The one day journey down the Mountains of Dhoom was quiet and saddened. Rand could tell that everybody, save Aviendha and Enaila and himself, had suddenly felt the reality of their situation hit them. Light, they were in the Blight! They were marching to the very slopes of Shayol Ghul itself, and for what? He could tell that Ihvon, Alanna's only other warder, was reluctant about their quest. To him, Jania and the others were already dead and this pursuit was foolish. But Huin, as a man of Lord Dremenden, and Tallanvor, as a noble Queens Guard, seemed only more determined to continue. Rand himself thought he was living out one of the old stories Gleemen told. Marching off to face impossible numbers to rescue a Lord's daughter…it sounded like a quest that Artur Hawkwing would take up, not Rand al'Thor. Then again, Artur Hawkwing would have killed himself rather than work with an Aes Sedai. Rand took a second to flick his eyes towards Alanna, at her downcast and sluggish form.
Alanna had changed drastically from the day before. Her dark eyes that had once been fiery with temper and life were dull and saddened. Her posture that had once been straight and commanding, expecting everybody to do things her own way, was bent and shrunken. Her tongue, which would have made Rand wince whenever he didn't do what said, and that was quite often, was silent and clammed. Indeed, the only interaction Alanna had with anybody else was when she would use the One Power to heal way cuts and scraps and to drive away fatigue so they could move faster.
Aviendha and Enaila wore their veils permanently, draped across their faces at all times. They both gripped spears tightly within their hands, while Enaila strapped a small horn-shaped bow to her back and a full quiver of arrows by her side. They seemed unconcerned about the death of Owein, to all Aiel, life was a dream that everybody woke up from eventually. They did not fear death, but instead were wary of when it would come. Rand himself was also unconcerned, but he never really cared about his own life from the start. The gap in his mind, the rift that separated him from Saidin, was the strongest he had ever felt it. Over time, it just continued getting stronger and stronger, a little piece of him torn out and gone. Sometimes, Rand would imagine death would be the ultimate relief from this hollow sensation, but would shake his head determinedly. He wasn't going to take his own life…yet.
"Look out!" Somebody shouted and something slammed into him roughly, sending him tumbling painfully from hs thoughts and down the rocky path. He landed on the ground roughly, with sharp rocks digging into him and something soft and warm on top of him. Opening his eyes, he stared into the blue-green eyes of Aviendha, who looked like a rabbit caught in a trap. Her eyes were open wide and her mouth parted in shock as she stared at him limply. Suddenly, her cheeks suffused with warmth and she stiffly stood up, her eyes cold and angry.
"You are a fool, Rand al'Thor." She said coldly, before turning around and stalking away like an angry cat.
Rand gingerly felt his arm, grimacing as pain blossomed through it and blood stained his coat. He threw off the red noble coat to inspect his wound, ignoring the flares of pain as he stared at the white of the bone as it protruded from his broken skin. Alanna could heal this easily, but first he had to move the bone back into his arm.
"What happened?" He asked Tallanvor as the rest of the group rushed down the mountain.
Tallanvor looked at him oddly, examining him with a wariness and concern that Rand hadn't seen before. "You were walking near the edge of a rift. A second later and you would have fallen to your death."
Rand's eyes widened in shock. "I-I hadn't noticed." He stammered out, and a sparkle of fear tingled throughout him. But it was gone as quickly as it came.
"You were foolish." Enaila said coolly, the redhead staring at him with a bland look on her face. "A child would have been more cautious than you were."
"I was thinking of something, that's all." Rand protested.
"What were you thinking of that almost made you step off a cliff, my Lord?" Huin asked.
"Shayol Ghul." Rand said sharply, and Huin flinched as if he had been struck. "I was thinking of what we should do if the Trollocs make it to Shayol Ghul."
Huin shifted uneasily on his feet, his eyes dark with worry and fear. "It is little wonder why you were not paying attention then, My Lord." He muttered.
"Continue on. I will heal him," Alanna commanded, the first words she had spoken all day.
Huin bowed and Tallanvor inclined his head as they continued down the path. Enaila stared at Rand, an odd expression on her face as she left, while Aviendha and Ihvon wore identical looks of fury. Alanna was left alone with Rand, and she inspected the wound critically.
"I recognized the look in your eyes." Alanna suddenly said, not meeting Rand's eyes. "It is the same feeling that I have felt since yesterday, when…O-Owein died. You were wondering why you should continue to struggle to live."
Rand said nothing as Alanna moved her slender fingers over the bone. Pain surged along his arm, but he ignored it like he ignored the flies and the heat. Suddenly there was a cracking sound as Alanna pushed the bone back into his arm and Rand let out a low hiss as she stepped back to inspect her work.
"Better. Now I can heal you." She murmured. She placed a hand on his forehead, and suddenly Rand was freezing and cold, ice rushing though his veins. He almost leapt from his skin, shivering madly as his teeth chattered. It was over as soon as it started and he rubbed his arms to dispel the goosebumps that were there as Alanna regarded him. Suddenly, she giggled…giggled…and put a hand to her mouth, her eyes shining with amusement.
