Love Potion No. 19: Chapter 9
Alicia Blade

Many thanks to all reviewers and my lovely editor Stormlight!

Do I sense a kiss coming on? Oh, maaaayybe I do.

Chapter 9
Love is in Denial

The bell rang and Usagi sighed deeply before slowly gathering up her books and sliding them into her bag. Ami watched from the seat in the next aisle, frowning as Usagi got to her feet with another sigh that made the simple action look painful, and slowly began to move toward the doorway, her head down. Ami followed behind her, shaking her head and smiling wanly at their teacher.

Usagi had been tardy—extremely tardy—that morning, but Haruna-Sensei, upon seeing Usagi's fallen expression and red eyes, didn't have the heart to give her detention. Now, she watched as the two girls made their way silently from her classroom, wondering what could have made the cheeriest girl in the school so unbelievably heartbroken.

On their way to the arcade to meet the other girls, Ami, not able to stand the bombarding silence, carried on a monologue about the day's tests and subjects and homework assignments. Usagi said nothing, just stared at her feet with her bangs hanging messily over her eyes. The sight tore at Ami's heart and she desperately tried to think of some scientific explanation or medical cure, but nothing came to her. She considered searching in her computer for love potions and their effects, deciding it was worth a try, but not really having much hope. Those things were Minako's domain.

The glass doors slid open and Usagi hesitated. Gently placing a hand on the girl's shoulder, Ami guided her inside where they were greeted by Minako, Rei, and Makoto already sitting in a near booth.

"Just in time!" Rei said, waving them over. "We ordered you both shakes."

"And we have fries on the way," Makoto added.

"How are you feeling, Usagi-chan?" Minako asked worriedly.

Usagi shrugged tiredly as she sat down beside them and Ami claimed the last seat. "Fine," she lied, quite unconvincingly.

"So I've been giving this a lot of thought," Rei said adamantly, "and I've come up with two possible solutions to your dilemma, Usagi-chan. Next to finding a cure for the love potion, that is, in case we can't find one."

Usagi snorted at the mention of the potion, believing that her feelings were as real and as strong as the love she felt for her friends and family, and no mere magical potion could have possibly been responsible for them.

"So what are your ideas?" asked Ami.

"First, find her another man."

Usagi raised her eyes and glared at Rei. "I don't want another—"

"I know, I know. Just hear me out. Do you remember when you hated Mamoru?"

"I never—"

"Because he was such a jerk to you! With the name-calling and the insulting and everything, right? So if we could find you a real prince charming to completely take your mind off of him, then maybe—"

"No!" Usagi yelled, balling up her fists as her eyes watered up. "I don't want anyone else! You don't understand. None of you do! This isn't a crush. This isn't some silly infatuation. I belong to him, wholly and completely. If I can't have him, I don't want anyone. I'll become a nun before I allow myself to pretend to have feelings for another man!"

The girls exchanged glances, looking awkwardly at the girl as she slumped bitterly into her seat, just as Motoki appeared carrying five milkshakes and two large baskets of French fries. "Here you girls go. Hey, what's wrong, Usagi-chan?"

Minako quickly gestured for him to drop it and shooed him silently away. Taking the hint, he stepped back, mumbling, "Er, um… nevermind. Okay. Well, you know where to find me if you need anything." His features etched with concern, he slowly returned to the counter as Minako put an arm around Usagi's shoulder.

"What was your other idea, Rei?"

"Just the opposite," the priestess said with non-committed shrug. "Instead of forcing her to get over him, we make him fall in love with her."

Usagi pouted dejectedly. "You don't think I've tried that?"

"Oh, come on, you've been flirting with him for, what, three days? These things take time. Besides, have you thought that maybe you were coming on a little strong? We could try some different tactics instead. Like 'hard to get'? Or we could pretend to set you up on a blind date? Or maybe hook you up with someone else and try to make him jealous. There are lots of things we could try."

Though for a brief second a hopeful light had entered Usagi's eyes, it quickly dissipated as she shook her head. "What does it matter? I'll never be good enough for him. Nothing I ever do could make him happy. He deserves someone who is smart and beautiful and charming and sophisticated and unique."

"Unique?" Makoto laughed. "Usagi, you're the most—"

"Shh!" Ami interjected and they turned to see Mamoru entering the arcade. When his eyes landed on them and, particularly, the blonde who seemed to suddenly cower into Minako's side, he inhaled an obvious breath and walked to their table. Usagi squeaked nervously, unable to take her eyes away from him.

"Er, hi," he began nervously.

