Unicorn13564: My sister says I should post this story… I'm just worried about the outcome… the reaction I might get… (breaths) This is actually really terrifying XD
When You're Away
Oneshot. Yaoi. HxR. How would you feel, if someone you truly cared about, went away for a couple of hours? Lost? Alone? Unneeded? This is Horo, and how he feels every time the Tao is away.
Horo's heart sank as the Tao exited the Asakura Residence. Even though he'd only be gone for a few hours, and he could see him later, he felt as if he was so… useless…
The Ainu knew about how busy the Tao was, and that he had a life of his own, yet without him here by his side, nothing felt right… nothing ever did…
You see, Ren was his vent, his sanctuary, his God. If ever he needed to talk to someone, he would always turn to Ren, and in return, Ren would always turn to him. They'd open up to one another and trust one another, tell the other what was on their mind and on occasions, sense the others distress and emotion, even before they were told. Ren would even sometimes tell him about his past, and all that he went through as a child. Yet nothing ever compared to the loneliness he felt when the Tao wasn't around; or the hatred towards En when he was told those dreadful tales.
Horo sighed and trailed his feet back to his room, flopping backwards onto his bed. As he stared up at the ceiling, his mind tried to preoccupy itself on something other than Tao Ren.
"…Maybe I should read a book…" he asked out loud. "Then again, I'd never sit still long enough to finish it…"
He rolled over, his eyebrows locking in a frown as his arm dangled over the side of his bed. What to do, what to do…
His eyes glanced around his room, searching for something to do. A computer sat on a desk in the corner, a small stool standing under it. Next to that was his shelf of pc games, and lined neatly underneath that; a short row of books and magazines. Yet his eyes still wondered, wondered past the fish tank, past the TV and past the DVD player, until they found their way to his bedside table, resting on a small black box. 'Don't' he told himself, 'Don't do it Horo. It will only pollute your mind with images you know will never happen… don't… stop… I mean it, don't, don't open the- fine, don't listen to me. After all, I'm only your conscience!'
The Ainu smiled as he stared down at the photos. "…You know conscience, you're like my other half…" he said quietly, the smile turning into a cheeky smirk. "And you give really crap advice…"
He studied the photo. It was of Ren, and it was the best photo Horo had of him. He was smiling. Well, smirking, but still. It was a time not that long ago, when he went on holiday with Jun and his mother. He'd sent Horo the pictures. Some had Ren in them, and those were the ones that were kept in the small black box. The Ainu smiled and stared at the photo, lovingly stroking it with his thumb.
All of a sudden the bedroom door burst open, causing the blue-haired shaman to drop the photo. "I wasn't doing anything, I swear!" he yelled in defence.
Pirika stared at him and raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Onii-chan… what's wrong…?" she inquired, coming over to him and sitting on the bed beside him.
Horo sighed. "Nothing." He lied, refusing to look up at her. She knew about his whole 'issue' and understood… I guess… Yet he felt so empty, so alone. There was once a time when he would tell his sister anything, yet now… now… he didn't know why… but he didn't tell his sister everything… Like how he felt he didn't belong anymore, like how he felt like a total stranger to the people he'd known for years… like how only one thing mattered to him… like how he would bide his time until Ren would return… like how he would miss Ren so badly it hurt… like how if Ren was sad, so was he, and if Ren was happy, so was he… like how he wanted to protect him, be there to catch him when he falls… like how he… how he…
"You're not very good at it, are you…"
Horo glanced up at her. "Good at what?"
"…Finding someone… who loves you…"
Horo scoffed. "Like you're the one to talk. Besides, I have many people who love me."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. There's you, mum, dad-"
"No family members."
"Hao, Yoh, Ren, Lyserg-"
"No friends."
The Ainu boy groaned as his sister explained. "I mean, love love. I mean, think about it. There was Yoh. You had a crush on him for ages, and eventually 'fell in love with him', and when you told him how you felt, he told you he was straight yet you remained friends. Then there was Lyserg. He practically toyed with you for a while; then ignored you. And now, it's Ren."
Horo balled up his fists in anger, ready to explode.
"Wonder how long you're going to obsess over him for."
"Stop it!" he yelled, sitting up and glaring at her. "Just stop it! Stop talking about Ren like he's just going to end up like the others!"
