Shaved into the passing punks head by Invader Sideos. Ok I have 5 days till my next update. I can write this in 5 days...no problem...I don'thave writers block...nope not me. Ok I don't think I have writers block, I've just been very very distracted this week what with all theskanking and my amazing new project and the skanking. Whenever I came to write this I just coulden't. It was hard, I know what to write butmy fingers just wont type stuff. BUT I HAVE 5 DAYS! So I should be cured soon. I know LUDWIG will help me write.

I don't own Zim. Place witty comment here

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Dib rolled over muttering in his waking-sleep and instinctively reached out to get his glasses from the side. He squinted his eyes against the sunlight streaming through the windows, and it didn't help that his glasses weren't on his desk like usual. He suddenly felt them being handed to him. Unthinking, he put them on, still with his eyes half closed against the light. He sat up, muttering a drowsy thank-you.

However he jumped at the horribly cheery voice that answered him. "You're welcome, cousin."

Rubbing his eyes, Dib quickly turned to see two large dark purple orbs staring intensely at him. He shifted himself back towards his window and banged his head on the wall as he did so. He scowled at the slight pain, and as he was rubbing the back of his head he saw the thin Irkin stand up from the desk chair he had been sitting on.

Before he could begin to speak, Dib cut in, sounding quite annoyed. "How long have you been there? All night?"

Sideos bit his lip in a childish smile and nodded. "Yup, we've got to make an early start today. For Zim it's armageddon time, and before you ask it's the earthen day of Saturday where you all get a day off from that wonderful skool place." Dib almost laughed at the suggestion, wonderful skool. But as the memories of last night came back he realised that he would be saving, not killing Zim.

"Look, just let me get dressed first. Then we can. . . plan out an assault on his house or something downstairs ok?"

Sideos rubbed his hands together at the prospect of an 'assault'. "Ok, Dib-fink." he stood aside and waited.

Dib stopped rubbing his head and raised an eye brow. "Err, can I have a little privacy please?"

Sideos looked to him, and then the clothes, then back to Dib before he got the hint. "Oh right, humans like privacy don't they?" The Irkin proceeded to walk out of the room, leaving Dib feeling like today was not going to be a good one.

Dib walked into the kitchen. Gaz sat at the table, with Sideos sitting un-disguised next to her. She looked very peeved that the weird Irkin still hadn't left yet. For some odd reason, there was a silence around the room, like everyone knew that something bad was going to happen. Dib hopped up and poured himself some cereal. He waited a few minutes for someone to say something, but no one did. Not even Sideos said anything; he just sat there bridging his fingers patiently, monitoring every movement in the room. He seemed much more paranoid today then usual.

Gaz also seemed to notice the grim feeling in the air, and it was she that first spoke up after several slow-passing minutes. "What's happening today that's got you all like this?" Neither Dib nor Sideos answered her straight away; Dib wondered why Sideos had not begun bragging about what he was going to do. He seemed very distracted, even for him. Finally Dib spoke up "Err we're finally sending Sideos off home. Gonna be sad to see him go and all..."

Gaz, if possible, narrowed her eyes even more. "Yea right" Sideos began to tap his razor sharp fingers on the table rapidly in some sort of bad tune, he then began to bob his shoulders to the song in his head, and Dib began to wonder. What exactly had driven this Irkin to insanity? Especially a homicidal insanity. All the Irkins he had ever met apart from Zim all seemed reasonably sane, and from what he had learned from Tak's ship, most of what made up the mind of an Irkin resided in their PAKs, so something must have happened to it. Maybe some sort of computer error? If so, had the same thing happened to Zim but on a less critical scale? Dib finished his cereal, musing over the quirks of the Irkin's insane behaviour. Sideos noticed this. The moment Dib dropped his spoon into the empty bowl, he almost flew towards the door in his giddy killing glee.

Dib only just stopped him before he bounded outside. "WAIT! We have to form an assault plan remember?"

Sideos's antenna lowered as the idea of a plan dampened his mood. "Oh...But I...Kill...Ok" He sighed defeated and, letting his arms slump to his sides, he followed Dib into the labs.

While in the lab, Dib began to put his plan into action. He had decided that Sideos would still be vulnerable to water, so he would simply make a water compound that would knock him out. When they got to Zim's house, he would simply wait until he was in the lower levels with enough good photos of him to prove the truth of alien existence then spray the substance on him and, hopefully with Zim's help, send him back to where he belongs. He had thought of simply knocking Sideos out while he was in his own house, but he realised that

1: That would just make Zim believe that he had captured Sideos and Zim would rescue and release him, and

2: Sideos looked like he could rip through any holding equipment in Dib's lab, and his dad had taken the holding table away. He sighed. If only Zim wasn't as stupid as he was, he would realise he was in great danger. But since he was, it looked like Dib would have to do this alone. He had just finished perfecting the knockout chemical and was placing it in his water gun when he heard a massive crash behind him. He face went stoic as he turned around and Sideos hopped up from behind a tipped table. He had several acids all over him but amazingly he just brushed them off and growled at them.

