Chapter 14 – The Whole Truth, Kind Of
People were staring. I was used to people staring, whether it was the 17th Century or the 21st Century. Norrington wasn't used to being stared at, I guessed, since every so often, he'd turn to me and give me a look. He hadn't said a word to me in half an hour, just marched towards town, his upper lip as stiff as his back. We looked like we'd been in a war. Norrington's usually smart blue naval uniform was covered in dirt and torn in places. The dress that Elizabeth Turner gave me wasn't in better shape.
We stopped outside the door to the smithy and Norrington turned to me. "We're rather late and I expect that Sparrow will be quite cross with you."
"You're getting off on that, aren't you?"
"I'm certain I do not know what you mean." He turned the knob and opened the door, flashing me a brief, almost feral smile. "After you, Stephanie."
Will Turner was pounding away on a sword when he caught sight of me. He raised the hammer and exclaimed, "You! You're the one who nearly got my wife killed!"
Norrington slipped between us. "She nearly got me killed today, Mr. Turner. It appears to be a nasty habit."
"A habit," Turner echoed. "Who has habits like that? You're...you're....a menace!"
I rolled my eyes at him and Turner emitted a frustrated noise.
"Ah...." The lanky form of Sparrow untangled itself from a pile of hay in the corner. "My bonny bounty hunter has returned. Finally."
It was almost as bad as seeing Morelli after one of my episodes. Sparrow got to his feet, walked towards over and then did a full circle around me. His hand reached out and fiddled with the slit in my skirt. "Well, now. Look at you two. That must have been quite the morning, eh?"
"It got ugly," I admitted.
He knelt next to me and admired Norrington's sword-work on my skirt by running a finger from the shredded hem all the way to where the slit ended, at mid-thigh. He looked up at me, chocolate brown eyes showing nothing except curiosity. "Is this something I need to worry about?"
"Nope."
"Okay." Sparrow got back to his feet and ruffled my hair. "So, pet, what blew up this time?"
"The Stark mansion," Norrington told him. "As well as a goodly part of the Stark plantation. My horse barely escaped unscathed. Stephanie and I were nearly struck by the lightning several times before the mansion exploded by what she assures me is a bomb and not lightning."
"But...there's not a cloud in the sky," Turner put in, his eyes going wide as he cut his eyes to me. "How....?"
"Stephanie has a very interesting explanation for that," Norrington said, dropping into Turner's chair with a barely concealed sigh of relief. "Stephanie has many interesting explanations, don't you?"
I shrugged. Sure, he took the only chair in the room. "Uh, well...."
Sparrow raised an eyebrow. "He calls you Stephanie?"
"Whatever." I waved my hand. "Did you bring my clothes?"
"Well, now, it seems that I have to be the bearer of an interesting explanation, meself," Sparrow said, handing me a small bundle of black fabric. "Turns out the Black Pearl has a few mice after all and they took a liking to your clothes."
Biting my lip, I unfurled my cargo pants. There were holes chewed in them and dried mice poop on one of the legs. I dropped the pants with a squeak. "Oh my god. You brought me pants with mice cooties! I'm going to have to bathe for a week!"
"You're not going to want to see the rest of it then," Sparrow told me, plucking the top from my hands. "Anyway, cheer up. I brought you the dress you were wearing on the Pearl."
"Oh God, no. Tell me you're joking." I covered my eyes with my hand. "Please. Tell me you're joking and you brought me something of yours."
"I would, but I'd be lying." Sparrow pulled my hand away from my eyes. "There's not a chance that I'd lend ye anything of mine. Not with what you do to clothes."
"But that dress is a monstrosity! It weighs a ton. How am I supposed to do any investigating in that," I protested as he thrust the dress that resembled my Uncle Sandor's 1953 powder blue-and-white Buick Roadmaster into my hands. The dress, like the car, was roughly the size and weight of a refrigerator.
There was a snort of laughter that I realized came from Norrington. He quickly stifled it and went back to looking annoyed.
"So," Sparrow said, resting his palms on my shoulders. "How do you come to be nearly struck by lightning on a clear, sunny day in the Caribbean?"
"You mean you don't know," Norrington asked, leaning forward. "She told you about being the future and she didn't explain to you about last Christmas?"