"Oh hush Horo; you're not even going out, besides, like Lyserg did, Ren has a girlfriend."
The male Ainu held his icy glare, trying to keep himself calm as he spoke. "Ren cares about me, and I care about him. It's true that I care more for him than he does for me, but it's also true that he listens to me. He comforts me. He helps me through hard times. He's not like other people! He doesn't shut me out! He doesn't abandon me! He doesn't use me!"
Pirika's eyes saddened. "You're just making it hard on yourself…"
"I know, but it's better than running away, or pretending these feelings aren't there… after all, if someone you care about doesn't know that you care, you can guarantee nothing will ever happen…"
"Onii-chan, did you not hear the part about the girlfriend?"
"Yes, I heard, I know he has a girlfriend."
"Good, so you know you're just being awkward."
"I'm not being awkward."
"Yes you are."
" No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes you are Horo. You're being awkward because you know he has a girlfriend, yet you won't stop obsessing!"
"…You know… there's a saying… 'you can't help who you fall in love with'…"
"No… no, no, no, no, no!" The young Ainu girl shook her head. "You're not in love, you just have-"
"-a really strong friendship? Funny, you said the same thing about Yoh. Why are you so determine to terminate any feelings of love I have towards other people? I really care about Ren, and if he ever asked me to back off, or stop 'obsessing', I would do. I just feel like I belong with him, you know? He's so caring, and I can talk to him about anything without being judged, I can have a laugh with him, and I can always rely on him to be there for me- just like he can rely on me to be there for him."
Yes, he didn't tell her everything… like how he wanted to be with him so badly… like how he loved him…
Pirika sighed. "You're digging a hole you won't be able to climb back out of."
"Depending on how deep it is, I'm pretty sure I can manage." He replied sarcastically.
"Horo, enough's enough. You can do what you want, I won't tell you what to do anymore. It's your life, not mine."
With that, Pirika got up to leave. "Hey…" called Horo, watching as she stopped, showing that she was listening. "Everything I've been through… you've always been there… and… well… thanks. Not once have you left me, or told me to shut up and bug someone else with my problems… well, there was the odd time when you'd sigh when I got depressed over Lyserg, and when he would walk past I'd watch him until he was out of sight… but anyway, now I have two people who take care of me. I only hope, that in the future, I can return the favour."
"Don't worry about it…" she grinned. "I'll make a list."
Horo smiled as his sister left, closing the door behind her. Maybe he shouldn't tell Ren that he loved him. Maybe it would complicate things, or scare him away… but then again, if nothing is ever said…
"Hey, Ainu-baka! I have a bone to pick with you about why I found the wrapper of a snicker bar in my pocket! I knew you shoved something in there yesterday!"
His heart leaped for joy at the sound of the Tao's voice. Should he? Should he tell him?
"Horo…? …Horo, where the hell are you?"
Yes, despite how miserable and alone he felt when the Tao was away, he felt the complete opposite when he was around. He felt alive, as if he could do anything. He felt the happiest he'd ever been. He felt like nothing else mattered, as long as the Tao was beside him. Just Ren being his friend was enough to make him smile. Sure, nothing may well never happen between the two due to how far apart they usually were, but still, at least Ren will know.
The Ainu got up of the bed and ran out into the hallway. This was a chance he was going to have to take. "Ren…? Ren, I have something to tell you!"
THE END!
Unicorn13564: Great, now my heart has gone berserk… -.-'' Ok, so this wasn't as good as my usual stories, yet this has a purpose, so blah. x.X'' This is based on a true story, about me and my best friend, and how I feel about her. Oh, and just so you know, no I'm not gay… I'm bi... o.o'' (tackles) Special person, don't freak. I was going to tell you one way or another… and I chose this way… o.o'' I know we're far apart, and nothing can ever happen because of that, but still, at least you know. n.n Remember when we said we should tell each other what's on their minds, like what's bugging them or what's making them upset and stuff… well this has been bugging me, the fact you didn't know. (tackles) Special person, if you are unsure whether or not I'm talking about you (tackles) then I'm surprised… o.O'' (tackles and glomps) But just encase your having a bad day, is half asleep or is recovering from shock, and you still don't get who I'm talking about, this should make sense to you. '(tackles)' and 'poke Jon for me, I can't reach'. XD