Dib's eyes widened and the Irkin noticed. He smiled grimly. "We Irkins are very tolerant of acids, it's alkaline we can't handle"

Dib nodded at the useful tidbit before raising an eyebrow. "Why did you fall over the table?"

Sideos looked back to it with anger, and a rather unnerving growl. "It taunted me. . . BLOODY TABLE! DIE" He lunged at it in his moment of madness and began to rip the table to shreds with his bare hands, working quickly and savagely. By the time he stopped, all that was left were splinters and smashed glass. Dib looked at it with images of what could happen to him flashing through his mind. He shook them out and walked over to the large-screened computer, bringing up a flash diagram. It was crudely done but it served its purpose. It had two little pictures of Dib and Sideos, a picture of Zim's house and Zim inside.

Dib turned around to see Sideos stamping on a peace of wood, he sighed tiredly. "Sideos, pay attention." The Irkin snapped to attention like a soldier.

"Sir."

Dib rolled his eyes and began to explain the 'assault'. "Ok this is what's going to happen. You are going to distract him by the front door, here, while I sneak in through an open window, here" and the little faces moved to the door, with Dibs traveling through a crudely drawn window "There you will say that you are the downed Irkin coming for some help."

Sideos nodded, apparently understanding. Dib stopped for a second, and then said. "What are you to do again?"

Sideos smiled happily. "Rip down the front door and tear his guts out"

Dib closed his eyes and clenched his hands tightly in annoyance. He quietly decided that it would be better simply to move on. "Ok after he lets you in, I jump out and surprise him, we grab him, and knock him out. Then after I get some photos of you and Zim…" he paused for a second, weighing his question.

"You won't mind if I take some pictures of you without your disguise will you?"

Sideos looked at Dib in wonderment. "Will I be on TV?" Dib nodded, and Sideos clenched his fists tightly in victory thrusting them into the air. "YES! Take all you want, oh big-headed cousin of mine!"

"My head's not big!" Dib quickly composed himself again. "Ahem, yes. Anyway after I've got the pictures you can do your job. By the way, who sent you to kill him?"

Sideos childishly made a zipping motion across his mouth "Sorry Dibbles, I can't tell ya. It's all part of the job description, top secret, payer's confidentiality and all that jazz."

Dib simply replied. "Oh, right then." Payer's confidentiality my arse, Dib thought sneeringly to himself. "Ok, so do you want me to go over the plan again?"

Three hours later, two figures appeared on the cusp of Zim's cul-de-sac. Dib with a steely determination in his eyes, and Sideos in his disguise, rubbing his clawed hands together with a sickening glee. They began to advance onto the house. Dib walked up the path with Sideos. His theory of the garden gnomes being reluctant to fire on an Irkin, even with an enemy in tow, surprisingly worked. Dib stood to the side of the door as the humanised Irkin rung the doorbell. Dib watched with an ill feeling in his stomach as Sideos's eyes narrowed and his lip curled, as if he could already see the bloodshed he would soon be causing.

The door opened slightly as Zim stuck his head round cautiously. He had his wig and contacts on, and an obviously careful look on his face.

"Yesss. . . What do you want odd purple eyed human?" It may have taken three hours, but Dib had finally convinced Sideos to play his role and not go in guns, or in this case claws, a-blazing. When the taller Irkin spoke, he was surprisingly convincing. Dib was reminded about how easily he had been fooled by him.

As Sideos began to talk in that twistedly casual way of his, Dib slipped silently through the open window and into the house. He quickly dived behind the couch. "Zim, comrade, fellow Invader, my Irkin brother. I am Invader Sideos. I crashed in some kid's back garden and was held hostage, but I escaped and I've come to you looking for a simple way back to our beloved Empire."

Zim narrowed his eye, with a remarkably similar look to Sideos and said. "Irkin? Empire? I don't know what you're talking about, silly human of meat and hair."

Sideos removed his disguise, and Zim jumped with shock. He grabbed the taller Irkin's shirt and dragged him inside. His voice was panicky and his eyes darted round as if looking for anyone watching them.

Because of this, he didn't see the sudden change in attitudes and the beginning of a psychotic dance in Sideos's dark eyes. "What where you doing? The stink-beasts could have seen you. I tried to rescue you, you know. The Dib must have hid you pretty well for my AMAZING rescuing abilities not to find you. I--" Zim would have carried on, but Dib jumped out from behind the couch. Despite Dib knowing that he would be saving his enemies life today, he still couldn't suppress the victorious grin that was plastered on his face.

