Chapter 7 – Safe as Horses
As I left the gates of the Royal Navy outpost, I realized that I had no idea where to go. I couldn't go back to the Turners' house, since we supposedly didn't know each other and Norrington was going to be watching my every move. There was no way I could sneak there, either, with my Bride of Frankenstein hair and shredded dress. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the Navy sentries staring at me and sniggering. The sneaky approach was definitely out.
"There you are!" A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I was drawn into a big, bear hug. I panicked for a full second before I realized it was Diesel. He was wearing a set of obviously-borrowed clothes that were too tight and too short. Will Turner's, I guessed, since Sparrow only had the clothes on his back and I doubted he would lend them to Diesel or anybody for that matter. Diesel's twinkling brown eyes met mine as he whispered, "Nice work, Steph. That's twice you walked out of Hang 'em High Norrington's clutches. I'm proud of you, sweet cheeks."
"Hang 'em High Norrington," I echoed, my stomach dropping down to my toes. "You're kidding, right?"
"Yeah, actually, I am." With that, he took my arm and led me down the narrow streets of Port Royal. "Well, sort of. He likes to hang pirates. There's no record of him hanging bounty hunters, but, y'know, there's always a first time."
My left eye started to twitch. I put my hand over it. "Where's Sparrow?"
"Waiting for you in the smithy."
"Huh?"
"The place where they make horseshoes. Jeez. Don't they teach you anything in those Jersey public schools besides how to wear too much make- up and buy slut shoes?" Diesel punctuated this with a snort. "You might not want to rush over there. He's a little ticked off on account of you almost got Mrs. Turner blown to bits."
A hundred comebacks were at the tip of my tongue. I bit them all back and asked instead, "Did she get home okay?"
"Yeah. And I think she wants to be a bounty hunter." Diesel flashed me another grin. "Uh-oh. We're here. Ready to go in and face the music?"
It didn't matter whether I was ready or not. The door flew open and an angry-looking Captain Jack Sparrow yanked me inside by the shredded sleeve of my dress. Diesel walked in behind me and shut the door. I could swear I heard him snickering.
Sparrow's eyes narrowed as he looked me up and down. He didn't say a word.
Diesel mouthed the words 'ticked off' at me and grinned again.
"I don't know where to begin," Sparrow sighed, deflating slightly and shaking his head. He put his finger to his lips and looked thoughtful for a moment. I could tell inspiration struck when he straightened and pointed that finger at me. "You, love, are a bloody menace."
Diesel guffawed loudly at this. He kept going for a full minute while Sparrow and I watched before he recovered enough to speak. "He nailed it in one try."
"Nailed what," Sparrow demanded.
"Her boyfriend calls her that, too." Diesel tried to hide another bout of laughter behind his hand. "Uh, that would be Morelli, not Ranger."
"Ranger?" Sparrow's eyebrows rose dangerously high. "Who the bloody hell is Ranger?"
Diesel turned to me. "You told him about Morelli but you didn't tell him about Ranger? Shame on you."
My eye started to twitch again. I slapped my hand over it and stopped it. "Ranger is a bounty hunter I sometimes work with."
Diesel started to open his mouth again, but I glared at him and he suddenly got busy inspecting the anvil.
Sparrow heaved another weary sigh. "We'll come back to Ranger some other time, eh? Now, as for your little adventure in Port Royal..."
I waited, but Sparrow seemed to have run out of steam for the moment.
"Maybe you should start by being thankful she didn't borrow a horse," Diesel told him. "Think about it. That horse would be hamburger. Wait. They don't have hamburger in 1689. Well, you get the point, right?"
Sparrow's mouth dropped open.
"Frankly, I'm surprised you let her anywhere near your boat," Diesel continued, winking at me. "She goes through at least two cars a month – that's like a carriage, but without the horse. The horses in 2004 are perfectly safe around Stephanie."
Both of my eyes were twitching now and it looked like Sparrow's eyes were doing the same thing.
"Well, I can see the two of you have some catching up to do, so I'll just give you some privacy." With that, Diesel let himself out of the smithy.
Sparrow stared at me for a full minute before dropping down on to a hay bale and burying his face in his hands. When he looked up, his eye-liner was smudged. I decided I could probably wait to tell him that.
