Title: Stolen Moments

Author: Chaosti

Summary: Poor Lee and Kara. All they want is a few moments alone...

Distribution: Beyond Insane, and ApolloStarbuck yahoo groups. All others please ask.

Disclaimer: Ron Moore and David Eick signed over the rights to BSG to me this morning. Now if I could only find that little piece of paper... In the meantime, they still have custody of the characters. I'm just playing.

A/N: People, this fic is being written for two reasons and two reasons only. I am in desperate, desperate need of more Strawberry Wine, so I'm using this fic as bait. I figure if I dangle it in front of her, Nancy will reach for it and then I can trap her and keep her writing SW forever! Nancy, if you're out there somewhere reading this, please go on as if you hadn't just read that. Also, I wanted something to make me smile. I need it after the month I've had. Well, enjoy.

"Finally. A moment alone."

"I know, it's been too long."

"Way, way too long."

" Pants! Off! Now!"

"When did you get to be so bossy?"

"I've always been this way. But now that we're both captain I have more room to maneuver."

"I'll teach you a thing or two about maneuvering. Gimme that leg!"

Moaning.

"Lee...love you."

(Loudspeaker) "Attention. Captains Thrace and Adama please report to the Ready Room. Repeat, Captains Thrace and Adama to the Ready Room."

(Unison) "Frak!"

"So much for being alone."

"Did you see where my jacket landed?"

"Over there somewhere."

"Thanks."

"So, later?"

"Later."

-Later-

"Here?"

"Here."

"Why here?"

"Where else?"

"I don't know, somewhere that isn't here."

"Kara, there's a whole lot of places that aren't 'here.' And we've tried most of them. Remember?"

"Yes."

Pause.

"Lee?"

"Yes?"

"Bite me."

"Gladly, but only if you shut up."

"All right fine. But I want you to know that I'm only shutting up because you're offering se-"

Kissing.

"There. Now isn't that better than talking?"

"Oh yeah."

(Loudspeaker) "Attention. Captain Adama, please report to CIC. Repeat, Captain Adama to CIC."

(Unison) "Frak!"

"Kara..."

"I know, I know. 'We'll do this later.'"

"I love you."

"Save it."

-Later-

"This is so much better than the last place you took me."

"Hey! I don't see how the Observation Deck is any more romantic than the deserted gift shop."

"At least the 'deserted gift shop' lived up to it's name. There are too many people here."

"Kara, there's three other people here in a room that's three times the size of the gym back at the academy. We couldn't have picked a better time."

"Well there's three too many people here for what I want to do to you."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"And just what would that be?"

Whispering.

"You know Kara, I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind my telling these people that we need to clear the deck for a military operation."

"Lee Adama! Who knew you could be so cunning? So devious. So...me. The Old Man would kill you if he found out."

"So you approve?"

"Hell yes I approve! Now let's get rid of these would-be porn-watchers.!"

(Loudspeaker) "Attention. Captain Thrace, please report to Hanger Deck C. Repeat, Captain Thrace to Hanger Deck C."

(Unison) "Frak!"

"Lee-"

"Don't even start."

"But what are you going to do about-"

"Showers. No warm water this week, remember?"

"Sorry."

"Yeah."

"See you later."

"Sure."

-Later-

"Godsdamnit! Racetrack would pick today of all days to spend the afternoon in her bunk reading."

"If I recall correctly, and I do, you were the one who loaned her the book in the first place."

"She asked me if she could borrow it days ago. How was I supposed to know which day she planned to read it?"

"You could have told her 'no.'"

"Oh yeah? And just what excuse should I have given her for withholding access to one of the last few books left in the world? Huh?"

"How about: 'I'm sorry I can't give it to you because I need the bunkroom all to myself so that I can have incredibly hot, sweaty illicit sex with my boyfriend with whom I haven't had sex with in nearly three days!' It's the perfect excuse for every occasion. 'Why can't you have some of my ice cream?' Because I need it for kinky sex. 'Why can't I go into the head for a shower?' 'Who used the last of my body oil?' 'Why is the mirror from the head welded to the ceiling of the pilots bunkroom?' It works every time Kara. I'm even trying to figure out how I can apply it to the question, 'Where did that stain on the seat of your Viper come from?' but I don't anticipate having to use it until your knee heals so I'll get back to you on that."

Pause.

"Lee?"

"Yes Kara?"

"You're overreacting."

"THREE DAYS KARA! THREE DAYS! Man cannot live on food and killing Cylons alone."

" I know, sweetie. I wish we had our own quarters."

"Me too."

Pause.

"Lee, did you even breathe at all during that little spiel of yours?"

"Nope."

"Didn't think so."

"Hey look! There's an empty armory closet!"

"Deja vu."

"What?"

"This seems familiar."

"You're right. Though I can't for the life of me figure out why."

"Let's go! Hurry!"

Kissing.

Panting.

Sound of clothes being torn.

(Loudspeaker) "Action stations! Set condition one throughout the fleet! Repeat, all personnel report to your action stations!"

(Unison) "Fraaa-aaaa-aaak!"

Whimpering.

"The loudspeaker doesn't like us. That's the only explanation. Why doesn't it like us, Lee?"

"Remember that one time we accidentally broke part of it while we were-"

"Oh yeah! That must be it."

Pause.

"We didn't mean to."

"I know. I don't think it cares."

"So we'll finish this later?"

"I'm beginning to hate that word."

-Later-

"This is perfect."

"I know."

"Why did we never think to do this before? Oh yes, right there."

"Don't know. We must be stupid."

"Total -ahhhh-hhhh- idiots!"

"Yup."

"Don't know what we were thinking. Oh yes, just like that."

"That's our problem, we weren't thinking."

"Lee, it's not going to pop like a balloon if you bite into it. Harder!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Sigh "I love being the same rank as you."

Pounding on the door.

"Hey in there! I've got announcements to make! Unlock this door right now!"

"Eat shit and die! We're busy!"

"Whoa, Apollo, didn't know you had it in you."

"Oh I'll show you what I've got in me."

-The end

A/N: People, this is fun purely for fun's sake. Please don't take this seriously. In fact, if you do take this seriously then I will laugh at you and throw candy corn down your trousers. Seriously! Where did all this candy corn come from?

To read is human. To review divine.