Author's Note: Well it's good to see I haven't lost any of my readers as this story gets increasingly dark! It's really taken on a mind of its own at this point, and I am along for the ride as much as you guys are! Your reviews are lovely and really do make my day. I own nothing and I make no money off any of this (sigh)

In a way
It's someone else's story
I don't see myself
As taking part at all

("Someone Else's Story" from the musical "Chess")

"This ends now"

Damn. Greg sounded mad. Nick had managed to avoid him for the last few days but Greg had finally cornered him. Nick had been so close to escaping another day at the lab without having to see the remnants of the beating on Greg's face, but Greg had been too quick for him today. He had Nick squarely trapped against the row of lockers in the locker room, blocking the door with his slight frame. He stood there, arms folded across his chest, silently daring Nick to try and leave. Nick had feebly tried to protest but Greg was having none of it. He was going to talk to Nick whether Nick wanted to or not.

"Can I at least sit down?" asked Nick wearily, running his hands over his face. His impromptu dip in the lake the previous day had left him feeling run down and chilled. He pulled his baggy sweater tighter around him, wondering if he would ever feel warm again.

"Of course" said Greg, though he continued to stand. Nick sank gratefully onto the hard bench.

"Why have you been avoiding me Nick?" There was something in his voice that Nick couldn't quite make out. Sadness? Anger? Confusion?

"I haven't been-"

"Come off it Nick. You have made a point of avoiding me since…since what happened."

Nick let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "Can you blame me?"

"Well…no, I guess not. But I wish you would talk to me about what happened. You know I'm not angry with you."

"I know, I know. But it's hard to talk to someone after you nearly bashed their head in with your bare hands."

"It wasn't that bad Nick"

"It could have been"

Greg leaned against a locker. "Yeah, you're right. It could have been worse. It could have been a whole lot worse. But everything turned out okay in the end, and-"

"Everything did NOT turn out okay!" Nick said loudly. His eyes flashed darkly.

"Hey take it easy man. I only meant-"

"You only meant that everything turned out okay for you!" Nick said coldly. "In case you haven't noticed, things did not turn out okay for me. I guess its easy to think things turned out so peachy, when you're not the one who has to see the department shrink every other day, or when you're not the one who people tiptoe around like you're going to fall apart any second, or when you're not the one whose life is coming apart at the seams. I guess then it's real easy to think that everything turned out okay"

Greg stared at him, with mouth agape. He was looking at Nick as if he had never seen him before. His eyes were shining so very, very slightly. He took a ragged breath and looked at the floor.

"Are you angry with me Nick?"

That was the last response Nick had expected. "I – what?"

"Are you angry with me?" came the tiny question.

"Why would I be angry with you?" Nick asked, confused.

"Because it was my fault that you lost it at the crime scene. I snuck up on you and scared you half to death. Hell, anyone would have freaked, but to do that to someone who has been through what you have…it was just so stupid of me. I wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry Nick. I wouldn't blame you if you were angry with me. I've been mad at myself every day since it happened". Greg stared at the floor.

Greg blames himself for me beating him up? Nick tried to wrap his mind around that idea. He found that the very idea irked him. Like it wasn't hard enough dealing with his own troubles. Now he had to worry about the pain he was causing everybody else? For the second time in two days Nick was learning that he was causing his friends more anguish than he could have known. Why do they feel the need to tell me this? he thought bitterly. I have my own problems – don't burden me with yours. He let out a short, half-laugh.

"I'm not angry with you" he lied. He was angry, but not for the reason Greg thought. He was angry that the whole world was crumbling down around him.

"Because if you are, it's okay. We can work through-"

"God! I am not mad at you, okay? What are you, six? Grow up and stop being so stupid!" the words tumbled from Nick's mouth as the frustration of the last few days overcame him.

Greg visibly bristled at Nick's outburst. He straightened himself up and raised his faintly red-rimmed eyes to meet Nick's. "I'm not stupid," he said slowly.

"Then stop acting like it!" barked Nick, getting to his feet.

"I'll stop acting stupid when you stop acting like a jerk!" Greg retorted, not caring that he was raising his voice.

