Author's Notes: A big thank you to all of you who have reviewed. Just as a side note, I know some of you weren't happy with Mark killing the bird in the last chapter, and he reassures me that he never meant to kill it, and he wishes he hadn't. :) Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter, reviews are greatly adored by all of you! Once again, RENT belongs to Jonathan Larson, I just use Mark and Roger for some fun! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Chapter 3 – Toy Stores and Teddy Bears
Today I decided to venture to an area of town that I normally don't get to often: Times Square. I don't know what made me decide to take the subway there, but I figured it had been awhile since I had filmed stupid tourists gawking at the city life. However, it reminded me of several memories of Roger and I doing things that would be 'film worthy'. As soon as I arrived back at the loft I dashed over to my trusty projector and stack of film canisters. I start tearing through the stack until I find the right one, holding in my hands as a treasure.
I put in the reel in the projector and watch as the scattered film clips flicker on the screen. Happy images, sad images, and those in between, I sit back and wait for the one scene I desperately wanted to come across the screen. I wait just a bit longer and my smile goes wide at the sight of the clip I was looking for…
As much as I enjoyed when it snowed, it was a terrible annoyance when I was filming. It would provide a nice backdrop to the subject I was filming, I do admit, but sometimes when it was snowing hard enough it would become a distraction. Today was an instance of my displeasure at our dear friend snow as I was intent on filming every last second of our travels. Roger and I had decided that we needed all the help we could get when shopping for our lovely girlfriends for Christmas.
So, the scene currently my camera was filming was Roger walking directly in front of me, snow pouring down, and rows of shops passing by. We had been at it for at least two hours now, Roger almost decided on a gift for April, but after seeing the price decided he could find something better. I was hopeless in my search, it seemed like with my limited budget I could not possibly find something that Maureen would deem wonderful enough. But, we continued our search.
"Mark, if you keep fiddling with that camera, we're never going to find something today!" Roger turns and says to me and I bring the camera down away from my body.
"We could always show them the film, show them all the lovely things we wanted to buy them, but could not afford?" I jest with him.
"Ah yes, that would be the perfect solution. Although I think Maureen would be more pissed that April," he replies and I wholeheartedly agree with him.
"Yeah, you're right, so we continue searching the entire city!" I say, raising my camera up in the air in joyful response.
"We're totally screwed," Roger mutters underneath his breath.
"Rephrase that. I'm totally screwed. I'm the pale, scrawny guy with the totally hot girl. I have to try and keep pleasing her somehow," I joke back, although by no means am I joking.
"Don't worry, Maureen loves everything you get her, it's so sickening," he says, making a fake vomit face and I capture the moment on tape. I smile back at his silliness.
"I'm showing her that," I respond.
"Hey, look ahead, a toy store," Roger says, pointing to a rather colorful building up to our left.
"So?" I say, filming Roger getting increasingly excited about the building he seems to want to visit.
"Come on Mark, toy stores are fun!" he says while grabbing my hand, dragging me towards the rather brightly colored building.
"Roger, I don't know what's gotten into you, we're wasting time," I mutter as he swings open the door and the sounds of children and toys buzzing around fill my ears.
"Hey, you never know, we should go check out the stuffed animals, I could always get April a cute stuffed… something," he replies dragging me in the direction of a very large stuffed teddy bear. So large, that if the bear was indeed a real bear, I would probably be crying like a little girl.
I take the opportunity to film the children playing, the toys moving, and everything. I might have just found a great new place to film – toy stores. So many things happening around me and it seems like I can't capture it all like I want to. I keep my camera trained on Roger as I observe his eyes light up at the toy trains and a small boy playing with a toy car beside them. My filmmaker instincts take over as I walk and film the excitement around me.
"Mark, are you listening?" he says to me and I glance up from my camera lens.
"Uh, sorry, distracted," I respond.
"Look at all those stuffed hippos! You think April would like one of those?" he asks, dragging me towards the pile, while I now keep the camera trained on his every action.
"Uh… I really don't know, she's your girlfriend," I reply, examining one with a large, pink, tutu. It looked rather hideous.
"Look at this bear! It's got a little guitar!" he says, showing me the bear by shoving it into my face. I jump back a second and take a second to examine his new found friend carefully. It was a small red bear, dressed in a small blue shirt, holding a small guitar.
"Wow, Roger, a bear playing a guitar," I say, the excitement screaming from my voice.
"You're in a cranky mood," he responds, cradling the bear in his hands, he looks at it almost like it was a small child. After a minute he gently rests in back in its spot, smiling down at the small creature. "Maureen wear you out last night?"
"Ha, very funny," I only reply, scanning the rest of the room.
"This is perfect," he tells me, holding a pink, stuffed swan in his hands. I film the creature lying in the musician's hands and zoom out to his face.