"I never get tired of seeing the reaction people have to Healing." She told Rand, still laughing slightly.
"Maybe you should do it to yourself and see how it feels." Rand muttered darkly as he inspected his perfectly healthy and unbroken arm.
"Aes Sedai cannot heal themselves with their own powers; they need another Sister to do it for them." Alanna said as her laughter was fading. She examined Rand critically, her dark eyes boring into his until he dropped them hastily. "I know what you are feeling. I could tell it this morning, it was what I am feeling. A piece of me is dead, with Owein. I will never regain that piece of myself, it is gone. But I will grieve and heal and eventually, it will be numb. But it is not the same for you. I can see it as the journey continues. You are losing your fight against death, your body and mind is struggling less and less to live. You don't even feel things as you used to. The pain of that broken arm would have made any Warder cry out in pain, maybe even fall unconscious. But you just shivered and gave a single hiss of pain."
Rand shifted on his feet, refusing to meet the Aes Sedai's eyes. "You can't heal this Alanna." He said tiredly.
"I could not." Alanna agreed. "Maybe the Yellows could, they would love to get their hands on a gentled man but most leave the tower as soon as they are gentled."
"So why are we talking about it?" Rand asked, sudden anger rushing into him. He lifted his head, glaring at Alanna. "I know what I am. I am a gentled man, doomed to lose the will to live and die."
"You are a man, aren't you?" Alanna murmured as she moved a slender hand across Rand's hair, smoothing it back. "Most people your age are boys, but you are a man. I know men twice your age who less mature than you are. Rand, I have been thinking of a solution to both our problems. I am sorry for this, you will not like me afterwards but I will not allow you to die. Perhaps…you have a destiny Rand; that is all I know. And this may be the only way to see you live on."
Alanna's hand, which had been smoothing Rand's hair back, suddenly felt warm. Heat rushed into Rand, probing and searching, before a furnace of searing warmth engulfed him. He was standing in the middle of it all, unhindered by the flames and alone, heat rushing into and through him. Suddenly he was aware of Alanna, her sadness and faint fatigue. She moved her hand away and he staggered back, but he could still feel Alanna. He could tell that she had a small scrape on her leg, and that she was feeling tense and worried as she regarded him with fiery eyes, her posture anxious.
"What did you do?" Rand bellowed angrily, taking a step forward. Alanna flinched as she shrank back, suddenly as meek as she had ever been.
"I bonded you as my warder." She answered quietly.
Fury bubbled in him and she flinched as she took a step backwards. Rand did nothing except turn around and stride down the path angrily, his step quick as he sought to catch up to the group. After minutes went by, he lost track of time. The anger that coursed in his veins was still burning brightly and he spat to the side as he jumped over rocks. He didn't realize he was muttering under his breath until he entered a large cavern at the end of the path.
"Stupid…Blood and Ashes…Light burn her….Aes Sedai witch!" He trailed off as his voice echoed loudly in the cavern,
Aviendha and Enaila were keeping a watch while the rest of the group had set up a campfire. All of them look startled and Aviendha opened her mouth, before she closed it as Rand glared at her. Something on his face must have made her nervous because uncertainty and wariness flickered in her eyes as he stalked past her, kicking at the ground angrily.
"Lord Rand?" Huin asked nervously.
"What?" Rand spat out, spinning his head to face Huin, who shrank beneath his powerful gaze.
"What happened?" Ihvon asked roughly as he stood. "Where's Alanna?"
"Who cares?" Rand growled, and the eyes of the Warder darkened.
"I do!" He said warningly, his stony face etched with anger.
"Back up there somewhere then. If you find her, tell her that if she comes inside this cavern, I'll…I'll kill her!" Rand snarled to the slender warder. There was the sound of metal sliding smoothly and Rand jumped back, his own sword flying from is scabbard. Blades clashed in a flurry of steel, pushing against each other as Ihvon stared into Rand's eyes in fury. His eyes were cold and dark, showing his willingness to kill Rand to protect Alanna.
"Lower your swords!" Somebody commanded loudly. Rand didn't need to turn around to see Alanna standing there, he could feel her. She was nervous, angry and scared at the same time.
Ihvon hesitated, flicking his eyes past Rand. Rand didn't move an inch as he felt Alanna move closer.
"Drop the swords, now!" Alanna said, in a compelling tone. Ihvon immediately let go of his sword, while Rand loosened his grip. Something in her voice demanded to be obeyed, demanded respect, and for a moment, Rand was willing to succumb to it. Alanna was his Aes Sedai and he was her Warder, it was only natural…the stubbornness in Rand fought back with vigor, his fury and anger sliding between his mind and the command. Something snapped inside of him and he heard Alanna's strangled gasp as she staggered back, one hand placed to her head and one hand held in front of her as if to ward him away.
