Title: Supposed To
Rating: K+ ish
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing…
Summary: I was supposed to feel a lot of things, but definitely not this. Never this. A non happy D/L fic.
Spoilers: Trapped, Risk, Stuck on You
A/N: Written in response to my craptastic week that I had that involved roommate conflict, three tests, and too little sleep. I had a great Friday night and a good Saturday night, but I was still kinda riding the angst wave so this is what happened. D/L shippers please don't kill me.
It wasn't supposed to end this way, she thinks. I was supposed to feel like I couldn't live without him. I was supposed to feel that I came here for him, like he was leading me here. I was supposed to feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. That's how it's supposed to end. I was supposed to end up wrapped in his arms, feeling like I was home. Supposed to. The two most deadly words in relationship history. I was supposed to feel a lot of things, but definitely not this. Never this.
She doesn't feel heartbroken. Or at least she doesn't think she feels heartbroken. These things tend to hide under other emotions.
She misses him, she was comfortable with him, she thought she loved him. She's told him as much, more than once in fact. They had been exchanging endearments for the past six months, which had conveniently fallen six months after they had started sleeping together. A whole year down the drain and yet she feels nothing.
She imagines that's her fault, she had never been completely honest with him. He still doesn't know all the secrets of her life in Montana, and she figures that's what led to their downfall. Downfall. More like an avalanche. For two people who seemed so in love, they sure crumbled fast.
It wasn't either of their faults, she surmises. It was just a combination of things, so many things. They had gotten together for all the wrong reasons and she's realizing that now. The aftermath of the panic room fiasco and then him seeing her in her dress for the opera and then his jealousy that she knew more about Mac than he did, had led to a steamy make out session outside of the club next to his car. The next thing either of them knew, they had ended up tangled up in the bedspreads and each other. The next year had been a rollercoaster ride, ups and downs, goods and bads. But this, this was like the ride had missed a rail and crashed into the ground.
And yet, she has no regrets, only sadness that she's lost a great friend, a terrific lover, and maybe the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. With this last thought she laughs. She knows that he's not The One because if he had been they wouldn't have ended the way that they did.
So she takes a deep breath, makes sure her doors are locked, and climbs into her empty bed. But she doesn't feel heartbroken. Not yet anyway. She doesn't feel anything really, except a deep aching sadness, that if felt by anybody but her, would be thought of as heartache.
And as she drifts off to sleep, she doesn't dream about what could have been, she dreams about what will be.
And with one last tear, she sees that her future doesn't hold him, and she succumbs to the heartache that was lurking just beyond the surface.
It wasn't supposed to end this way, she thinks.
A/N: I was kinda hesitant to post this cause I don't want the D/L shippers to hate me…I wrote this at like 1:30 in the morning, so if it's crap it's cause I'm tired and yeah. Please review. If it sucks terribly I'll take it down and rewrite it or something. Just please leave some sort of criticism. Thanks.