"Hey," said yet another familiar voice. "Did anybody else notice there's no door?"

We all turned in the direction of the voice. It belonged to Albert Kloughn, my brother-in-law, a really nice guy and probably the worst lawyer I ever met. His office was next to a Laundromat and when he wasn't busy with cases, Albert managed the Laundromat. Albert tended to manage the Laundromat a lot. Kloughn bore an uncanny resemblance to the Pillsbury doughboy, but like I said, he was a really nice guy and he was married to my sister.

"How did we get in here if there's no door?" Kloughn asked. He came over to me, stopping short when he saw the Turners, Sparrow and Norrington. "Who're they?"

"It's a long story," I told him and then made a fast round of introductions. Probably explanations could wait til later, I decided.

Sparrow turned to Kloughn. "You're a clown?"

"No. My name is Kloughn," Kloughn explained, spelling it. "I'm a lawyer."

Looking pointedly at Kloughn's stomach, Sparrow mused, "You must be very successful."

Grandma Mazur snorted at this. So did Mary Alice.

"What? I do okay." Kloughn blinked at me. "Don't I?"

"Sure you do," I told him. I figured if okay meant living in my parents' house with the new baby and my sister and her kids, he was doing just fine.

Grandma snorted again. "How long do you think we're gonna be stuck in here? Stiva's got old man Kraynak laid out and I don't wanna miss it. Kraynak was doing you-know-what with Rose Badiner when his ticker gave out. She started having chest pains and fell out of bed and broke her hip. Stiva's is gonna be packed and I want to make sure I get a good seat."

"Me, too," Mary Alice added.

I stared at her. "Since when do you go to Stiva's?"

"Since Grandma told me they had cookies," Mary Alice admitted. "This'll be my first time."

"I figured she needed to get out of the house, what with all the snook-ums, snuggle-umpkins going on. God knows I needed a break," Grandma said.

"What can I say? Kloughn asked, with a shrug. "I like to be affectionate."

"Snuggle-umpkins?!" Lula scrunched up her face. "What the hell is a snuggle-umpkins? Anybody ever called me that, I'd be insulted."

Mary Alice was staring up at Sparrow. "What are you supposed to be?"

"I, young miss, am a pirate," he told her.

She scrunched up her face while she thought about that. Then she announced, "I'm a horse."

"Ah." He looked over her head at me and winked. "I've heard about you."

"What about you?" Mary Alice asked Norrington. "Are you a pirate, too?"

Norrington gave her a stern look. "Certainly not, young lady. Do you not recognize an officer of the Royal Navy?"

Mary Alice shook her head. "Nope."

This struck Elizabeth as funny because she giggled, tried to disguise it as a cough, and failed miserably. "Perhaps if Stephanie hadn't taken your uniform coat, James…"

Lula looked Norrington up and down. "That's supposed to be a uniform?"

"It is, madam." He stared back pointedly, but didn't make a comment about her lemon yellow Spandex. Score one for the stiff upper lip.

Lula scowled at him. "Hunh. Maybe back when Washington crossed the Delaware –"

"Lula!" I cut her off quickly.

"What?

"This Washington person must be important," Sparrow said. He was using that tone of voice he used when he wanted something but wanted to be sneaky about getting it.

"He was only the first President," Kloughn snorted. "Don't tell me they don't teach you guys about the Revolutionary War just because you lost –"

"Albert!"

"What? I can't talk about American history?!"

"Uh, I…you can't right now." I looked helplessly around the room. A disaster was looming and there was no way to prevent it.

Norrington smiled thinly at me. "You may as well tell them everything, Stephanie."

"Everything? What's everything," Lula asked, suspiciously. "It's gotta be good if it involves men wearin' wigs and pirate costumes."

I sighed and began at the beginning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Boy, can I pick 'em or what," Grandma Mazur said. "Who'd have thought John had that in him? I mean I thought he could kiss pretty good and all, but lightning?"

Sparrow, Norrington and the Turners were all gaping at her.

"What? I ain't dead yet. A girl's entitled to some fun, ain't she?" Grandma demanded.

Sparrow grinned at me. "I like her."

"I'm scared," Kloughn announced. "Isn't anybody else scared? I mean, it's scary, isn't it? People shooting lightning and time travel and exploding cars and pirates. Stephanie, you really need to think about a safer job. Maybe you could work for me –"

"And un-jam the dryers?" Lula snorted. "Hunh! 'Sides, ain't no hot guys hangin' around that Laundromat. Ranger don't do his laundry there. All the hot guys got their own washing machines."

My eye started twitching again.

"The future must be a fascinating place," Elizabeth commented, placing a hand on Lula's arm. "Do all women dress like you?"

"Only the sexy ones," Lula told her. "You got it goin' on, though. I didn't know they had Spandex in the past."

"These are Stephanie's. She let me borrow them."

I noticed Will Turner shooting me a murderous look. I guessed he didn't much care for his wife dressing in Spandex. "So. Anyone come up with a plan?"

"We wait," Sparrow announced. "For the instant, we're trapped and unarmed in this space."

"Do you think an opportune moment will present itself, Jack," Turner asked. "This scoundrel seems undefeatable."

Sparrow nodded. "There's always an opportune moment, lad. Ye just have to wait until one presents itself."

With that, he sat down and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes and lowering his hat. "Wake me if anythin' happens."

"Don't worry, you'll hear the screams," Kloughn assured him, turning to me. "How can he sleep? This is really scary."

"Get a hold of yourself, man," Norrington scolded Kloughn. "The women need you to be brave."

"I don't need him to be brave," Lula told Norrington. "I can take care of my own ass and his, if I gotta."

"What about the lightning?" Kloughn asked.

Lula shrugged. "So, we all end up deep fried. From what I hear, you don't even feel it. Zap! And it's all over."

"Can we not talk about getting zapped," I hissed at her, nodding in Mary Alice's direction.

"I'm not scared," Mary Alice announced. "Horses aren't afraid of lightning. Horses aren't afraid of anything."

Grandma Mazur sighed. "I can't believe I'm missing the Kraynak funeral for this."

It was going to be a long wait.