"Love," he said, softly, his expression somewhere between concern and resignation. "Next time I warn ye not to do anything stupid, that includes going off by yer onesies either on the Pearl or off, taking the governor's daughter with ye and getting yerself or anyone else blown up. Savvy?"
"Okay."
"Good." He nodded and some of the worry left his face. "It's settled then."
"Right," I agreed. "No more getting myself blown up."
"Ye're very lucky nothing happened to either of you."
"I think Junior was just sending a warning," I told Sparrow. "The timer was rigged for thirty seconds and since the only damage was to the building, I figure he didn't use a lot of plastic explosive."
Sparrow's gaze sharpened and then he seemed to draw back into himself, slipping into a deliberately more casual pose. "Can ye build a bomb like that, love?"
What a schemer! "Do I look like I could build a bomb like that?"
His eyes swept over me once more. "Forget I asked."
I looked down at the ruined dress and sighed. "There's no Macy's in Port Royal, is there?"
Sparrow looked blankly at me.
"I need clothes."
He got up and walked over to a table in the corner. Holding up a paper- wrapped bundle, he smiled. "Elizabeth sent this along with her thanks. The whelp, however, will probably thrash ye on sight. We're lucky he agreed to let us spend the night here, what with Norrington snooping around."
"Can't we go back to the boat – uh, ship?" I'd learned my lesson about calling the Black Pearl a boat. After a two-hour lecture on the difference, I swore I'd never make that mistake again.
"Norrington," Sparrow intoned, taking my hand and leading me over to a pile of hay in the corner. "No doubt he has his men on the alert for us. We'll stay here until daybreak and then walk out."
"Won't they notice us?"
"That's the beauty, love. Norrington and his lot expect us to sneak about under cover of darkness. We'll be walking in broad daylight."
"Hiding in plain sight."
"Aye." He pulled me down with him and wiped at my face. "Brilliant, isn't it?"
"Crazy."
"But brilliant."
"If he catches you –"
"He won't." Sparrow grinned at me. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy? Besides, I've got my badass bounty hunter with me. I'll be safe as horses. Get it?"
Swell.
As I left the gates of the Royal Navy outpost, I realized that I had no idea where to go. I couldn't go back to the Turners' house, since we supposedly didn't know each other and Norrington was going to be watching my every move. There was no way I could sneak there, either, with my Bride of Frankenstein hair and shredded dress. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the Navy sentries staring at me and sniggering. The sneaky approach was definitely out.
"There you are!" A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I was drawn into a big, bear hug. I panicked for a full second before I realized it was Diesel. He was wearing a set of obviously-borrowed clothes that were too tight and too short. Will Turner's, I guessed, since Sparrow only had the clothes on his back and I doubted he would lend them to Diesel or anybody for that matter. Diesel's twinkling brown eyes met mine as he whispered, "Nice work, Steph. That's twice you walked out of Hang 'em High Norrington's clutches. I'm proud of you, sweet cheeks."
"Hang 'em High Norrington," I echoed, my stomach dropping down to my toes. "You're kidding, right?"
"Yeah, actually, I am." With that, he took my arm and led me down the narrow streets of Port Royal. "Well, sort of. He likes to hang pirates. There's no record of him hanging bounty hunters, but, y'know, there's always a first time."
My left eye started to twitch. I put my hand over it. "Where's Sparrow?"
"Waiting for you in the smithy."
"Huh?"
"The place where they make horseshoes. Jeez. Don't they teach you anything in those Jersey public schools besides how to wear too much make- up and buy slut shoes?" Diesel punctuated this with a snort. "You might not want to rush over there. He's a little ticked off on account of you almost got Mrs. Turner blown to bits."
A hundred comebacks were at the tip of my tongue. I bit them all back and asked instead, "Did she get home okay?"
"Yeah. And I think she wants to be a bounty hunter." Diesel flashed me another grin. "Uh-oh. We're here. Ready to go in and face the music?"
It didn't matter whether I was ready or not. The door flew open and an angry-looking Captain Jack Sparrow yanked me inside by the shredded sleeve of my dress. Diesel walked in behind me and shut the door. I could swear I heard him snickering.
Sparrow's eyes narrowed as he looked me up and down. He didn't say a word.