Turner's mouth dropped open as he gaped at me again. "She's from the future?"
"Cripes! How many people are you going to blab that to?!" I socked Norrington on the shoulder. He rolled his eyes at me, so I socked him again, harder this time and was rewarded with a wince. "You keep blabbing that and you're going to mess up history. My future might not be perfect, but I kind of like it."
"It might not be wise to hit the nice Commodore, love," Sparrow said, draping an arm around me and steering me away from Norrington.
"It is not wise to irritate the blacksmith, either," Turner snapped, glaring at me. "If you've put Elizabeth in danger with your antics –"
"Hey, hey, people! Can't we all just get along?" Diesel threw open the door of the smithy. He was back to wearing his jeans, no leather jacket and just a plain white T-shirt and his trademark sunglasses, which he whipped off as he walked in. His brown eyes cut to me and his grin grew wider. "Sweet cheeks! You and Noose found Junior, huh?"
Norrington got to his feet. "So. You are from the future as well. Do you also control lightning?"
"Unh!" Diesel slapped a hand to his forehead. "Who's the blabbermouth in this room, Stephanie Plum?"
I rolled my eyes. "Aw c'mon! He nearly got incinerated by lightning on a clear day. What was I supposed to tell him? They didn't invent science fiction and UFOs yet!"
Diesel shook his head, sighed and looked at all of us. "All right, kiddies, gather 'round. Uncle Diesel is going to tell you a little story."
We all gathered around.
Diesel grinned and took a deep breath. "Let's start with this. I'm from the future. Stephanie is from the future, too. She's here by accident and I'm here to clean up the mess, not necessarily hers, but hers, too."
I rolled my eyes as there were three sets of muffled coughs.
"In the future, and probably now, too, though we don't know about it," Diesel continued, "some human beings have the ability to operate beyond what are considered to be normal limitations. Ring's dad is a one of these people and he was a bad guy. He used his power to dominate people and amuse himself until a group of his peers got together and tried to make him stop. This went on for a long time, until they all got old. Ring was locked away but he got out and ended up in Stephanie's hometown where he dated her granny. That's how Steph and I met. I'm sort of in the same line of work. I track down people who've strayed from the system. And I go after bad guys. Long story short, and I'm leaving out how Stephanie thought elves were real and got attacked by midgets, we got Ring back into custody. Things were quiet. I went back to my life, Stephanie went back to whatever disaster she calls a life and then boom! Junior suddenly started showing that he was special. We spent years watching him, but he never did anything special, and I mean anything. Pretty much, we figured he was one of life's losers, but then he hooked up with some of his dad's buddies and learned about bombs and stuff. And it turned out he has his dad's powers, not to mention a vendetta against Stephanie."
Four pairs of eyes cut to me. I rolled my eyes again. "What about the time travel stuff?"
"We're working on that," Diesel told me.
"What about my Grandma Mazur? Junior threatened her."
"We're watching her."
"And Rex. You've got to watch Rex. He threatened Rex, too."
Diesel rolled his eyes. "You want us to watch a hamster?"
I folded my arms across my chest and stared at him.
"Let me get this straight, you're asking me to watch your hamster, but you haven't asked about your boyfriend."
"I was getting there," I protested. "Junior also threatened Bob."
"I thought your boyfriend's name was Morelli," Sparrow commented. "Or was that Ranger?"
"I thought you were her paramour, Sparrow," Norrington said, with a sniff of disdain. At least I figured it was disdain, since we just 'dis' without the 'dain' back in the Burg. "It appears you are being cuckolded. Several times over."
Turner didn't say anything, but his mouth was hanging open.
"Oooh! Noose has a crush on Stephanie," Diesel sing-songed. "You get around, don't you, Sweet Cheeks? Alright, we'll check in on the hamster and on the dog. You want us to keep an eye on Morelli, too? Ranger can take care of himself. We don't need to worry about him."
I had to ask. "Is Ranger one of you guys?"
"That would be telling." Diesel took a deep breath. "All right, kids, I have to go back to work now. I'd ask you to keep Stephanie out of trouble, but none of you are that good."
With that, he turned around and walked out. Turner was the fastest, throwing open the door and looking out. He came back, still looking dazed. "He's gone. Vanished."
They all stared at me again.
