Chapter Twenty Two
T'Pol stood off a bit to one side in the Guardian's Medical Bay, watching them remove the baby from Trip. Malandria had given the Commander several injections before the procedure, which were supposed to help with the pain afterwards and prevent any infection. T'Pol would have been more comfortable if Phlox had assisted in the operation, but the aliens hadn't allowed anyone else to accompany her. She had no choice but to trust in their sincerity about not harming Trip. Nonetheless, she kept a close eye on what they were doing, ready to jump in at any time if it became necessary to come to his defence.
Trip was lying on a bio bed stripped down to the waist and surrounded by assistants who were in the process of removing the infant. He was still unconscious from before, and according to Malandria it would be a while before he would have recovered enough to wake up. T'Pol had to remind herself that Vulcans were a very patient species, because the procedure seemed to take forever! After a while she heard the shrill cries of a newly born, and saw Malandria wrapping a small child into a blanket, before taking her away to be cleaned up and given a full medical check over. The little girl had been carried by an alien species, after all, and she had been delivered earlier than expected to.
Meanwhile the assistants sewed Trip back up, cleansed him, and at last gave him some more medication. When they were done T'Pol went up to the bio bed and sat down by Trip's side, taking his hand in hers. She remembered Phlox saying that even if patients were unconscious, they still were aware of sounds, smells, and touch. T'Pol hoped that her gesture would comfort Trip, even if it was only on a subconscious level. She hoped he would know somehow that she was there for him. The thought that Malandria might keep her threat to leave straight after the birth worried her. The situation was bound to be difficult for him, Trip would definitely going to need her help to get through this.
For an hour she sat by his side before Malandria returned, carrying a small bundle in her arms. She walked up to T'Pol and asked her: "Would you like to hold her?"
"Yes, I would like that," T'Pol replied softly. She took the child into her arms carefully, and was momentarily mesmerized by the little girl's beauty. She had shimmering golden hair, sparkling green eyes, and a silky, pale complexion that reminded her of a delicate porcelain doll she had once seen in Ensign Sato's quarters. Then T'Pol glanced at Trip. She wished he would be awake so that he could share her pleasure. Instinctively, she drew the child even closer to her chest, and then she gasped with surprise from the iridescent aura that seemed to surround the child. A strange sensation pervaded all her senses with feelings and emotions when she came into contact with the little girl.
Gazing tenderly into her serene face, T'Pol suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness because of the memories of the last moments with her own child. Her lack of control embarrassed her but she couldn't stop her eyes from misting over. A single tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and T'Pol bent down to place the child gently in the cot the Guardians had set up next to the bio bed. Just as she was about to let go, the little girl reached up with a tiny delicate hand, and placed it tenderly on the side of T'Pol's face. A strange energy seemed to jump over to T'Pol, and she jerked in surprise. Her mind was suddenly filled with the sound of a voice. "Why are you sad?"
"I had to live through a time of great sorrow. I lost a child, and I almost couldn't deal with the pain her loss brought forth. So I withdrew, and nearly lost another one I love because of it."
"You still harbor fears concerning her."
"I do not understand."
"You are afraid of bringing another child into this world."
"Yes," T'Pol answered in her thoughts, feeling like her very soul was bare. "I cannot bury another child," she thought, and involuntarily shivered with fear. "I can not."
Suddenly an image appeared in her mind. At first it was blurred, as if she would see it through a fog, but after a moment, the fog dissolved, and she saw herself holding delicate, new-born baby. Trip kneeled beside her, wearing a big, goofy smile all the while tears were streaming down his face. Then she saw herself walking through her mother's courtyard on Vulcan. She was headed towards the willow tree where Trip sat cross-legged alongside a young blond haired Vulcan boy. A book entitled 'The Teachings of Surek' lay in the grass unheeded, while they played with something that looked like a toy starship. Again the image faded and was replaced by one of Trip, herself, and a young male adult. Trip had pulled them in for a huge family hug, and was patting the young man's back happily as if to congratulate him. She herself, T'Pol noticed, was trying to hide her emotions but failed miserably to suppress the urge to burst with pride for her son. The young man held a padd in his right hand that displayed the insignia of the Vulcan Diplomacy Corps'.
T'Pol was in part shocked and in part confused by what she saw. The images touched her deep inside and stirred something in her that she couldn't name or comprehend. Then she heard the tiny voice in her mind again: i"Cast out fear and go forward. There is no room for anything else until you cast out fear."
Everything seemed to fog over again, and then the whole room began to spin. T'Pol closed her eyes, took some deep breaths, and focused on regaining her composture. When she opened her eyes a few minutes later, she found herself standing over the child who was fast asleep in the cot. The moment was surreal. T'Pol wasn't certain whether anything had really happened or whether she had heard hallucinated, but deep down she knew that something had happened. She had been given a vision of clarity, and for the first time since Elizabeth's death, T'Pol was truly at peace with herself. She turned her head and looked at Trip, drifted in thought for a long time over a future she could hold with him.
---------------------------------------------------