Never go back
She missed him. Of course she did, but it had all happened so quickly.
Or rather it had happened excruciatingly slowly, and then someone hit the fast forward button and it was all first names and snuggled on the sofa watching the Simpsons.
It was weird to say the least.
I mean, no, it was great. Of course it was great! Brilliant, more than she could have asked for. It made it all worth it, knowing that they'd both survived, beaten the bad guys, and now it was someone elses turn.
And they got their happy ever after? They got to have fights over the remote and science versus faith, or gut instinct, and whether or not common sense was ever an option. Most of the times they forgot their ranks, or previous occupations. They'd been colleagues. Friends, if you will.
And she loved those times she'd met his friends, and at her name they'd grinned really wide, nodded with understanding, and patted him on the back. And even more, the times when she knew he was patting himself on the back, either when he told her she looked beautiful, something that made her blush, or when he managed to confuse her with technobabble, which elated her.
And now they got to do the long distance thing? Was that really a viable option? She wasn't just going to let it go, she'd waited too long for the missing piece of the puzzle, but now back home, in Colarado Springs, away from the shelter of the dessert, and all her distracting doohickeys, she realised what she'd been missing. She'd tried to be faithful to him, to stay off the flagship team, her team, so she would be safe, and he would happy, and it would be all fairytales and "What dog should we get?"'s, but Cam slapped that tag on her uniform, and she was back. Who was she kidding? He'd known before anyone else, even her, that the mountain was her first love, just as the dialling system was her baby-her prodigy.
She recalled the look on his face when she suggested she go back to Colorado to help out, the raised eyebrow making her homesick for another friend, who she might just see if she was lucky.
"Help out?" He said, dripping sarcasm, but still smiling, his hands loosely on the wheel, "So you'll just drop in, find Baal, and come back, all done? "What a great week, see ya later guys", kinda deal?"
"Sure, why not?" She shrugged.
"You're missing one small detail here-i know you." He smiled sadly, "It won't be a one week job, you love the mountain, hell you were practically married to it for eight years. Once Landry gets hold of you, and don't forget Mitchell...see you in another four years right?"
"You're wrong, besides, i think there's something around here worth sticking around for." She grinned.
"I know, the jello in the Area51 commisary is amazing! Forget Roswell, that's the real secret!"
She sighed, rolling her eyes.
He smiled, and patted her leg with his free hand. "I'll call Landry in the morning."
She sat back in her chair, both satisfied and unsatisfied. She would see the mountain again! See Daniel, and maybe Teal'c. See her...someone elses lab.
And now, as she unpacks her Lab, respectfully left empty in her absence, as if expecting her return, knowing in advance that she wouldn't be able to leave it.
"Carter." She answers the incessant ringing of the phone, expecting it to be Daniel, again, in his search for answers. It's not.
"Sorry, i need you're help. Could you possibly tell me what ingredients constitute an omelette?" He says charmingly.
She laughs, "It's good to hear your voice."
"You're tired."
"It's not that...although the plane leaving at four am so you could wind up Landry when you knew he'd phone was so considerate..."
"Evil genius is not a term to be used lightly."
There's silence again, as she contemplates, tries to understand what she wants to tell him.
"Everything's different, and yet everything's the same."
"What, suprised they managed to live on without you? If they'd been falling apart you'd have been disappointed." He points out, quite rationally.
"I know. It's just, this place used to be my home...and now it's not."
"What's so wrong with it? Did Landry cancel the order of blue jello like i suggested?"
"No, you're not here, you idiot."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Things like that were still awkward and unusual with them. They were soldiers through and through, things had changed them both, neither were overly passionate with words. He was a man of action, and in some ways, so was she. Head on shoulder, arm in arm.
"So, i was thinking now that you're back on Sg1, you're back to being 2IC again, guess i didn't think that through huh?"
"I was always a better second than i was a leader, i was always worrying about living up to your expectations, and following your example. This way i can be Science Sam to the rescue..." She laughs, a light tinkling sound, indicative of how tired she really is.
"Instead of Soldier Sam?" He grins, and she can hear it.
"I'll be home in two weeks." She says firmly.
"To stay?"
"A few days."
"I knew it! You missed it!" He says victoriously.
"I said i'd be home, this isn't home anymore." She points out, "Surely that earns me some brownie points?"
"Just a couple, make sure you spend your time at home earning the rest of them Colonel!"
"YES SIR!" She almost shouts, but instead collapses onto the couch in her newly redone office. It's off kilter.
"I suppose i better go." She says grudgingly, "Danny will be in in a minute, telling me about all the apparent answers to the universe that he's maybe-almost-might have found." She tries not to sound bitter, but it doesn't work.
"I'm going to tell him you said that!"
"Did he tell you about his girlfriend? Vala? The person he says he's not interested in at all?"
"Getting jealous there Carter?"
"Ha ha."
"He did tell me about her. Only that she's annoying, has a short attention span, and lies without really caring if anyone believes her. Said she reminded him of someone. Do you know who he means?"
She yawned. "No idea."
"You better go. But before you go and sleep, check the box i helped pack, the one that did say "Research on anti-grav mechanisms" and now says "Doohickeys extraordinaire". I put a present in there for when you go offworld."
"I'm not staying."
"Sure."
"I'm not!"
"If you're not back in two months i'm buying a laborador."
"But we were gonna get-"
"No buts! Two months, deal?"
"I love you." She laughed. The man was like the miracle cure to a crappy day.
"You too. Be safe."
"I will."
She hung up, and went searching for her present.
As she found the box, scrabbled around until finding a soft object wrapped in Yellow paper with Bart Simpson saying "Best of luck, man", and smiled, opening it carefully, only slightly worried that something would spring out at her.
And inside, with a handwritten tag that said "For a little extra luck, we always needed it." was a love worn, olive baseball cap, with the beak bent a little too much.
Sam smiled. Maybe, sometimes, it was okay to go back.