Diesel mouthed the words 'ticked off' at me and grinned again.
"I don't know where to begin," Sparrow sighed, deflating slightly and shaking his head. He put his finger to his lips and looked thoughtful for a moment. I could tell inspiration struck when he straightened and pointed that finger at me. "You, love, are a bloody menace."
Diesel guffawed loudly at this. He kept going for a full minute while Sparrow and I watched before he recovered enough to speak. "He nailed it in one try."
"Nailed what," Sparrow demanded.
"Her boyfriend calls her that, too." Diesel tried to hide another bout of laughter behind his hand. "Uh, that would be Morelli, not Ranger."
"Ranger?" Sparrow's eyebrows rose dangerously high. "Who the bloody hell is Ranger?"
Diesel turned to me. "You told him about Morelli but you didn't tell him about Ranger? Shame on you."
My eye started to twitch again. I slapped my hand over it and stopped it. "Ranger is a bounty hunter I sometimes work with."
Diesel started to open his mouth again, but I glared at him and he suddenly got busy inspecting the anvil.
Sparrow heaved another weary sigh. "We'll come back to Ranger some other time, eh? Now, as for your little adventure in Port Royal..."
I waited, but Sparrow seemed to have run out of steam for the moment.
"Maybe you should start by being thankful she didn't borrow a horse," Diesel told him. "Think about it. That horse would be hamburger. Wait. They don't have hamburger in 1689. Well, you get the point, right?"
Sparrow's mouth dropped open.
"Frankly, I'm surprised you let her anywhere near your boat," Diesel continued, winking at me. "She goes through at least two cars a month – that's like a carriage, but without the horse. The horses in 2004 are perfectly safe around Stephanie."
Both of my eyes were twitching now and it looked like Sparrow's eyes were doing the same thing.
"Well, I can see the two of you have some catching up to do, so I'll just give you some privacy." With that, Diesel let himself out of the smithy.
Sparrow stared at me for a full minute before dropping down on to a hay bale and burying his face in his hands. When he looked up, his eye-liner was smudged. I decided I could probably wait to tell him that.
"Love," he said, softly, his expression somewhere between concern and resignation. "Next time I warn ye not to do anything stupid, that includes going off by yer onesies either on the Pearl or off, taking the governor's daughter with ye and getting yerself or anyone else blown up. Savvy?"
"Okay."
"Good." He nodded and some of the worry left his face. "It's settled then."
"Right," I agreed. "No more getting myself blown up."
"Ye're very lucky nothing happened to either of you."
"I think Junior was just sending a warning," I told Sparrow. "The timer was rigged for thirty seconds and since the only damage was to the building, I figure he didn't use a lot of plastic explosive."
Sparrow's gaze sharpened and then he seemed to draw back into himself, slipping into a deliberately more casual pose. "Can ye build a bomb like that, love?"
What a schemer! "Do I look like I could build a bomb like that?"
His eyes swept over me once more. "Forget I asked."
I looked down at the ruined dress and sighed. "There's no Macy's in Port Royal, is there?"
Sparrow looked blankly at me.
"I need clothes."
He got up and walked over to a table in the corner. Holding up a paper- wrapped bundle, he smiled. "Elizabeth sent this along with her thanks. The whelp, however, will probably thrash ye on sight. We're lucky he agreed to let us spend the night here, what with Norrington snooping around."
"Can't we go back to the boat – uh, ship?" I'd learned my lesson about calling the Black Pearl a boat. After a two-hour lecture on the difference, I swore I'd never make that mistake again.
"Norrington," Sparrow intoned, taking my hand and leading me over to a pile of hay in the corner. "No doubt he has his men on the alert for us. We'll stay here until daybreak and then walk out."
"Won't they notice us?"
"That's the beauty, love. Norrington and his lot expect us to sneak about under cover of darkness. We'll be walking in broad daylight."
"Hiding in plain sight."
"Aye." He pulled me down with him and wiped at my face. "Brilliant, isn't it?"
"Crazy."
"But brilliant."
"If he catches you –"
"He won't." Sparrow grinned at me. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy? Besides, I've got my badass bounty hunter with me. I'll be safe as horses. Get it?"
Swell.