Part 4 – Dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Perfect
The Turner house was part of a larger estate, which Will explained with an embarrassed shrug, belonged to his father-in-law, the Governor of Port Royal. So, I thought, here's the real story. Hot horseshoe guy marries the plain-Jane governor's daughter for her money. Probably, he was still hammering horseshoes because the governor was holding on tight to the purse strings.
I got to enjoy that illusion for as long as it took to make it to the front door of the house, where Mrs. Hot Horseshoe Guy was waiting. Elizabeth Turner was, for lack of a better term, drop-dead gorgeous. And she was clearly as in love with her horseshoe-making hubby as he was in love with her.
When she saw Sparrow, a delighted grin lit up her already glowing face. "Jack Sparrow, as I live and breathe –"
"Captain," sighed Sparrow, melodramatically. "It's Captain Jack Sparrow."
"Captain Jack Sparrow," she amended with a pleased smile, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to me. "We've missed you dreadfully, Jack. And who is this?"
"I'm Stephanie Plum."
"She's a bounty hunter," Sparrow added, slipping an arm around my waist and guiding me inside the house.
"Truly?" Her eyes grew wide at this and she took my hand. "Oh, you must tell me all about it."
"Aye, she captured a Dutchman just this week," Sparrow told her, giving me an affectionate squeeze. "Just came back from turnin' said Dutchman over to Norrington."
Elizabeth's eyes grew even wider and her mouth dropped open. "I would have given anything to have seen James' reaction."
"It wasn't pretty," I admitted. "Especially when he figured out I was working with Sparrow. He threatened to charge me with piracy."
"Good heavens." Elizabeth blinked in amazement. "Were you afraid?"
"Of course not," Sparrow answered for me.
"Absolutely," I said. "Scared out of my mind."
"You cad," Elizabeth scolded Sparrow, "Sending her in to face James."
It was the second time she referred to Norrington by his first name. That's when it hit me. "It was you! You were the one who broke off the engagement with Norrington."
"Nothing gets past you, does it," Sparrow asked me, with a grin.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know way too many of the details, Sparrow."
"That's because he was there," Elizabeth put in, a wicked glint sparkling in her eyes. "Don't tell me he hasn't told you how he got the Black Pearl back?"
"Perhaps," Will Turner said, softly, "we can exchange stories over dinner. The first course is on the table."
Maybe nobody was going to set the table on fire or shoot the main course, but I had the feeling dinner was going to be very interesting.
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Sparrow spun the stories while I stuffed my face. He exaggerated a lot. At a couple of points, I even kicked him under the table. But mostly, I listened. The man was a born story-teller. And the story of how he got the Black Pearl back was even scarier than the story about how Ramirez the boxer stalked me.
"And that," he said, grabbing my thigh under the table, "is how I got me ship back."
I plucked his hand off and held it up to the light, checking to make sure all the skin was where it was supposed to be. "So you're back to normal?"
He grinned at me. "There's a full moon tonight, love. You can check later."
Will emitted a small choking noise and coughed a mouthful of food into his napkin. Elizabeth, on the other hand, simply grinned.
"It figures," came Diesel's booming voice. "Here I am looking everywhere for you and I find you less than twenty feet from the chocolate cake."
I slapped my forehead with my hand as Diesel walked in carrying the cake.
"Hi folks. Don't mind me. I'm just passing through. Probably, you're all having a group hallucination." Diesel set the cake on the table in front of me. "Can I see you in the kitchen, please?"
"I'm kind of in the middle of dinner –"
"Save her half the cake," Diesel instructed, grabbing my arm and dragging me through the door to the kitchen. He looked around and made sure we were alone. "It's stakeout time, sweetheart. Are you ready to stop playing pirate's wench and go back to pretending you're a bounty hunter?"
"Stakeout? How can we do a stakeout? It's not like we can park on the street in our car because there are no streets and no cars in 1689."
He grinned at me with his dazzlingly white teeth and the corners of his eyes crinkled. Diesel would have been downright hot if he wasn't such a pain in the butt. "There are streets. No cars, but there are streets."
"Which brings me to my next question, how are we supposed to get around?"
"I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Perfect out there have a horse they can lend us."
"Unh-uh! No way. I am not getting on horse."
"What? You're afraid of horses?" He started making chicken noises at me. "How can you be afraid of horses when you've got a niece who thinks she's horse?"
"I'm not afraid of horses. I just don't like driving anything that's got a mind of its own."
"Look at it this way, sweet cheeks. What are the odds of someone blowing up a horse?"
"What the bloody hell are you going on about, man?!" Sparrow threw open the kitchen door and glared at Diesel.
"I have to go on a stakeout," I mumbled.