I shrugged. "Does anybody have any cake?"
People were staring. I was used to people staring, whether it was the 17th Century or the 21st Century. Norrington wasn't used to being stared at, I guessed, since every so often, he'd turn to me and give me a look. He hadn't said a word to me in half an hour, just marched towards town, his upper lip as stiff as his back. We looked like we'd been in a war. Norrington's usually smart blue naval uniform was covered in dirt and torn in places. The dress that Elizabeth Turner gave me wasn't in better shape.
We stopped outside the door to the smithy and Norrington turned to me. "We're rather late and I expect that Sparrow will be quite cross with you."
"You're getting off on that, aren't you?"
"I'm certain I do not know what you mean." He turned the knob and opened the door, flashing me a brief, almost feral smile. "After you, Stephanie."
Will Turner was pounding away on a sword when he caught sight of me. He raised the hammer and exclaimed, "You! You're the one who nearly got my wife killed!"
Norrington slipped between us. "She nearly got me killed today, Mr. Turner. It appears to be a nasty habit."
"A habit," Turner echoed. "Who has habits like that? You're...you're....a menace!"
I rolled my eyes at him and Turner emitted a frustrated noise.
"Ah...." The lanky form of Sparrow untangled itself from a pile of hay in the corner. "My bonny bounty hunter has returned. Finally."
It was almost as bad as seeing Morelli after one of my episodes. Sparrow got to his feet, walked towards over and then did a full circle around me. His hand reached out and fiddled with the slit in my skirt. "Well, now. Look at you two. That must have been quite the morning, eh?"
"It got ugly," I admitted.
He knelt next to me and admired Norrington's sword-work on my skirt by running a finger from the shredded hem all the way to where the slit ended, at mid-thigh. He looked up at me, chocolate brown eyes showing nothing except curiosity. "Is this something I need to worry about?"
"Nope."
"Okay." Sparrow got back to his feet and ruffled my hair. "So, pet, what blew up this time?"
"The Stark mansion," Norrington told him. "As well as a goodly part of the Stark plantation. My horse barely escaped unscathed. Stephanie and I were nearly struck by the lightning several times before the mansion exploded by what she assures me is a bomb and not lightning."
"But...there's not a cloud in the sky," Turner put in, his eyes going wide as he cut his eyes to me. "How....?"
"Stephanie has a very interesting explanation for that," Norrington said, dropping into Turner's chair with a barely concealed sigh of relief. "Stephanie has many interesting explanations, don't you?"
I shrugged. Sure, he took the only chair in the room. "Uh, well...."
Sparrow raised an eyebrow. "He calls you Stephanie?"
"Whatever." I waved my hand. "Did you bring my clothes?"
"Well, now, it seems that I have to be the bearer of an interesting explanation, meself," Sparrow said, handing me a small bundle of black fabric. "Turns out the Black Pearl has a few mice after all and they took a liking to your clothes."
Biting my lip, I unfurled my cargo pants. There were holes chewed in them and dried mice poop on one of the legs. I dropped the pants with a squeak. "Oh my god. You brought me pants with mice cooties! I'm going to have to bathe for a week!"
"You're not going to want to see the rest of it then," Sparrow told me, plucking the top from my hands. "Anyway, cheer up. I brought you the dress you were wearing on the Pearl."
"Oh God, no. Tell me you're joking." I covered my eyes with my hand. "Please. Tell me you're joking and you brought me something of yours."
"I would, but I'd be lying." Sparrow pulled my hand away from my eyes. "There's not a chance that I'd lend ye anything of mine. Not with what you do to clothes."
"But that dress is a monstrosity! It weighs a ton. How am I supposed to do any investigating in that," I protested as he thrust the dress that resembled my Uncle Sandor's 1953 powder blue-and-white Buick Roadmaster into my hands. The dress, like the car, was roughly the size and weight of a refrigerator.
There was a snort of laughter that I realized came from Norrington. He quickly stifled it and went back to looking annoyed.
"So," Sparrow said, resting his palms on my shoulders. "How do you come to be nearly struck by lightning on a clear, sunny day in the Caribbean?"
"You mean you don't know," Norrington asked, leaning forward. "She told you about being the future and she didn't explain to you about last Christmas?"
Turner's mouth dropped open as he gaped at me again. "She's from the future?"