His voice was determined and matched the joy on his face "We've got you now Zim! Prepare to meet your maker!"

Zim gritted his teeth, and his face twisted in anger but suddenly snapped to looking confused "Meet my maker? You mean the birthing pod?"

Dib lost his momentary determination. "What? Wait, you don't understand. I. . . Oh, Sideos, just knock him out, please."

Sideos closed his eyes and smiled turning to Dib, raising a fist above Zim's head. "Okey dokey cousin Dib!" and, without even looking at the smaller Irkin, smashed his fist down upon Zim's, head knocking him out instantly. Dib was quietly surprised at how easily the taller Irkin had done that, especially since he was so thin and weak-looking.

He shook it off and grabbed the now floored Zim's foot. "Come on, I know the way to the labs, we'll get some pictures there"

Behind him, the Irkin maniac narrowed his eyes at his 'cousin' and grinned evilly.

"Lead on, cousin" They crossed into the kitchen and took an elevator down into the first lab they could find. Luckily, it also had large computer somethings, which Dib took full advantage of.

He asked Sideos to tie Zim down onto a table, while he began copying any files he could to a memory stick he carried with him. Well, I might as well take the opportunity while it lasts, he thought.He was about to turn around to face Sideos, his camera in hand, when suddenly he felt like a brick was smashed onto his head. He instantly blacked out.

Dib groaned. He felt like his head was being crushed by a truck. He tried to move but found that his arms, legs and torso were strapped down tight. He opened his eyes, and the world came swimming into focus. He saw that large strips of metal covered most of his body, which was why he couldn't move an inch.

He mumbled under his breath "So much for the good situation." Luckily he could still look around the room with some ease and found that he was still in Zim's labs. Looking to his left he saw Zim wide awake glaring forward at the main screen.

Zim turned to notice Dib awake and harshly whispered, "Look what your lackey has done now, Dib." His eyes were filled with anger at both Dib and the taller Irkin. Dib looked forward and saw the screen beginning to flicker into focus. He could just make out a figure on the other side trying to get through. Sideos was typing away furiously at the keyboard, but it was clear that he had very poor technical skills.

Dib could just hear his voice above the rising and falling sound of static "Bloody crappy machine. I HATE it." He glanced round to check on Dib and almost went back to the computer before he noticed that Dib was awake. Spinning round on one heel, he stalked over to Dib, his hands behind his back and a much too large grin on his face. His silhouette against the screen made him seem almost stick thin, and it brought out those

horrible eyes even more; however, Dib had began to get used to looking at them. Sideos's grin fell just slightly as he leaned right over the boy and Dib didn't look away.

The Irkin's voice was sickly sweet, but dripping horribly with commanding malice. "Cousin Dib? Can I ask you a favour? You see, I can't get this message through, and since were so close and all, can I trust you not to try and escape if I let your hands free to fix it?"

Dib decided to go along, playing on Sideos's apparent fondness of him. "Sure cuz, just wheel me over there."

At he sight, Zim screeched out insults. "WHAT! He's going to kill you, you pathetic Dib human! He ties you to a table and you still help him and not me! I HATE you!"

Dib ignored him. If he could get his hands free, he could get to his water pistol.

Sideos chuckled behind him as he pushed the table up to the keyboard "Oh, and forget about the gun Dibness, I didn't think you would be needing it for much longer anyways." Dib's heart sank in his chest. Without the water gun and the knockout chemical he was defenceless.

A flick of a switch and the bars holding Dib's hands to the table vanished. He immediately tried to break off his other bonds, but they wouldn't budge.

Again Sideos chuckled cruelly "No can do little cousin. They can only be deactivated from behind."

Dib growled at his helplessness in the situation and reluctantly began typing. It didn't seem to have occurred to the mad Irkin that Dib knew less about Zim's computer system then he did, but Dib had had some practice with Tak's ship and so after a few minutes the screen began to clear much more. Soon it came through perfectly and a silhouetted Irkin appeared on the screen. This time when it spoke, it had no voice masking and was identifiable as a female.

"So you finally got into his base and disabled him and Dib. Nice work, Sideos." Dib's mind spun as he tried to connect the familiar voice to a face; however Zim had done it for him.

"TAK!"

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Yes thats right FOOOOOLS! MUHAHAHA! I'm cutting it off right here just to annoy you all. Actullay its because if this was any bigger it would be seriously to big to even think of reading. Also I posted 'I am the Enemy' after letting it sit on my P.C for almost a half a year and I got 3 reviews in 1 night. A new record. Next update soon...I hope.