emily Gilmore caught them kissing.
The very next day Emily invited Alex for lunch. They exchanged pleasantries, and it was no more painful than the ass-chewing Alex had received from Branch after the Sam Barnett ordeal, though it was more disconcerting, since Emily kept pouring Alex more tea and asking her if the food was all right and smiling the way the defense does right before they destroy your witness.
"I know my daughter," Emily said. "This is only a phase for her, like the time she dated her father's buisness partner, and the time she dated that diner man of hers. She may be a lesbian this week, but next week she'll be adopting a Chinese baby, or whatever is fashionable these days."
When Alex told Lorelai what happened, Lorelai said, "Let's adopt a Chinese baby next week! Like Meg Ryan!"
"We'll get right on that," Alex deadpanned, and they made out on the couch watching When Harry Met Sally.
02.
It's hard to say how it exactly started or who initiated it. Alex and Lorelai just happened, the way Alex and Olivia never happened.
Alex vaguely remembers sitting on the porch swing and eating Fruit Roll Up. Lorelai sat beside her, painting her toenails with something pink and glittery, engaging in a one-sided conversation with Pierpont, Babette's garden gnome, whom Lorelai insisted was complimenting her on her choice of color.
"That's not how you eat Fruit Roll Up," Lorelai said when she caught Alex carefully peeling the candy off in little bits and making them last in her mouth as long as possible.
"I wasn't aware there's a standarized way to eat Fruit Roll Up," Alex said. "You're so oppressive with your candy-eating habits. You're possibly violating my right to eat candy however the hell I want."
"You're violating the Code of Fruit Roll Up Ethics," Lorelai said, and then dropped her nail polish to demonstrate the ethical way to eat the candy, which mostly consisted of rolling the entire sheet into a gigantic ball and then popping it into her mouth. "See, this is how you do it," Lorelai said. Or at least that's what Alex thought she said; Lorelai had her mouth full.
But it didn't matter, because the next thing she knew, she and Lorelai were kissing, and Lorelai tasted like artificial blueberry, sour and sweet and hot, and when Alex broke the kiss, she said to Lorelai, "Your lips are blue."
"Well, so are yours," said Lorelai, and went back to painting her toenails, and neither of them talked about it for a week.
03.
Alex doesn't like coffee. She just doesn't. Like. Coffee.
There is nothing anyone or anything can do to make her like coffee, and Luke overhears once when she is telling Lorelai this, and he says, "Thank God there is somebody in this town who has an iota of common sense."
"Ignoring you now," Lorelai says pointedly. Turning back to Alex, she says, "If you don't like coffee, why do you kiss me in the morning?"
"You taste like cinnamon in the morning," Alex says. "Because of that ridiculous toothpaste."
"I beg your pardon, but I recall very vividly a time when you kissed me after I have had my two cups of pre-Luke coffee, and if I still taste like cinnamon after two cups of coffee, then I really, really have to write those Colgate people and ask them if they can make a toothpaste that tastes like pie."
"I am staying far away," Luke calls from the other end of the diner. "Over here. Not listening."
Lorelai laughs and tastes like coffee when Alex kisses her, and Alex doesn't mind, not at all.
04.
"Where'd this come from?" Lorelai asks one night. They are in bed and Lorelai is tracing circles with her thumb around the coin-shaped scar on Alex's shoulder.
Alex thinks for a minute before delivering forward a story about her farm in Iowa, a childhood anecdote featuring a neighborhood bully with a shotgun and a family of squirrels. She adds the squirrels on purpose, so that Lorelai can role-play in funny voices, which effectively makes this the weirdest post-coital conversation Alex has ever had.
"Wow," Lorelai says afterwards. "My girlfriend, the squirrel saver. A heroine among the nut-gatherers. A legend that is passed on to future generations of squirrels."
"I don't think their brains are evolved enough to process all that," says Alex.
Lorelai presses her finger against the scar. "Does it still hurt?"
"A little," Alex admits after a long pause. It's only half a lie. "Sometimes."
Lorelai leans down and kisses Alex's shoulder gently, the way she probably did to Rory's scraped knees when Rory was little and learning to ride her bike. "There," Lorelai says. "I made it all better."
05.
Taylor holds Alex in contempt, pounding his gavel against the podium, and kicks her out of the meeting altogether when Alex stands up and yells, "I am not in contempt, and this isn't even a court of law!"
Lorelai thinks it's hilarious, and makes no attempt at concealing her glee as Alex stomps her way out of the town hall.
"I quit. I categorically refuse to go to anymore town meetings from now on," Alex fumes. "Those meetings are always like a scene out of To Kill a Mockingbird. I have no idea how Atticus Finch managed not to snap."
"He went around shooting mad dogs."
"Maybe I should try that."
"I'll tell Taylor to watch out." Lorelai catches up and locks her hand into Alex's. "Hey, if you kill Taylor, maybe Lifetime will make a TV movie about you. Starring Tori Spelling and the entire cast of 90210."
Alex regards Lorelai with irritated bemusement, and only smiles again when Lorelai reaches over and kisses her. Lorelai's lips are cold and taste like snow, if snow has a taste at all.
"There we go," Lorelai says, mirroring Alex's grin with her own, and when Alex kisses her back, she feels like she's thirteen again.
ooo