Love Potion No. 19: Chapter Six
Alicia Blade

Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope the season is filled with loads of joy! My gift to you is... a chapter with lots of Mamoru in it! Hooray!

Thanks to all reviewers and my supreme editor, Stormlight.

Chapter 6
Love is Excellent Motivation

She wasn't as afraid this time, standing outside his door. Still nervous and shy, yes, but not petrified. Her heart still felt trampled on from Rei's harsh words at the arcade that morning and Usagi had spent the entire day desperately trying to rebuild her self-esteem, but every time she thought of Mamoru—which was very, very often—she couldn't help but think that she didn't stand a chance.

He probably wanted a girl who said film instead of movie, like Rei. And who could talk about biology and chemistry and physics with him.

But she could learn about those things, couldn't she? If she truly applied herself, she could be smart. She would do it, for him. She would try.

And then there was what Motoki had told her. That Mamoru was interested in girls who were unique and different. That had also plagued her all day, because she couldn't for the life of her think of a single way to show him her own individuality. And then she got to thinking that maybe she wasn't much of an individual at all, and if that was the case…

She sighed. He'll never love me.

But she couldn't give up yet. If there was even the slightest glimmer of a chance that he could feel something—anything—for her, she had to try and find it. She needed him to be hers. She needed him.

So, with his jacket wrapped up in a garment bag compliments of the dry cleaner and slung over her arm, she was standing outside his door.

Again.

Not wanting to startle him for a third time, she clenched her jaw, shut her eyes, and knocked.

There was a brief scuffling inside before the door opened, revealing Mamoru in sweatpants and a white T-shirt and reading glasses.

Usagi positively melted.

She was sure she was leaving a stain on the carpet from where her body and heart had oozed into it. She couldn't breath. Her knees were made of pudding. Her jaw hung open and she knew it and she could do nothing about it.

He. Was. So. Sexy.

He looked startled—again—to see her, but not quite as startled as before, for obvious reasons. Removing his reading glasses, he smiled nervously and leaned up against the doorframe. "Hey, Odango," he said. Grinning.

Her heart beat furiously against her ribs, desperately trying to escape. Gulping harshly, she squeaked out a hello, finding every thought tangled around his broad shoulders and ocean-blue eyes.

"So…no cookies?"

She shook her head.

"You're not here to do dishes are you?"

Her head just kept shaking, her mouth still open, gawking.

"Well?" His eyes danced down to the jacket hanging from her arm and she smiled nervously, holding it out toward him.

"Your jacket," she breathed.

"Thanks." He took it from her and an uncomfortable silence settled over them during which Usagi desperately tried to collect her wits. A moment later, feeling she had better leave before she made a complete idiot of herself, Usagi took a step away.

"Well, I guess that's it, then," she mumbled, beginning to turn away from his door.

"Wait, Oda—Usagi."

Her feet stumbled and she reached out to hold onto the wall as she turned to face him. He jumped as if prepared to catch her, but seeing his assistance was unneeded, pulled back to the safety of his doorway, hanging the coat from the doorknob.

"Yeah?"

"Er…" Scratching at the back of his head and becoming suddenly entranced by the paneling of his door, Mamoru once again took on the look of a confused little boy.

Usagi's heart softened, some of her fear dissipating, and waited.

"I was just… I've been thinking about what Rei said in the arcade this morning…"

She felt her heart stiffen again and her eyes dropped to the carpet.

"…and how you said that sometimes you just don't have motivation to study and, well… It's just, you know, that's a really common problem among students, actually."

Daring to look at him again, Usagi wondered if he was trying to make her feel better.

"It can be hard for a lot of people to focus on homework, especially if they're in an environment with a lot of distractions and stuff. Well, you know how it can be…"

Oh my, he is trying to make me feel better!

"So, I was just thinking… You've been so different, and… er… sweet, lately…"

He thinks I'm sweet!

"…that if you were interested, you could… It's just, I'm just going to be here, studying, all night, and if you wanted to stay, we could… study… together." He cleared his throat, signifying the end of his monologue, and shyly looked up at her.

And there she stood, melting again, every muscle turning into a big, mushy puddle in his apartment hallway.

"Really?"