"Oh, so now I'm a jerk. Out to make me the bad guy, are you?"

"Not everything is about you Nick! You think that since the incident our world revolved around you. Well you know what? It doesn't. The world keeps spinning whether you're holding on or not. We have tried to help you Nick, God, how we have tried. But when it became clear that you didn't want or need us, what more could we do? You can't try to disappear while trying to make everything about you. We all have pain to. You are not the only one who's allowed to feel sorry for himself or angry at the world. Every single one of us is just trying to get by."

"I'm sorry I'm such a burden," snapped Nick, though he felt like he'd been slapped.

"Get over yourself! It's not about you! Christ, you're selfish!"

Nick's nostrils flared slightly in anger. "I am NOT selfish. I didn't ask you guys to get me out of that damn box you know!"

"Well if you asked me right now, the answer would be 'No'!" Greg raged.

Something snapped inside Nick. He was moving forward before he knew what was happening. He had Greg pinned against the lockers, breathing very hard. There was no fear in Greg's eyes this time. There was only contempt.

"You gonna hit me again Nick?" asked Greg in a voice that dripped with venom.

Nick gripped the front of Greg's shirt and drew back his fist.

And drove it into the locker, only inches from Greg's head. Greg had turned his head away and closed his eyes against the expected impact. When Nick didn't hit him, he faced his friend once again. His eyes were empty.

"You're not worth it" Nick sneered, not even sure why he was angry anymore. His hand was throbbing.

"That's not you talking," said Greg bitterly. "Where's the Nick I used to know?"

"Still in that damn box" Nick all but growled. "You should have just left me there!"

"I think somehow we did" Greg murmured sadly.

Nick flinched. A year ago he would never have dreamed that he and Greg would have said the things that they had said to one another. Why did everything have to change? Why couldn't the world have left well enough alone?

He let go of Greg. He paced for a minute, and then turned to face Greg, who still hadn't moved. He chose he words carefully for what felt like the first time in ages.

"You were right you know. When you said it could have been a lot worse, what I did to you. You're right. It could have been a lot worse. You could have been kidnapped, buried alive and been seconds away from blowing your brains out. You could have been left with nightmares that won't go away, memories you can't control and anger that you can't explain. It could have been worse. Too bad it wasn't."

Then he sat down on the bench with his back to Greg, until he heard the younger man walk away.

Then Nick cried.

To my friends,

By the time you read this, it will be too late to stop me. I want you to know that I don't blame any of you for the way things turned out. You guys found me that day, but I haven't been able to find myself since. I can't keep looking for something that doesn't exist anymore. I'm sorry that it all had to turn out this way.

Sara – thanks for being there for me, and for always looking out for me. I know I never gave you as much information about how I was doing as you wanted, but I always appreciated your concern. You will do great things with your life.

Catherine – your motherly ways never went unnoticed by me. Thanks for your love and support; it was beautiful. Tell Lindsey I'm sorry, and that I hope one day she'll understand all this. You are an amazing mom and an amazing woman.

Warrick – let go of the guilt. Don't think for a second that I wish it were you instead of me in that box. Life happens, and sometimes it sucks. I won't ever forget your friendship. Please don't be too hard on yourself because of this – it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. You were the best friend I could have asked for.

Greg – you've been the source of endless humor for me. Thanks for always making me smile, even when I didn't feel like it. Don't let that final conversation upset you – I understand what you were trying to say. I had my mind made up long before we talked. You are going to be one hell of a CSI.

Grissom – you've pushed me to do more than I ever thought possible of myself. I can only hope that I lived up to some of your expectations of me. You have been the most brilliant of mentors, and I wish I could have left a legacy other than this behind. I never meant to disappoint you.

So that's it guys. I hope one day you'll understand that why I did this. I couldn't go on living in someone else's life. I hope you don't hate me, but I would understand if you did. There is nothing any of you could have done to change the way things turned out. I love you all, and I will miss you.

Nick

He folded the note and put it in his locker. He would hold on to it until the time was right. If they saw it now, it would ruin everything. He sighed and shut his locker. He was on his way to the elevator when he could hear Greg's voice wafting from Grissom's office.

"How can I make things right when I know that he's wrong?"