"A what?" He grabbed my arm and pulled me to his side, still staring daggers at Diesel. "You're not going anywhere by yourself at night."
"She won't be by herself. She'll be with me," Diesel told him.
"Oh, that's bloody reassuring, as you stand here talking about exploding horses," Sparrow snapped. "And will somebody please tell me what a stakeout is?"
"It's us, hiding in the shadows and waiting for John Junior to show up," I explained. "Except I don't know what he looks like."
Diesel reached into his jacket and handed me a photo.
"He's not going to win Mr. Universe," I commented. John Ring Junior was the spitting image of his father, except instead of having pure white hair, Junior's was bright red. The scowl was absolutely identical.
Sparrow snatched the photo from my hand and looked at it. "What is this?"
"It's from the future," Diesel said, plucking it from Sparrow's hand and shoving it back in his jacket. "More stuff that you're not supposed to know about."
"I'm coming with you," Sparrow said, shooting another pissed off look at Diesel. "Ye may be from the future and know everything, but I know everything about 1689, savvy?"
Looking at my two stakeout buddies, I knew it was only a matter of time until the horse got blown up.
Author's Notes and Miscellaneous Ramblings:
Janet Evanovich has added more to her preview of Ten Big Ones on www.evanovich.com. I can hardly wait, can you?
If you're suffering until June 21st, the release date for Ten Big Ones, here are some recommendations. I have a long commute to my job, which means I read a lot. In no particular order:
Clea's Moon by Edward Wright. Takes place after WWII. John Ray Horn is an amazingly original character. I couldn't put this one down.
Maneater by Ray Shannon. If you like them fun and funny and you're into Elmore Leonard-type capers, you'll love this tale of Hollywood hijinks. Not a rip-off of Get Shorty. Worth the read.
Weeping by Shelly Reuben. Ignore the bizarre name of the heroine, Fritillary Quilter, and read away. This one will have you laughing out loud and choking up as you follow Tillary through her first arson investigation. I finished this one in a day – it's that good.
Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear. Another weirdo name, but my gosh, what a debut novel. Nominated for an Edgar, this mystery takes place after WWI, and to say more would spoil it completely. Get thee to Amazon.
And finally, for those of you who have no idea who Diesel is, pick up "Visions of Sugar Plums" by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie Plum is on the trail of Sandy Claws and gets attacked by midgets or are they elves? So what if it's a holiday novella? It's Plum fun.
The Turner house was part of a larger estate, which Will explained with an embarrassed shrug, belonged to his father-in-law, the Governor of Port Royal. So, I thought, here's the real story. Hot horseshoe guy marries the plain-Jane governor's daughter for her money. Probably, he was still hammering horseshoes because the governor was holding on tight to the purse strings.
I got to enjoy that illusion for as long as it took to make it to the front door of the house, where Mrs. Hot Horseshoe Guy was waiting. Elizabeth Turner was, for lack of a better term, drop-dead gorgeous. And she was clearly as in love with her horseshoe-making hubby as he was in love with her.
When she saw Sparrow, a delighted grin lit up her already glowing face. "Jack Sparrow, as I live and breathe –"
"Captain," sighed Sparrow, melodramatically. "It's Captain Jack Sparrow."
"Captain Jack Sparrow," she amended with a pleased smile, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to me. "We've missed you dreadfully, Jack. And who is this?"
"I'm Stephanie Plum."
"She's a bounty hunter," Sparrow added, slipping an arm around my waist and guiding me inside the house.
"Truly?" Her eyes grew wide at this and she took my hand. "Oh, you must tell me all about it."
"Aye, she captured a Dutchman just this week," Sparrow told her, giving me an affectionate squeeze. "Just came back from turnin' said Dutchman over to Norrington."
Elizabeth's eyes grew even wider and her mouth dropped open. "I would have given anything to have seen James' reaction."
"It wasn't pretty," I admitted. "Especially when he figured out I was working with Sparrow. He threatened to charge me with piracy."
"Good heavens." Elizabeth blinked in amazement. "Were you afraid?"
"Of course not," Sparrow answered for me.
"Absolutely," I said. "Scared out of my mind."
"You cad," Elizabeth scolded Sparrow, "Sending her in to face James."
It was the second time she referred to Norrington by his first name. That's when it hit me. "It was you! You were the one who broke off the engagement with Norrington."
"Nothing gets past you, does it," Sparrow asked me, with a grin.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know way too many of the details, Sparrow."
"That's because he was there," Elizabeth put in, a wicked glint sparkling in her eyes. "Don't tell me he hasn't told you how he got the Black Pearl back?"
"Perhaps," Will Turner said, softly, "we can exchange stories over dinner. The first course is on the table."