"So it's settled. April will be receiving a pink swan for Christmas!" I exclaim and the smile on Roger's face widens.
"Well, that'll just be part of her gift," Roger replies, winking and a sly smile on his face.
"Roger, I don't even want to know," I say, walking away from Roger and the swan.
"Fine, I'll go pay for this," he mumbles as he walks over to the register. I stay by the door, filming the entire store, to capture this perfect moment on film. Roger finally meets me at the door, swan safely tucked in a bag in his hand, and we head out.
That was such a happy memory, it was before everything, before withdrawal, before April left Roger, before Maureen dumped me, before… everything we have now. It was a totally different life compared to what we're faced with now.
I stop the film there, desperately searching the rest of the piles of films for the rest of the story. I found the one I was looking for, a film I marked with a big red X, because it was the film I had with all the moments of Roger's withdrawal on it. I put the film in the projector and watched as the rest of the story unfolded.
I desperately wanted to find a way to cheer Roger up. He spent countless hours lying in bed, never touching his guitar. He only got up to go to the bathroom or occasionally he'd move to his window and stare for hours. Collins agreed to watch Roger for the day so that I could get out, see the city, and as he put it 'get some sunshine in my eyes'. I was walking aimlessly around the city, camera in hand, searching for something – anything – that could give me the answer to the question that I repeatedly asked in my head. How can I cheer Roger up?
The colorful building captured my attention right away and I knew my answer lie right behind their doors. I crossed the street, my pace quickening as I reached the entrance to the toy store. I walked in and headed straight to the back, where the big bear stood and the piles of colorful stuffed animals remained.
It had been months since Roger and I had been here, but now, being here, it seemed like yesterday. It was a bit almost unreal the way how many things had changed since we were joking in this exact same spot about the swan that Roger had bought for her. I started digging through the piles of animals in search of the one – the only one – and could not, for the life of me, find the small, red bear. I stood back away from the pile and released a sigh. Of course that bear couldn't still be here, it was over seven months ago since we'd had been here and it had to have been sold.
I glanced down at my feet when I noticed it. I did a double take, taking a step forward, kneeling down in front of the small bear. It was indeed the same one Roger seemed to love on that December day. I picked it up and held it in my hands. The happy memories seemed to overwhelm me and I couldn't put the bear back down. I felt around in my pocket to see how much money I had, pulling out the tattered bills, counting them all in my head. I looked back down at the bear and smiled at it. The bear would be coming home to Roger.
I walked briskly down the street, my new purchase swinging in my left hand and my camera filming in my right. Everything seemed so much newer now, almost as if I had gained a part of my life – a part of my happier life – back from visiting that toy store. I couldn't wait to give Roger the bear, silently hoping that it would at least make him happy for one day.
I arrived back home and rushed up the stairs, throwing the door open, and placing everything but my camera and the bear down. I waved to Collins, who was busy reading something. I walked up to Roger's door and knocked quietly on the surface. I did not receive a response, so I cautiously open his door, peeking into the space.
I saw him lying on his back, relaxing on his bed. Not a familiar sight, these days. I pushed the door open some more, enough so that I could place my camera on the table beside the door and I could keep the bear out of Roger's eyesight.
"Uh, hey, Roger," I began, hoping to evoke some sort of response. However, all I received was a couple of grunts and an emotionless facial expression. I made my way deeper into his room, positioning myself so I stood directly in front of his eyes.
"Listen, I was walking around town today, and well, I came across a familiar place. I saw this," bringing the bear out in front of my body, "And thought you might like it. I know you did when we saw it for the first time. Maybe it could remind you of… well… happy things."
I did my best, but I feared that my efforts would be not enough. Roger did not respond to the bear or my speech, so I placed the small animal on his night stand and quietly left the space.
However, I know my efforts did not go to waste. Roger had kept the bear, but out of the sight of anyone to see. I once was searching his room and found it nestled underneath his pillow, all smushed from Roger sleeping on it (or this is what I assumed). One time, Roger was extremely drunk and I was forced to bring him back to his bed. As soon as I laid him down on his bed, he whipped out the bear and held it lovingly to his chest.
"Look, Mark, it's the bear you got me!" he said, his words slurred, but I still smiled at his announcement.
"Yes, yes it is," I reply, helping him remove his shoes, and organizing the mess around his bed.
"I never thanked you for him, but he's such a good bear," he said as he was staring straight at the little bear, a smile wide on his face.
"That's good, now you both need to sleep," I inform him and he brings up the covers to cover himself and the bear that he laid down beside him on the bed. I smiled at the scene before me. I'm happy knowing now that the bear and everything I did, everything I tried doing, for him did not go to waste.
Happy with my results for the evening, I shut off the projector and climbed into my small bed. I smiled at the ceiling; my findings today were the best ones yet. Tomorrow I'll have to find more memories that are worth putting on his film.
Thank you again for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated!