A/N: The lyrics are from Christine Lavin's "I Bring Out the Worst In You"
I bring out the worst in you; you bring out the worst in me.
So what are we doing here arguing with destiny?
This kind of love will never work; it can only bring us pain.
Why then do I feel so hurt when I think of never seeing you again?
It was an accident, she really hadn't meant for this to happen, not this time. She was moving on with her life, really. Carly glanced over at the sleeping form beside and then squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the sheet up to her chest. She took a deep breath and rolled so that her back was to him, but she couldn't make herself leave the bed - it had been so long. She felt him shift behind her - not sleeping after all. He watched her for a moment before he pulled her closer, spooning against her. He didn't do anything else, content for the moment to just hold her.
Carly felt a tear slip down her cheek. "Why do we do this to ourselves, Sonny?" she whispered.
The evening had begun innocently enough. Michael's teachers had started complaining about his behavior at school and she'd called Sonny because they'd agreed to try to present a united front with the kids. They'd met up at the Metro Court because she'd been working. It was only natural to share a drink while they were talking. A friendly drink and it should have ended there. When they were ready to leave Sonny had impulsively leaned down to kiss her cheek. Before she even realized what she was doing Carly had turned her head, so that her lips brushed against his. That simple, familiar touch had been too much, evoked too many memories, the desires that each had sworn were gone. His hands came up to tangle themselves in her hair before he could stop himself and he held her still so that he could plunder her mouth.
Carly allowed herself a moment of weakness, indulging herself in his touch, before she pulled away. Gasping for breath she shook her head feeling her heart break again as she spoke. "We can't do this," she said. "You know we can't. We'll only hurt each other again."
"Just for tonight, Carly," he whispered kissing her shoulder. "Just give me tonight and tomorrow things can go back to the way they were."
His lips, so familiar on her skin, lit a fire that she couldn't deny and with a slight moan, she gave in. "Just for tonight," she agreed. Just for tonight she could pretend that he was still hers. She could forget that she would have to let him go in the morning.
I bring out your darkest moods; you bring out my jealousy.
Oh, whatever happened to that happy couple we used to be?
What's happened to our common sense? It surely must have taken flight.
'Cause both of us are so hell-bent on staying here tonight.
Hours later Carly lay in bed beside him. "It wasa mistake, Sonny," shesaid quietly. "You know it was. We both know it was."
"You're bad for me," forgetting her nudity Carly turned over to face him. "Hell, we're bad for each other. When we're together I'm worrying about the business and trying to help you when you don't want my help. When we're apart I'm obsessing about you and whoever you're with now: Brenda and Alexis and Sam and Reese and now Emily. I can't do it anymore, Sonny. I have to learn to live for me, not you."
Sonny just laid their watching Carly as the tears slipped from her eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing and then looked into his eyes trying to make him understand, needing him to understand. "And if it's not me, Sonny, then it's you. You're throwing things and yelling. I'm as bad for you as are for me."
Sonny pulled her into his arms and she buried her head against his shoulder as she cried. They both knew that her words were true. They were toxic - poison to each other. But here, tonight, they clung to each other. Despite her words Carly was holding on to him as she cried. After a moment Sonny pulled away from her and cupping her chin tilted her face up so that he could use his other hand to brush away her tears. "I know," he said. "I know it's a mistake, but I still love you, Carly. I don't know how to not love you."
Carly smiled through her tears, "I don't know how to not love you either."
Why can't I let go of you? Why can't you let go of me?
Can't you see her waiting in the wings impatiently?
There must be a power that is holding us, we don't have the strength to break,
Or maybe we're not tough enough to admit to such a big mistake.
Carly woke up with a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time that she had woken up feeling this warm, this safe, not since the last time she and Sonny had divorced. She stretched languorously and suddenly realized why she was so comfortable - she wasn't alone.
Sonny nuzzled her neck. "Good morning," he mumbled.
"Is it?" Carly whispered refusing to turn and look at him. The night was over and now, with morning's light streaming in the window she was forced to confront what they'd done in the dark. She had worked hard for the past several months to separate herself from Sonny. Not just physically or legally, but emotionally. She knew that she needed to learn not to rely on him. After a night in his arms, she knew that she was right back where she started.
"What's wrong?" Sonny asked, forcibly turning her so that he could see her face, inexplicably surprised by the tears in her eyes.
"You know what's wrong, Sonny!" she cried. "We shouldn't have done this. How am I supposed to let go of you, to go on with my life, when all I want is to wake up in your arms?"
"I love you so much. I feel like I'm not whole without you," she confessed. "But we only seem to break each other down, Sonny. And I don't know how many more times I'm going to be able to put myself back together."
"I never wanted to hurt you, Carly," Sonny said. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you, and I just - I'm sorry, last night I guess I just lost control."
Even through her tears, Carly had to suppress a smile at that, knowing how much that admission must have cost him. "We both did," she admitted. "That always seems to happen when we're around each other."
She pulled away from him and wrapping the blanket around herself, rose from the bed. "It can't happen anymore, Sonny." She picked up her dress from the floor and retreated to the bathroom to change, knowing that he would be gone when she returned.
Sonny lay back in the bed for a moment. "It won't," he promised the empty room, but the tattoo on his shoulder was proof enough for him that he was lying. He had never been able to keep away from her for long, no matter how good his intentions. He ran his hand over the cross. He'd gotten the tattoo a few years ago on a night when he was fighting against the urge to go to her. It had worked for awhile. He'd stayed away, but something always happened. Eventually something always brought them back together. He knew in his gut that this time would be no different.
But he rose from the bed, dressed, and left the room before she emerged from the bathroom. He was content to play the game again. Maybe their love was destructive; maybe it hurt them more than it healed. But this was who they were.
So I bring out the worst in you; you bring out the worst in me.
Is this what you want to do? Keep on arguing with destiny?
This kind of love will never work; it can only bring us pain.
Why then do I feel so hurt when I think of never seeing you again?
Why then do I feel so hurt when I think of never seeing you again?