Maybe nobody was going to set the table on fire or shoot the main course, but I had the feeling dinner was going to be very interesting.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sparrow spun the stories while I stuffed my face. He exaggerated a lot. At a couple of points, I even kicked him under the table. But mostly, I listened. The man was a born story-teller. And the story of how he got the Black Pearl back was even scarier than the story about how Ramirez the boxer stalked me.
"And that," he said, grabbing my thigh under the table, "is how I got me ship back."
I plucked his hand off and held it up to the light, checking to make sure all the skin was where it was supposed to be. "So you're back to normal?"
He grinned at me. "There's a full moon tonight, love. You can check later."
Will emitted a small choking noise and coughed a mouthful of food into his napkin. Elizabeth, on the other hand, simply grinned.
"It figures," came Diesel's booming voice. "Here I am looking everywhere for you and I find you less than twenty feet from the chocolate cake."
I slapped my forehead with my hand as Diesel walked in carrying the cake.
"Hi folks. Don't mind me. I'm just passing through. Probably, you're all having a group hallucination." Diesel set the cake on the table in front of me. "Can I see you in the kitchen, please?"
"I'm kind of in the middle of dinner –"
"Save her half the cake," Diesel instructed, grabbing my arm and dragging me through the door to the kitchen. He looked around and made sure we were alone. "It's stakeout time, sweetheart. Are you ready to stop playing pirate's wench and go back to pretending you're a bounty hunter?"
"Stakeout? How can we do a stakeout? It's not like we can park on the street in our car because there are no streets and no cars in 1689."
He grinned at me with his dazzlingly white teeth and the corners of his eyes crinkled. Diesel would have been downright hot if he wasn't such a pain in the butt. "There are streets. No cars, but there are streets."
"Which brings me to my next question, how are we supposed to get around?"
"I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Perfect out there have a horse they can lend us."
"Unh-uh! No way. I am not getting on horse."
"What? You're afraid of horses?" He started making chicken noises at me. "How can you be afraid of horses when you've got a niece who thinks she's horse?"
"I'm not afraid of horses. I just don't like driving anything that's got a mind of its own."
"Look at it this way, sweet cheeks. What are the odds of someone blowing up a horse?"
"What the bloody hell are you going on about, man?!" Sparrow threw open the kitchen door and glared at Diesel.
"I have to go on a stakeout," I mumbled.
"A what?" He grabbed my arm and pulled me to his side, still staring daggers at Diesel. "You're not going anywhere by yourself at night."
"She won't be by herself. She'll be with me," Diesel told him.
"Oh, that's bloody reassuring, as you stand here talking about exploding horses," Sparrow snapped. "And will somebody please tell me what a stakeout is?"
"It's us, hiding in the shadows and waiting for John Junior to show up," I explained. "Except I don't know what he looks like."
Diesel reached into his jacket and handed me a photo.
"He's not going to win Mr. Universe," I commented. John Ring Junior was the spitting image of his father, except instead of having pure white hair, Junior's was bright red. The scowl was absolutely identical.
Sparrow snatched the photo from my hand and looked at it. "What is this?"
"It's from the future," Diesel said, plucking it from Sparrow's hand and shoving it back in his jacket. "More stuff that you're not supposed to know about."
"I'm coming with you," Sparrow said, shooting another pissed off look at Diesel. "Ye may be from the future and know everything, but I know everything about 1689, savvy?"
Looking at my two stakeout buddies, I knew it was only a matter of time until the horse got blown up.
Author's Notes and Miscellaneous Ramblings:
Janet Evanovich has added more to her preview of Ten Big Ones on www.evanovich.com. I can hardly wait, can you?
If you're suffering until June 21st, the release date for Ten Big Ones, here are some recommendations. I have a long commute to my job, which means I read a lot. In no particular order:
Clea's Moon by Edward Wright. Takes place after WWII. John Ray Horn is an amazingly original character. I couldn't put this one down.
Maneater by Ray Shannon. If you like them fun and funny and you're into Elmore Leonard-type capers, you'll love this tale of Hollywood hijinks. Not a rip-off of Get Shorty. Worth the read.
Weeping by Shelly Reuben. Ignore the bizarre name of the heroine, Fritillary Quilter, and read away. This one will have you laughing out loud and choking up as you follow Tillary through her first arson investigation. I finished this one in a day – it's that good.
Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear. Another weirdo name, but my gosh, what a debut novel. Nominated for an Edgar, this mystery takes place after WWI, and to say more would spoil it completely. Get thee to Amazon.
And finally, for those of you who have no idea who Diesel is, pick up "Visions of Sugar Plums" by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie Plum is on the trail of Sandy Claws and gets attacked by midgets or are they elves? So what if it's a holiday novella? It's Plum fun.