"How dare you!" Rand yelled in fury, whirling around with his sword slicing through the air. Alanna flicked her hand, and Rand could sense the power that she channeled, could know it was being used but he couldn't feel it. Suddenly Rand felt something snare him by the arms and hurl him backwards. He hit the stone wall, pinned two meters above the ground while his sword clattered uselessly against the ground.
"Calm down Rand." Alanna said in a soothing voice
"What's going on? Let him go!" Tallanvor demanded as he stood up. Ihvon turned to face him, his hand hovering over his sword hilt.
Tallanvor noticed and tensed up, squaring his shoulders. From the fire, Huin watched anxiously, biting his lip in worry while Aviendha strode forward, her spear raised while Enaila nocked an arrow onto her bow.
"Lord Rand is upset with me." Alanna said.
Rand snorted loudly, anger showing on his face. "Undo it!" he snarled.
"It can't be undone." Alanna said. "And you know I speak the truth."
"Why?" Rand asked calmly, but his eyes still glinted and he looked as if he were in command, even though he was pinned down and helpless.
"Because you needed it and I needed it." Alanna declared.
"What is she talking about?" Tallanvor demanded.
"She bonded me as her Warder." Rand told the Andorran.
Even Ihvon looked incredulous and Alanna smoothed her skirts down with her hands, seemingly unruffled by the attention she was now receiving. Only Rand could feel the nervousness and fear that Alanna truly felt. Light, he wished he couldn't! How dare she! How dare she! His body had been destroyed by the Aes Sedai, stripped off its will to live. Now his mind, his privacy, was tied to an Aes Sedai!
Alanna flinched suddenly, and Rand thought that she must be feeling his hatred. Good.
"Can't you feel it though?" Alanna asked Rand, who was unable to move. "Even your anger, you hatred of me, can't you feel the depth of it? I've healed what I could have of your mind, and in turn you've healed me from Oweins death. You can feel again Rand, you can laugh and cry and feel! You can live!"
Rand said nothing, but his anger ebbed away as he took in what she was saying. It was true. His senses seemed sharper, his emotions were stronger. And the constant weariness and fatigue seemed to be gone, the struggle that he had put up to stay alive had died down.
"You could have asked! You could have explained it to me!" Rand said angrily, but the heat in his voice was gone.
"I didn't know it would work." Alanna admitted. "I didn't know the effects of a Warder bond on a gentled man; it has never been done before."
"Let me down." Rand said after a few seconds of silence.
Alanna obeyed, and again Rand could feel as she embraced Saidar and gently unraveled the flows of air that hung him on the wall. He dropped to the ground as the forces that held him there disappeared and stood up.
"Peace Tallanvor," Rand said, placing an arm on the tense man's arm. "It's not your fight."
Tallanvor slowly relaxed, his hands moving from his sheathed sword. Huin seemed to sigh in relief as the tension that had filled the air was gone. Ihvon dropped to his Warders side, looking disgruntled-probably at the thought of Rand being a Warder to his Aes Sedai. Aviendha lowered her spear slowly, while Enaila dropped her bow.
"We will talk about his." Rand said to Alanna, his voice a certain promise.
"We will." Alanna agreed. "But later, when the time is right."
"We should eat quickly, and continue moving. We've passed the mountains, now we need to make our way to this ridge." Rand said.
"My Lord, our food is prepared." Huin said, bowing his head as he presented flatbread, a thin wafer-like traveling food.
"It smells delicious." Rand said wryly as he took the flavorless bread.
Huin chuckled as he handed out the food to the others.
The Blight north of the mountains was a lot different from the south. There were few plants that grew in the tainted land and large rocks and boulders littered the deserted and dead plains. Up ahead, hills loomed in the distance, their destination. Everybody moved quietly and quickly, with no stops for rest or food. Alanna would drive the fatigue away when it was needed, but Rand could sense how tired she was. As the sun sank in the west, Rand stopped next to scattering of rocks.
"We rest here. No fires and no talking." Rand said. "Enaila, you're on first watch. Wake me in three hours, I'll take over."
The redheaded Aiel nodded, taking the bow from her back and nocking an arrow. She crouched on her heels, her veil lowered and stance wary and still as the rest of the group made their bedrolls. Only Aviendha settled on sleeping on the ground without anything and lay down with her spear next to her, facing Rand in the quickening darkness. For a moment, her eyes met his and Rand suddenly noticed her beauty. She was his age and before, Rand had never seen how pretty she really was. The fuzzy images Rand had in his head of everybody he had ever met contrasted with the clearness he was seeing now. Alanna had done this to him, she had healed him. Suddenly Rand noticed he was staring at Alanna, and she was staring back, her eyes absorbed into his. He blushed, blood rushing to his cheeks as he looked away. He didn't see Aviendha also blush and mutter something to herself angrily. Alanna had healed him alright, but at what cost? Even now, he could feel her emotions and location. She was very tired, and it hadn't taken her long to fall asleep. Light, he was tied to an Aes Sedai! He fell asleep to strange dreams with many people, Aviendha, Elayne and even Min appearing more often than not.