"Cripes! How many people are you going to blab that to?!" I socked Norrington on the shoulder. He rolled his eyes at me, so I socked him again, harder this time and was rewarded with a wince. "You keep blabbing that and you're going to mess up history. My future might not be perfect, but I kind of like it."
"It might not be wise to hit the nice Commodore, love," Sparrow said, draping an arm around me and steering me away from Norrington.
"It is not wise to irritate the blacksmith, either," Turner snapped, glaring at me. "If you've put Elizabeth in danger with your antics –"
"Hey, hey, people! Can't we all just get along?" Diesel threw open the door of the smithy. He was back to wearing his jeans, no leather jacket and just a plain white T-shirt and his trademark sunglasses, which he whipped off as he walked in. His brown eyes cut to me and his grin grew wider. "Sweet cheeks! You and Noose found Junior, huh?"
Norrington got to his feet. "So. You are from the future as well. Do you also control lightning?"
"Unh!" Diesel slapped a hand to his forehead. "Who's the blabbermouth in this room, Stephanie Plum?"
I rolled my eyes. "Aw c'mon! He nearly got incinerated by lightning on a clear day. What was I supposed to tell him? They didn't invent science fiction and UFOs yet!"
Diesel shook his head, sighed and looked at all of us. "All right, kiddies, gather 'round. Uncle Diesel is going to tell you a little story."
We all gathered around.
Diesel grinned and took a deep breath. "Let's start with this. I'm from the future. Stephanie is from the future, too. She's here by accident and I'm here to clean up the mess, not necessarily hers, but hers, too."
I rolled my eyes as there were three sets of muffled coughs.
"In the future, and probably now, too, though we don't know about it," Diesel continued, "some human beings have the ability to operate beyond what are considered to be normal limitations. Ring's dad is a one of these people and he was a bad guy. He used his power to dominate people and amuse himself until a group of his peers got together and tried to make him stop. This went on for a long time, until they all got old. Ring was locked away but he got out and ended up in Stephanie's hometown where he dated her granny. That's how Steph and I met. I'm sort of in the same line of work. I track down people who've strayed from the system. And I go after bad guys. Long story short, and I'm leaving out how Stephanie thought elves were real and got attacked by midgets, we got Ring back into custody. Things were quiet. I went back to my life, Stephanie went back to whatever disaster she calls a life and then boom! Junior suddenly started showing that he was special. We spent years watching him, but he never did anything special, and I mean anything. Pretty much, we figured he was one of life's losers, but then he hooked up with some of his dad's buddies and learned about bombs and stuff. And it turned out he has his dad's powers, not to mention a vendetta against Stephanie."
Four pairs of eyes cut to me. I rolled my eyes again. "What about the time travel stuff?"
"We're working on that," Diesel told me.
"What about my Grandma Mazur? Junior threatened her."
"We're watching her."
"And Rex. You've got to watch Rex. He threatened Rex, too."
Diesel rolled his eyes. "You want us to watch a hamster?"
I folded my arms across my chest and stared at him.
"Let me get this straight, you're asking me to watch your hamster, but you haven't asked about your boyfriend."
"I was getting there," I protested. "Junior also threatened Bob."
"I thought your boyfriend's name was Morelli," Sparrow commented. "Or was that Ranger?"
"I thought you were her paramour, Sparrow," Norrington said, with a sniff of disdain. At least I figured it was disdain, since we just 'dis' without the 'dain' back in the Burg. "It appears you are being cuckolded. Several times over."
Turner didn't say anything, but his mouth was hanging open.
"Oooh! Noose has a crush on Stephanie," Diesel sing-songed. "You get around, don't you, Sweet Cheeks? Alright, we'll check in on the hamster and on the dog. You want us to keep an eye on Morelli, too? Ranger can take care of himself. We don't need to worry about him."
I had to ask. "Is Ranger one of you guys?"
"That would be telling." Diesel took a deep breath. "All right, kids, I have to go back to work now. I'd ask you to keep Stephanie out of trouble, but none of you are that good."
With that, he turned around and walked out. Turner was the fastest, throwing open the door and looking out. He came back, still looking dazed. "He's gone. Vanished."
They all stared at me again.
I shrugged. "Does anybody have any cake?"