"Hi, Mamoru-san," the girls, except Usagi, chimed. She had lost her voice. Her body was trembling, which Minako noticed, and tried rubbing a hand over Usagi's arm to calm her.

"Odango-chan, I was wondering… could I have a word with you?"

He was nervous. Minako raised an eyebrow and looked at the other girls to see if they'd noticed it too. They had. Mamoru was never nervous.

Gulping, Usagi slowly nodded her head and Minako nudged her out of the booth. She managed to find strength in her legs and followed Mamoru to the far end of the counter, farther away from the bustle of the busy arcade.

The girls glanced curiously at each other, silently praising the turn of events, before refocusing their attention on Mamoru and Usagi.

"Maybe we shouldn't watch," whispered Ami, her gaze plastered to the couple.

"Are you kidding?"

"I bet if Minako batted her eyes at Motoki, he'd let us hide behind the counter so we could hear what they're saying."

Minako snickered. "I wish I had that kind of power over him." Then, turning speculatively back to her friends, she asked, "Do you really think he would?"

Mamoru and Usagi sat down on the last two stools and Usagi immediately began playing with the sugar packets on the counter, wishing she'd brought her shake along to have something to do with her hands, but then glad that she hadn't because it would only bring up bad memories and remind Mamoru how childish she had been when she'd dumped one on his head. She didn't dare make eye contact with him, even when the silence between them pressed down and started to suffocate her. She only opened a packet and aimlessly made a tiny, glittering pile of sugar on the counter top, fascinated with how the grains fell together and sparkled in the overhead lighting.

Finally, Mamoru cleared his throat. "You're mad at me."

Her shuddering breath told Mamoru that he was right, even though she really wasn't angry with him. She was only mad at herself, and in love with him. She bit her lip and opened another packet. He sighed.

"Usagi, look, I'm just… I'm not very good at this friend thing, okay? I haven't really had many friends in my life, and, of those, most of them were guys, so… I do want to be your friend. Actually, I was really… happy… Saturday night when you were over and I found that I'm surprisingly comfortable around you and I liked that. But I don't know what to do here, now, with you. I don't know what you're expecting or even really what I did wrong. I'm not used to this." He trailed off, watching her jaw tremble and her eyes blinking furiously. Her lips were pursed and he doubted she was going to have a response. She was on her fourth sugar packet.

After rolling his eyes, annoyed mostly with his own inadequacy, he reached forward and put his hand over hers, stopping her attack on the poor sweeteners. Gasping, she finally looked at him. He tried to smile, sure that it came off as more begging and pitiful than cheerful. "About yesterday," he whispered, wetting his lips, "you did look nice. Really nice, actually. I just wasn't…. expecting a change, and after so much has already changed in such a short period of time, it just… I was caught off guard. I know it's a lame excuse, but I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Honestly, I don't know why you care so much about what I think, anyway," he chuckled nervously, "but I guess maybe that just comes with the whole friend thing. So… you did look nice."

She blinked, her eyes boring holes into the smile he was desperately trying to hold onto, before she slowly opened her mouth. "Nice?"

He nodded, his grin widening ever-so-slightly.

"I looked nice?"

"Yeah, you really did."

She tore her hands away from his and suddenly there were furious tears streaking down her face. "Nice, Mamoru?" she practically screamed. He pulled back, startled. "I wasn't trying to look nice!"

"Er… you… what do you… did I say something wrong?" he stuttered.

"What about beautiful?" she yelled, jumping off the stool and placing her hands angrily on her hips. "What about stunning? That's what I wanted you to think! That I'm gorgeous, Mamoru! I was at the salon for hours! I had… my hair, and my nails, and this awful green goop and mud and hot wax and… and it was all for you!" Her tirade was losing steam as tears dropped steadily down her cheeks. She watched his startled expression through blurred, watery eyes, choking back sobs, finally whispering, "It was all for you. For you, Mamoru. Because I want you to think I'm beautiful. Because I want you to love me. And not like a friend, but how I love you."

He blinked, his jaw hanging open. "Usa…" he breathed, his lips barely able to form the word. His hand twitched toward her, frightened, unsure. He wanted to comfort her, desperately, but his brain refused to comprehend what she was telling him and until he could understand that… he had no idea what to do. "Usa, I—"

"Don't. Please don't."

He closed his mouth and suddenly, her arms were around his neck, her head nuzzling against his collarbone. His eyes widened and his arms surrounded her of their own accord. She was shaking, violently. He wanted to soothe her, he knew that he did, but his hands stroking down her back and shoulders seemed unpracticed and rough even to him. He gulped.

