Can't Stay

-Summary- Sometimes hitsuzen brings people together… and sometimes it tears them apart.

A/N – So sue me, I wanted to try something different this time. Namely, a different POV. Ummm… Enjoy?

Disclaimer – Same thing as in the first half. Don't own.

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I told him I was leaving. He said nothing, just folded his arms as though to say, "So what?" Not "What? Already?" Not even, "About fricking time! I'm sick of your ugly face," which would have hurt, but at least it would have been a reaction. Maybe I'm weird, but I like it when people actually react to what I say so I know what they're thinking.

But nope. Leave it to Kuro-sama to find a way to be taciturn and uncommunicative. He never said a word, and I couldn't even read his eyes to tell if there was anything he was thinking, but not saying. Usually that's what I have to do with him. This time, he was expressionless as a rock. Actually, I've seen more expressive rocks.

I waited patiently until it became obvious that this was one time I wasn't going to let him get away with blowing out an exasperated breath and looking away. Even then, all he said was: "I'll go tell Tomoyo. She'll want to know." And he walked away.

I was a little concerned. I'd been under the impression that we were sort of friends. OK, I'd thought we were friends. Admittedly this friendship consisted mostly of him putting up with me teasing him and calling him cute nicknames in exchange for less secrecy on my part, and occasionally making the effort to be a little serious for about five minutes at a time. But maybe he really didn't care one way or another if I was around. I wouldn't have been surprised. I usually am wrong when it comes to friendship.

Within the hour the four of us – me, Mokona, Tomoyo-hime, and Kuro-pi – were saying out farewells. Well, at least three of us were. Mr. Social Sensitivity withdrew into the shadows and continues not speaking to any of us.

"You can't stay, even just a little bit longer?" the princess asked, eyes shimmering. I felt really bad. I don't like making anyone cry. She'd been so good to me, ever since I came here – taken me in, treated me like a friend. I guess we were friends. We had a lot of fun together trying to get Kuro-rin into some of the outfits we'd designed together.

But staying wasn't possible. I'd always known it, in the back of my mind, but that still didn't make this any less hard.

"No," I told her as gently as I could. "I'm afraid not. I'm sorry." I enfolded her in a hug, wishing I didn't have to tell her this, wishing it wasn't true. Mokona joined in the hug as best as he could. "I… probably won't ever be back.

I had to look away from her then. I think both of us would have started crying if I hadn't. I looked up, away, and caught Kuro-pon's eyes. "But you'll always be in my thoughts," I said, speaking to Tomoyo-hime, speaking for Kuro-wan. Just so he'd know that some friends were worth remembering. "No matter how far me and Mokona go."

As quickly as Kuro-chii looked away after I'd said that, it must have annoyed him an awful lot. I could almost hear him thinking, Gah! Sentiment! Don't have any use for it. What an idiot…I couldn't help but smile. That would be so typical.

Tomoyo-hime hugged me again, then let go. I stepped forward, thinking I might at least try to say good-bye to Kuro-bun, even if he was being abnormally grumpy. But he ignored me so studiously that I gave up. I can only hope I didn't show my disappointment. Why was he being like this? Did he think I'd meant to hug him, or something? He'd have been wrong. I would've only tackled him if he'd been rude to me. Just to bother him really good for the last time.

But I didn't know what to do about this. So I didn't do anything. Maybe it was stupid, but I was at a loss for anything better.

"Let's go, Mokona!" I said in as upbeat a voice as I could manage. New worlds. New adventures… No one but Mokona to share them with. Not that I don't love Mokona to pieces – I do! - but in that moment I realized just how badly I'd been missing the kids. How badly I would miss Kuro-puu. And I remember how much I hated leaving.

Mokona leapt into the air, but instead of crying, "Mokona Modoki can't wait!" as he usually did, he merely hovered there, then said, "Good-bye, good-bye!" And then in the most subdued voice I'd ever heard from him: "Mokona doesn't want to go…"

"Me neither," I said back softly. It was the truth, yet he and I both knew there wasn't any choice. That was probably my fault; I'd made my choice long ago, back in Celes, and there was no changing it now. And maybe if I hadn't made my choice like that, maybe if Ashura-ou hadn't been following me, I would have given in to Mokona and myself and stayed.

Why am I even saying 'maybe'? There was no 'maybe about it. We would have stayed.

But there was Ashura-ou to consider, and I could not, in conscience, lead him to a world where I had friends who might purposely get in the way. That's one thing I don't ever want to add to any list of guilt.

Mokona's magic swirled up around me, hiding the other two from my view. Which was just as well, because just this once I could feel my smile trying to betray me. And I didn't want it to, not here. Call me a fool for trying to be 'strong' when it no longer mattered – but even that doesn't matter much any more. What's done is done, and sometimes knowing you can't go back and fix the things you wish had gone differently is enough to make you want to scream.

I got one last glimpse of the two of them in between the rising threads of Mokona's magic. I don't think they could see me, although I don't know that for certain. Tomoyo-hime's face was tired and quietly sad. I couldn't help but think that maybe it was best that this good-bye was forever. If I came back, I have the horrible feeling that I wouldn't even recognize either of them. And that would hurt worse than never seeing them again. Time passes. Sometimes it passes too quickly. I'll just remember Tomoyo-hime as I knew her here – and that will have to be enough.

Kuro-rin's expression was bitter as he turned away, bitter and hard as though he fought back more of that anger that has always afflicted him so badly. If he knew I could still see him, he didn't seem to care. But seeing him like that, I… I think I understood why he'd stayed back. Helplessness, and anger at that helplessness, had combined to make him awkward and sullen. Most things do, I know, but this more so than most. I hoped he wasn't blaming himself or anything like that. It wasn't his fault.

I couldn't have stayed, even if I'd wanted to – and I did want to, very badly. Fear of what will happen if I stop is what keeps me running, but more and more that fear has turned into a less selfish fear – fear for the people that I've come to care about. That's why I didn't stop in Clow, though Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan had begged me. That's why I couldn't stop here. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me.

It wasn't his fault, or Tomoyo-hime's, or really, anyone else's. It was just the way the world had worked out. Hitsuzen, the Dimensional Witch would probably have called it.

Sometimes hitsuzen can be pretty cruel.