Just a quick note: i am British and therefore have no idea the distance in miles between colorado and washington (infact i probably couldnt point either out on a map)
If anyone wants to tell me, email it...and if ur gonna do that u might as well review!
Never Go Back.
Chapter 2: Remember me?
Samantha Carter was wrapped up in a life changing experiment, or at least that's what she'd tell you if you asked. The truth was, the Lieutenant Colonel, brilliant Doctor, Little Miss "science is fun", was curled up in the darkest corner of her lab she could find, a mug of cold coffee sitting on the concrete next to her. Through the not-quite tears she could see the blurry red outline of the words "Gone fishin'" on the mug, with a scribbled "Finally" added on haphazardly in black pen for no extra charge, care of Jack O'Neill.
He seemed to have a penchant for writing on her stuff.
Although in all fairness, he'd given it to her, one of those quirky "I'm sorry your dad's dead and i don't know how to make you smile again, forgive my stupidity" type of things. The worst thing was it made her cry. She hated when she did that. She kept going over all the times she'd cried infront of him, and it wasn't acceptable. Well, she guessed it was acceptable now...
Buck yourself up Colonel! Carter's don't cry! She tried hearing her father's mantra, long since drilled into her head since puberty, if only to explain his inability to show an ounce of care for anything since her mother's death, but she couldn't. He'd changed. He would never tell her to bottle it up, he'd just offer his arms, and shrug. Wow she missed him sometimes.
Her cell phone rang, vibrating in her pocket, and making her jump. "Left it on again? Just plain stupid, Carter! Hello?" She muttered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, knowing that it wouldn't make her voice any less thick.
"First time you haven't answered your phone with "Carter" for about five years, I'd say." A wry voice, smirking she could tell, said simply.
"I'm glad it's you." She felt her voice shake again.
I will not play the vunerable crying girlfriend who needs to be comforted. I won't do it! I won't!
"Sounds like it's been a bad week. An understatement,I know." He sympathised.
"Yeah, pretty much." She tried to sniff as quietly as possible, "Why didn't you use the base phone?"
"I tried, Landry said you'd given orders not to disturb as you were performing a highly dangerous experiement with fluxations that could be catastrohpic if you were disturbed...if i hadn't known you were having a hard time, that confirmed it." She could actually hear him shrugging.
"I'm not having a hard time, it's been a rough week. It happens. I'm fine." She insisted, knowing that he wouldn't believe it for a minute. Not that she expected him to. And if she was completely honest, she didn't really want him to either.
"I know you." He said whispered tauntingly, as if that made it okay for him to be right.
"I know there is no experiment in your lab right now,I remember you hiding behind that since forever. After Jolinar, after that little game of hide and seek with the Anubis Drone, after the incident with Repli-Carter. Why do you think no one else bothered you then? When you wanted to escape from the world, i was the only one stupid enough to keep pushing you."
"The only one who wasn't scared I'd throw radioactive material on him...i still feel bad for threatening Daniel with that one." She sniffed laughingly.
"When was that? How did Space Monkey not tell me about that?" Jack laughed.
There was quiet at the other end of the line.
"Sam?"
"It was when you were stuck with Maybourne...I made Daniel promise not to mention my "affected" behaviour." She blinked hard, hoping that if she got the words out fast enough, he wouldn't notice them.
"Ohh..." He desperately wanted to say something horribly cliche like "I'm sorry honey", but that wouldn't work with them, not yet anyway.
"I'm sorry Sam" He settled for. "but you were distant once i got back too."
"Guilt. You got stranded again, and that time i couldn't save you. And if i had been on guard with maybourne he wouldn't have taken my weapon...Anyway, on to this week's drama."
Jack smiled. How could she do that? Optimism on that level, from anyone else would make him nauseas, but somehow it seemed to heal a little part of him everytime she showed it. It was a breath of fresh air from the buerocracy of Washington, and the years of "Why are we fighting? Why are good people dying? When will it be over"
She made him whole, he realised, trying not to be sentimental about it. A Carterless existence was abominable, and a Carterfull (or half full) existence, but with her feeling like half a person felt like hell.