He nodded. "I mean, I know it's a Saturday night and you probably have other things to be doing, but you'd be welcome to—"

"Sure! I'd love to!"

He paused. "Really?"

"Yeah! But I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't have any homework or books or anything with me."

Slowly, his lips curled into a crooked smile. "Well, okay. I can run down to the store and pick up some snack food while you're gone."

"Okay!"

"Alright."

"I'll be back in a bit then!"

"Sure."

Mamoru chuckled to himself as she flew down the hallway toward the elevator. She looked so happy, so enthusiastic. To study. He couldn't possibly imagine why, but there was no denying her excitement. Wandering back into his apartment, he collected his wallet in a daze, thinking about the events of the last twenty-four hours.

She was so different. Not in her personality, but in her actions toward him. The way she looked at him, the things she said, how she looked so… frightened, in a way. Like she was always holding her breath and waiting for him to say or do something. Like she was trying to please him. Like she was trying to make him like her.

He shook his head. Why would she care? Since when did she care? Did she really, or was he just imagining things? But no, he wasn't imagining things. She was trying to be friends with him, he just knew it. There was no other explanation. And though he wasn't sure what had brought on the change, he couldn't deny that he liked it. Sure, she was young and rash and irresponsible, but she was also…

Also…

"Wonderful," he whispered, finding himself standing in the center of his living room, staring at a half-empty plate of cookies on his coffee table.

He shook his head, feeling suddenly very uncomfortable with the direction his thoughts were taking.

He could use another friend, and Usagi was as good as any. She was kind and generous and, for whatever reason, she suddenly seemed to like him. Really like him. A lot.

But he was probably just reading into things.

Usagi had found her motivation.

She'd made a bargain with herself—and was desperately trying to stick with it. For every page she read in her history textbook, she could look up at Mamoru for a count of 10. A very slow count of 10.

He hadn't noticed, so immersed was he in his biology notes. They were both sitting on the floor around the coffee table, which was littered with textbooks, notebooks, pens, pencils, calculators, study guides, printouts, notes, and a lot of junk food.

Smiling, Usagi reached for a hand of Skittles and popped them into her mouth one at a time and memorized him.

One. His reading glasses were set at the end of his nose.

Two. His bangs were falling into his eyes.

Three. His lips were moving steadily, silently, as he read to himself.

Four. One hand was tapping a pencil idly against the table top.

Five. The fingers of the other hand were running along the words on the page in front of him.

Six. His breathing was soft and even.

Seven. His legs were crossed casually beneath him.

Eight. His socks were white with gray toes.

Nine. His T-shirt had a few threads dangling from the sleeve.

Ten. His eyes were full of focus and intent and comprehension.

Eleven…

Hey, you only get 10!

Sighing, she popped the last candy onto her tongue, letting her eyes drink him in one last time, before forcing her attention back to the book as it drawled on about the ancient civilizations of Eastern Asia.

"What?"

Her head snapped up to see him watching her from the corner of his eye. Her back straightened. "What?"

"You're smiling."

She stared, momentarily dumbfounded, before blushing and turning her attention down to the book.

"I was just… thinking."

"About?" Mamoru set his pencil down on the table and stretched his arms up above his head.

She shrugged, willing him to drop the subject. "How's the biology?"

He grunted and rubbed his palms into his eyes. "Who knew studying life could make one feel so dead?" He then smiled crookedly. "You know, if someone had told me two days ago that you were going to be here studying with me, I would have thought they were crazy."

Laughing, Usagi dared to look up at him. His eyes were twinkling, but he looked away, becoming suddenly fascinated with a bowl of pretzels.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For letting me come over. For… the motivation."

He shrugged as if it was nothing, but the flattered grin proved otherwise. Usagi's heart danced as she noticed the slightest bit of pink on his cheeks while he returned his focus to the book in front of him.

Chewing on her lip, Usagi cleared her throat and scooted forward to rest her elbows on the table.

"Mamoru-san?"

"Hm?" He looked at her over the rim of his glasses.

"What—what do you think…makes a person, er, a girl, unique?"

He blinked, silent, then furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"You know, if a girl was trying to be… um… different and… exceptional? If she was trying to stand out from the rest." She pursed her lips together, hoping she wasn't see-through.