"I love you," she whispered and he could feel her breath against his neck. "I love you so much, Mamoru. I'm so crazy in love with you it's killing me inside." Then her hands were in his hair and her lips were on his, small and warm and kissing him frantically, pleadingly. Immediately, Mamoru found that he could not breathe or move or think. The feel of her mouth, her fingers in his hair, her body against him, left him immobilized. His brain was in a thick fog where only the feel of her existed. His heart yearned to kiss her back, but he was too stunned to even begin to react to the torrent of emotions crashing through him.

She pulled away. He gawked at her. His arms were still around her waist. She was still crying. Her eyes watched him with a terrified expression for a moment, before she shakily took her fingers out of his hair and opened her mouth as if to speak.

But, instead, her eyes rolled back and she fainted in his arms.

"Usagi!" he yelled, tightening his grip to hold her up. His call was immediately matched by five others and he looked over his shoulder to see her four best friends and Motoki standing not two feet behind the counter. "How long have you been there?" he cried.

"Quick, take her to the back room," Rei ordered, ignoring his question. "She needs to lie down."

Managing to pull together some fragments of his rationale, Mamoru, knowing that Rei had a point, swept Usagi into his arms and rushed to the break room, lying her gingerly down on the sofa. When she looked comfortable, though pale, he turned back to see the five friends lingering in the doorway.

"Is she anemic or something?" he roared. "Why does she keep passing out like that?"

"Let me see her!" said Ami, pushing him aside and kneeling down beside the girl.

Allowing the girl space to check Usagi's pulse and temperature, Mamoru stormed to the group, looking more frazzled than angry.

Shrinking back, Motoki murmured, "Is this day really happening?"

"What is going on? How long were you all standing there?"

"Mamoru, calm down," Rei commanded. "This is not about you and we have other things to worry about right now."

"Besides," Minako said, "there's something you should know before Usagi wakes up."

"What?"

"Well, you know how Usagi started acting differently toward you after she fainted the last time?"

Mamoru blinked. He hadn't noticed the coincidence, but now that she mentioned it he quickly realized that the two events had strangely overlapped.

She continued, "I have reason to believe that things will change again when she wakes up this time."

"How so?"

A groan turned their attention back to Usagi just as her eyes fluttered open. Ami stood back as Usagi surveyed the room, her eyes glancing over all of the occupants. Mamoru expected her gaze to stall on him. It didn't.

"What happened?" she asked Ami.

"You fainted."

She frowned, then looked up thoughtfully, then gasped. "Oh! After I dumped my shake on—" She looked at Mamoru, who was fidgeting. "Wow, you sure clean up fast."

"Odango Atama, that was on Friday," said Rei.

"This is Friday."

"No, it's Monday."

She studied their stoic faces. "Really?"

They all nodded.

"Don't you remember anything from the past three days?" Makoto asked, glancing at Mamoru who was watching Usagi with wide eyes. He'd gone strangely pale.

Usagi paused and struggled to recall anything, but all she could remember was Mamoru insulting her one too many times until she finally cracked and dumped half a chocolate shake on his head. "No. Not since dumping that milkshake on Mamoru." She snickered and glared at him. "Awful waste of a free shake, too."

His jaw clenched, but Minako seemed to be the only one who noticed.

"Usagi! You kissed him!" Motoki blurted. The girls cringed. Mamoru said nothing.

"I kissed who?"

"Mamoru!"

She stared at the clerk a moment, then at Mamoru, then laughed. "Yeah right! As if I would ever kiss that! Nice try, Motoki-onii-san."

"But… but we all saw… right now…" Motoki was cut short as Rei dug a nail into his side.

"Don't you remember anything at all?" Ami prodded.

"What? Like me kissing the baka? You're all crazy! What girl in her right mind would ever want to… oh, just the thought makes me nauseous! What prank are you all trying to pull? Is it really Monday or are you just joking?"

"Usagi, most of us weren't even there on Friday, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

"And you did ki—"

"No." they all turned to see Mamoru with his eyes glued to Usagi, and were surprised to see a look of utter indifference on his face. Minako, having been watching him, shook her head and looked away. "Nothing happened. She didn't kiss me. Why would she?"

His voice was hard and cold and Usagi felt trapped in his stare. She gulped as a chill crept down her spine.

But then he released her and turned away, walking quickly from the arcade as they all watched him go, sensing a dark cloud left hanging in the room and the eerie feeling that something had gone terribly wrong.

Oh, the angst. Tell me what you think!