Live everyday as if it is your last, 'cause it may just be.
You sit quietly in the back of the hospital, looking out the window, not speaking, not moving.
The tension of the feelings running throughout your body won't go away, they won't stop coming, they won't give an explanation, a reason, an excuse.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.
The raindrops hit harder onto the windowpane, screaming out something, a sign maybe. A sign that something was going to happen today. It's telling you. You are going to die today.
Maybe you should die.
"Meredith,"
And there it is, your only reason for living.
"Hmm," you respond, your throat shaking at the vibration.
He walks in front of you, and you know he is there but you don't want to look, don't want to move, don't want to meet those eyes because you know, when you do, you won't be able to look away. And then that will give you another reason to live.
His hand reaches your face, pushing up your chin to look into his eyes. And you break. Your eyes lock and your breath quickens and you can feel your heart stop for one small second, and you wish you could just die right there. At least you'd die happy.
"I'm going to die," you tell him quietly, his eyes boring a hole in the center of your pupil.
And you see his eyes change. You don't know how they changed, but they did.
"You are not going to die," he states. "You are not going to die." He stands there, staring within, and yet, he is paralyzed by those words.
"I am."
"No. No. No!" he yells, stepping towards you. "Stop. Don't think that. You are not going to die."
"And how can you be so sure?" you ask, awaiting for his answer as the hairs on your neck stand up on end on how he is taking this situation, your statement.
"I won't let you," he whispers. "I will protect you. I promise."
But she doesn't believe him.
There is a pause. His feet take him forward again and you lift your head again to meet his eyes.
"You know," you whisper in his ear, "I can't remember the last time we kissed because… you don't know that it will be your last. You think you have forever, but… you don't."
Since when did forever have a time limit?
"We have forever now, right now, at this moment, we have forever," he whispers back.
His lips brush against your neck and you gasp at the surprise. He kisses your cheek, your nose, your forehead. He traces his finger around your mouth, making small circles, trying to find the moment in forever.
Finally, he kisses you square on the mouth. And you know, it is your last kiss. Ever.
Forever is now. Treat forever as if it is now, not as if there is no forever. Because there is a forever, even if you can't see it.