Mamoru said nothing for a long time and Usagi could feel her heart fluttering nervously and the blood creeping up into her cheeks. Finally, he said, "Why do you ask?"

She hummed, fiddling with the corner of her book to occupy her fingers. "I just heard someone mention, earlier today, that… boys… some boys…are attracted to girls who are unique."

Another long silence. Usagi became aware of a distant ticking of a distant clock and the dull roar of traffic in the city. Then, Mamoru chuckled, and she peered at him through her eyelashes. He was smiling and shaking his head and rubbing fingers over his forehead.

"Odango," he began, inhaling patiently and looking away, "you are the most unique girl I have ever known in my entire life."

Her eyes widened and her voice caught, delighted, in her throat. She smiled. No, she beamed. And when Mamoru glanced back at her, the look stopped his heart and made his pulse race. She was flushed and her eyes were sparkling. She looked ready to combust with happiness.

"Thank you," she managed shakily, thinking, He could love me. He could! He thinks I'm unique and special and he's attracted to that which means he could be attracted to me!

"I mean it," he responded, then ran a hand through his hair, suddenly, awkwardly nervous. "So, how's that history treating you?"

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed, her nerves crawling with warm, tender feelings. "Everything is wonderful!" She picked up her highlighter and went to return to her reading, but not two sentences into it, she stopped and looked up again. Mamoru was tapping his pencil on the table again and staring into space. "You know, you're right!"

He looked at her.

"It is a lot easier to study when you're with someone. There are fewer distractions…" She paused, thinking that in this case that wasn't exactly true, but shook her head and continued, "And it's easier to stay focused when that's your purpose for being there and everything. I think this is helping a lot."

Mamoru's expression grew soft. "Yeah, it's kind of nice."

That statement hung in the air between them along with the clock and the traffic and Usagi went back to reading, still smiling, and Mamoru found himself watching her and not wanting to look away. A sudden, strange yearning clenched around his heart that he had never felt before and didn't understand. He gulped, tapping the eraser against his lips and taking a fascination with the wisps of hair curling around her ears. His heartbeat sped up as he noted the way she held the pencil in her fingers and chewed the side of her bottom lip and squinted her eyes at unfamiliar words.

He tore his eyes away and closed them tight, shaking his head as if trying to shake the thoughts away and sucked in a quick breath, realizing that he must have stopped breathing.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Opening his eyes, he saw her watching him, concerned. He rubbed his palms into his eyes again. "Yeah, yeah. Just tired."

"Oh. It is getting late. Maybe I should go."

"Yeah, maybe you should." The words sounded cold, even to his ears, and he immediately looked up at her apologetically. "Not… I didn't mean it like that. But your parents might get worried. And I don't think I can study much more tonight, anyway."

She nodded in understanding and began gathering up her things and shoving them into her book bag. Mamoru found his stomach tightening in dread at the thought of her leaving, and the realization made him even more anxious to have her gone. Maybe. But he wasn't sure anymore. About anything.

He felt his safe, secure, comfortable world falling away and didn't know if it was good or bad or just change of the mediocre kind. Either way, it scared him. He stood as she slipped her shoes on, his thoughts churning, having no idea how to handle the emotions that were suddenly swimming through him. Their turbulence made his knees weak and he trembled as she reached for the doorknob. He barely heard her say "Goodnight" over the rushing blood in his temples.

"Wait, Odango!"

She turned, her eyes searching, most of their light having faded. Had it been only a few short minutes ago that she'd been looking at him with so much adoration, so much kindness, so much—

"Maybe we should do this again sometime? You know, you're…" He coughed, looking away, looking down, but finally sighing and looking back at her. "You're always welcome here."

The confused and worried look hesitated, then fell away and she was beaming at him again. Glowing. Looking like an angel ready to take flight.

"Okay! That sounds great! Thanks, Mamoru-san!"

And the fear and doubt and nervous churning vanished and he grinned, his thoughts calmed. He felt happy. And comfortable. Confused, still, but in a way that he felt everything would turn out alright. That in this moment, everything was fine.

"Sure, Usa. Have a good night."

She nodded and skipped out the door. It took him a long time to build up the strength to shut it after her.