"You're sitting in that corner, aren't you?" He said softly, referring to her current seat, the darkest part of the lab, which he had christened The Hiding Corner. Because even if Carter's weren't supposed to cry, with Jack O'Neill, they were allowed to hide.
Sam peered around the corner and looked up at the security camera suspiciously.
"No, I'm not looking through the camera." He chuckled.
"Then how do you know i just looked?"
"Didn't till just now. I just, sadly, know how your brain works. It's keeping me up at night even though I'm millions of miles away!"
"I'm pretty sure it's not millions of miles, Jack."
"Feels like it sometimes." He said, before he thought, and got uncomfortable, changing the subject.
"How's Orlin?"
She remembered to breath. Right, those files passed his desk everyday, just because now he was her scatterbrained boyfriend, instead of her pretending-to-be scatterbrained CO, didn't mean he didn't do his paperwork.
"In a mental institution. But i guess you knew that."
"I meant more along the lines of how are you doing with a man...boy..uh, ancient who you care about suddenly not remembering you?"
"Sad, angry, frustrated? Pick an adjective..." Her shoulders slumped. "I'm not even sure how i'm supposed to react to this, it's too much to deal with."
"It always is. You'll be fine. You're stronger than you know." He replied gently, wishing he didn't sound so much like her CO, and that he didn't feel like he was shipping her off into battle without him there to watch her six. He wanted to protect her. Even when she didn't need it. He was a male chauvanist. He'd get over it.
She sighed, a slight whisper in the darkness of her lab.
"I don't want to be strong anymore." She shook at the idea of admitting it to him, he always thought she had the answers, that she was a genius. He was wrong. Sometimes she was just a woman, and sometimes it hurt more than she could believe. "I just want to collapse, and not have to think for a very long time." She yawned. "AndI miss you."
"You do?"
"How can you still sound surprised? Yes,I miss you. Very much. And not just becauseI happen to feel like crap, just because you're you. Is that okay, or shouldI send a memo?" She yawned, snapping slightly.
"Is that snippiness?"
"Is that a word?"
"Are you actually angry at me?"
"Are you actually asking that question?"
"Are you going to stop this anytime soon?"
"Are you standing outside this door?"
"Do you want me to be standing outside this door?"
"Sam?" He asked hesitantly.
"You said "this" door." Sam answered quietly, "You're standing outside my lab?"
The door opened and a man walked in, wearing average civvies, jeans, shirt, leather jacket, and sat on the floor next to her, remaining a decent distance away incase she didn't want company.
Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Weirder things had happened in her life, but a General in the US Airforce flying in from Washington because she was crying alone in her lab? Well, it sounded strange when you put it that way.
Jack reached over and slowly moved the mug, his mug, that her hands were grasping like a lifeline, putting it on the other side of him, still not looking at her. Through the silence he asked if it was okay, without saying anything, without looking at her.
She stared straight ahead, and her shoulders shook as she turned and smiled at him. 100 watts in two seconds. And then her eyes glossed over and she started to cry.
He put his arm around her, as had always been allowed with them. It had always been okay, just on the boundary.
"Well,I was going to take you out for a swank meal," He started, overly cheerful, "ButI think we need greasy chinese and some beer, what d'ya say?"
She turned to look at him, the eye contact staggering. He knew what it meant, it had been their only true form of communication for years. But he also wanted to hear the words.
She tried desperately to say them, to form them in her mind, to summon the courage. She knew it was true, but it was too much, too soon. So instead she kissed him, and said, very gently,
"Thank you."
He knew what it meant.
Thank you.You've saved me. I love you.
And in the darkened corner of the lab, Samantha Carter cried. Not only for Orlin, his lost memory, his noble sacrifice .She cried not only for those killed by the virus. Not just because she had left and everything was different, and she didn't feel like she was back, not really. No, Samantha Carter cried, because there was someone there for her to lean on.
And outside there was a handmade sign, tacked up on the Lab door, which clearly read:
"Life-changing Doohickey experiment in Progress. Come back later!"
Yep, it was official. She loved him.